Fifty Shades of Grey
by tmomo
Summary: Six horny months after his break up, Iruka is determined to find the perfect man. Must be tall, handsome and able to put the D in BDSM. Little does Iruka know, he's signing up for so much more than just trying out BDSM for the first time.
1. A Search

Do not be fooled by the title!

I'm not into mentally abusive relationships and this story isn't about an abusive couple.

I just like the name Fifty Shades of Grey. :v

I'll try to put warnings up at the starting of each chapter if they contain anything that might be triggering but let me know if I miss any!

;3 Hope you enjoy

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**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

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_'How to Find a Dom?'_

It was never a question he had asked himself before. One that he'd considered a few times but never thought was a good idea. At least, he'd always been in relationships, the conventional type.

"Fuck me."

Angry, cold and slightly damp, Iruka Umino shoved another scoop of ice cream into his mouth.

"Stupid idiot."

The breakup had been rough. They'd both yelled a lot, thrown things and even almost threw punches. Mizuki's apartment was probably still a mess and that was the only shining light in this entire ordeal. Heck, he'd still probably bring someone home to that pig sty.

And now, Iruka was kicking himself for ever thinking that the fuckboy who slept with everyone would ever settle down with him. He should have seen the signs; how Mizuki was always busy during the week, the calls he said were from work even though no office was open on the weekend, the used condoms blatantly sitting on the top of the trash despite their lack of sex.

Iruka wanted to throw up by the fear he had felt when he first found out he'd been cheated on; his second disease scare in life. Thankfully, he got tested right away and was negative but the possibility of having something was clinically proven to last six months. Now, almost half a year later, he had just been tested again and got the results that he was truly negative. After half a year of waiting to see if HIV or AIDS would pop up as a last 'fuck you', he was now truly and utterly freed from Mizuki's claws even though they had broken up months ago. His lying, cheating ass was now completely behind Iruka.

He wasn't sad in the slightest. No, he was as happy as a clam to be negative and single again. There was just one thing that pissed him off.

He'd spent six months worrying that he had something all because he slept with someone who slept with other people. It had been six months full of anxiety hiding at the back of his mind and fear of sleep with other people and pass something on. Mizuki had him worrying and worrying no matter he did, controlling him even after their relationship was dead and gone. Now that he knew he was clean; he was still kind of scared.

Scared, but horny as fuck.

God, he hadn't slept with anyone in such a long time. Sure, doing it solo helped but his bedside drawer couldn't soothe the deep, aching craving he had. He felt like a heroine addict who was substituting with cocaine. Not that he'd ever done drugs but he'd watched movies and it seemed like an apt exaggeration.

That's why he was angry. He was frustrated with himself and the world, shoving more ice cream down his throat and trying to ignore the pulsing in his pants. He was so on edge from all the pent-up tension he'd worried away. His mind was starting to create the wildest fantasies every second of the day. Like a bad rerun, the dream of someone bending him over right on his kitchen floor was starting to become an all too real craving. He didn't care about bruising his knees. At least, they would be reminders of a time when he'd felt good.

He usually just took care of that fantasy quickly. It was easy to imagine a tall, faceless man with a powerful gaze that turned Iruka's knees weak, made him want to say yes to everything he asked for. Imaginary hands easily molded him into a needy, pleading mess and made him ready for anything. Instead of something with a suction cup that he would stick down and just ride, he'd pretend it was his fantasy man who had just walked in to take him.

One scoop later, he was feeling more sick than pissed and that took over most of his body. Defeated and annoyed, Iruka pulled himself off the kitchen floor and threw the container back into the freezer. Just like every night for the passed week, the couch drew him into its loving arms with a blanket over his head and his phone warm in his hands. He was still wet and cold from the rain outside but that hadn't stopped him from deep throating so much ice cream and that sure wasn't going to stop him from looking at handsome men online.

"I'm single and free, fuck that idiot."

Laying on his couch, hard from his fantasies and what could be, he browsed Instagram models who he could never look at when he was at work because of consistently disastrous results. Boners near children were never a good thing but it felt so dirty to stare at fit, gorgeous men who worked out and ate well. It made him feel guilty and horrible with himself but that didn't stop him. He just kept studying those exquisitely faint abs that weren't overly chiseled.

They were so fit and so way out of his league. He knew that they usually went for the quiet, why bottoms who didn't ask questions. Iruka had always been too much for those types of guys. He was always too talkative and too passionate. Iruka was confident with himself, sure of his own self but some guys didn't like that. Some guys just wanted you to always submit.

Iruka was a walking contradiction. Yes, he was confident and extroverted. He'd always been like that on the outside. Key words: outside. Deep down, he was scared and unsure of everything. And that had started to seep out, become part of his outward self and he hated that. He hated being weak to people he didn't fully trust while at the same time not trusting anyone.

He didn't want anyone to submit to him.

To be weak for him.

He just wanted the truth.

He just wanted to be allowed to be weak, to need someone.

He didn't need a romantic relationship.

He just needed someone to take the reigns for a few hours and be in charge.

Someone who he could trust fully to let out everything he couldn't be in real life.

He'd never felt that way with Mizuki. He didn't trust the man to even show up on time, let alone be in consent-dubious situations with. It was a test of trust, the kinky things Iruka usually kept to himself. That fine line between pushing boundaries and stepping on them had been one Iruka had felt like he wanted more and more with every passing day.

The Instagram models were one thing: the bringers of self pity and the craving for someone like that to just make him turn into jelly physically and mentally. He didn't want to always be the uptight, teacher type that he usually let everyone else see.

He wanted someone he could trust to be vulnerable with, to wholeheartedly submit to.

And yet, he was avoiding the dating app he'd signed up for like the plague.

_'dtf?'_

_'nudes?'_

_'Bottom or top?'_

_'do u sell feet pics?'_

_'hey'_

_'Hey'_. God, some guys could be so boring and predictable.

All responses and messages he'd gotten so far were terrible. That made Iruka's search a lot easier because he immediately blocked anyone suspicious. He didn't want a repeat of Mizuki. No, he was looking for something entirely different and he was okay with waiting to find the perfect man. Although, the many one-night stands at his beck and call were all very intriguing. All those stupid, boring messages though had driven him to not caring.

He lived in a busy city with so many people that he couldn't possibly go through the endless list of guys on the app and it was starting to get boring and hopeless. He often got tired of looking through profile and playing detective. It was fun to dream and hope but the first week or so fully being on the app had mostly squashed on all of that.

_'Adventurous Man Seeking Powerful Male.'_

And so far, this adventurous man hadn't found anyone remotely near what he was looking for. Maybe he was just comparing everyone to Instagram models and reading too deeply into messages. He wondered if he should just give up.

As if hearing his thoughts, his phone buzzed in his hand with a start.

With a suspicious frown, Iruka opened the app like he would with any message and was surprised to see more than one line of text.

_'Hi. Don't want to waste your time but what exactly are you trying to imply with your bio?'_

His heart jumped in his chest. He'd been found out. Caught. Who was this guy?

After getting over the initial shock, Iruka tapped into the profile and his jaw dropped.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

This had to be a catfish. This had to be photos of someone else that this guy was using to lure in unsuspecting and innocent gays like himself. There was no way in hell a gorgeously handsome man was in his inbox. A hot, tall, fit man who wore suits and was apparently a lawyer, hence the suits.

"You can't be real," Iruka scoffed half-heartedly as he studied the man who had sent him a very direct message.

The suits were an obvious turn on. Iruka had a thing for a man who dressed classy but he dubiously wondered if these pictures weren't photoshopped? Grey hair at thirty-two? Very suspicious. Very much like a man in his sixties who either had surprising skills in Photoshop or enough money to pay someone. Or maybe it was dyed? It was suspicious but Iruka couldn't see any distinct sign of the pictures being tampered with. All of them were great quality, tastefully taken by another person and consistently showed off a confident man with a warm smile barely gracing his lips and his dark eyes cool beyond the pixels of Iruka's phone.

Nervously, Iruka opened their chat and messaged back,_ 'Well, I'm looking for something very specific. Not just a one-night stand. Not just vanilla.'_

He was being vague. He was being coy but he was at least giving the man something.

Kakashi, the thirty-two-year-old lawyer was apparently a busy man who wanted to relax on the weekend with a partner he could truly connect with, according to his bio. Harmless but hinting. Quiet and subtle. Dark eyes stared up at him from the restaurant table Kakashi was sitting at in one photo, gaze directed exactly towards the camera with intent. They followed Iruka through to where he was perched on the edge of a gym bench, watched as Iruka poured over his strong shoulders and barely smirking lips as if they knew what Iruka was imagining. Instead of seeing everyone else in the last photo, Iruka could only see the man who was making his nerves jump and shiver in anticipation.

_'Pardon my bluntness, Iruka, but are you looking for a dominant?'_

His heart stopped and set his whole body on fire. Those words said so plainly and so easily were music to his needing, aching body and he could barely type.

_'Depends on if you are one or not.'_

The reply was instant. _'I am. And what are you?'_

Trying to think against the whirling thoughts, he put down his phone for a second. Okay, wait. He didn't really know much about BDSM. He knew the basics and what happened but he didn't know how to go about starting this kind of relationship. Was this man the person he wanted to be completely and utterly honest with. Could he trust this man to the fullest?

_'I'm someone looking to submit for the first time.'_

God, he was being cheesy again. Embarrassed, he flicked out of the app and groaned to himself, rubbing his face against his beating heart and calling need.

There was a buzz again and he immediately snatched up his phone.

_'Then maybe we should talk about this in person. Maybe over coffee.'_

It hadn't been a question. It had been a clear, solid statement of intentions.

Oh god, this was it. This was the first step.

This beautiful, handsome man wanted to meet Iruka in person, prove himself as a genuine person who was worthy of Iruka's trust and commitment. Or he was just looking for a quickie and was using any method possible but Iruka didn't feel like that was it. His doubts were still there but he felt like this was real.

For the first time in a long time, Iruka was excited. He felt ready. The anxiety hanging over him wasn't out of fear. He'd just have to meet this man and find out. Maybe they weren't compatible. Maybe they wanted different things. But he wanted to hope.

_'I know a great place that has coffee. How about six tomorrow.'_ Iruka sent the address of a public, open cafe of a library that he sometimes went to but wouldn't miss if he had to avoid it.

_'That sounds perfect. Meet you there, Iruka.'_

The faceless man Iruka had imagined standing over him, thrilling him in his fantasies and making him quake suddenly had a face.

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Hope you guys are interested in this? idk this might be one huge dumpster fire in the end but I had fun writing it~

If you guys have any questions or anything, you can always ask below or send me something on tumblr at (Thermophile57) or on my archive tumblr (Thermophile57archive)

Thanks for reading this chap ;3


	2. Well, Hello

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

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Trailing down his lip, long fingers barely grazed his bottom lip and made his whole body break out in shivers. He had to take a deep breath as the slow hand danced across his chin and he couldn't help but tilt his head up as if pulled by a string. There was barely a quirk to the lips above him and Iruka lost his breath again. His mouth was watering at the thought of what was coming but he chewed down on his gum harder.

In public and nervous as hell, Iruka willed his mind not to go back to where it had been all night. In his anxious waiting, he'd forgotten to sleep and ended up dreaming and toying with himself all night until he woke up to his alarm the next morning. He hadn't remembered falling asleep but he did remember what had kept him up all night and snuck into his dreams by the fact that his boxers were tight and he was shaking with anticipation.

Thankfully, he'd had time to get rid of the evidence before work and was able to keep his mind clean around all the kids but once they'd left, he was right back where he started. Like a rubber band, he kept going right back to what could possibly happen very soon and he had to painfully snap back to reality and the fact that he was in public.

"Decent, decent," He had to chant to himself so that he'd stay focused. He should probably throw out his gum if he was going to have a coffee though.

Thankfully, he was early. He had time to relax and find a spot where they could talk. Sadly, he'd already done that. There was a corner of the coffee shop he'd spotted that merged with the bookstore where he'd left his coat and bag, calm and secluded.

Even if he had all the time in the world, there was no way he could relax. Maybe coffee wasn't such a good choice if he wanted to sleep tonight. Whatever, he might not even drink the coffee if Kakashi showed up and he didn't look like his picture. Iruka was not going to waste his time with a guy like that.

But what if he did look like the pictures? Tall, cool and aloof? What would they talk about? Would they click? What if Iruka said something weird? What if Kakashi said something weird? What if everything went perfect? What would happen then? Would their escapades start that day? Iruka didn't think he could bring someone home right now; his place was a bit of a mess.

Taking the step around a shelf of books into the coffee shop, he immediately went brain dead.

Shimmering hair. Not Photoshopped. Real. Coming through the front door. Jawline for days. Cute beauty mark. Dark eyes.

As his heart skipped a beat, he instinctively swallowed his gum and retreated back behind the shelves. He could barely believe what his eyes had seen.

He was real.

Sneaking a glance around the corner, Iruka found that flair of silver at the cash register. The stranger's back looked like the pictures, at least from what Iruka could see. He was wearing an autumn overcoat. The brown was so warm compared to his mystifying hair and he looked so casual with his hands in his pockets, bag hanging from his shoulder.

He blinked out of his awe filled stare when the figure stepped back and took a glance around the shop, scanning the faces and Iruka instinctively hid.

A shot of doubt hit Iruka right in the chest suddenly: what if he wasn't what Kakashi was expecting?

That fear that had plagued him for months started to creep up slowly but he stopped himself. No, he wouldn't let a shitty ex ruin this.

What was Iruka doing? He was supposed to be meeting that handsome man. Why was he hiding and watching him like he was a shy schoolboy? Hiding like he was prey? That gorgeous man was there for him, Iruka.

The thought was empowering, the shock of pride that he needed. Excitement came back to tingle through his fingers. Whatever happened, he was going to meet that man. He took a breath of confidence before striding out there.

He was jittery with every step that brought him closer and closer to the man who was waiting at the cash, head down to his phone.

Using that annoyance and pain as fuel for his determination and cheekiness, he cleared his throat and asked boldly as he stepped up behind his target, "Pardon me. Are you looking for someone?"

Heart frozen in shock at his own nerve, he could only watch as the head straightened. A glimpse showed the phone in his hand being purposefully put to sleep and back into his coat pocket. Kakashi turned, readjusting his bag as he found who had spoken. And he smiled, genuinely and truly smiled more than the little smirk in his photos.

"I was looking for someone until now," Kakashi said, his voice like a cracking fire and his face just as warm. Iruka couldn't help but grin back.

"Hope that someone's me," He joked and that earned him a husky, thrilling chuckle from the man across from him.

"You are. Do you have something to drink already?" Kakashi nodded to the menu and the barista who was already working on his order.

"I was just about to order actually," Iruka said honestly and found that those dark eyes were looking at him, scanning him with intent. He nervously hoped his face wasn't a tomato already, going up to the cash and asking for a plain coffee.

Kakashi thankfully didn't offer to pay, probably a strategic move on the other man's part and Iruka was glad for it. As they waited, Iruka felt Kakashi's eyes on him as more than just a glance, studying and learning. Not that Iruka could complain. He was doing the same. And he kind of liked that appreciative kind of attention. He was very happy to find that the other man's smirk was much more playful in real life. It was welcoming, calming.

A few minutes later, Iruka shifted his bag to the floor by the table he'd picked and Kakashi took that spot gratefully. Not before shrugging off his coat to reveal the dark suit underneath that had Iruka trying not to visibly shiver at the sight of. The red tie was a very, very nice choice. Truly, any choice of colour would've been a good one because he looked so good in a suit anyway. Maybe the suit was making Iruka biased but the man looked fine. This man was just going about his day but every move he made and everything about him seemed like they were borne straight from Iruka's dreams.

"Have you been waiting long?" Kakashi asked as they settled, leaning casually into the back of his chair.

"I just got here a few minutes ago," Iruka admitted, feeling even more at ease with every moment. "Was looking through the stacks a bit."

"You know, I was surprised you picked here."

Kakashi took a sip of his drink as Iruka wondered with a smile, "Why surprised?"

"I come here almost every lunch." A smirk snuck back onto his lips.

"Oh," Iruka's heart did a little flip not only from Kakashi's words but his smile. He quickly asked to avoid letting his blood go too far in any one direction, "You work in the area?"

Kakashi nodded, "I'm a partner at a firm nearby."

"That's true, your bio said that you're a lawyer," Iruka remembered.

"I am."

"You've been doing that for a long time?" Iruka asked as he watched Kakashi sip his drink, long fingers wrapped around the cup easily. Those fingers looked like they'd be good at so many things.

"Yeah, it's been a few years. Since about…" Kakashi's eyes stared off into thought for a moment and he huffed. "Huh, I guess it's been almost ten years."

Trying not to choke, Iruka scoffed, "Oh, only ten years, huh?"

"Yeah," Kakashi smirked at the prodding in a way that had Iruka grinning and wondering what else those lips could do. "I kind of got sucked into general practice and never found my way out. But what about you? You're a teacher, right?"

"I am," Iruka echoed. "Kindergarten."

"Wow. Now, that is a profession I admire." Kakashi raised his glass to Iruka as if in a small toast that had Iruka feeling flustered.

"You do?" Iruka frowned in confusion, remembering how he had just barely managed to pass most of his classes in school. "You do know what kindergarten is, right?"

"I do and I find them chaotic." Kakashi said simply, "I think that anyone who has the strength to manage a whole pack of essentially toddlers for more than an hour is capable of anything."

Kakashi's eyes spoke of genuine respect in a way that Iruka hadn't felt from any partner in a long time. The more they spoke, the more Iruka grew to like this amazing man. He was smart, easygoing and Iruka found himself trying more and more to make the other man laugh or smile. Every time, it felt like he had won a prize and he couldn't help but feel breathless when Kakashi listened so carefully to what Iruka was saying. He asked questions and it felt like he was truly interested in Iruka.

And god, was he gorgeous. All strong shoulders and clean lines, Kakashi was a man among boys. He wasn't insanely built but Iruka knew from his profile that he was lean under that suit. Maybe it was from years of studying fitness models. His face, his stance, his whole body was the sweetness Iruka was looking for, the stuff he craved. It was starting to get to his head and he had to hold himself back.

Their conversation flowed until Iruka realised that their cups were empty and they were both leaning on the table, engaged in each other and trying to keep their voices down. Eventually, the real reason they came here was put out there in the open as Kakashi asked quietly so only Iruka could hear.

"Are you're serious about this?" Kakashi asked, eyes searching for any sign of doubt or hesitation. "About getting into BDSM?"

"Yes," Iruka articulated clearly, meeting Kakashi's gaze even though it set his body on fire and made his fingers numb. "Are you?"

"Yes," Those words slid down Iruka's back and the way the other man licked his lips had his craving digging deeper and deeper into his soul. Everything about him hinted to what he could do and how he could mold Iruka with just his words. "I don't meet men like you every day."

Pushed by his own heat, Iruka decided to ask coyly, almost flirting, "Am I what you expected?"

The smile was back, smaller and cheekier than before as eyes openly stared at Iruka as if he were a painting in a gallery. Hopefully the shiver that ran down his back wasn't too noticeable.

"Yes, and more." The simple response was all Kakashi said, watching with that teasing smile as Iruka rubbed his nose in embarrassment.

The moment was broken by a phone ringing, Kakashi's.

"Sorry," He excused and stood to go answer his phone by the front door.

Iruka tried to make it seem like he wasn't paying attention. It was hard not to. Every time Iruka tried to pay attention to the windows or anything else for that matter, his eyes just kept sliding back.

Just as he was about to wonder what kind of call that was, Kakashi slid back into his seat with his brows furrowed, "Sorry, I forgot that I was supposed to meet a friend at the gym tonight."

As Kakashi started gathering his coat, Iruka tried not to show his disappointment and instead grinned, "Well, I'm sorry for distracting you."

At those words, Kakashi slowed his roll and leaned into the table again, their faces inches away to Iruka's shivering delight. With that deep voice hushed, the taller man said, "Don't ever apologize for that. I had a lot of fun."

"Me too," Iruka smiled back.

"I'd like to see you again." The man was being straightforward and Iruka was more than excited.

"Well," Iruka started, biting his lip as he found Kakashi watching him intently. "Tomorrow's Friday. End of the week. Are you doing anything after work?"

"I think I'm meeting you here," Kakashi replied playfully.

"You are meeting me here," Iruka decided and Kakashi's chuckle resonated through his spine.

"Fine, I'm meeting you here." Kakashi seemed to lean in closer, their knuckles brushing on the table as he whispered, "We'll talk about what we really want."

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes that Iruka fully understood and only served to further the burning in his lap and chest. So, he flirtatiously decided, "And we can see if we're… Compatible."

For a second, they were both stuck, smiles growing together until Kakashi's phone rang again.

With a chuckle, Iruka took that opportunity to stand, knowing he wouldn't be able to get up if he stayed there any longer.

Kakashi reached for his phone with a sigh but kept his eyes studying the way Iruka shrugged on his coat like he was watching a private show. His phone was still ringing in his hand even as he stood too.

Picking up his wits and his bag, Iruka passed the other man by with a wink and a smirk. The last touch, the last bit of flirting he had in him was spent on a light, barely physical touch to the other man's arm as he went by. With the last glance back, he found Kakashi's mouth still quirked in that sultry, amused smile as he watched Iruka leave.

It was only when he was out in the cool autumn air that Iruka could breathe again and he couldn't help but smile wider, grinning harder until he probably looked like a goof.

He'd walked home like that, his legs weak with excitement. He couldn't think. He couldn't even breathe right. He felt like he was on cloud nine and he couldn't find a way back down. Not that he even wanted to because now he had the opportunity to try all the things he'd been dreaming of. If they were compatible, that is.

As he flopped down onto his couch, he wondered if they would work well together physically. Obviously, they had chemistry and were attracted to each other. God, was Iruka attracted to that man. He wanted to see every inch of him, wanted to know what his skin tasted like, wanted to feel his hands all over him.

There was just one thing nagging at Iruka's mind.

It was just one, singular thing that had him coming back down from the high of attraction.

He was just a little worried. He'd hoped that this wouldn't have been an issue moving forward but after Mizuki, his mind wasn't taking any chances.

He hadn't asked. He'd been so caught up in those dark, powerful eyes and that sweet birthmark.

How many partners had Kakashi had? Iruka couldn't be his first. He seemed experience like the had done this many times before. At least, he seemed that kind of confident. And it worried Iruka. This all felt too good to be true.

What if Kakashi was positive? If he had something?

Picking up his phone, Iruka pulled up their chat. He couldn't not ask. He had to. Even though he was worried about the answer and even though he would be horribly reluctant to let the other man go, he had to ask. He needed to know now before it was too late and before he made a horrible mistake.

'Hey, Kakashi? When you've got the time, are you clean?'

He sent it off without a second thought. He needed to know. He had the right to know. This was his body and he was allowed to ask questions of anything were to be put inside it, right?

Even though he really wanted those things inside him.

Maybe going through Kakashi's Instagram wasn't such a good choice in the moment. Iruka had been dying to look once they had exchanged socials but now, he was just staring at a handsome man who he dearly wanted to be physical but was deathly afraid of at the same time. His body and bones were aching by just the thought of it.

The man was so handsome though. And he'd been so cool and sweet.

His page wasn't full but it looked like he kept it like an album; mementos of good times, places and achievements.

A few people kept popping up regularly and one picture at the gym had Iruka intrigued by the man with dark hair who Kakashi seemed to work out with often. His name was Gai and Iruka didn't have to wonder for long if this was the person Kakashi was meeting that night. Iruka found himself watching a video from a few days ago of Gai working out and giving out instructions to his viewers. He was a good coach and Iruka caught a glimpse of silver hair from the camera man in the mirror.

Iruka had opened Gai's story to find the same thing, more working out. He was about to click out when he was a familiar face. Cheeks flushed and trying to catch his breath, Kakashi was sitting on a machine at the gym and looking hot even in just a plain shirt and sweats.

"What do you think about that set?" Gai asked but there was no response. "Kakashi!"

"Yeah?" Kakashi snapped out of his thoughts and asked through heavy breaths, suspiciously looking at the phone pointed at him.

"What do you think? Kakashi approved?"

"Yeah." Kakashi shrugged halfheartedly but Gai knew that they weren't on the same page.

"Did you hear what I was asking?" Gai demanded and Kakashi winced.

"Sorry, I had my head somewhere else." And then there was a soft, far away smile that took Iruka's breath away and had him throwing away his phone. Damn.

He couldn't do this to himself. He couldn't risk this. That man was just so alluring though...

Conflicted and frustrated, he didn't know what to feel. He just had to wait.

* * *

Next chapter of this raging trash fire coming on Monday! :D

Thank you to all you lovelies for the sweet and also kind of thirsty comments ;3 Hopefully this lives up to expectation :v


	3. Anxieties and Worries

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Iruka let himself slide down across the couch until he was laying in his own anxieties and stewing in a pool of regret. What was he even getting himself into? Why was he doing this? To test out some kinks?

He was such a pervert.

With a frustrated groan, he rolled on his side and stared at his phone on the coffee table, knowing that he'd either be ghosted or that he'd get a response he wasn't looking for. Neither of which he liked. He just hoped that he wouldn't be making a fool of-

His phone buzzed and he shot up.

It had been about a minute or two since he'd sent that message.

Damn, the man was quick.

Snatching up the phone, he almost dropped it when he saw the picture that he'd been sent. It was test results, something Iruka knew well by now and they clearly showed a date, a name, the words 'negative' and a peace sign by familiar fingers.

This guy. Iruka was going to kiss him so hard, hug the very life out of that tall body and do so many dirty things to him… Well, technically, it would be the other way around and Iruka was so, so excited now.

_'How about you?' _Kakashi asked.

A fair question, one that Iruka scrambled to answer. Hurrying through his important papers, he slid out the beautiful confirmation papers he'd gotten a few weeks ago and eagerly sent a picture back, peace sign and all.

_'Perfect.'_

"You're perfect," Iruka sighed to himself, grinning and giddy like this was his first crush but instead of imagining them holding hands and their first kiss, Iruka's mind was travelling down a familiarly charged path.

His fingers started tingling again, numb from just the thought of what they'd get up to. And tomorrow, they'd actually talk about what they wanted and liked. He wondered what kinds of things Kakashi liked. Was he into bondage? There was so many things they could try. Maybe he leaned more towards the s&m side of things. Iruka didn't even know how he felt about some of those things but he was thrilled to at least try.

He just hoped they were sexually compatible. After all, Iruka had suggested that the day end in a less verbal way. Just the possibility had his legs jittering as he made his way to his room. Damn, he was getting so nervous that his feelings were all over the place.

But it was as he crossed the threshold into his room that he paused. Even though his chest was still seized in excitement, the sight of his bed made him hesitate with all the memories of the last year. He remembered the last person who he'd let into here. He didn't want to think about it but it was something he had to face and let go. There had been good times and bad. Most of them had taken place in this room, the good usually happening before sex and then the bad after.

Before the guilt could take over and ruin his night, he pushed into the room and threw himself onto his mattress.

Whatever happened back then was over and done with. This room was his own and his alone. It was up to him to decide who he brought in here and who he let stay. He just didn't want a repeat of the last time. He at least had hope that Kakashi was different. That man seemed to be everything Iruka was looking for and he wanted this to work out.

He was drawn back to the Instagram story, watching Kakashi talk with his friend. Then that moment came again, the one where Kakashi huffed through a smile. He seemed to be thinking of something nice, something that made him happy, excited. And Iruka let himself hope and dream that it was because of him. It was an easy assumption to make, they had just parted a few hours ago and the story had been posted about an hour after they left.

Warm, rolling thrills ran up his legs all the way through him until his chest and stomach were buzzing impulsively. He had to put away the idea that was going to get anything done tonight. Just the thought of Kakashi had him completely distracted and burning from the inside out. The fact that they were going to talk about their bedroom preferences tomorrow had him instantly wishing the day would come sooner. Just the thought of those long fingers touching his skin were enough to have wound so tight that he couldn't take it anymore.

What did he look like without the suit jacket? Without that tie? Iruka wanted to mess up that hair and coax him out of that white shirt, find out what he looked like with no clothes on at all. What did his arms look like? Was he strong? Able to lift Iruka up without an issue? Oh, that was an idea. And what would he do if Iruka wanted to tease and touch right back? Bite on that slim neck? And if he didn't like that? Of course, he'd have to punish Iruka in some way.

Sitting up out of bed, Iruka realised for the second time that week that he didn't remember falling asleep. It was suddenly morning and he was faced with the grim reminder that he was teaching literal babies today. He didn't think he was going to survive.

Calm down, Iruka. Clean thoughts. He willed himself back to the sweet, innocent teacher that parents could trust their kids to be around and repressed any urges to think about who he was inevitably meeting tonight. He had to try very hard to not think about where they would end up even though he spent that whole morning cleaning his apartment from head to toe. He even dusted behind the stove. He couldn't cook to save his life but at least he could clean.

Around noon though, he got a text from Kakashi.

'_Sorry that this is so last minute but could we meet at about seven tonight instead of six?'_

'_No problem, see you at seven." _Iruka had debated putting an emoji but he refrained. He had to play this cool even though he was sorely disappointed that he had to wait so long. He was already excited as is and it would be hours before the parents came to pick up their kids.

Somehow, he made it through the day riding on annoyance and a swift kick to the shin he got from one of the more energetic kids. He was finally sending them all home with their backpacks and one of them with a strongly worded note in their agenda to a certain kid's parents. It was as he was putting his own things away, he had a realisation.

A seven o'clock date meant that it was more of a late-night kind of date. That meant that it would be dark by the time they were done talking, it would be dark out. Perfect time for tension between them. Which meant that they would probably both be on the same page when Iruka asked if Kakashi wanted to walk him home. Which meant that they were on the quickest path to falling into bed with each other.

And Iruka was a hundred percent okay with that.

He just had to deal with the problem at hand.

How was he going to deal with the raging hard on he was suddenly struck with?

Well, if you're Iruka Umino and you have a reputation as being the best and scariest teacher in the school, you think of the kids and it all disappears. Step two is quickly hurry home to hide yourself away where you can think of that sexy, wonderful man you'll be meeting tonight who will hopefully ram you so hard you see stars. Then you guiltily wonder if maybe you're just a little repressed.

That was all going to change that night though. He was on a new path of self discovery and he was excited. He just hoped Kakashi wasn't into anything that was too weird. Iruka wasn't exactly into blood play or scat. That's where he drew the line. Technically, he wasn't that picky. Was he?

He fidgeted with his sweater and wondered if he looked too much like a teacher. Maybe Kakashi was into that though. Either way, Iruka just wanted to be comfortable and this sweater was cute and comfortable. Double whammy.

He just hoped that he wouldn't embarrass himself. Although, he wouldn't mind Kakashi noticing his eagerness and just taking care of him within the stacks.

Wow, sometimes he managed to impress himself by how desperate he sounded.

Iruka just hoped that this wasn't a fling. He hoped that he wouldn't suddenly be uninterested in going forward with this relationship after they had sex. There was a part of him that was screaming for fun but he couldn't tell what kind. Was it just plain vanilla fun or the kind of fun that he had always been too shy to ask for before?

He just had to be more careful than last time. As he waited, he realised that he might be running into something too quickly. They'd barely met. Maybe Kakashi was really just a serial killer. That would just be the cherry on top of this horrible cake that was his dating life.

He would slow his roll a little. Try not to get so entranced by the beautiful man who he was meeting. Even though it would be a challenge, he'd keep his guard up. He'd be coy but polite and keep an eye out for anything suspicious.

When six finally rolled around, he's been ready for a while and was too antsy to stay inside. He went out to find food and ate while wondering to himself if this was a good decision. Maybe it was just nerves. It felt like he was going for a job interview but he had to remind himself of their conversation last night. He felt like they'd clicked. There was something there. It was exciting to get to figure out what that was. Regardless if they were both on the same page or not, he was glad that he'd met the man.

The walk to their spot had been slow but he still managed to show up thirty minutes in advance. After ordering a drink, he found himself in the kids' section looking for books that the kids might like him to read them. Restraining from buying anything, he somehow ended up taking pictures of some that he would have to ask their school librarian to buy next week.

"Hey," Iruka snapped his head up from the book in his lap to find Kakashi holding back a smile, surrounded by the rainbow of the children's section. He finally chuckled, "Sorry, I'm late."

He was in a dark suit again, tie a rich cobalt and his hair just as perfectly windswept as the last time they met.

"No, it's fine. I just got… distracted," Iruka tried to pull himself gracefully out of the small, plastic chair to Kakashi's still amused smile.

"Find anything interesting?" Kakashi asked behind Iruka as they made their way back to their table in the coffee shop.

"Kind of. I mean, we can never have enough books at school so," He shrugged, leading the way before he could get distracted but feeling Kakashi following closely behind him.

Again, they slid into the same seats from the night before. They were sitting right across from each other again, right back where they started and Iruka reminded himself that the other man was just that; another man.

Albeit, another man who he would probably be doing very adult things with in the next few hours but that was beside the point.

"Before anything," Iruka quickly began, biting his lip in earnest. "I want to say thank you for clarifying last night."

"My pleasure," Kakashi's lip quirked at the edge and he chuckled to himself as he reached back into his bag. "In fact, I brought it just in case you wanted to see it in person."

Iruka couldn't feel his face anymore as he watched Kakashi straighten back up with an envelope in hand, handing it over. Just like the papers he'd seen last night and just like his own, Iruka could help but grin as he handed it back, "Sorry, I just… Had a bad experience with my last partner and I want to avoid anything like that."

"No, I understand." Kakashi nodded, studying Iruka's face in a way that only made Iruka burn brighter. As he took the envelope back, he said, "It's scary what's going around out there. Can't be too careful."

"Exactly," Iruka agreed and felt a shift in their conversation and the air between them as his anxiety pulled away. Goosebumps ran up his arms and he had to take a deep breath to himself before Kakashi could see but that didn't help much. As soon as he saw the older man's face, he felt like his mind had gone numb.

He hadn't seen this smile yet. This was new, different in a good way but also in a very bad way because it was like a switch to Iruka's nerves and heart rate. Dark eyes were studying again but not like before with that amusement. This was curious and predatory. It felt like he was watching food being prepared right in front of his eyes and Iruka was the main course.

Kakashi again came back up, elbows coming to rest on the table as he leaned onto his palm. Then his lips quirked up again in a faint smirk as he asked in a shiver-inducing hush, "So, Iruka Umino, what's on your mind?"

* * *

;3 Next chapter will be sexier, I swear.


	4. Oh, So Good

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Kakashi didn't really need to ask that question. It felt like he could read Iruka's mind and see all the terribly erotic things flowing through his mind. This was just a formality.

Technically, it was. They both knew what they wanted but not specifically. Iruka just had to break the ice.

"What's on my mind?" Iruka repeated and pretended to think for a second. "Well, I was thinking about sports but I'm open to suggestions."

The smile on Kakashi's face grew, eyes narrowing skeptically. "Oh, sports, huh?"

"Yes, I just love the way they do things with all those sticks, you know?" Iruka joked and Kakashi finally chuckled, leaning back into his seat. Incidentally, his long legs brushed into Iruka's and didn't move away.

"You're funny but don't quit your day job." Kakashi kept that smile up, his knee rubbing against the outside of Iruka's.

"Thanks." Spurred on by the touch, Iruka admitted, "Well, I was wondering about you and how you got into this and all that stuff."

A little surprised, Kakashi hummed, "Well, I've been doing this for a few years."

"Not ten years?"

"No, not ten years. Like, four." Kakashi smiled and shrugged. "I just sort of fell into it. I had a partner who was really into it and we tried a few things together. Perfectionist I am, I started going to classes, reading about everything I could and one day I found that the person I was with didn't want those things anymore."

"Was it just the one person? Iruka asked curiously and Kakashi shook his head.

"No, I've had a few others but we never clicked." Kakashi looked up at him. "Which is why I want to know what you want. And I'll tell you what I want. And maybe we find a middle together or we don't."

"Okay. So, are we talking specifically or just in general?"

"How about we start with general," Kakashi chuckled.

"Okay," Iruka hid the nervous beating of his heart with a smile and breaking the intense eye contact. "Well, I don't really have a lot of experience in some of the heavier stuff but I know that I want someone who can help me ease into that stuff. Someone I can trust."

"Of course."

"I mean, that's in general."

"In general," Kakashi echoed and nodded thoughtfully, gaze seemingly lost in thought. "If you're looking for more… Training, we can always do that."

Then his eyes flicked up to catch themselves in Iruka's as they started to drift off too at the idea. Just the word had Iruka burning from his fingers to his toes. It implied everything they would get up to from the softer, easier stuff all the way to things Iruka couldn't even dream of. And all of it with the man sitting across from him who was waiting for a response with all his attention.

There was a serious, grounded way to the way he was acting along with all the flirting and Iruka felt safer than he had in months.

"That sounds like fun," He answered truthfully and hoped that the promising smile he brought out of the other man was more than just a lure. He felt like this would work out and he was so excited to talk about everything. The way Kakashi's knee was brushing up against his leg was agreeing with his every word and he wanted to know all this man's secrets.

What did he like? What made him happy? What was an instant turn on?

He had to hold himself back from asking all of them at once, caught between wanting to know and the fire sparking in his lower chest. He'd know soon enough if everything kept going like this. And that thought pushed away the last straw of doubt. He didn't care anymore about all the insecurities he'd carried with him like luggage. He didn't need them right now. He just wanted to have fun with the man who was smiling so temptingly at him.

The simple, secretive physical contact under the table was becoming maddening. He was hyper aware of Kakashi leaning in closer and saying, "Of course, that depends on if we've got chemistry or not."

"Well, I was never good at science," Iruka was hyper aware of Kakashi's suggestion and the way he was slowly drawing circles with his knee. As if he was trying to get Iruka to slip up as he spoke, "But I hear there's something called experimentation. You know, if this, then that."

Kakashi chuckled low with that playful smile dancing across his face again, "I think that's called a hypothesis."

"Yes, a hypothesis."

"And what's your hypothesis?"

It was a challenge, a bet that Iruka was more than excited to take. "How about… If you come to my place and we have so much fun that you only leave in the morning, then we proceed."

Maybe it was his matter-of-fact tone or the way he smiled like a happy puppy but Kakashi smiled back, making that sweet birthmark move and Iruka's whole torso catch literal fire.

"Well, then," Kakashi muttered across the small distance between them. "Why don't we go experiment?"

And then he winked like a damn dream. He stood and the string that tied him to Iruka pulled the eager teacher to his feet. Coats on, Iruka led the way out of the coffee shop with Kakashi right on his heels. It didn't matter anymore that outside had gotten colder. Iruka was hot enough to burn the whole city down especially with the man walking next to him.

They were definitely walking quicker than everyone else but no one else was the wiser about what they were going to do. Iruka could help but scoff and felt Kakashi nudge him playfully. When he went to knock him back, he somehow found his hand full. Kakashi's was cold and dry but holding his steadily, a promise for what was to come. It grounded him in the present but he still couldn't help but walk faster.

"It's up there," Iruka motioned up the high set of stairs across the street.

As they crossed, Kakashi huffed, "How do you not break your neck in the winter?"

Iruka grinned and shrugged, "You're looking at a part-time daredevil."

"Well, I am not that brave," Kakashi pointedly let go of Iruka's hand and planted his hand firmly on the steep staircase.

Iruka couldn't help his bark of laughter before eagerly hopping up the way. As he pulled out his keys and fumbled for the right one, he faintly heard Kakashi's careful steps up. He still almost jumped when hot breath grazed his exposed neck that had been freezing.

He did really jump when he felt hands grip his hips through his coat though.

The warm chuckle behind him felt like it was right next to his ear as he managed to jam the right key into then lock. As nice as it was to feel hands on him, the coat really wasn't doing those hands any justice. He easily turned to face the other man whose cheeks were pinked from the cold. Hands dragged along Iruka's waist with the movement, sliding easily into his open coat and the warmth of his waist.

With his sweater the only thing keeping their skin from touching, it felt like he was jittering from excitement instead of cold.

Kakashi smirked through his heavy breaths, the streetlamp behind him outlining his shimmering hair and making it look like he was the pot of gold Iruka had been looking for. He didn't even realise when his hands slid up the bridge of Kakashi's arms. It was only when he'd stepped into the other man's space that he realised what he wanted to do. The only hesitation was from wanting to look at the beautiful man on his doorstep. Breaths white hot between them, he reached up to pull Kakashi down without any resistance and pressed their mouths together slowly, hands pressing them together tightly.

Heart in his head, Iruka only had a moment to breathe and come back to consciousness as Kakashi in turn connected their lips again in a way that took both their breaths away even more. A hum resonated through both their chests as if they'd both happily agreed about each other's taste and tongue. The slow and languid pace changed very quickly though when Kakashi's hands found their way passed his tucked sweater because his hands were cold, "Oh, that's cold!"

Even through Iruka's gasp, those chilled hands kept swirling circles and massaging skin as if trying to conjure heat and Iruka couldn't help but try to pull back, asking, "God, are your hands always this cold?"

"Well, maybe my blood is circulating elsewhere," Kakashi distractingly bit his lip and Iruka lost himself again when the hands on his hips pressed them together, letting Iruka know just how true that statement was. If it hadn't been for their clothes, he would've been able to feel more than just his tight pants pressed against Kakashi's hip and the same hardness against his own. Soon, there wouldn't be anything between them and that thought had Iruka tugging Kakashi's willing mouth back to his for one last hurried kiss before anxiously unlocking his door.

They'd only barely gotten through the door when they were pulled together again like magnets against the wall. Hips pressing together languidly and mouths exploring each other to the last breath, Iruka couldn't tell who was making what noise but everything just spurred him on further. His hands searched to rid Kakashi of his beautiful suit and coat. Getting it to slide off one shoulder was the hint Kakashi needed and he shrugged the rest off without breaking their slow kisses.

When there was no sound of clothes hitting the floor, a sound Iruka had been craving to hear, he couldn't help but open his eyes to find Kakashi's coat neatly hung up on the coat hooks that were just in reach.

That's when his surprise got the best of him and he pulled away, "Did you just- Ahn."

His words suddenly melted at the feeling of lips and hot air on his neck, hands sliding back under his sweater and making his whole body break out into shivers. Forgetting what he'd been about to say, his hands were already on a mission to get that annoying suit jacket off as fingers danced across his waist and a nose ran up his neck to his ear.

And then the slow hands slyly disappeared and Iruka watched as the jacket went to join the coat.

Caught between insulted and awe, Iruka huffed and Kakashi pulled his head back up with an innocent, "Hm?"

He seemed completely nonplussed and Iruka could hold back the heat in his chest anymore, eyes locked with Kakashi's as he said, pulling the other man even closer by the belt, "If you can hang a coat up, we're not doing this fast enough."

He started undoing the taller man's belt and pants as Kakashi tried to say, "Ah, sorry, it's just a habit…"

This time, Iruka wasn't the one whose words trailed off because he was too busy kissing Kakashi's bare neck and tugging down pants. Finally, he palmed Kakashi's warm bulge through his briefs and the other man groaned right into Iruka's ear, going straight to his own beating heat.

The slow, steady stroke of his hand on Kakashi's clothed length was what made everything move a thousand times faster.

"Room," Was all Iruka could hear as he was pulled off the wall. He didn't need any other indication, shedding his coat as he headed up the hall. But he first turned to the disheveled man following him, his cheeks flushed and his pants falling off his hips.

And Iruka smirked, holding out his coat and letting it drop very deliberately to the floor.

Kakashi looked from the coat to his smirk. Then he surged forward quickly, following Iruka's surprised yelp as he hurried to the bedroom.

Surprisingly, Iruka felt his arm caught in the doorway and was spun around right into Kakashi's locking arms, his gasp swallowed up by the other man's skilled mouth along with the groan that followed.

Even more surprising, the lips disappeared and Iruka didn't know what was going on until he was suddenly hoisted into the air.

There was no time for anything except the gasp of surprise as he fell with a bounce onto his own bed. Before he knew it, hands were on him, unbuttoning his jeans, tearing open his pants and boxers. Iruka suppressed a moan as his erection was freed by strong hands but even his hand couldn't stop it when he was engulfed.

His moan felt so loud even covered by his hand as the mouth sucking up his very soul pulled back up, slow and teasing. If he had looked down, he probably would've came right there but willed himself back even through the amazing sounds and numbing feeling. The only respite he got was when Kakashi pulled back up, husky whisper, "Lube?"

"Over there," Iruka whispered back as he pointed to his bedside table and while Kakashi moved away to search it, Iruka embarrassingly only realised then that he still had his shoes on. As he hurried to chuck them, he anxiously warned, "Um, just a heads up, remember when I told you that my last boyfriend was about half a year ago?"

He almost jumped when Kakashi stepped back between his legs, brow raised with a bottle of lube in one hand. Iruka suddenly was at a loss for words again as Kakashi pulled Iruka's pants off completely.

"I just… Might be rusty," Iruka felt his cheeks burning with the admission but Kakashi's chuckle went straight through his spine to the tip of his length. But a sweet kiss to his cheek had him looking up into Kakashi's calm, understanding face and his heart leapt

"Then let's change that," His words went straight to Iruka's chest, the soft smile so soothing above him as Kakashi leaned in to softly kiss him.

Cold fingers pressed into him at the same moment and he frowned at the feeling of being stretched and slicked up. It was odd to feel again after so long and he noticed how the cold was dissipating, replaced with warm, caring fingers that traced every inch of him.

Wanting to give back, Iruka once again found his hands on Kakashi's hips, this time pushing away those annoying pants and briefs so that he could touch too. Then he found what he'd been searching for, Kakashi's cock fitting into his hand with a hitch of both their breaths.

Feeling the smooth, heated skin in his hand, he couldn't stop the urge to massage the thick member in his hand. As the hand stretching him slid deeper and Kakashi groaned against his shoulder, Iruka came to the realisation that he'd never had a man that big inside him. Sure, he had toys that even bigger but this was a living, breathing, groaning man who wanted him and was soon going to be inside him, fucking his brains out.

"Kakashi," He hadn't meant to say it but when the other man kissed his neck at the call, Iruka intentionally said, "Please."

Pulling away, Iruka nervously watched Kakashi rip open a condom and slide it on with a one-handed efficiency that made Iruka's heart clench. That was around the same moment when another finger was pushed in, the others sliding in deeper and pressing into a spot that had Iruka's back arching. Covering up his gasp, everything fell away. A hand caught his wrist and laced with his fingers, the other pressing into the bed next to the sheets Iruka had unknowingly fisted.

The familiar feeling of someone pressing against his hole had him gripping onto anything for dear life, Kakashi's shirt tight in his free hand now.

Oh, so slowly and carefully, Kakashi's girth pressed into him and he almost came at the wonderfully full feeling. Toes curling and holding on tightly, Kakashi slid into him at a teasingly languid pace. Before Iruka could even savour the feeling of Kakashi's full length, the man was already pulling out.

When he whined, another kiss fell onto his cheek as it pressed into him again and again, slowly becoming quicker. The wet sound of skin slapping filled the room along with their pants and groans of pleasure.

And then Kakashi stopped, fully seated inside Iruka as he adjusted their position, moving one of Iruka's legs of his shoulder. But Iruka was too far gone to care about any other fact than Kakashi had annoyingly stopped. His hips rolled and Kakashi let out a low groan that only made Iruka move more, smirking cheekily even though he was in no position to.

"Brat," Kakashi huffed with an equally playful smile and watched Iruka's smirk bite down into a moan as he snapped his hips right into the spot that sent waves through Iruka's body, his moan only spurring Kakashi on. Again, he thrust in and set a bruisingly fast pace that had Iruka clinging for dear life to his back. The heaviness growing in his stomach as pleasure filled him even further.

"Kakashi," Was the only warning before everything came undone, back arching with his release as Kakashi set to moving even faster. With every thrust, Iruka couldn't help the keening that came from his mouth. Kakashi's breath hitched against his neck and he felt the cock inside him stop, pulsing hard and their breaths laboured together.

That feeling of pure bliss hung over both of them and Iruka couldn't help himself from turning his head to kiss the other man deeply.

"Mmmn," Kakashi hummed against his lips, brushing the hair out of Iruka's face when he pulled back.

Looking up at his serene smile, Iruka huffed, "What?"

"Your hair looks good down."

Before Iruka could say anything else, his mouth was caught again and he couldn't help but laugh into Kakashi's mouth.

Pulling away, Kakashi frowned down at him, Iruka's laugh infectious and quirking his lips up. "What?"

"N-nothing," Iruka stuttered but Kakashi kept his steady stare even though his cheeks were so cute flushed, and his skin was slick with sweat. He admitted with his own cheeks burning the same colour, "I'm just… Really happy right now."

Taken aback, Kakashi pulled back a bit and the mood became a lot less playful but so much more sincere. Cupping Iruka's frozen face, Kakashi leaned in and carefully, lightly kissed him in a way that took his breath away more than anything else had that night.

And Iruka felt his heart flip in his chest.

This man was dangerous. He was horribly, terribly, beautifully dangerous because he felt real. He felt true. And Iruka couldn't tell where the hell this was going.

But he knew it wasn't going to be like anything he'd experienced before.

* * *

Well...

That was a thing :T

And we're just getting warmed up!

Anyway, thank you all so much! You're all so amazing!

Next chapter: getting down to business!


	5. What Are You Really Like?

Blinking against the light filtering into the room, Iruka blearily woke up in his own bed, head almost hanging off the edge and legs tangled in sheets. He didn't remember falling asleep. He especially didn't remember getting into this odd position to sleep.

He would have rolled over but his body was just so tired. It didn't want to move at all. Muscles were melted into puddles and he felt like molasses. God, did he feel good though. He hadn't felt this good in a really long time. Not since before him and Mizuki…

Iruka shot up.

Kakashi. Hot man who had very amazingly taken care of him last night in a less than pure way.

Iruka shivered at the memories on his skin and almost put on a dopey grin before he realised his bed was empty.

His bed was empty.

Kakashi wasn't there. The man was gone, left, outta there. Fear ran straight through him at the thought of disappointing Kakashi, those beautiful eyes cold to him.

"Shit," Iruka ran through the night before as he hurried from his room, wondering what he did wrong as he pulled on a shirt.

He hadn't said anything weird. He'd barely done anything other than move his hips and maybe give a blowjob. Had it been that bad? He hadn't thought that he was half bad. No one had ever told him he was. Shit, had they been lying to him? But Kakashi had made such beautiful sounds though… Even thinking about it had Iruka shivering as he stepped into the main area and froze.

All the fear and anxiety melted away again at the sight of the man lounging on his couch in only briefs. Looking like a relaxed marble statue, the man's pale legs stretched out across the couch, crossed at the ankle over the other side as he frowned down at his phone. No shirt and no shoes, he could still probably get service anywhere. Those boxers were a crime to all humanity though.

Kakashi paused from his sporadic typing and reading when he noticed Iruka's abrupt entrance. And Iruka promised to never doubt Kakashi ever again when the other man broke out into a warm smile.

"Hey," Iruka chuckled as he stepped over, Kakashi's gaze reeling him into reach.

"Hey," His hand moved to caress Iruka's side as the younger man impulsively kissed his forehead.

"What time is it?" Iruka hummed and Kakashi checked his phone, neither of them withdrawing for a moment. It was oddly sweet after what they'd done last night. Iruka then remembered what had happened to their clothes in the first round and ignored his burning cheeks.

"About two in the afternoon."

"Damn," Was all Iruka could say as he dropped onto the couch too, his tired legs draped across Kakashi's. He didn't really care about boundaries anymore. "No wonder you're already up."

"I usually get up at five in the morning but I'm not surprised I slept in so much," Kakashi muttered as he went back to his phone, not minding the contact one bit.

"Whatcha doing?" Iruka finally asked, wondering briefly where his phone had been left. It was definitely between the front door and bedroom and bathroom. He didn't remember going to the kitchen but then again, he found that his memory was as foggy as his body was sore: pleasantly, annoyingly and surprising him at every turn.

"Work. A case I'm working on just got a bit complicated," Kakashi absentmindedly explained. "Same reason I was late last night."

That was true, they'd been working yesterday. They had met out in public before things got hot and heavy. Iruka half felt like it had been weeks since they'd been out of his apartment, more specifically his bedroom. Was his kitchen always this clean?

"Ah," Iruka nodded before wondering out loud, "So, speaking about last night and uh… This. Are you still down for going further?"

And then Kakashi looked up from his phone, closing it and giving Iruka his undivided attention as he sat up. Drawing his legs in, Iruka's fell into his lap and he let warm hands run up them as he intimately muttered, "Well, I'm not going to lie to you. Last night was good. Really good."

"Only good?" Iruka teased.

"Glorious," Kakashi corrected with a squeeze to Iruka's thigh and conspiratorial smirk.

"Oooh, glorious."

"Anyway," Kakashi dragged Iruka's chuckles back to reality. "I want to keep this going. Talk about what we like and we think we're like."

"True, didn't we say we were going to do that last night?" Iruka pointed out and they both grimaced.

"We got sidetracked."

"But we're talking about it now. So, technically we just took the scenic route to get here." Iruka's joke had Kakashi smiling for a moment before he got serious again.

"I guess this is where I ask if you'd like a contract or not."

"A contract?" Iruka asked. He'd read about them online, intrigued by the idea and was glad that Kakashi was bringing them up now. It was a very safe, reassuring step in this whole mind-boggling situation. Iruka could barely believe Kakashi was real.

"Yeah, one that goes over our terms of engagement, kinks, hard limits, soft limits, safe word. All that good stuff. That way we have some guidelines to follow." Kakashi waited expectantly for Iruka's response, fingers moving nervously against skin.

It was distracting but Iruka had already made up his mind. "I think a contract would be good. As long as you don't use your lawyer powers to screw me."

"Trust me, I'd just ask to screw you instead," This time, Iruka scoffed but Kakashi calmly explained, "It won't be anything super complicated or legally binding. If anything, you can always have it looked over by a third party if you like."

Iruka nodded in thought, "And what would be in it?"

"Well," Kakashi's eyes glazed over as he went into his own thoughts. "First, we would agree to respect each other's limits, both hard and soft ones. Agree to remember safe words and therefore respond to them as such. Then we'd have a list of every kink we can think of and give them a rating of preference. From love all the way to hard limit."

His voice drifted off, brows furrowed and he pulled out his phone. "Here, let me show you an example. You know what soft limits and hard limits are, right?"

Iruka nodded and a second later he was looking at a tabled list, one side for kink names and the other for ratings. There was a scale of one to five with five being 'love and willing to do for partner' to one being 'hate but willing to do for partner'. That was a thing? Hating something but willing to do it if that was the other person's turn on?

When he asked Kakashi about that, the other man shrugged. "Some people don't like something but are willing to put up with it for their partners. For example, say you loved bondage and I hated. I'd still be willing to do it so it's not a soft limit or hard limit. Cross out any hard limits and soft limits get an 'x' through them."

"I get it," Iruka cut in before Kakashi could get on a roll. He smirked, "Wait, you don't like bondage?"

"That was just a hypothetical." Kakashi smirked smugly, "But since that's your homework for next week, I'm not telling you anything. Gotta keep your mind unbiased. This is yours and is solely based on you."

"What if I've never tried something?" Iruka eyed a few items on the list curiously. Electric play?

"Just put a question mark. This will mainly be a negotiation starter. Other than hard limits. Anything you cross out won't be touched ever," Kakashi assured and Iruka nodded happily.

"Have you ever had a sub who crossed out almost everything?" He asked, reading through the list a bit and Kakashi nodded to his surprise.

"I made things work for as long as I could."

"And then what?"

"Well, I'm here now. Aren't I?"

Iruka grinned at the pointed look Kakashi gave him, fingers swirling circles into his thigh comfortably. It was a very intimate gesture that assured Iruka that everything was going far better than he ever expected. He was kind of expecting at best someone who was way too flirty and acted all high and mighty. Kakashi was so far from that. He was sweet and straightforward but not in a way that was condescending and it was a breath of fresh air. Iruka knew all too well how to deal with someone sarcastic and full of sass like Mizuki but he liked how he didn't have to try with Kakashi.

It felt like he was getting to be himself more than ever and it felt so good.

"So," Iruka asked confidently, "What happens next week? We negotiate. Maybe Sign a contract?"

"Yup, but you said you wanted to try subbing for the first time so I'll be making a schedule once I know what you like and don't like." As Kakashi spoke, Iruka eyed a few things on there that seemed particularly fun. Other things that he kind of wanted to try out. Others scared him.

"Oh, a training schedule? Will I get to see it?" There was so much they could do, so many things on this list sounded exciting. Ideas were starting to pop into his mind and he wondered how things would be with Kakashi.

He had no expectations or hints up until then. Unless you counted having sex a few times, then yes. Just nothing that really related to the next level they were heading for. Kakashi had been attentive and giving last night, something Iruka highly appreciated and wanted so much more of. On the other side of the scale, the idea of the man taking control and leading the both of them through this list was intriguing. And extremely arousing.

"No," That teasing smirk hinted that there was so much more to this man. "I mean, I can give you a general outline but I want to keep the element of surprise. Nothing that you don't consent to, of course."

"I am entirely down for within-limit surprises," Iruka replied.

"Perfect. So, that's your homework. Looking up things you don't know. Cross out your limits and point out ones you've never tried. You know what RACK is, right?" Iruka nodded, mind far away from everything being thrown at him. Kakashi was already on a roll though and he listened in haze as Kakashi kept going, saying, "We should probably have sex before too. Make sure we go into everything with clear minds. Especially since we're focusing more on submission and domination."

Iruka absentmindedly noted that Kakashi hadn't talked this much during sex or even before. It was kind of cute to see the man getting comfortable around Iruka enough to go on about something he obviously cared about a lot. And it was comforting to know Kakashi was so invested and committed to this, as excited even as Iruka was. He could probably listen to the man talk all day, husky voice tickling his nerves. The way it was rumbling through their legs in that moment.

He couldn't wait to start now, wondering what kind of dominant Kakashi would be. He didn't even know if there was such a thing as dominant types but it seemed right that Kakashi wasn't just any old 'spank them and bake them at three-fifty' kind of dominant Iruka was used to reading and watching. And he really liked it.

Although he wouldn't mind being spanked. Or held down again. Or tied down. Or blindfolded. Or…

God, he couldn't stop thinking about everything they would get up to. And those were just the basics.

No wonder Kakashi suggested sex first. Damn, this man was a genius.

Oh, he was still talking.

"If we find something you want to try that isn't on the list you print, don't be afraid to add it and I'll add it to mine too. Also, we should bring copies so we can trade them…" Kakashi finally trailed off probably from the fact that Iruka wasn't staring off in half-minded interest anymore. He was fully conscious unlike most of his colleagues when he was giving a presentation. Beautiful autumn eyes were curling into his mind and he knew exactly where Iruka's mind was.

"I'll bring copies," Iruka said reassuringly, demonstrating that he'd been listening and successfully fluffing the other man's ego.

"Good. I want to know exactly what you want." Kakashi said slowly as his hand ran up Iruka's thigh suggestively. "So that I can play with you."

Seductive implications sinking in deep, Iruka's whole body sang at the idea of being toyed with. If anyone could wrangle his sass and sarcasm, it was Kakashi. Molded into Kakashi's ideal sub. Used.

There was a long, heavy silence between them for a second as eyes challenged each other.

Iruka darted onto Kakashi's lap just as the other man pulled him in to crush their mouths together, kisses eager and bodies craving for even more.

* * *

Hey guys, sorry for the short update!

Been caught between self doubt and physical pain ;w; Both of my arms from my elbows down were just not having it this week.

I've been working in a factory where I do very repetitive movements so forgive me for cutting things short. I'm hopefully going to be training for a different position in a few weeks though! One that's not so rough on the wrists but more focuses on shoulders ;w; Time to get swoll, amirite?

Anyway, working up to things slowly!

Love you guys 3


	6. Let's Talk About It

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

The long, terrible week of waiting had been torture.

Iruka held onto the counter as best as he could with shaking hands. Kakashi gripped his hips harder and quickened the pace. It didn't take much. Iruka had been thinking about Kakashi all week, missing him even though they'd been messaging each other nonstop. It was surprising to find out that Kakashi was an emoji user.

"Kakashi," He couldn't help but moan, so close and desperate for more.

A hand suddenly wrapped around his aching length and he bucked into it, wordless in his noises. Every fiber of himself was trembling and he fell so easily over the edge, barely hearing Kakashi's groan behind him when he was pulled over too.

"You're a genius," Iruka said through pants and Kakashi hummed happily into his ear, hands roaming under Iruka's shirt happily.

"Only sometimes," Kakashi said, finally pulling himself away with a happy hum that Iruka echoed.

"I guess we should get to… Negotiating," Iruka huffed as he turned to face the man who was so beautifully standing in his kitchen with his pants hanging low and his hair messier than usual. Pink from their quick and kind of rough fun, Kakashi nodded at Iruka's words. His hands moved to lean on the counter, trapping Iruka as though he was going to try and run away.

"We could start," There was a devious glimmer in his eyes that took Iruka's breath away. It felt like forever since they'd last seen each other and Iruka knew exactly what Kakashi was thinking before he said, "Or… We could-"

Cut off by Iruka's lips, Kakashi chuckled into the kiss but things quickly dissolved again.

All week, Iruka had spent his free time looking up all the weird, kinky stuff on the list he'd printed and had carefully laid out on his desk at home. It was easy to figure out his hard limits, things he never wanted to try in a million years. The difficult part was the stuff he didn't know or wasn't sure about. He hadn't done a quarter of those things in real life. How was he supposed to know if he was into anal fisting? Or nipple clamps? Or even whips? He barely knew what those things were until that week.

When he hadn't been worrying over his own experience, he was thinking about all the things on that list that he either knew he liked or had fantasized about before.

And it all led back to the beautiful man who was willing and able to try those things. While researching, Iruka's mind kept drifting back to their dream-like night together and found himself wanting that again, more and more. The list of kinks was the cherry on top.

Even during their third meeting now, Kakashi was already checking a box Iruka hadn't known was there as Kakashi easily hoisted Iruka onto the counter as if it was nothing. His gasp of surprise only helped encourage wandering hands. Somehow, their clothes were on the floor and they were twined together again, groaning into each other's mouths as Kakashi ground in slowly, savouring everything until they were sweating hard and panting.

Iruka had found the man's weakness though. His hands gripped shoulders and everything they could until they slid up into soft hair and he felt Kakashi shiver all the way down to the tip of his member.

"Ruka," Kakashi barely managed to say into Iruka's ear before they fell back into bliss. And it didn't go unnoticed.

"We should really get down to business," Iruka finally muttered into Kakashi's bare shoulder, the other man half leaning into him.

"We probably should," Kakashi agreed, pulling reluctantly away with a yawn and stretching his long arms.

"Want some water?" Iruka asked through a yawn of his own as he slid off the counter. He was glad they'd both used condoms this time. He didn't want to find another surprise mess like last time.

"Sure," Kakashi said from the kitchen table where he was pulling out the papers they'd soon be reading and going over. He'd somehow managed to put his shirt back on though to Iruka's disappointment. What a shame, hiding all that smooth skin and toned muscles. Iruka totally hadn't been stalking his Instagram. Or Kakashi's friend Gai's. To be fair, Gai had great instructional videos and inspirational guides.

"Here's the contract," Kakashi said, handing Iruka a small stack of papers. "It's got the same kink list I sent you so that we can copy things down while we negotiate."

"Awesome," Iruka grinned and he pulled over his own list he'd been working on and was proud to say felt right. "Want to look at mine?"

Kakashi's face lit up as they traded the contract and list. "Yes, please."

The contract was fairly simple; a few lines explaining the roles they were agreeing to, that Kakashi could punish Iruka within limitations, that they would respect each other's boundaries according to the attached list and other things that surprised Iruka.

"No sleeping with other people?" Iruka was smiling as he said it, more amused than anything.

Kakashi looked up and nodded faintly, unsure as he explained, "Yeah, well… I'd rather stay clean and you said that it was really important to you last week."

"It is," Iruka couldn't hide his own smile at the fact that Kakashi had paid attention to what he'd said.

"Unless, of course, we want to partake in a threesome or moresome," Kakashi grinned as he read from Iruka's list and they broke out into excited laughter when Iruka didn't say anything to deny it.

Instead, he pulled out a pen and asked, "Anyway, are there any safe words you like? I mean, might be easier for you to remember you favourite than a whole new one."

"I don't know. I don't really have a preference. Something simple maybe?" Kakashi thought for a second and suggested, "How about we go with something easy like yellow and red?"

"Like in driving," Iruka hummed to himself and Kakashi chuckled.

"Exactly like that."

Then came the lists. The thing Iruka had been thinking of all week.

And it was so freaking boring.

For each item, they went through and talked about whether or not they wanted to dabble into it and level of preference. For most things though, Iruka could only put 'curious' and Kakashi assured him that they could always modify the contract at any time once they tried things out. By about ten kinks in, they'd come up with a system and started going a lot quicker when they realised that it had been an hour and they were nowhere near halfway.

So, sitting at Iruka's kitchen table, they listed the dirtiest, sexiest things with a boredom that Iruka only saved for taxes.

"Clothing Material: Sheer," Iruka read and quick shrugged. "Three."

"Same," Kakashi nodded as they transferred their ratings to the contract copy onto their respective columns. "Collars: private."

"Four," Iruka said bravely.

"Five," Kakashi looked up from his papers, both of them freezing for a second.

Iruka was ninety-nine percent sure it was in a flirtatious way but it jumped up to a hundred. As soon as they sat down, Kakashi had gone stone faced. He hadn't shown any hint of emotion at anything even as he gave almost every type of bondage a five. This had been the first time they had taken any pause in their roll and Kakashi's hard exterior finally cracked. His lips twitched up, automatically going back to that cute smile Iruka was used to but just as quickly pursing his lips and looking away. He coughed, "Cool."

"So, anyway," Iruka bit down on his own smile and tried not to laugh too much. "We're only at collars. Collars with a C."

"Yeah," Kakashi embarrassingly rubbed his neck. "I guess I made this a little too convoluted. We probably could've made a Google Doc or something."

"Is this how you made contracts with your other subs?"

Kakashi nodded, flipping over to the next page. "Took a while back then too but we didn't have this much on them before. It was more along the lines of they bring me their one-page list of things they are interested in at all and I assume the rest are limits."

"Really?" Iruka asked in surprise and Kakashi shrugged.

"Yeah, I mean. You're the first person I've met who's been willing to make a full contract." Kakashi suddenly frowned. "You know, you're allowed to ask for things, right? Or ask specifically to not do something, right?"

"I know," Iruka defended but he thought about it. "Well, like, I'm down for almost anything that doesn't involve…"

He flipped a few pages back. "Well, definitely not brown showers. Or the golden kind. I'm good with the normal water showers before those are fun. Except the slipping aspect."

Kakashi's laugh bolstered Iruka's confidence and he brought up something he'd been thinking about all week. "I've got an idea."

"Oh?" Kakashi asked.

"I found this app. I don't know if you'd be down for it but it's basically this list but in an app. It might not have everything but we can add stuff. We can even link our accounts so that we'll always be on the same page." He took a nervous breath, wondering if he'd said something wrong for a second when Kakashi made no movement, face slack and unreadable.

It was only after a tense pause that Kakashi smiled, "I'm down to try."

But his eyes stayed on Iruka, studying him when he wasn't looking down at his phone. Iruka couldn't put a finger on why but he didn't ask.

Instead, they filled out their own lists together. They even added few things from their old lists that wasn't on the app. It went so smoothly, Iruka didn't even realise how they'd started talking or when. Somehow, they were chatting as if their topic of conversation wasn't sexual.

"I'm not really into that," Kakashi shook his head and looked disgusted as Iruka chuckled.

"God, that's something I don't get all. I mean, who would want their butt to burn?" They were talking about figging, something Iruka had only learned the night before. Apparently peeling ginger and putting it into someone's holes was a fun time for some people.

"Well," Kakashi looked thoughtful. "I think it's because it's a slow burn. Good for punishment. I can think of so many better ones though."

"Huh," Iruka huffed as he watched Kakashi's mind at work, knowing that their imaginations were probably going in the same direction. Better punishments, huh? Like, what? What was going on in that calculating mind across from Iruka? They were definitely on the same page, thinking back to the things they'd done not too long ago on his kitchen counter and everything else they could do in the future. And everywhere else they could do it.

Kakashi blinked them both back into reality but not back to their conversation, instead they were stuck staring at each other with their minds on the same track. There was only a foot or two between them and their phones. Nothing was stopping them and Iruka wanted to kiss him again, just a taste. A little peck to his cheek even. Iruka just wanted to touch him. It was a burning in his bones that he couldn't get rid of.

No, he had to concentrate. There were still thing they had to talk about.

"Also, I won't call you daddy so… Please don't ever hope for that." He said boldly. Kakashi blinked at him in surprise this time. Then he scoffed.

"Sure, I can definitely not hope for that."

"Good. And please. Nothing that makes you or me like kids or parents." Iruka pleaded, remembering a horrible night he'd had the last time someone had wanted that. "That just makes me think of my kids and, god, that would not be anywhere near fun."

Taking a pen, Kakashi pulled their contract back in and started to write as Iruka spoke. "No problem."

"And nothing that endangers our careers please. I will never do anything dirty on school grounds or within a hundred-foot radius." Iruka had to be stern about this. Mizuki hadn't understood how serious he'd been but Kakashi nodded and wrote some more.

"Ditto for my office," Kakashi noted out loud and Iruka could respect that, nodding even though he wondered what the inside of a firm looked like.

"Like, we can't get caught doing anything kinky in public."

"No getting caught," Kakashi echoed. Which didn't mean nothing in public. They'd both agreed to public fun.

Gears turning in their heads, Iruka wondered if they'd ever get to that and when because that sounded hot as fuck. In combination with all the other things they'd ticked off, there were endless possibilities. The things they could do kept swirling in his head and he looked up to find Kakashi sucking in a deep breath.

He looked up at Iruka again, sending a shiver up his spine.

"Is there anything else you can think of?" Kakashi asked slowly, another question sitting on the surface and Iruka knew what he was really asking.

"Nothing right now." He was too busy remembering what Kakashi looked like with his shirt off.

"Well, you can always add to the list at any time. Or change it." Kakashi's words were trailing off again along with his thoughts.

Iruka bit his lip. "Is there anything else we should add to the contract?"

"I can't think of anything right now," Kakashi admitted as he slowly sat up in his chair, sliding to the edge.

"What if there's something we missed?" Iruka's body was tingling again, eager to respond to Kakashi's even as his mind wondered about the contract and having everything in it.

"Then we can add it." Kakashi's lips quirked up in a seductive smile that pulled Iruka in further.

"And if we need to change something?" Iruka admitted to himself that he was just teasing at this point.

"Iruka," The way Kakashi said his name all huskily was shiver-inducing. "Remember what I said about going into this with clear minds?"

"Yeah?" They were both breathless, leaning into each other.

"I don't think we're clear anymore." Kakashi admitted.

About an hour later, they were lounging on the couch as something played on the television, fingers dancing across skin languidly.

They hadn't finished negotiations yet but they weren't worried. They had signed what they had and could add whatever they wanted whenever. It was a relief to have it signed and have something solid between them.

Because that meant the real fun could start.

* * *

Sorry for the delay! It turns out that strong winds can cause power outages that last for day :T

Who would've thought?I didn't know figging was a thing. But apparently it is.

Don't put ginger on your private bits unless you want slight burning sensations, kids!

Also! I'm doing the KakaIru Big Bang this year! But I can't decide what prompt to use.

I'm stuck between two AU choices. Should I make a poll? idk idk


	7. I'm Ready I Think

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

'_I added the stuff we talked about the other night to the doc :)'_

'_Awesome! I'll read it when I get home.'_

They had taken pictures of their signatures and copied them to the Google Doc Kakashi had made. They'd even gone over how to look at the history of the document for both their safety and agreed to only use the suggestion function which made Kakashi feel a lot more comfortable since they'd get email notifications if someone suggested a change.

It was all so technical.

Iruka was getting nervous by it all. He couldn't put a finger on why though. It just all felt so… Heavy. Like he was getting into something big.

It was probably just his nerves. All the anticipation had him worried for nothing.

That didn't stop him from checking his phone every moment he was alone though. Not that there were many of those moments, but recess and lunch were good times.

"I bet Mister Iruka wouldn't be happy to hear what you called her," Those words echoing from the hall caught Iruka's attention and he hurried out of the bathroom to take care of whatever was happening outside.

Well known for being a tough teacher, Iruka could calm a chaotic class in seconds with only a stern look. It was a skill he'd developed over the years after being steamrolled in his first few months of teaching. He'd spent a whole summer practicing the most blank, unamused face he could manage with the help of his friends. He knew he'd perfected it when even stoic Ibiki visibly shivered.

The key was to not show doubt or fear.

"There he is now," Kotetsu patted a small, familiar head, his smile hopeful despite both little girls' frowns.

"Mister! Ino called my forehead big!" Sakura cried, her face red from hurt and embarrassment.

"I'm not wrong!" Ino quickly defended.

Iruka nodded to Kotestu who hurried back to his class before calmly turning back to Sakura and Ino. They had been fighting since the school year started. He'd done everything to keep them apart but they insisted on being stuck at the hip.

It was time to teach. He bent down and calmly asked, "Sakura, what did you feel when Ino said that?"

"Hurt," She immediately said, tears starting to form and Ino seemed to come to attention.

"But it's true!"

Iruka calmly explained, "Ino, imagine if Sakura said something that made you hurt too. That wouldn't feel very nice, would it?"

"No…" Ino meekly replied.

After some negotiations, he got Ino to say she was sorry for hurting her friend. He asked them what they could each do better so that this didn't happen again and he thought of Kakashi. It was just for a moment before he pushed the thought away but the thought of the other man brought a calm.

He quickly pushed that away and let the girls run loose in the yard after their talk. The bell rang and they all filed back into the school for the last bit of learning. It was only after that, after he'd seen kids onto buses or off to daycare, he finally dropped into his chair and let out all his frustrations with a giant sigh.

At least this day made some sort of sense. Most days, his kids did things without rhyme or reason. Well, to adult minds, it made no sense but Iruka had spent so much time with them that he had learned how to understand them.

They were simple and easy. Predictable.

And it was a great distraction from what was coming up at the end of the week.

Kakashi was reliable, sure. Yes, he was super chill and made sense.

But he wasn't a kindergartner. He wasn't simple. He was smart and knowledgeable and Iruka couldn't tell what he was thinking half the time. Like, Iruka knew for a fact that he wore his heart on his sleeve but Kakashi was the polar opposite. Sure, he reacted to Iruka. He smiled that sweet smile and listened like Iruka was a TED Talk speaker.

But that was it. There was only another Kakashi Mode that gave nothing away: in-brain. Also known as 'don't even bother talking to him because there's a fifty-percent chance he's too busy thinking.'

So, Iruka had no idea what the heck to expect. Of course, he knew to expect Kakashi to listen and be respectful to their contract but other than that? Nothing. They had a list of dozens of kinks but there wasn't one Iruka could put a definite finger on and say was happening this weekend.

He was nervous to say the least. The week had flown by. He wasn't worried. Just very, very anxious for what was to come that night. Everything had led up to this. Seven months after his last break up and he was getting into bdsm with a man he barely knew. He had to laugh at that.

He went home to his apartment with his mind deep in thought and distracted himself with cleaning and getting his place cleaner than he'd ever seen it.

They'd agreed to Kakashi coming over Friday night instead of the other way around. It was much more comforting to be in Iruka's space instead of somewhere new. It felt safer, something he could control in all the mystery.

He ate something. Read through the changes in their contract. Drank water. Nervously paced around his apartment looking for things out of place and even adjusted the angle of his dining table chairs.

It was nerve-wracking. But exciting. He had no intention of backing down or calling it quits. He'd waited months for this and was going to go through with this.

Then the doorbell rang and he threw himself into the hall.

"Calm, calm," He reminded himself as he smoothed his shirt.

"Hey," Kakashi said when Iruka opened the door. For a moment, Iruka forgot all his worries at the beautiful sight. It was snowing outside, light and beautiful as it fell behind Kakashi, his hair shining brilliantly with the streetlights below. Kakashi smiled, looking back at the snow powdering the streets and homes. "First snow of the year."

They stood like that for a few moments, watching the slow falling gracefully to the ground. The quiet air smoothing over Iruka's anxieties back into excitement and reassuring him that this was going to be okay.

"Cold?" Iruka asked and Kakashi blinked back to reality, nodding as he followed Iruka's lead. Iruka took his coat, hanging it up as Kakashi slid off his dress shoes that were already starting to drip. Iruka almost made a comment about soaked shoes but held himself back when he saw Kakashi's suit.

He was apparently going straight for Iruka's weakest points apparently because he wasn't wearing the snazzy navy one or the dark grey one. Oh no, Kakashi was aiming for kneecaps because this suit was pure, powerful black. Against his white dress shirt, the man was definitely gorgeous as always but there was an edge to him now. He looked sharp, ready for anything. And it went straight through Iruka like lightning.

Oh, that black tie was hot.

Iruka had to clear his throat. "Would you like some water?"

Thankfully, his voice didn't crack but then Kakashi straightened up and he didn't trust himself to speak properly ever again when the tie was adjusted.

"No, thank you," Kakashi said politely and Iruka quickly led them to the main room, taking that precious time to compose himself. This was fine. This is fine. Kakashi was just wearing a suit. As always. This is fine.

Without knowing what to do with himself or how to go about starting bdsm, Iruka stood at the kitchen table, hands finding a chair to hold onto. Kakashi stood his sweet time following, deliberate and slow in his steps.

"So, how do we start this?" Iruka asked into the empty space between them.

At first, Kakashi didn't respond. With his back to Iruka, he quietly pulled off his suit jacket and folded onto one of the kitchen chairs slowly.

"Take a seat," Kakashi finally said as he rolled up his sleeves carefully, back still turned.

The air had changed. Kakashi felt different and Iruka could tell that their night had already started.

It hadn't been an order. More of a suggestion.

Iruka pulled out the chair closest and sat, taking a nervous breath as Kakashi moved. He paced slowly around the table, his features in shadows and indiscernible. Then he disappeared, steps passing behind Iruka in a way that meant business.

And then he stopped right behind Iruka's chair. His presence felt like a wave of heat, intense but calm. There was a saying that popped into Iruka's head at that moment. Some people demanded respect while others commanded it.

It wasn't hard to figure out which of those Kakashi was when hands slid onto Iruka's shoulders. They didn't grip. They just sat there, sending chills through Iruka's shoulders and chest.

"We start now," Kakashi said into Iruka's ear, his voice deep and husky. Iruka didn't speak, swallowing instead. Hands moved up his shoulders, thumbs sliding up the back of Iruka's neck. Kakashi's breath tickled his ear. It wasn't overpowering but it was commanding, telling all of Iruka's blood to heat up. "I'm going to tell you what to do. And you'll do what I say. Understood?"

Iruka took a deep breath, "Okay."

A hand moved into his hair despite his ponytail, incidentally, feeling like his hair was being lightly pulled. A warning. Kakashi sternly asked, "Is that a yes?"

Despite his racing heart, Iruka replied, "Yes."

The hand slid from his hair. "Good boy."

Iruka couldn't tell what was happening to his head next until his hair fell loose around his shoulders. Hands were back on his shoulders again, gliding up through his hair. There was warm breath against his ear again but it moved up until Kakashi's nose pressed into his hair, humming deep in his throat. His next words had Iruka burning from the inside out.

"You may call me sir." Kakashi was suddenly gone, fingers and heat as he took a step away. He stepped around the chair into sight. His face was blank, unshaken unlike Iruka. There wasn't a single flicker of emotion. And that sparked a familiar feeling in Iruka's chest. Annoyance. It was slight but there. Iruka already felt like a mess but Kakashi was completely unchanged.

"You'll follow my orders until I say we're done." Kakashi stated plainly.

Iruka's annoyance was the fuel to his words as he impishly asked with a small smirk, "Or else what?"

There was the tiniest of quirks to the edge of Kakashi's lips for a brief second, a small victory that made Iruka feel like he had some sort of control. Then it was gone just a quickly. Kakashi stood an imposing step forward, shadowed by the light behind him as his knee pressed Iruka's legs open.

Iruka didn't have time to feel vulnerable. A hand was on his throat, holding but not squeezing as Kakashi tilted his head. He didn't speak for a long time, analyzing the way Iruka's cheeks were burning in excitement and how he didn't meet Kakashi eyes. The hand tiled Iruka's face to the side slowly, moving in dangerously close as he whispered, "You'll see."

It was a promise. It was the expectation that Iruka was going to fail. It was a dare.

And Iruka wasn't one to pass up a dare.

Then Kakashi was gone, his back to Iruka as he adjusted his sleeves again.

"Bedroom," He ordered.

Iruka stood on shaky legs. He didn't hear Kakashi follow him and he stepped into his room alone. It gave him time to breathe, time to calm down again. But he was shaking. His whole body was jittering from head to toe and he couldn't stop. He bit down a laugh and tried to control his grin. He was shaking with excitement.

All that power, that control, that steel gaze of authority felt so damn good on him and he couldn't wait for Kakashi to just get in here and tell him what to do. And when he'd talked back? He could've came right there.

The only reason he didn't was the promise of punishment. It was provocative. It was as if Kakashi was giving Iruka a challenge that he knew he would fail and Iruka couldn't wait to find out what failing meant. Eventually, of course.

Steps coming from the hall alerted him and he quickly took a deep breath, shaking his hands in an attempt to calm down his nerves. Kakashi finally stepped into the room with a chair in hand. He set it down easily in the middle of the room, facing the bed.

He didn't sit or tell Iruka to sit. Instead, he slid his hands into his pockets and turned to Iruka. "Take off your shirt."

"Okay." Iruka nodded. That was easy. He moved to take it off but Kakashi cut in before he could even get his arms up.

"Slowly."

Iruka hesitated. Kakashi was watching him closely. As ordered, he pulled his shirt up and over his head, sliding his arms out of the sleeves. That was about the moment he realised how quiet it was in there with only the sound of his clothes coming off. He watched Kakashi cautiously as he let his shirt fall to the floor, wondering if this was what Kakashi wanted.

"Pants." Kakashi instead ordered and Iruka knew that this was probably going to end with him embarrassingly naked.

His jeans slid off his hips and he couldn't watch Kakashi anymore once they were on the floor and he stepped out. But Kakashi didn't take his eyes away. He watched Iruka and took in every detail from the way Iruka's hair fell down to how hard Iruka already was. It made Iruka feel awkward in his own skin, nervous for what Kakashi saw. He felt insecure about himself but Kakashi didn't care.

"Underwear." Kakashi simply blinked.

Reluctantly, Iruka thumbed the edge of his boxers, playing with the edge until he found his determination. But he didn't pull them off slowly. He quickly pulled them down and stepped out of them, crossing his arms over his chest defensively as Kakashi's eyes narrowed.

But he didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just watched keenly, staring Iruka down from across the room. Iruka shivered visibly.

* * *

Heheh

Hope this was okay for what it isss~

Also! I've got a poll up for my Big Bang prompt! The one chosen will be the Big Bang choice and the other will be used for the Mini Bang! So if you like both, no worries!

Idea 1: Cyclops!Kakashi's home is overrun with fairytale creatures. He must go on a quest to rescue a princess from a tower to get his home back. But a charismatic, little thief gets in his way.

Idea 2: Iruka's anonymous online pen pal goes to the same school. When they agree to meet at the school dance, Iruka finds out his pen pal is captain of the football team and Iruka's long-time crush.

.me/18926025/r

That's the poll! I will also count anything in comments, on tumblr (Thermophile57), in the discords etc etc etc I'm a dork

stay cool, kids


	8. This Is A Start

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

The silence stretched on and on. Only the sound of cars from the street could be heard and Iruka shifted uncomfortably. The air was starting to get cold on his naked skin and he was starting to regret his choice to disobey. It had been a small disobedience. It was more of Iruka wanting to get it over with, really.

Kakashi finally moved, gaze unflinching. He took a slow step forward. Then another. It was a deliberate stroll towards Iruka that sent his nerves up higher and higher with every inch. God, Kakashi was taking his good old time, studying Iruka like he was appraising him. He felt like a statue, unable to do anything.

The worst part wasn't the staring though or the open air. It was being unable to read the man who was staring right at him. There wasn't a hint of any emotion after that tiny smile earlier and it was driving him off the wall. What was Kakashi thinking? Was he angry? What was he planning?

Kakashi audibly hummed from behind Iruka and almost made him jump. He realised he was going to find everything out in the slowest way possible when a warm hand touched the back of his neck.

It slid a slow, careful line down his back until it cupped one of his cheeks, Iruka holding back heavy breaths. Unexpectedly, Kakashi's whole warm body pressed up against his back. It was the first touch that felt anywhere near sexual and Iruka's heart was beating so hard that it felt like all his extremities were pulsing from his fingers to the tip of his exposed length.

"I said slowly," Was Kakashi's reminder but it sounded more like a threat. His whole presence a haze of power behind him. It was heavy. It constricted his chest in a breathless way that wasn't from complete fear. Yes, he there were thrills running through him but he wasn't scared for his life. Just kind of scared for the next few minutes.

Then he was gone, his hand, his warmth. Iruka didn't dare turn around but he could hear Kakashi order from somewhere behind him, "Bed. Facedown."

Iruka didn't need to be told twice for that one.

He followed that instruction but snuck a glance over his shoulder as he did. Kakashi was facing away, looking out the window at the snow outside as he slowly undid his tie. The best part though was the smile. It was barely there, just a hint, but it assured Iruka that Kakashi was enjoying himself. It was a relief and Iruka laid down on his front with his excitement burning and his erection pulsing against the sheets.

He didn't really know what to do with his arms so he kept them against his sides. Footsteps moved towards the bed and Iruka could see Kakashi out of the corner of his eye, smile still there. The bed dipped around his thighs then hands were on him, sliding up the ticklish back of his legs and he had to hold back his usual laughter and squirming.

Those warm, amazing hands were on his ass again, massaging and squeezing and Iruka couldn't help but sigh. It was all so slow, teasing. It felt so good to finally be touched after all that waiting, especially with the way it was pressing him into the bed.

"Ten should be enough," Kakashi's voice cut in and Iruka was confused.

"Ten?" He asked just as a hand suddenly came down on his right cheek. He'd barely felt any pain, so surprised he couldn't tell if it had happened other than the warmth that pooled there. Then there was another. This time sharp and loud, echoing through the room. The fifth stung and the seventh did even more, leaving his skin feeling like it was on fire and he dreaded the Tenth for the brief second before it happened. He squeaked at that one.

Breathless, he couldn't help the giddy feeling bubbling up in his chest. The thrill had been so good and he was so painfully hard. So many emotions were swirling in his head. From fear to excitement to sadness to need, he couldn't settle on one.

So, he laughed. A giggle really. It was uncontrollable and he knew he'd probably done wrong by the way Kakashi was moving him but he couldn't stop it. He tried covering his mouth as Kakashi flipped him over but he couldn't stop.

Kakashi suddenly wrapped a hand around Iruka's aching member and the laughter immediately turned into a gasp. He moaned into his hand when Kakashi stroked him slowly.

"Since you enjoyed that punishment so much," Kakashi started, face blank again even as his hand moved in ways that were making Iruka jerk up. "You're going to finish in two minutes. I'll punish you even more if you don't."

"Two?" Iruka gasped, knowing that it was impossible.

But Kakashi's hand sped up, pulling a loud moan from his throat. It felt so good, finally being touched. But he couldn't finish in two minutes. That was insane. No matter how good this felt. He needed more than just one hand to do that, more than just two minutes. He needed more of Kakashi. Another hand, his mouth, his cock, anything more would get him there quicker. Something else from the man who was touching him and staring down, waiting and counting in his head.

Oddly enough, Iruka didn't want to disobey this time. But the odds were against him even if Kakashi's hand wasn't. The heavy feeling it brought between his hips was building quickly though. Iruka was panting through it all, holding on to the sheets by his head as if they would help him.

"Kakashi," He panted.

He wished that Kakashi would just save him the embarrassment. Do whatever he was planning. Anything that would end this pressure that was building so quickly. Iruka could take another spanking. More teasing touches. He wanted to go back to before when he was craving Kakashi's smile and body. He wanted more than just the hand jerking him off for sport. He knew how it felt to have Kakashi touch him and fuck him and he wanted that so badly. Those hands slicking him up. The feeling of Kakashi's tip pressing against his entrance. Kakashi inside him.

He came.

A harsh moan hit his ears and he realised it was himself. He was numb and confused for a second. He couldn't quite grasp what was going on until feeling started to come back and he could feel the hand on him had slowed to a stop. He could hear his own rough breaths. His heart was racing so fast in his chest.

"You okay?" A soft, concerned voice asked in his ear and he realised it was Kakashi. He pulled back to see Iruka's face, his own frown showing concern and worry. And Iruka's heart leapt even more.

"I'm okay," Iruka said, catching his breath in that moment. Kakashi smiled at him, kissing Iruka's forehead briefly before moving away.

Iruka watched him stand and turn away.

He was adjusting his fallen sleeves again and Iruka was reminded of how nude he was and how his stomach was wet now.

The night didn't seem to be over and Iruka slowly sat up, arms in his lap to cover himself somewhat. Iruka didn't mind any of it though. He was embarrassed but oddly proud that he'd been able to follow that impossible order.

He felt so unsatisfied though. He was already warm again just by watching Kakashi's back and the curve of his rear through his dress pants. Thinking through a haze, he wondered what Kakashi had planned now. What would he ask of Iruka next? Iruka didn't think he could race to finish prematurely again.

Was it wrong to want just sex?

He could go for some sex, that would be nice. One order of that, please.

He didn't say that out loud, of course. That would've gotten him into more trouble.

"You've been good tonight," Kakashi's words brought him back to reality, realising that Kakashi had taken a seat in the chair facing the bed to watch him again. Eyes narrowed and leaning in on his knees, Kakashi asked, "Would you like a reward?"

Iruka flushed at the implications behind his words and tone. His secret power was reading Iruka's mind. Or maybe it was because he was still hard. "Yes."

"You'll have to help me first," Before Iruka could wonder, Kakashi leaned back in his chair. His hips were in just the right spot. There was enough space between his knees for someone to fit snuggly. A blatant invitation.

Iruka tried not to show how his mouth had automatically flooded. His brain tried to form words and he could only manage a half-baked, "Okay."

"Kneel," Kakashi ordered and Iruka didn't have to be told twice. It had been far too long since he'd done this. Well, about a week. But a very long week and Iruka was at the point where he was starting to lose self control and a bit of his mental stability.

As he knelt his bare knees on the hard floor and moved into Kakashi's space, a hand came up to cup his cheek firmly and move his gaze up. Kakashi was looking down at him, eyes soft but commanding as he muttered, "You're going to follow my words until I tell you to stop."

His thumb ran over Iruka's bottom lip slowly, just touching but that combined with Kakashi's eyes on him made for excited shivers. Anyone else, he would have laughed at those words. But there was no scorn here. He genuinely wanted to be ordered around by Kakashi and actually obey now. Maybe it was just his yearning taste buds or the need to be touched more that were making his brain melt. Whatever the reason, he wasn't mad at any of it.

A few moments later, he was on his knees, eagerly sucking on the half hard cock of a man he barely knew, a hand threading in his hair softly. There were no calls for faster. Just a hum that said, "Slowly."

And he followed it, slowing down, taking his time and using everything he had to take care of the growing length in his mouth. He was almost surprised when the hand in his hair tightened. Attention moving upwards, he almost came again at the sight above.

Head leaning into a hand, Kakashi was in a relaxed position but that disguise had so many flaws.

Heated eyes watched Iruka's every move. Cheeks were tinted pink and his chest was heaving under his white shirt just enough for Iruka to tell he was holding back. It was a beautiful sight after a night of cold, impersonal stares. So, despite the pulsing between his legs and the aching in his neck and jaw, he took his time. He almost didn't notice when Kakashi finally spoke again.

"Ruka." Just a bare whisper but it told Iruka that Kakashi was starting to unravel, losing the ability to speak every syllable from what Iruka was doing.

Abruptly, Kakashi sat up and stood. The chair skidded back but Iruka didn't have time to think. His mouth was filled over and over again. He had to hold onto strong thighs as Kakashi forced his head forward and back. It was all he could do against the assault on his mouth until he was pulled back for a second of relief, panting and coughing on air.

"Touch yourself."

An order Iruka happily followed. A hand on Kakashi's hip and the other massaging himself unnecessarily. He was already so far gone. So sensitive from the last time, it didn't take long for his hands to be shaking. Everything started to burn, need clawing up his stomach eagerly and Iruka couldn't stop it.

For the second time that night, he finished onto himself with a jolt and a gasp as Kakashi pulled away. Spit was trailing down his chin. His hair felt wild. His thighs were covered with his own mess. He was left to catch his breath as a hand cupped his cheek.

Mind still a haze, he understood very clearly Kakashi's next words, "Go stand at the bed."

"Yes, sir," He said easily and Kakashi gave that small smile before stepping away. That left Iruka with weak knees and an order to stand.

A difficult task. His knees were not prepared for being up so soon but they held him up. Even though they were aching. Even though most of his body was in pain in some way and the rest was in weak from bliss.

"Knee up," Kakashi's voice surprised him but he did as he was told, pulling a knee up onto the bed's edge. A hand pushed his back firmly, leaning him forward until he was on his hands. The sudden feeling of cold and wet hit the small of his back and he gasped, breaths turning into moans. Not because of the lube though, it was what the lubed fingers were doing that made him lose his ability to speak.

Then fingers were exchanged and that was as far as Iruka could remember.

He knew they had sex. Rough sex by the way his body was stinging and burning nicely. He just couldn't remember much from the beginning, middle or end too well. He blearily woke up well into the night with his limbs limp and his body used. He was alone in his bed, the sheets snuggly wrapped around him.

Before he could panic, the sound of the shower from down the hall hit him and he hummed happily into his pillow. This was nice. So nice.

He hadn't been this relaxed since… He couldn't remember. Huh.

He was starting to remember the sex slowly and it was no wonder he was this far gone. With a happy smile, he sank into the pillow. So comfy, so nice. He didn't have to worry about anything or anyone. He could just lay there in bliss forever.

The shower eventually stopped and Kakashi stepped out a few minutes later. Forcing himself to sit up at the sight of pale skin pinked from the shower, Iruka noted blearily how that was one of his towels around Kakashi's waist.

"Hey," Kakashi muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed with that amazing smile gracing his lips again. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Really good." Iruka's goofy smile proved that.

"Good," Kakashi couldn't help but grin too, leaning in to give a slow, tender kiss. With a sharp breath, he pulled himself away and asked, "Want to take a shower?"

That was around when Iruka noticed how dirty he felt, taking stock of the stiff feeling on his skin. "That is the best idea I've ever heard."

Iruka stood with Kakashi's help, knees feeling like bendy straws and everything from the neck down kind of aching. Before he stepped into the bathroom, he saw the playful smirk on Kakashi's face.

They'd talked about aftercare and Iruka remembered Kakashi's suggestions, including doing it in the shower. He quickly warned, "Don't even think about it."

Iruka didn't wait for a reply. He closed the door but couldn't help his smile when he heard a bark of laughter.

As he waited for the water to get warm, he doubled back to the mirror when he noticed the angry red mark on his skin. It wasn't bright red, more pink than anything. It was there though and noticeable even now, many minutes later. It wasn't in any distinct print but it was about the rough size of Kakashi's open hand.

Standing in his bathroom with his body completely exposed, he didn't know how to feel about the mark on one of his ass cheeks.

On one hand, it was proof of what had happened, that Kakashi had punished him for even such a small thing.

On the other hand, he didn't know how he felt about his skin being marked, claimed.

As if he were owned.

* * *

This might have been a bit mild but I wanted to start things off slow~

Thank you everyone who voted for my Big Bang prompt! It has been decided! Already starting to work on it~

Also, since I want this story to not be a trash fire and more of like... you know, kitchen garbage can, I am going to be starting to look for a Beta...

I've only ever had one or two betas in the past for short projects but now I'm trying to find someone who would be willing to Beta long-term for this kind of highly nsfw fic ;w;

I think I might post on tumblr about it and accept applications there. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Thank you guys so much for reading! 3 I love you all so much and appreciate every single one of you, even the people who lurk you lovely people you 3


	9. More Please

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

He didn't hate it, the mark left on his skin.

But he didn't feel the most comfortable with it. He hadn't noticed it before and hadn't cared. He felt good and wasn't with any regrets.

He didn't know why he felt weird about this. It wasn't in a place that would be seen by people at work. It was something private.

Being marked by his dom.

His dom.

Wow, that was an even weirder saying.

Huh. Odd.

Running a hand over his skin, it kind of burned, not as much as when he'd first got it but the sizzle was still there. There wasn't anything he could do about it now though. It was there. And it would fade with time. That was a calming thought.

He then found out that hot water on burning skin wasn't the greatest idea. That made for a very difficult time trying to clean up. He was just thankful there wasn't a huge mess inside him. That would've been even longer and even worse.

At that thought, Iruka realised that other than the mark, he was completely fine. He felt good, his body wasn't in pain other than his knees feeling worn. In all honesty, he had been expecting more. Not more pain, of course, just… A rougher time.

He stepped out of the shower and took a few minutes to quickly dry his hair with his blow dryer. That gave him just a bit more time to mull over his feelings while making sure he didn't go to bed with cold hair.

But by the time his hair was warm and dry, he still couldn't tell how he felt.

"Hmm," Kakashi hummed from the bed when Iruka finally stepped out. He was snuggled so cutely into the covers with a small, happy smile on his face. Back to normal and completely different from the indifferent man who had spanked him over an hour ago. It was a breath of calming air and Iruka slid into bed confidently. His arms went around the pale waist and Kakashi muttered, "Welcome back…"

"Thank you," Iruka grinned back, enjoying warm embrace and feeling himself drifting off almost immediately. A hand went through his hair, warm and slow. Iruka thought hazily about their talks of aftercare and how he'd asked for hugs as they drifted off into sleep.

"I've got some work to do," Kakashi said with a sad smile the next morning as he pulled on his shirt. Iruka watched from the bed, pouting. He just wanted to snuggle a bit more. Why did work have to get in the way of that?

"On the weekend?"

"Yeah," Kakashi sighed. "Sadly, a client passed away last weekend."

"Oh," Iruka sat up immediately. "I'm so sorry."

Kakashi simply shrugged. He didn't betray any form of sadness or remorse as he said, "It's fine. We wrote up his will a few years ago so everything should go smoothly."

"Ah," Iruka nodded, not really sure about everything that happened after death and how wills worked but wanting to be supportive. Kakashi didn't say much more after that. Iruka walked him to the door, wondering how he was really doing and if he was okay.

"I'll see you next week though," Kakashi put on a smirk as he shrugged on his jacket. He seemed okay.

Iruka realised the implications and squirmed in embarrassment. "Yes. Yes, you will. Do I get to know what we're doing next time?"

"Hmmm," Kakashi pretended to think before winking. "You'll see."

Before Iruka could protest, a kiss shut his brain down and then he was alone in his apartment again.

Alone with himself and his thoughts.

Squished into the comfort of his couch, Iruka knew that he was okay. He felt okay. But there was this feeling creeping up that he knew well. He was beginning to feel suspicious. Not of Kakashi or what the man was doing but of what had happened last night.

He hadn't needed to use their safeword or ever felt scared. Anxious? Yes. Nervous? Of course. But he felt like it had all been too easy. And he was starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Kakashi had been holding back.

A thrilling thought.

He needed to know for sure though because that meant that this first session had been a trial. A starter pack. A sample of what Kakashi had to offer and Iruka liked what he'd tasted.

Both literally and figuratively.

'_Sorry, I know you're probably still working but I've got a question for you'_

He'd waited a few hours to text that. Hopefully Kakashi wasn't doing anything too important.

_'No problem. I have some for you too :) Hit me.'_

_'Were you holding back?"_

_'Of course.'_

Iruka didn't notice the smile spreading across his lips. _'Cool. Cool. Just making sure!'_

_'Were you expecting more? Less?'_

_'Well, I wasn't really expecting anything tbh.'_

_'How do you feel looking back at it? Anything you want to talk about?'_

_'I feel good about it all!' _Iruka was about to hit send but stopped himself. Well, that wasn't the full truth was it? He didn't feel good about it all. He was uncomfortable about the whole marking thing…

Reminded of their agreement and their talks about communication, Iruka erased his words and took his confidence in hand.

_'I feel good about almost all of it. It was a lot of fun and I'm excited about next week. I just have one little thing that's been bugging me.'_

There was a pause after he sent it, holding his breath until a message popped up, _'What's been bugging you? If it's something you're not into, we can take that off the list.'_

_'Well, it's not something that happened or anything. I was just kind of bothered by the marks,' _he admitted despite the spike of worry that Kakashi would mock him or pull away.

'_From when I spanked you?' _

'_Yeah, idk. Just felt a bit weird about it!'_

'_No worries. I'll be sure not to leave any marks in the future.'_

Wait, that wasn't what Iruka wanted. He was relieved by the willingness to drop the kink so quickly but Iruka didn't want Kakashi to not spank him. To be frank, he wanted the opposite.

'_No, you can leave marks! It's just… Idk maybe it was because it looked so much like a handprint?'_

'_Interesting. Well, if you want, next time I can try to leave more… Generally shaped marks.'_

'_Sure! Maybe it's just because it was the first time too.'_

'_Guess we'll just have to experiment more :)'_

Alone in his apartment, Iruka immediately clued in to the suggestion, hinting that they would have tons of time to get to know each other and learn what the other liked. Iruka was not to patient though because he wanted more than anything in that moment to know everything he could about Kakashi. The bits and pieces he had were so amazing and precious. It was as if he was looking at a stained-glass window inch by inch, every detail slowly being revealed with the sun and the way it shone through.

It was exciting. This was an adventure Iruka was happy to be on and one that was leading down a very alluring path. Not unlike following that faint trail of silver hair under Kakashi's bellybutton, come to think of it.

Last night still on his skin and tongue, his heartbeat brought shivers to his skin. He couldn't wait for next week.

His phone buzzed in against his tense lap and he almost dropped it when he read, _'Btw, send me a picture of your toy collection.'_

Like a good submissive, he ran off to his room, threw open his nightstand and pulled out everything he had. His collection was small but varied. Just a handful of fun things like a vibrating dildo and a normal one with a suction cup. All things that he'd tried and liked. All things he still used.

Laying everything out, he took a shaking picture and sent it off without a second thought. The wait after that was horrible though, his lower half pulsing and his hands cold.

'_Thank you.'_

And that was all Iruka got for the rest of the night. He was left to deal with his excitement alone, his memories from the night before a big help. The feelings still on his skin of his hair being held, mouth full and knees hurting. A hand jerking him quickly was the inspiration to touch himself and the sheets under his brought back memories of his face pressed into the sheets, pounded from behind. The slicked toy inside him wasn't enough but the memories and his imagination were, imagining Kakashi was still with him. Warm and real, strong and so in control of everything. What would happen next week? What did Kakashi have in store? He couldn't answer any of his questions but he knew that it would be good.

The next week was filled with horrible waiting. Thankfully, Iruka didn't have much time to himself to wonder and wait. The first half of the week had been insanity and the last half hadn't been any better. One student went home with a black eye and Iruka had to sit down with two very sombre looking parents and another nervous pair to try and settle both of them. There had been a mix up in the cafeteria and Iruka had to watch the kids at lunch instead of having his break. It had all just been adding up and up until Iruka passed out Thursday night on his couch.

In between all of this, his breath of fresh air had been Kakashi. He always had a funny quip or handful of questions that distracted Iruka from work. They talked about work and their personal lives but questions about their sex life had been peppered through. Somehow, Kakashi got Iruka to text that he'd really liked the hands in his hair and the way Kakashi had used his mouth. He'd even admitted that he didn't really appreciate the forced ejaculation but he wouldn't mind doing it again. Somehow, they'd managed to talk about all that and more in between classes and meetings.

Friday eventually rolled around again and Iruka almost forgot their session until he got home and found his place a mess.

A few dozen minutes of panicked cleaning later, the door rang.

"I brought you a gift," Kakashi announced with a charming smile that was totally not the reason why Iruka's heart was pounding into his pants. That and the gray suit. The red tie was a nice touch.

"A gift?" Iruka asked breathlessly and took Kakashi's coat. He turned to find a small box pressed into his hands, the size of a ring box and he suddenly didn't have a heartbeat.

"Open it," Kakashi simply smiled as he headed for the bedroom, unknowingly leaving Iruka frozen cold.

No, this… This wasn't what he thought it was, was it? No, that would be ridiculous. Absurd. Stupid. Oh god, please no.

Despite shaking hands and his dry mouth, Iruka pulled the box open. And he almost fell to his knees in relief.

It was just a cockring. A black cockring. Not an actual ring. God, this man was trying to give him a heart attack.

"Kakashi, you didn't have to put this in such a nice box…" Iruka's words trailed off as he stepped into his own bedroom, surprised by his own candles being lit and how soft music was playing from a speaker.

Cockring in hand, Iruka stood stunned in the doorway as Kakashi turned to him with eyes smoldering. Candlelight flickering behind him, he stood up straighter, more imposing. The jacket of his suit slid off and Iruka's fears and anxiety fell with it to the floor.

Instead of worrying, he stood in his own bedroom doorway as pictures of what would happen that night danced through his mind, including the soft ring between his fingers.

Kakashi took a slow step forward then another, moving in Iruka's space as he explained, "It's waterproof. Made of silicone. And it's rechargeable."

"Rechargeable?" Iruka asked, thankful his voice didn't crack when Kakashi stepped right up to him.

In one slow, smooth motion, Kakashi reached out. Iruka's heart beating out of his chest, he watched as Kakashi's long fingers gave the ring a squeeze. With a faint click, it started vibrating between their fingers and Iruka shivered.

"Oh." He huffed an excited laugh.

With a small smile, Kakashi took it from Iruka's fingers and ordered softly, "Go lay down for me."


	10. Ask and You Shall Receive

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Okay," Iruka said, expecting Kakashi to turn away like he had last time. Instead, the other man simply stood there, studying Iruka.

With a deep breath, Iruka stepped away and walked the small distance to his bed. Kakashi's eyes bore into his back the whole way even as Iruka crawled onto his freshly made bed and laid back.

He could barely see anything from that angle and it made his already anxious fingers twist into the sheets.

"Tonight, we'll play a game," Kakashi said from where he stood, taking his time walking over to the edge of the bed. In a slow, fluid motion, he was straddling Iruka's hips and trapping him against the covers in a way that made Iruka's heart flutter wildly. Towering over Iruka, Kakashi's face was in shadows but the parts Iruka could see were cold.

No, not cold, Iruka realised. They were controlled, reigned in as if trying to hide something. When he spoke, it was hushed and deep. "When I tell you to, you'll try to be as quiet as possible."

His words were slow and easy to understand. They let Iruka know exactly what he wanted as he slowly reached down. With a careful hand, he pulled Iruka's hair loose and muttered, "And when I tell you to, you'll be loud."

Iruka remembered the gift he'd just been given and he guessed that he wouldn't have to be ordered to be loud. Those thoughts mixed with the way Kakashi seemed to devour him whole with just a look and he was already trembling with excitement.

"Understood?" Kakashi asked as he slowly reached up for his tie. Entranced by the way it slid out from around his neck with such slow certainty, Iruka couldn't speak for a second. His mind went numb and it was only when Kakashi unraveled it that he came back to earth.

"Yes, sir," he replied quietly back and the last thing he saw was Kakashi smirking.

The world around him went dark, blindfolded by Kakashi's tie, the silk whispering gently across his skin as he felt it being knotted tightly. For a moment, there was just the loud beating of his pulse in his ears but the disorientation faded away, anchored by the weight on his hips and the hands adjusting his hair with care.

That was the first sensation; the touch of hands. They ran sensually against his scalp. His skin was suddenly on fire even though he couldn't see anything. Fingers slid down, across the tie and up his jaw. The lingering was what really started it all. It was slow, deliberate and careful. Kakashi was taking his time and Iruka swallowed when he felt Kakashi's hands glide down his throat. It almost tickled but his mind was soon preoccupied with the hands snaking down his shirt.

They didn't go far, though. On their slow way down, they wandered without a clear path, fingers sliding lightly around his pectorals, under his nipples and around again. Their circling motions had his skin tingling even through the fabric. With every unhurried move, Kakashi's fingers drew in closer and closer until his skin was tingling lightly.

"Shh." Kakashi's voice cut through the dark, and Iruka almost didn't register the command until he was mid-gasp, a light hand suddenly touching his nipple. The squeeze was barely a pinch, but it was enough for him to cover his mouth, heat coiling low in his stomach with the flicker of pain and pleasure.

"Good." The encouragement was whispered into his ear as hands went back to roaming, teasing down his chest through his shirt, and Iruka had to pull himself back together again.

But with every move of Kakashi's hand, he lost himself just a bit more. Lost himself with every touch, graze and caress to that amazing pooling in his groin. And every time, he suppressed the urge to gasp. No groan was allowed to pass, but the moans were the most difficult. A few times, he was almost too late, but bit down on his sounds at the last second.

Finally, after what felt like forever, his shirt was pulled off over his head and the actual test started. And it was one he almost failed multiple times. How was he not supposed to whine when Kakashi thumbed his nipples? It was impossible not to buck up when fingers trailed down his sides. The worst of it all though, was when something other than rough fingers touched his chest.

At first, he'd thought he was being touched by a feather, a smooth, confusing feather but he quickly realised that it was Kakashi's lips when they blew hot air across his sensitive chest. He shivered hard at that. They brushed against a nipple and he almost broke but he managed to hold on.

It was the flick of tongue that got him, not that he could help it. His loud gasp of surprise echoed, though. He was too late to cover it. And for that, he was punished. Sharp and swift, teeth bit down and that was when he lost. His embarrassingly loud keen was the tipping point and suddenly all weight and feeling on top of him was gone. He was alone in the dark, a shock from the intense teasing from before.

He was so alone and so hard.

Without being able to see, he didn't know what was going on, but he was suddenly embarrassed. Iruka knew undoubtedly that he was visibly hard in his pants from just having his chest touched a bit. How pathetic was that? How sad was it that he just wanted the slightest bit of touch to return, any of it really. It felt like forever before he heard or felt anything, and he was shifting uncomfortably, worried and anxious about what he couldn't see.

"Since you like disobeying so much," Kakashi's voice cut through the dark like a beacon somewhere in front of him. He felt a caress to his knees, Kakashi's hands warm and so welcomed as they moved. They slid up and seconds later, Iruka felt nothing covering his lower half. His pants were around his knees. The air was cold on his heated length, and his cheeks were burning just as hot from shame.

"This is what you'll wear this as punishment." Kakashi's words were accompanied by his warm hand wrapping around Iruka's cock. He was smart enough to kill the moan in his throat, covering his mouth with a hand for extra measure.

One stroke later, Iruka's toes were curling. But disappointment came rushing in when he felt the tight ring slide down his member, fitting securely at the base.

"Now, where was I?" Kakashi's voice taunted as Iruka felt the bed dip at his hips again, a horribly beautiful pressure leaning against his cock.

"Ah, I remember." Which was a lie, because Kakashi's breath was on his neck. With every press of lips and caress of tongue, there was less and less control on Iruka's mouth. He was trying his best though. It was a valiant attempt against the man who was pushing every single one of his buttons. He almost didn't survive.

Because as lips trailed down, so did the force rubbing against his shaft. The lower Kakashi's mouth went, the more friction pressed against Iruka's length. He was gripping sheets and biting so hard into his lip as Kakashi's hard body pressed against his, sliding clothing against his nude body until that sinful mouth was at his hips.

Iruka knew he was going to lose it again when a hand stroked him softly only to shift the ring holding his cock hostage, restricting the blood pulsing heavily through him. Then there was a click just as Iruka realised Kakashi's intentions. And like the sadistic deviant Kakashi was, he turned the fucking vibrations on.

"Moan for me." Kakashi's hot words were all he needed. As that slick, burning mouth covered his vibrating length, a strangled moan powered through and Iruka was crying out like his life depended on it. Because in that very moment, it did. Kakashi's mouth worked him better than anyone ever had. Every move made him moan so fucking loud that it echoed back to him, sounding like it was coming from someone else entirely. That was him? He was making those noises?

Kakashi sucked him back into his mouth, and it was achingly good. He didn't realise until after that he'd been in tears or had been gripping Kakashi's hair roughly. Kakashi only told him afterward with a sly smirk.

None of that compared to their next session, though, because Iruka remembered from the last time and was better at controlling himself.

Kakashi had bigger plans, though. Despite Iruka's attempt to control himself, he fell right back into that mindless hole when Kakashi went beyond just sucking and blowing. Those had been the warmup to the bigger fun.

As his cock pulsed and ached with the vibrations he was trying to ignore, Iruka almost didn't hear his side table slide open. For a confused second, he didn't understand the sounds he was hearing until the sounds of vibrations got louder. Anxiety built and only added to his burning erection.

It all made sense though when hands hooked under his knees and pushed them up.

"Hold them," Kakashi ordered and Iruka did so with growing dread. No, he couldn't be...

A familiar click told Iruka he was right: Kakashi wasn't planning on fucking him. Not with his own length, at least.

The slick tip of the vibrator that Iruka knew so well pressed against his hole and his breath caught loudly.

"Mmm, was that sound I heard?" Kakashi warned, the vibrations against Iruka's hole moving up through his spine and to his throbbing tip.

He gripped his knees, biting his lip as he shook his head vigorously. More, just more, that was all he wanted. He needed something inside of him because it had been two weeks without getting thoroughly fucked and he felt like he was in withdrawal, being teased to the ends of his sanity.

"Good." And the vibrating dildo slid into him, curling his toes, stealing his breath and arching his back like he was possessed.

It pressed in so deeply and slowly, Kakashi taking his goddamn time as always, and it was maddening. Iruka had to bite into his arm, the only thing he could do against the torturous pleasure filling him. And there was nothing he could do but that. He couldn't cum. He couldn't make any noise. All he could do was listen to the obscene wet sounds as Kakashi slid the dildo inside and then back out in a predictable rhythm.

"Good boy." The encouragement made his eyes well with tears under the blindfold, but it was his next words that had Iruka gasping for breath.

"I'm going to slide this back inside and you're going to moan as loud as you can for me." Kakashi's voice sounded rough, almost as tight as the heat in Iruka's belly. "Understand?"

"Yes, sir," Iruka gasped out and did as he was told, letting out the loudest keen he could as he felt the thick head of silicone press inside him, grinding into his prostate. His keen changed at that, the vibrations pushing him into the wall that kept him from orgasm.

He was panting, shaking and sweating so much. The dildo slid out and he felt broken, almost hysterical for some type of end as his heart beat incessantly down into his length, his legs twitching as he let them go.

"K… Kakashi," he couldn't help but gasp.

A soft hand stroked his thigh before lifting it back up, both being pulled around Kakashi's waist. Iruka's whole body sparked, his every nerve alight and screaming with anticipation as warmth pressed against him. That beautiful, amazing length was pressed against his slick hole, and he almost let a sob out when the vibration on the cock ring turned off.

"I'm going to take this off," Kakashi whispered into his ear, the cock ring slowly being pulled up as he explained. "And then I'm going to slide inside you. And we're going to cum together."

It sounded like paradise and Iruka nodded eagerly. "Please. Please ."

"Ready?"

"Yes. Yes," Iruka begged, gripping what felt like Kakashi's shoulders as his cock pressed in slowly.

The cock ring was finally ripped off. He was free. He felt so much more at once, and then it was overwhelming, filled and free at the same time.

Iruka did as he was told, truly blacking out into pleasure as Kakashi thrust into him so sweetly. It only took one and he was gone, lost.

He came to with a forehead pressed to his, Kakashi's hot breath fanning against his lips. His throat was already aching. His body felt weightless, though. And it was still dark. The tie was still around his eyes, but gentle hands were already pushing it off.

Kakashi was leaning over him, cheeks flushed and looking like he'd been roughed up. He was beautiful. And Iruka's chest ached for a second, calling for him to do something that Iruka didn't mind doing.

He reached up, hands cupping Kakashi's unsurprised cheeks. Pulling Kakashi in, their lips met in a slow, burning kiss that rolled through them like thunder.

They eventually pulled back for air, eyes closed in bliss. For a moment, they stayed close and twined together, just feeling everything. It took a while for them to pull away. Iruka couldn't help the small, exhausted huff of laughter that Kakashi returned.

A kiss was pressed to his sweat-slicked forehead and he couldn't help the smile on his face even after Kakashi moved away. It crept up so easily. He didn't even notice it until minutes later, and even then, he didn't try to stop it.


	11. You Can Watch

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Sorry I'm late." Kakashi darted into Iruka's apartment from the cold outside. The snow had started melting on and off recently, and he trudged in with dripping shoes and a sour face. He'd looked annoyed and Iruka guessed it was because of the weather. Or, at least, that's what Iruka had thought it had been.

"No problem. Overtime?" Iruka took Kakashi's coat but got no response in return. Kakashi simply grunted in acknowledgement as he pulled off his dress boots. It was an odd response, the first sign that something was off, but Iruka brushed it off as a fleeting thing.

But it wasn't. Kakashi stepped past Iruka without another word, heading towards the main area down the hall and that was when alarms went off in Iruka's head.

For the past few months that they'd been meeting up, Kakashi usually walked in with this collected air. If he did seem grumpy, his frustrations would quickly melt away in Iruka's home after they had a drink together or hung out a bit. He seemed comfortable in Iruka's home and that made Iruka's whole weekend start off right.

This time, Kakashi didn't start any conversation. He was robotic, unfeeling. It was as if he wasn't totally there.

Iruka watched as Kakashi disappeared around the corner, into his small kitchen area. There was a startling screech of a chair and Iruka's heart lurched at the sound, gripping the coat in his fists to himself like a lifeline as his anxiousness skyrocketed.

Another screech echoed and Iruka almost jumped, hanging up Kakashi's coat quickly. Heart in his chest, he didn't know what to expect. He sure as hell didn't expect to find the chair from his living room pulled around to face the dining room table. Across from it, a chair was pulled out from the table to face it. It reminded Iruka of those detective shows where the cop interrogates the suspect. Except there was no table between the two chairs. It was just an empty space.

Kakashi was stood by the sink. Through the quiet, the abrupt sound of water running put Iruka on edge even more. Kakashi simply took a long sip. He set the glass down slowly. Then he turned and strode toward his new seating arrangement.

"Sit."

Kakashi's hands were on the back of the kitchen chair. Eyes were watching Iruka intently. For a second, Iruka couldn't move. He was unsure of himself in so many ways by the way Kakashi was acting. This didn't feel like normal Kakashi.

He didn't pull off his tie like he normally did, but stood there and waited. There was no warmth or movement. The tall, imposing man just stood there with a face that looked like the normal blank slate he carried when they started playing. This felt so much different though. It felt erratic, tense.

Iruka didn't know what to say or do. He could only swallow the worry and step forward with a hesitation that was heavy on his tongue, words failing him suddenly.

There wasn't any doubt on which seat to take and he sat cautiously into the chair across from Kakashi. He needed to be as far away as possible from Kakashi at the moment, to give the man his space.

Keeping sights on Kakashi, that hard face didn't change even as Iruka sat. Normally, Kakashi would have given a small twitch of a smile to show that Iruka had done something right. This time, he didn't even move.

He just watched Iruka sit with eyes that were leaning into a glare. Had Iruka done something wrong? Was this a punishment? What was going on in that normally collected mind?

As soon as he thought that question, Kakashi commanded, "Touch yourself."

What?

What was that?

Iruka was caught so off guard, he couldn't register what was being said to him. Had he just…? He had. He had asked Iruka to touch himself.

To masturbate in his living room chair.

With Kakashi standing across from him, watching.

He didn't know what Kakashi had planned, still nervous about what would happen later on. But with the chair between them and the light behind Kakashi's head obscuring his face, Iruka felt his all his blood jump from cold to boiling hot. He was flushed, nervous and oddly turned on all at the same time. A weird, confused mess that he didn't understand.

But… If this was what Kakashi wanted. It had been an order, after all.

Maybe if he did this, then he'd get his warm, grounded dom back.

So, Iruka followed the instinctual heat under his skin and let his hands slowly make their way over his own thighs.

All the while, his nervous brain was running through so many questions. Was it okay to just jump into it? Did Kakashi want a complimentary strip tease too? Iruka didn't really feel comfortable doing those. Not yet, at least. Maybe later.

With no further instruction, Iruka had to just wing it. So, he did like he normally would when he was alone with his laptop or phone. And it was so embarrassing.

Cheeks probably as red as cherries, he slid a hand up his lap to massage himself through his slacks. He tried not to seem so stiff about it all. Kakashi eyes were boring into him though, watching his every move. It wasn't a studying eye, though. His gaze felt as though it was judging, boring into Iruka's confidence.

Massaging turned into outright fondling, reaching out to grab a hold of his growing desire. He couldn't tell if he was doing anything right, but he was trying his best, and Kakashi wasn't stopping him. All the while, Iruka was trying to stop his hands from shaking and his heart from beating out of his chest.

In between the kitchen and his living room, Iruka found himself stroking his shaft under his pants and boxers. It felt like forever before his body was ready to take it further, before he felt at ease enough to push his pants around his ankles and continue.

Every time he glanced up, all he saw was Kakashi's unchanging demeanor. He was so guarded, so distant that it hurt. Iruka felt like Kakashi didn't even care to be there, and that hurt brought a shake to his arms that he couldn't control. His nerves were being pushed to the limit. With anyone else on earth, he would've been angry. He was frustrated, hurt and all he wanted was for Kakashi to be there with him.

Tension was building in Iruka's muscles but not the kind he was supposed to be feeling. Every tendon was tightening out of fatigue and worry. Worry that he wasn't enough. Worry that Kakashi would end everything there and then. Worry that Kakashi would leave and never come back.

Fear shot through him as he shot up out of his seat, tears starting to form in his eyes.

Kakashi didn't flinch away, instead he watched with narrowed eyes. That change, as small as it was, was all Iruka needed to tell himself one word:

No.

Kakashi had come here and Iruka would give him what he asked for. He threw off his shirt quickly. His boxers joined his pants around his ankles, and he kicked them away, half hard as he sat back down. This time, the strokes came quickly and efficiently. He ignored the trembling and kept up the smooth pace as that beautiful desire bubbled up higher and higher within him.

It was finally starting to feel some sort of good. Even with Kakashi's eyes on him, he was rediscovering the sweet burn from their previous weeks together. He thought of all the times they'd met up, and that fed into his need even more. He thought of those times and let out a sigh, letting go of his insecurities with every stroke. He wanted to show Kakashi how much he wanted the dome be knew back, how much that dom turned him on.

If it was a show that Kakashi wanted, then a show he would get.

He slid a leg up onto the arm of the chair, seating it there to give himself room to play. Incidentally, that gave his onlooker the perfect view of his entrance and how it was slick from preparation for their encounter. Iruka took that moment to sneak a glance up, but his eyes didn't look away. The sight of eyes warming up kept his gaze on Kakashi, watching for any change as he brought a hand to slowly circle his hole. It was only as he started to tease himself that a flush started to creep up Kakashi's neck, but that was all the encouragement Iruka needed.

With the lightest of moans, he continued his show with a slow, crawling pace he knew Kakashi would love. He was taking the orders he'd received from other sessions and using them to his advantage. Angling his hips up, only letting out quiet moans, it was all to coax Kakashi to touch him, to play with him. That was all he wanted, for Kakashi's hands to be on him again. The memories of hands dancing across his skin were so vivid in his mind from all the times he'd been blindfolded.

"Ah." He moaned just a bit louder as he slid a finger inside. It wasn't enough, but he held down the urge to press more in. He had to make this last, to put on a good show. And he gave it as long as he could before pressing in a second.

His breaths were coming out in quick pants now, trying to keep himself under control even as his eyes welled up from the need that was trying to claw its way out. It didn't help when his fingers were drawn to press into his prostate, moving almost on their own now.

"Ka…" His mind was slowly losing control over his body. His head was filling with static, the pleasure overloading his nerves and turning his limbs into jelly. It was only when he caught a faint movement that he looked up.

Cheeks flushed and eyes hooded, Kakashi had his elbows leaning onto the kitchen chair as if sinking down. His eyes were still watching Iruka, taking in everything Iruka gave with a hunger that resonated through the both of them.

The coldness was gone. That horribly disconnected man was gone, leaving the real Kakashi to surface. And his eyes spoke of the same lust that was burning through Iruka's abdomen. It was as if the chair was his ground, the only thing anchoring him to that side of the room. He wanted Iruka.

"Kakashi," was the last articulate word from Iruka's mouth as he finished hard, crashing into an orgasm he didn't expect. It rolled through him in waves that eventually slowed, leaving him weak and open.

He didn't even notice Kakashi until he opened his eyes to the lawyer's black dress shirt and his hands moving in to cup Iruka's cheeks. Just as he was panting, Kakashi was breathless too, but that didn't stop him from dipping down to catch Iruka's lips with his. Languid kisses pulled Kakashi down between Iruka's exposed legs and they quickly devolved into heated desperation. No more watching. Only touch, touching everything they could get their hands on. Iruka couldn't help himself, ripping the black shirt out of Kakashi's pants to get to what he needed. Those infuriating slacks were tugged down and boxers were barely pulled out of the way. The pulsing of Kakashi's length barely touched Iruka's palm and there was a groan in Iruka's ear with that deep, husky timbre.

"Kashi," Iruka whispered.

Cock barely out of his boxers, Kakashi pulled Iruka's hips towards him even in the awkward space. Their mouths busy with kisses and the tight space of the chair, Kakashi's length filled Iruka enough for both of them to pull away with a gasp. They shifted together slowly, grinding together as much as they could with the space they had, but it wasn't enough.

"More." Iruka didn't realise those were his own words until he found himself pulled and handled until his cheek was pressed onto the kitchen table. A hand pressed down onto his shoulder while another pulled up his hip. And then he was gone again, gripping the table hard as hips snapped against his. It was so quick, sliding in and out, faster and faster. The slick slap of skin only got louder when both hands moved to pull Iruka's hips into each thrust.

Through it all, Iruka could only grip the table. His moans and whines ran wild, his eyes welling from how good it all felt. So, so good.

The rest seemed to blur together even as he was cumming onto the table, the thrusts still going and making him mindless.

Finally, after he'd finished a third time, he felt everything slow. The hands on him gripped even harder as Iruka felt Kakashi slide out of him, oblivious the drip that followed. He was breathless and numb all over, unfeeling even as Kakashi helped him up and dropped them both onto the couch to tangle up together in a weak pile.

"Mmm… Sorry," Kakashi mumbled against Iruka's hair.

"Huh?" Iruka blearily blinked into awareness.

"No condom." Kakashi was frowning in unease as his hands roamed Iruka's hips, but Iruka kissed him softly.

"S'okay." Iruka bit his lip and smirked, "I liked it, actually."

That seemed to lift Kakashi's spirits, but Iruka knew there was more. There was still a lingering emptiness from before and Iruka rubbed Kakashi's shoulder, "What's going on?"

Busying himself with tangling his fingers in Iruka's hair, Kakashi sighed and muttered, "Bad day."

He didn't say more at first, but Iruka waited.

"It's… Been rough at work. A lot of good people are getting cut or leaving for private practice. A lot of clients don't…" With growing frustration, Kakashi sighed again and ground out, "They don't seem to understand that our time is valuable."

"Yeah?" Iruka listened, his hands soothingly wandering as Kakashi spoke.

"We're mainly debt collectors at this point. Like, no, this piece of paper does not cost a few hundred dollars. My signature does." With a grunt, Kakashi squished his cheek against Iruka's head, his frustration slowly going away.

"Do they at least, like, eventually pay you?"

"Eventually, once we hunt them down…" Even though his words faded away, Iruka knew Kakashi's mind was still adrift in thought, things in his head he couldn't talk about because of client confidentiality. He looked too tired, so worried about things Iruka didn't understand. It was no wonder the stress finally got to him. Iruka knew this probably wouldn't be the last time this happened, but he was hopeful that everything would work out.

So, Iruka took the chance to sneak a peck to the soft skin under Kakashi's chin. Kakashi looked down, surprised and confused.

Iruka just grinned back even as he slid away, heading for his bathroom and shower. He looked back to a dazed Kakashi. His hair was mussed as were his remaining clothes, blinking owlishly. Iruka winked back invitingly. "Shower?"

"Come to my place," Kakashi said abruptly, freezing the both of them. Then Kakashi blushed shyly and rubbed his neck nervously. "Ah, I mean, next week. Come to my place instead. You can say no, of course. I'm not trying to-"

"Sure," Iruka cut in before Kakashi could ramble on, feeling his lips curl up beyond his control. "I'd really like that."


	12. But Be Careful

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Holy…" Iruka hadn't known what to expect. Well, when you think of lawyers, you'd guess that they were pretty swanky and straight laced. Iruka knew better than to assume that of Kakashi, though. The man was full of too many surprises. There just hadn't been any guesses in Iruka's mind as to what kind of living arrangements Kakashi would have.

When they walked into the small home, there wasn't anything Iruka could think of that was more Kakashi.

They'd met at the nearest station after work that week and walked only a few minutes in anxious laughter. The apartment was on the quieter side of the city. There weren't many cars passing in the street, but it was close to public transit. The black painted rails and red brick were a classic type of apartment aesthetic.

And it was on the ground floor. No slipping up stairs for this tall man.

On the inside, it was just as warm as Iruka's was, but… Iruka had things organised in his own way. He put things in cupboards and tucked things away out of sight. Clean and kept for Iruka meant out of sight and out of mind.

Kakashi, on the other hand, wasn't that kind of guy. He was organised, yes, but not at all in the same way. Iruka could compare it to a few of his students. Some kids were audio learners. Others learned better by writing things out.

Kakashi was very obviously a visual kind of guy. His clustered ideas and endless train of thought were in full view to be examined all at once. Everything was out in the open or behind glass. His shoes and boots were lined up carefully on a shoe rack, notes were pinned to a corkboard near the door and the shelf under the board was filled with a handful of odds and ends. Frames and loose polaroids were hanging wherever the furniture allowed. Bookcases lined the walls with books and even electronics towards the bottom of each. And scattered around the room were random things that Iruka would have probably put somewhere else. Like the bottle of body cream by the TV or the mug full of pens and pencils on the kitchen counter.

It wasn't messy by any means. No, everything looked like it was placed there intentionally, organized in a way that Kakashi understood and was best for him. Iruka had bins. Kakashi did not.

Iruka didn't feel uncomfortable, though. It was a warm place, full of personality and life that reflected Kakashi beautifully. He just didn't know how he felt about another warmth, the one growing in his chest.

It was generally a small apartment, but the kitchen was gorgeous. Iruka could only guess that countertops were all quartz, cabinets a matching white and there was a big gas stove that looked super fancy. It also looked lived in, one hundred percent more used than Iruka's.

"Sorry if it's messy," Kakashi grinned in embarrassment and Iruka scoffed.

"This is not that bad," Iruka assured. "I once dated a guy who couldn't even find his floor."

"Wow."

"Yeah, thankfully, I got out of that real quick."

Kakashi patted the couch as he passed, heading into the kitchen. "Take a seat. Want anything to drink?"

"Sure." Iruka watched as Kakashi moved smoothly through his home, comfortable in his own space.

"I've got water, wine, juice, milk," Kakashi listed as he poked into the fridge.

"What kind of wine you got?"

"Uhm, I've got a red and this white that one of my friends left here."

"Red." Iruka ignored the couch and met Kakashi across the island counter. With their glasses full, they gave small cheers and chuckled between each other.

"How long have you lived here?" Iruka marveled at all the things his eyes wanted to study. There was so much to learn in this one space. So many memories and insight into the man standing across from him.

"About three years now, I think?" Kakashi shrugged as he took another sip and recalled, "I used to live more downtown before I found this place. A year before that, I was on the west end."

"When was that?" Iruka sat straighter.

"That would've been... About five years ago?"

"I used to live on the west end too." Iruka grinned. "Not that long ago, though. Last year."

"Yeah? How did you like it?"

"It was okay. I wasn't really paying attention to it all that much, to tell you the truth," Iruka admitted as he thought about where he was just a year ago, remembering the people and the feelings he'd felt.

"Too much on your plate?" Kakashi asked and there was something in the way he was listening that had Iruka talking more.

"My ex used to live there." The words left his mouth before he had time to catch them and anxiously waited for Kakashi to frown and get angry. But his face never changed.

"Did you live there for long after you broke up?" His face was interested, understanding.

It took the teacher a moment to find the right words, blindsided by how that anxiety snapped away. "Ah, no. No, I left the night he told me and stayed with a few friends until I found my own place."

"Did you have your own place before you moved in together?" Kakashi moved on and Iruka found himself talking about the places he'd lived. He mentioned his parents and how they lived a few hours away. He listened to Kakashi's tales of apartment hunting and how he used to live in his school's residences with his best friend.

"He snored so loud," Kakashi whined through their laughter. "I couldn't sleep for the first week of school. I even switched to night classes so I could sleep when he was gone."

"Then why did you stay for a whole year?" The playful demand was met with a pained face.

"Because he was and still is my best friend. I wasn't just going to leave." Kakashi hid a smile at Iruka's laughter and quickly added, "But I did get a single room the next year."

"Oh, best friends, eh?"

"Yes, and if I hadn't left when I did, we wouldn't still be."

Slowly, the laughter died down as they caught their breaths and drank some more.

"How about you?" Kakashi eventually asked. "What are your friends like?"

"Me?" Iruka realised for a second that he had to think about that. "They're great. I see them almost everyday since we work together. We used to go out on Fridays and drink but uh..."

The tall man made a face as Iruka slid away into thought. "Sorry, if you want to change when we meet, we can always move it up a day if you want."

"Huh? Oh! No, that's not..." Cheeks flaring up with shame, he explained with a hand motioning to the two of them, "This isn't getting in the way of anything. We just... We stopped doing that when my ex and I broke up."

Words and thoughts trailing away again, Iruka held his tongue this time and Kakashi seemed to understand.

"At least you get to see them at work," Kakashi provided with a smile and Iruka relaxed again into his seat, but not for long.

"Here, let me show you the rest."

Kakashi led the way through the book-filled living room towards the other doors Iruka assumed were the bathroom and bedroom.

"This is the bathroom."

Iruka was just a bit disappointed, seeing how Kakashi didn't have a tub. Iruka didn't have one either and was hoping to be able to have a soak sometime soon. His attention was quickly drawn away to the other door as Kakashi led Iruka in. It was kind of funny that he'd forgotten he was in his dominant's home and hadn't been curious as to what secrets it held. He was even kind of anxious as Kakashi did, mind going to dirty places easily. What awaited just beyond that door...

"And this is the bedroom." Kakashi shrugged as he stepped inside, pulling off his tie and hanging it up on a rack of ties in his closet.

"Nice." Iruka leaned on the tall dresser near the door. Again, he was just a bit disappointed but not surprised.

Studying the room, there was a large space between the closet on one side of the room and the bed on the other. The four braces in the ceiling were very interesting too and Kakashi noticed where his attention was.

With a smooth smirk, he nodded to the braces. "One day we'll get to use those, maybe."

Iruka could only scoff and roll his eyes playfully as he stepped back out of the room. "Maybe, huh? You're going to ask me to help you hang some plants?"

Kakashi doubled over in a scoff as Iruka went on with a suppressed smile, "Aren't tall enough to reach them by yourself? Asking me to give you a lift with my giant biceps? Because I'm totally the one here that works out regularly."

"Yes," Kakashi gasped through tears. "Just lift me off the ground. My hero."

They were giggling and quipping back and forth as they headed back to the kitchen for their drinks.

"Speaking of strong men," Iruka brought up as he sipped, feeling comfortable as if he'd visited many times before. "Do you remember the second time you came over?"

"The second time…" Kakashi hummed, leaned in from across the counter. "That was a while ago…"

"The night we went over our contract." Iruka hinted and watched Kakashi eyes fog over in memory, a sly smile breaking out on his lips.

"Ah, yes, that night."

"Yes," Iruka held back a smile of his own. "Well, you lifted me up onto the counter as if I didn't weigh a whole human's worth."

"You're not heavy." Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Well, for you no, but for us normal humans, it's a lot," Iruka countered. "It's actually really cool. All the hard work you put into yourself."

The compliment pulled a soft smile to Kakashi's lips and he said, "It was… More a way to keep busy but… Thank you."

Iruka clinked their glasses again with an equally soft smile. "Thank you too."

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Kakashi asked hopefully and Iruka didn't hesitate.

For the first time in a long time, he agreed to have dinner with a man he was having sex with.

"Yes, please."

It was one of the best hang outs he'd ever had, if he was honest with himself. He mostly sat at the island, watching Kakashi move expertly around the kitchen with his sleeves rolled up and an apron protecting his white shirt.

"I can't believe you've never seen Lord of the Rings," Iruka mused between bites of delicious pasta.

"It's on my list. Just haven't had the time." Kakashi shrugged and poured himself another glass.

Usually, on Friday nights like these, they would be busying themselves with other things so Iruka couldn't doubt that fact. Thoughts strayed back to the bedroom and the simple braces in the ceiling. His curiosity bubbled up, wondering what else Kakashi had under his sleeves.

Well, Iruka could technically see the answer to that question. Although, strong forearms were not the answer he was looking for. They definitely were a welcomed view. The real question was what other kinky stuff was Kakashi hiding?

"So," Iruka began after he swallowed the last bite. He bit his lip when Kakashi hummed through his drink. "What would you use those braces for? Like, specifically."

Eyes turned to him and the glass was set down on the counter slowly, sending a shot of doubt through Iruka's spine. It went away just as quickly when Kakashi turned in his seat to face Iruka fully. "Would you like to see?"

With a hitch in his chest that tightened all the way up his throat, Iruka bit his lip and nodded.

"They're called pad eyes. I had a contractor come and install them," Kakashi explained as they stood in view of the loops.

Feeling daring and excited, Iruka boldly asked, "Why don't we try them out tonight?"

The smile on Kakashi's face sent shivers through him, but the other man didn't move closer and his tone went serious, "Not tonight."

"Why not?" Iruka pushed, but Kakashi answered calmly.

"We're not ready for that. Neither of us." The lawyer explained clearly, "I don't have a lot of experience with that. I'd like to learn and practice before we even try the simple stuff. There are classes and conferences I'd love to go to... It's really dangerous to suspend someone."

"Yeah? Like falling, right?" They sat down together on Kakashi's bed.

"Yeah. Fainting too. Throwing up. Rope burn. Bruising. Cutting off circulation. If you have a medical condition..." Kakashi drifted off when Iruka nodded slowly, the weight of possible injury falling onto his shoulders. They were quiet together, looking up at the pad eyes when Kakashi stood. "Here."

He went to the closet and pulled a large plastic bin out from its hiding. Inside, Iruka caught a glimpse of what looked like climbing gear. There were heavy rolls of all kinds of rope and a bag of carabiners. A few of those were pulled out. Boxes sitting at the bottom were left untouched to Iruka's curiosity, but he quickly focused on what Kakashi brought out.

"Have time to talk about what I know?" Kakashi asked as he sat back down.

Despite the worry of what could happen in the future, Iruka nodded. This was what had to be said and Iruka was so grateful he hadn't needed to ask. So, he listened to every word coming from that smart mouth.


	13. Practice Makes Perfect

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Wait, what?" Izumo blinked like an owl while Kotetsu immediately choked on his drink. As Kotetsu coughed and hacked up his beer, Izumo didn't move an inch out of pure shock. Understandable.

All the while, Iruka cringed, leaning back into the leather of the booth and wished he hadn't said anything. "Forget it, forget it."

"Hold on," Kotetsu wheezed out, coughing as Iruka and Izumo stayed quiet. The rest of the bar kept going and buzzing, but their table was the only one that was quiet. Iruka hadn't known why he'd said it in the first place, he just kind of blurted it out. He couldn't even blame his drink since it was so watered down.

"So," Kotetsu straightened up, frustration visible through his red face and watering eyes. "You're telling us that you met a guy online and now you're just doing kinky stuff together?"

"Yes," Iruka answered meekly from under his collar.

"A random guy? Who could've potentially hurt you, and who could have potentially even murdered you?" Kotetsu was clearly beyond livid.

"Yes, but-"

"And you didn't tell us? You just let him waltz into your home without any lifeline?" Iruka almost retorted about how it wasn't at his home the first time, but shut his mouth in shame. Kotetsu was long gone now. "He could have hurt you or worse, killed you. What were you thinking? A complete stranger from the internet who could have been a psycho. He could have kidnapped you! Sold your organs for parts or abducted you. Did you know that human trafficking is the leading cause of disappearances?"

He went on, getting angrier by the second instead of the calm Kotetsu that Iruka knew, and it hurt so much that tears were building.

"Ko, please," Izumo spoke up. Their table went quiet again. His brows were bunched together, but his eyes were understanding. "This… Is a lot to take in."

"Sorry," Iruka muttered.

"Did you tell anyone at all?"

"No…"

"Next time," Izumo started, laughing half-heartedly. "Maybe you could let us know when you do something that risky."

It dawned on Iruka that they weren't mad about the kinky stuff. They were mad that he hadn't confided in them, trusted them to be his backup when he'd done something risky. Why hadn't he messaged them? Had he just been so excited? Naive to the dangers? They were his best friends. How could he…?

Oh, that's right, they hadn't hung out like this since before the breakup.

He'd shut them out. Tried to heal on his own, without anyone. Without his best friends.

"I'm sorry, you guys." Holding back tears of frustration and self annoyance, he sat up straighter and addressed them both with every ounce of his being. "I've been a shitty friend. Even before that, I… I haven't been there for you guys. Like, with your surgery, Ko. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for that."

For a second, his normally goofy, fun friend didn't move a muscle or react. With good reason. They worked together, saw each other almost every day. They'd been best friends for years. Slowly, Kotetsu melted down into a sigh. He waved a hand, cheeks burning up a bit as he said, "It was just my wisdom teeth."

"So," Izumo prodded with a smooth grin, splitting the tension in half. "What's he like?"

"I need a name, address, and blood type," Kotetsu cut in, not even wincing when Izumo elbowed him.

"He's great!" Iruka assured, feeling things going back to normal again.

"Oh yeah? Great?" Kotetsu flinched when he was hit this time.

"He is! He… He really is." Maybe his smile ticked them off to something because their faces went identically slack with awe as Iruka kept speaking. "Like, he listens, he knows how to cook and he likes dogs."

"Okay, but how's the BDSM, for fuck's sake." Izumo grinned and scooted in closer. Even Kotetsu adjusted his glasses and leaned in more. This was what friends were like. This was good, so good. It didn't kill the hurt in his heart about how much he'd shut them out, though.

"Well, ah," Iruka stuttered, burning under his friends' scrutiny. "It's great. How were your holidays?"

"Nuh, uh." Kotetsu's glasses flashed as Izumo pulled in uncomfortably closer. "We need details."

"All of them," Izumo agreed, and Iruka knew from their enthusiasm that this was going to be a long night, but he wasn't mad or uneasy in the slightest. He was actually so excited to tell them everything. It felt so good to be back with them, having people he could talk to about anything.

There were just so many things Iruka wanted to talk about, gush about. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed his friends. Sure, he got to talk to Kotetsu at work sometimes, but they couldn't really talk much about anything personal, and Kotetsu had been too busy at lunch to eat at the same time recently. Now, the flood gates were open.

They talked so much that Saturday night that the bar owner had to usher them out. Even then, it felt like it hadn't been enough. They needed more time, but Izumo had an appointment to get to the next morning and they split for the night. They made plans for the next weekend, though. Iruka wanted to hang with them more, talk more. Oddly enough, he wanted to talk about his sex life.

There was just something about Kakashi that made him excited and eager no matter what. He did have that kind of charisma that Iruka was drawn to. That was what made Iruka so willing to make things work with the mysterious man. Kakashi was kind and soft on the inside, but hard all at the same time. Figuratively and often literally.

That strong, powerful body and mind were Iruka's kryptonite. He knew so many things from plant care to complex laws about taxes. That brilliant mind was a wonder to marvel and it was tied in a silky, red bow of a body. From the tips of his fluffy hair to the ends of his polished dress shoes, Iruka truly couldn't get enough of him. Kakashi was tall, and he was handsome in his own cool way. The working out was doing him wonders too.

God, those rippling abs and that subtle smile were great solo material.

They met weekly. The raunchy scenes were hot and often times the after care was just as steamy, but that didn't curb Iruka's appetite in the slightest. He still dreamed of all the stuff they'd done and would do in the future when he was by himself. There were even times where he found himself waiting for Kakashi's slow texts back, his mind wandering to the things they could be doing instead of working; being jack-hammered into the coffee table, painfully slow grinding into his mattress, anything at all that he imagined could bring him so quickly to a tumbling finish on his own. As quickly as he could on his own, though there was nothing better than proud eyes watching him as his back arched. That's what made their relationship so addictive.

"How was the bondage?"

It was a week later and they were back at Iruka's apartment.

Iruka looked up from the marks on his forearms, into the eyes of the man who had tied him up the night before. Grey brows were furrowed together in concern, glancing down at the marks on Iruka's skin. It wasn't just the red from the soft bindings they'd used either. Scattered across Iruka's skin from the neck down, spots of faint pink marked where the wax had been, but there was one patch that wasn't just a faint, barely visible pink. That was where the candle had been left to burn down to just a puddle on his chest. It was the worst of the aftermath. In all honesty, Iruka didn't think it was that bad. His skin just seemed sensitive and liked to get red easily.

Kakashi, on the other hand, looked like he was beating himself up from the inside out.

"Really good," Iruka answered truthfully.

"And the wax?" Kakashi's face didn't change a bit, still wrought with the uneasy worry that Iruka could only roll his eyes at.

"Yes, Kakashi." It was like talking to an unsure child sometimes. You just had to speak slowly and with conviction.

"Nothing burns?"

"Kakashi." Iruka looked Kakashi directly in the eyes as he assured, "Last night was really good. I'm feeling great and, to be honest, I'd like to do pretty much all of it again in the future."

Finally, Kakashi's eyes softened again, reaching a pale hand reached across the table and taking Iruka's hand. Kakashi's fingers were cold as they slid up his arm to where the ribbons had been tied, up near the thickest part of his forearm. Those soft fingers danced across his skin, but Iruka wasn't watching their curious path. He was studying the look on Kakashi's face, how he was examining them closely.

Iruka couldn't tell what he was thinking. All he truly knew was the way Kakashi asked so softly, "The marks this time. How do you feel about them?"

A good question. Iruka had to think about it for a second. Like, _really_ think about it because he couldn't tell what he felt. He didn't feel bad or good. It was more neutral. Unlike that first time, he felt okay with the fact that his skin was marked. He knew it would fade with time eventually and that his skin would be back to normal. The unease from their first few times together was a very different beast from the tame feelings he felt now.

"I'm good. I think I didn't mind it this time." He didn't mention how grateful he was for Kakashi tying him where his students wouldn't see, and he knew that had been done on purpose, according to their agreed terms.

Finally, Kakashi nodded. Fingers stayed on Iruka's arm for a moment, grazing over skin gently. It was so soft and careful like Iruka was made of glass, very much unlike how Kakashi had handled him the night before. Strong, steady hands weren't holding him firmly. They were tender.

Then they were gone, leaving Iruka with that lingering feeling that his chest was burning, aching for air.

"Would you like another egg?" Kakashi offered, but Iruka smiled away his feelings.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

But the burning came back with a vengeance when Iruka was seeing him to the door. It shot through his arms and legs when Kakashi pressed his lips to Iruka's forehead without hesitation. Then he was gone, but the feeling lingered.

"Okay," Iruka hummed to himself and took a deep breath, pushing everything away. He had friends to see. Things to do. No time for this.

But he did have time for the wrapped gift on his bed.

It was about a foot long and half as wide. There were no hints of tags, but Iruka knew who it was from. With shaking hands, he delicately pulled off the satin red ribbon and the black wrapping paper. He popped open the box underneath enthusiastically and wasn't disappointed.

A plain white note on the inside read 'Practice makes perfect.'

And underneath was a box of something Iruka had once tried before.

He'd just moved out of his parents' house, into his first apartment. The package full of goodies he'd ordered had shown up on his doorstep the next day, just as planned. With his newfound freedom and personal space, he would finally have the privacy to do whatever he wanted, out in the open. And what he'd been aching to do was to experiment; touch himself, moan, and make as much of a mess as he wanted. That first package had been a splurge to satisfy that eager exploration.

The condoms had been the only realistic purchase of that haul, the furry handcuffs had been the complete opposite since they'd hurt his wrists. The vibrator that he'd ordered though, became his favourite toy. He'd even used it so much in the first month that the rechargeable battery stopped working.

The last part of that order, the butt plug, had been plain and too big at the time. He'd tried to find some way to use it but ultimately threw it away after many months of trying.

This gift was no plain toy, though. It was still in the pristine, technical box it came with that advertised a black, smooth, vibrating butt plug. The corkscrew neck was supposed to help it stay in place apparently. The silicone it was made from was medical grade, and the base was made to fit comfortably.

All of those words blurred though when he read the word 'teledildonic.' He'd never heard of that word before, but he didn't even have to guess for very long. The box was very clear of all this toy's features.

Close-range control. Long-range control. Unlimited vibration patterns. Sync to music. Sound activated vibrations. Iruka's head spun from how the rest of his body was pulsing madly, eager and impatient.

Kakashi was evil, Iruka decided. He was an evil mastermind who just wanted to tease and torture Iruka with possibilities, even when he wasn't there. All he had to do was say a word or two, give a strategic gift and he had Iruka on his knees.

With hurried hands, Iruka pulled away the packaging, revealing the smooth butt plug. It wasn't heavy, but it weighed heavy in his hand as he downloaded the app and waited anxiously for the signal that it was paired.

It buzzed once in his palm, and he was already pushing his jogging pants down, setting his pulsing length free as he reached into his bedside table for lube. With the butt plug slicked in his hand, he steadied his stammering heart with a deep breath and bent over his bed. As he pulled a knee up onto the edge, he could almost feel strong hands on his waist as his imagination took over. The same hands that had tied him up the night before were angling his hips upwards until he was open, pressing his chest into the mattress to keep him still. Breathing became difficult, but he could still gasp when his own hands pressed the plug inside.

It spread him open further. Then even more, wider still until he thought he'd tear. Then it suddenly was inside him, seated and oh so thick. It was only barely fully inside, and yet his cock was already dripping precum into his sheets below. He hadn't even turned it on.

"Practice makes perfect," he huffed to himself as he reached for his phone.

He had to work on Monday. How was he supposed to work when his legs were numb?

Damn, Kakashi really was evil.

"Sooooo, how are you spending Valentine's Day?" Izumo texted him during the week and he told Izumo everything over the phone on Thursday night, the day before Valentine's.

"Oh, you're fucked."

That was an understatement. He was meeting with eros himself, a man who could turn off Iruka's inhibitions with just a few simple words.

And Kakashi _knew_ it. His sexy smirk spoke volumes about how he'd been waiting for this, planning this from the very beginning.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he whispered into Iruka's ear as he kissed Iruka's cheek gently. He breezed into the apartment like he owned it and Iruka took his coat, knowing that tonight wouldn't be ending any time soon when he saw the crimson dress shirt underneath.

Oh, no. He looked like a sexy romance novel cover.

"That looks nice."

Iruka realised Kakashi was looking at him, studying him up and down and he blushed. He didn't really look any different than he usually did, but the wine-coloured sweater was new. It was a little something he'd found at the mall, fell in love with and splurged on. They kind of matched, Iruka noted happily.

"Thanks." Iruka grinned and noticed Kakashi had a bag with him. "So, what are we getting up to tonight?"

Heading into the kitchen, Kakashi smiled over his shoulder. "I'm teaching you how to cook."

"I can cook," Iruka said, but Kakashi just chuckled as he emptied his bag onto the counter. Vegetables, sauce and pasta were pulled out, but Kakashi smirked as he pulled out one last thing. A thin box as big as Iruka's laptop, black and nondescript.

"I got you something," He said, smiling softly, and Iruka took the box with a hesitant hand.

"I... didn't get you anything," the teacher admitted, but Kakashi shook his head.

"Good, because this is a gift for both of us."

Suspicious from all the other gifts and Kakashi's very suggestive answer, Iruka pulled open the box to find a plain, black pair of briefs and his heart skipped a few beats.

"Put them on," Kakashi said faintly, taking the cover as his dark eyes watched Iruka try to hold back a smile.

"Yes, sir," Iruka replied back as he stepped away to his bedroom. Footsteps followed not far behind, and with every step, his pulse beat harder in his chest and pants, not knowing what to expect. He could have made guesses, but his mind was blank from the rush of adrenaline. Everything was moving so fast around him. It felt like his arms were moving in slow motion.

To keep himself steady, he ignored the man watching him from the doorway and pulled off his belt to set it on his dresser. He noticed the shifting and movement but pretended to not see it, focusing on pulling off his pants.

Then came a buzz, a familiar one that made his hands falter on his boxers. The sound of his butt plug pairing with a phone. He didn't need to see Kakashi anymore to know was up to. His boxers were already around his ankles with his pants. He almost hoped out of embarrassment that Kakashi couldn't see how hard he already was.

As he stepped out of his clothes and into the new briefs, the imposing man behind him stepped forward. Carefully, the teacher pulled them up, stopping when a hand touched his hip. He stopped with the waistband just under his cheeks. Sliding up Iruka's side, the hand sent shivers through his skin and his breath caught at the lips brushing the back of his neck.

"You look good in red." His voice was as smooth as the hand gliding over Iruka's skin under his new sweater.

He couldn't help but retort, "It's actually maroon..."

Words fell away as a wet, smooth tip pressed between his cheeks, sliding up into him slowly and taking his breath away. The hand on his waist pulled him further onto it, trapping him into the torturously slow feeling of being filled and stretched.

And then the peak was in, seating the butt plug inside him as Kakashi hummed, "You look good in maroon."

Hands slid the new briefs up and squeezed his hips fondly as Kakashi suggested, "Now, let's teach you how to cook."


	14. Let's Slow Down

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Cooking was not a word Iruka was comfortable with.

He'd never been good at it. Burning ingredients and melting plastic were part of his routine at this point. There had never been a need to learn, not with the amazing food delivery in the area and the prepared meals at the grocery store. There hadn't been a reason until now..

Pleasing your dom was a good reason to learn.

The butt plug snugly sitting inside him was great reinforcement.

The suggestion of what would happen next had Iruka eager to learn how to cook for the first time in his life.

Kakashi's footsteps faded away down the hall, leaving Iruka stiffly standing in his new briefs with pants on the floor nearby. At a loss for words, Iruka almost didn't know what had just happened or what to do next. Arms and legs tensed, he stayed still as if the toy inside him would go off just by movement alone.

With a deep breath, brain power slowly came back on. Okay, first came putting on pants. That was an easy step. At least, he thought that was what Kakashi wanted. Whatever, pants were going back on just to be safe.

The bending down was more of a trial than expected. The butt plug shifted with the movement, and pressed in deeper. He had to pause for a second to control his own breathing as it pressed into a very sensitive spot as he straightened back up. Sliding them back over his hips, it felt weird to put them back on over his bulge. It wasn't a usual sensation. Usually his pants were going the other way.

Zipped and almost presentable, he felt ready. At least, that was until music echoed into the bedroom from the kitchen. Wait, what if it was set to sound activation?

Like a deer in headlights, he waited, but no vibrations came. It was just him and the excited stress pooling in his stomach.

"Fuck," He swore with a nervous tremor. He was already pulsing around the toy and it hadn't even been turned on yet. The impending doom of what was to come next had him so nervous.

He just had to go out there, take the leap before Kakashi could punish him.

Although, punishment would be fun. Kinda scary, but mostly fun.

As much as punishment would be fun, Iruka wanted to play this game. Especially since he had some practice.

He really wanted the plug to turn on even slightly.

Getting to the bedroom door was easy - just a few steps, and he was there. That boost of confidence helped him down the hall, just passed the corner as the music got louder. And then, the vibrations started. Soft, but still, they made him falter.

The music coming from barely a few feet away was low, but Iruka still had to go into the kitchen. That would mean more vibrations, right? The louder the sound, the harder it would be to stand straight. These small, faint ones were easy to ignore. The real problem was everything else to come.

"Take a seat," Kakashi called from the kitchen. Rolling up his sleeves, he was making himself busy between the stove and fridge. A stool was pulled out at the island, inviting innocently.

Iruka just had to watch, by the looks of it. That would be easy, a cake walk. No cooking that he could mess up this time.

Spurred on by determination, Iruka did his best to calmly walk over and sit. The sitting part was the worst, pressing the bulb inside at different angles until he felt comfortable enough and in control of himself. The vibrations kept going, quiet and subtle.

"Today," Kakashi started, pulling out kitchenware Iruka didn't even know existed. "You're going to watch. You'll practice when I'm gone, and then next week, you'll repeat what I did."

"Okay," Iruka nodded, watching as Kakashi set down a gleaming knife. His eyes shone mischievously in a way Iruka knew well from their past encounters. Another challenge he was glad to accept.

"The only rule for today," Kakashi said as his lips curled up in a smirk he so rarely showed Iruka. "Is that you can't touch yourself."

Iruka's cock twitched, solidifying the death sentence that Kakashi was giving him.

"Yes, sir."

Kakashi pulled his phone out of his pocket, deliberately setting down on the counter, face up. With a single tap, the vibrations stopped and switched from the slow, singular wave to sharp bursts that made Iruka gasp and grip the counter.

The toy wasn't set to sound activation. It was on manual. And somehow that felt worse.

"I'm going to teach you how to cook pasta," Kakashi was saying as he moved around, but Iruka could only half listen, desperately trying to pull himself together even as the pulsing radiated into him. "First step, we're boiling water."

Iruka pulled himself straight again, trying to focus on what Kakashi was doing.

"And if you can do this, then maybe you aren't a lost cause after all." That coy smirk made Iruka huff.

"Easy mode," Iruka taunted but Kakashi just smiled back as he stepped up to the island.

"Good, then you won't mind if we jump to step two." Those handsome eyes stared Iruka down watched as Kakashi's hand slowly reached out for the phone, sending the teacher's heart for a loop. He tapped on the phone again and watched intently as Iruka's eyes fluttered shut, back arching into the slamming rhythm.

Everything else was fading away into the vibration beating through him. It was hard to concentrate on what Kakashi was saying. If he angled his hips just right, the pulses would go right through him.

But he wasn't paying attention and Kakashi was saying something.

"Since we're pressed for time, I'll let you use premade sauce." Kakashi's back was turned, doing something at the stove. His shoulders were so strong. That shirt made him look delicious. Iruka wanted so badly for his sexy dom to bend him over his chair. That thought and the vibrations running up his spine were so good he started shaking, losing himself to them as Kakashi kept talking.

All that pale skin just glowed against the dark colour of his shirt. Kakashi's hands moved with ease, doing all the tasks that were being explained that Iruka only kind of heard. The sharp jaw, the birth mark, the smiles, they were all getting to him. Iruka was burning up from the inside out just watching the charming man in his kitchen move and talk. He wondered if this was what it felt like for Kakashi to watch him, hoping that his dom felt the same smoldering ache.

Iruka was so close already, it didn't help that his view was amazing. His erection grinding into his pants and the buzzing inside him and Kakashi's voice in his ears, it all felt so good. He just couldn't help it. All it took was one slow roll of hips, sliding pants against underwear so sweetly.

"Ah," He moaned, finishing with a shudder that had him bending over the counter. The panting that followed was loud, frustrated, but relieved that the pressure had subsided.

Whole body weak, Irukadidn't want to look up. He didn't want to see Kakashi's disappointed eyes.

Fuck. He'd failed. He hadn't even made it to the end.

But Kakashi wasn't frowning. He was smiling, a finger poised over his phone. Iruka knew suddenly that everything was going to get worse.

A tap and that first slow, steady vibration from before started.

"Can I continue now?" Kakashi asked with a far too polite smile, the vibrations slowly growing faster.

"Yes, sir," Iruka managed through flushed cheeks.

"Good." The lawyer pulled out a knife and started cutting vegetables. All things that Iruka would have to remember for next week.

But the buzzing in him grew steadily stronger and he was busy trying to not move as Kakashi spoke and moved. The pulsations didn't stop when he was pulled over the edge again. They just kept going and going, buzzing inside his throbbing walls without faltering. All the while, Kakashi watched Iruka's slow downfall into tearful bliss, watching the last overwhelming orgasm left Iruka mindless and weak.

When he came out of the pleasured haze, he could only blearily remember half of what had been said after all that as he took his prize for sitting through those instructions. Legs weak and the butt plug still seated inside him, he licked Kakashi's thick cock and tried to go through the steps in his head as Kakashi washed the dishes.

"Good job," Was the only praise Kakashi gave that night as Iruka licked cum off his lips. His body was satisfied with going to bed that night, sprawled over Kakashi's pale chest, but Iruka's mind stayed sharp.

This was a challenge he couldn't fail, because the odds were stacked against him now. Iruka knew what he had to make for next week, but only half remembered his instructions.

So, he practiced.

For the whole week, every night, pasta was the only thing he made.

Of course, many turned out over or under cooked. The side vegetables were often left a charred mess, but he didn't let that hold him back. Every time, there was something that went wrong, but he'd try to learn from it. Albeit, most times he still didn't know what went wrong.

"What's that?" Kotestu asked as he sauntered into Iruka's class during one of Iruka's breaks, picking up one of the plastic containers of food. It only made things worse that he looked at it like it was a science project from one of his fifth graders.

"My lunch."

And the other teacher stabbed Iruka's pride with a scoff. "This? This is food?"

Snatching it back, Iruka snapped, "Whatever. Still looks better than your hair brush."

"What is this even supposed to be?" Kotetsu ignored him and studied the other container curiously.

"Pasta." Iruka sulked, sad that it need to be specified.

"You know, I think this is an improvement from all the other stuff I've seen you try to make." It was generally better than most things Iruka had ever tried to make. It wasn't completely burnt this time and they could even see some colours in most of it. "Why the sudden interest in cooking?"

"Well, I wanted to try and make Kakashi something good one night," Iruka lied.

"Aren't you guys like... friends with benefits?" Kotetsu's eyes squinted into suspicion.

"I mean, it's different kinds of benefits."

"So, why the cooking?" Alarm lit up his face. "Oh, Iruka, please don't tell me you're falling for this guy-"

"I'm not!"

"Then what's with the food."

"It's," Iruka caught himself and started burning hot, blushing everywhere when he admitted, "It's a BDSM thing."

"How... how is cooking a BDSM thing?" Iruka had to hush Kotetsu back to a normal talking level.

"It's like... it's a reward system." No one poked their head into his classroom, thankfully.

"So, he's setting you up for failure." Their eyes met and Kotetsu's eyes went wide, jaw falling open. "Oh, he's setting you up so he can punish you."

"Ko, please."

"He is. Oh, what will he do to you if you fail this?" Kotestu asked tauntingly. "Spanking? Tie you up?"

"Kotetsu," Iruka sighed, everything going quiet for a minute while Kotetsu grinned. "I don't like spanking that much. Makes me feel like a child and I've told him that."

Kotetsu just grinned harder. "Oh, so, you guys like to talk about this stuff? Like, you give each other report cards every time?"

"I don't like thinking about my kids when he play, so no." The pointed look Iruka gave Kotetsu was enough to sober them back up, everything going quiet for a second.

Then Iruka piped up, "We have an app."

"Shut up," Kotetsu gasped.

"Well, we mainly talk after or text, but we have an app for limits and it's so great."

"BDSM in the modern age." They both marveled and grinned at each other, giggling like children.

"Oh, god, he is setting me up to fail, isn't he?"

Kotetsu slid off Iruka's desk and patted his shoulder as he left, "You bet your spanked ass, he is."

For the rest of the week, punishment was all Iruka could think of. There wasn't much out there that he'd experienced, but the imagination was a wonderful thing. And Iruka had a very, _very,_ vivid imagination.

By the time Friday night rolled around, it didn't matter how many times Iruka had practiced because nerves had taken over. As excited as he was, there was an anticipation in his stomach that was hard and worried. It wasn't the punishment that brought on those fears, though. It didn't have anything to do with Kakashi, either. It was just the fact that he had to perform. He'd rehearsed and tried his best behind the scenes, but now was the time to put things to the test.

'Be ready.'

Without the context, it would have been a hot text to get on a Friday night, but his hands had a hard time keeping steady as he prepped himself. This time, as the butt plug up slid into him, he only grew more stressed out. Shaking his hands didn't help all the energy building up, muscles tense and burning cold from the unknown. While he wanted to just get this over with, there were too many things that could happen, too many variables.

This dread wasn't something he was familiar with, not when it came to Kakashi. Iruka had to keep reminding himself that everything was going to be okay. That he was in good hands. He'd cook for Kakashi and then maybe get sex in return, depending on how well he did. If he did good, he'd be sore in the morning. If he did okay, he'd be sore but not because of sex. If he did bad...

The doorbell ringing made him jump.

It was time. This was it. God, this was nerve-wracking.

Just walking to the door spiked his blood pressure. He could do this. It was just making food.

Opening the door revealed Kakashi, handsome as ever with a smile and a bag of groceries.

"Oh, you brought stuff." Iruka's heart sank.

Kakashi blinked, "Of course, I did. Just in case."

As Kakashi stepped inside, Iruka took the bag into the kitchen. He didn't know why it was so upsetting that Kakashi had brought over the things they would need.

Then it clicked. It was because it meant Kakashi didn't believe in him to have everything.

And that worried him.

As he put everything out on the counter, Iruka pushed all those feelings down. He was being silly.

Kakashi walked into the room shortly after. His hand went to Iruka's hip, kissing Iruka's hair and asking, "Ready?"

"Yeah," Iruka pulled on a smile.

"Show me," Kakashi muttered into Iruka's ear. Normally, Iruka would have shivered. "Bend over for me."

With a nod, Iruka undid his pants and pulled everything down just below his ass. It felt clinical, showing because he'd been told. He just wanted it to be over with, bending over the counter.

A light hand traced over his ass, pulling open cheeks for a moment.

"Good."

Iruka pulled himself up and Kakashi helped put his pants back in order before Iruka was left alone on that side of the island. As he started on cooking, Kakashi sat on the other side of the counter and pulled his phone out. The vibrating started soon after as Iruka was pulling out a pot. Somehow, the feeling was calming. The whirring helped to concentrate on cooking instead of Kakashi's studying eyes.

He didn't even realise music was playing on his speakers until he got the noodles boiling. The song wasn't recognizable, though. The sauce was finally on the stove when the vibrations kicked up a notch to something that he could feel more, something that drew his attention down.

Unlike most times though, this felt rough. It wasn't harsh in vibrations, but it was rough in the way it dragged Iruka into the pleasure, pulling him in and away from what he was doing. His body felt like it was moving in slow motion. His hands wouldn't go fast enough, but his lower body was pulsing hard. It was distracting, throwing off his rhythm.

What was he doing again?

Cutting vegetables. Yes, he needed to focus on the knife. He really didn't want to cut himself. Couldn't have blood in the food. No, that would mean failing, and then Kakashi would be mad with him and then he'd be punished because he hadn't been good enough, and then Kakashi would be mad at him, and then he'd yell-

"Iruka." Kakashi cut in loudly through his thoughts, as if he'd called once before.

Looking up, Iruka realised his vision was blurry. He couldn't see Kakashi's face clearly.

"I'm sorry." The response was automatic, pretending he wasn't crying and chopping even faster.

Kakashi was already out of his seat.

The knife fell out of his hand and onto the counter as Iruka braced himself for whatever was coming, pulling arms close to himself.

Against all expectations, soft hands touched Iruka's cheeks as Kakashi pleaded, "Hey, look at me."

When Iruka looked up at the warm, concerned face studying him, he melted. The tears fell instantly. His hands reached out for Kakashi's waist and he felt safe again; safe enough to let everything from before go and cry.

"I'm sorry," He hiccuped, but the hands on his cheeks pulled him in. Kisses peppered over his forehead and cheeks, so sweet and soothing.

"Don't be sorry." Kakashi pulled away, taking Iruka's hands in his own to lead him to the closest chairs. Iruka sat and found his legs surrounded by Kakashi's, their chairs so close.

"Talk to me," Kakashi said, so warm and worried even though Iruka didn't know what to say.

"It just felt so heavy," Iruka eventually said, Kakashi nodding without any judgement or opinions. There was just worry, clearly wondering about what was going on inside Iruka's head. It was comforting, grounding him to the present again where he was safe because this was his own home. Kakashi was right there. Kakashi wasn't Mizuki. He wasn't Iruka's Dad. "Like, I just wanted to do things right. I didn't want you to be mad at me and…"

Words failed him, but Kakashi picked up his train of thought. "Were you afraid I'd hurt you?"

"No, no, of course not. It just felt like…" Iruka trailed off, trying to put his thoughts together. "It felt like I was back in high school. Like, you know when you'd have to do presentations in front of class? It was like that all over again."

"Kind of."

Everything went quiet again, breathing in together. And it was better, so much better. This felt normal again, normal to an extent. A sliver of guilt shot through him. He'd overreacted.

"I'm sorry, I just freaked out a bit," Iruka went to stand, but his hand was caught in Kakashi's.

"Iruka," It wasn't a command but a level statement, calm and considerate. "Don't be sorry."

Stunned, Iruka couldn't speak. He could only listen as Kakashi said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I reminded you of things you'd rather forget."

Squeezing Kakashi's hand, Iruka huffed with a smile as tears started to well up again. Thinking of this stuff wasn't easy. He didn't want to talk about it, but he wanted to give those curious eyes an answer. So, he admitted, "My Dad wanted everything to be perfect."

Memories of coming home to a silent house rose up. The fear of finding his Dad in the living room burned so hot he had to speak. "And I wasn't."

The words were out there in the open, real instead of just in his thoughts.

"You're perfect." Iruka blinked at the man in front of him, wondering if Kakashi had truly spoken. It had been so casual, pure instinct. His lips moved again with a sincerity that blew Iruka away. "You'll always be perfect."

And Iruka felt like his eyes were open for the first time in days. Out of the dark tunnel of focus he'd fallen, he could see Kakashi again. This stunning man was telling Iruka that he was perfect just the way he was and it didn't feel fake. The feelings that poured into his words were real and it hit Iruka straight in the chest.

"Even if I'm mad at you or if I'm punishing you, I'll still think you are." Kakashi kept on saying, shyly rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "I mean, I want you to improve, of course. I'd like for you to be able to make proper food by yourself."

"I can. It's called takeout food," Iruka joked, both of them falling into laughter as Kakashi slid forward on his chair even further. His long legs trapped Iruka further into his seat, getting into his personal bubble in a way that naturally set Iruka aflame.

It was the inviting smile that reminded Iruka of everything that body could do to him. Kakashi was a gorgeous man, beautiful in body and mind. And he only had his eyes on Iruka, greedy eyes taking in everything they could get. Hands were caressing his legs, sending shivers through him and reminding that there was still a toy inside him.

"Maybe I could still teach you something tonight," Kakashi's voice electrified him. "Help you in the kitchen."

"That could be good," Iruka's voice almost cracked when Kakashi smirked infectiously, dragging him into a searing hot kiss.

Kakashi was gone just as quick, standing and heading back into the kitchen with Iruka following eagerly behind.

"The pasta's done," Kakashi nodded towards the stove and Iruka quickly pulled it off the hot burner, awaiting the next instruction as Kakashi rolled up his sleeves. God, those arms were delicious.

"Let's slice some vegetables," And hands went to work cutting up half a pepper. If Iruka hadn't been drooling, he would have memorized the way Kakashi cut, but he was hungry now. The submissive he'd been minutes before was being peeled away by the thirst clawing up his throat.

Ass pressed against the counter, he watched Kakashi back and rocked into the butt plug slyly, half hoping Kakashi would notice.

"Your turn." Iruka stepped up to the cutting board, taking the knife from Kakashi's hand. The lawyer was somewhere behind him, watching as he made the first cut. Quick to finish the rest of the pepper, Iruka was about to turn around when a familiar hum started at the base of his spine.

"Clean the next one," Kakashi commanded and Iruka did as he was told, pointedly looking at Kakashi as he passed the tall man. At the sink, the toy jumped inside him, his cock leaping in turn.

"Good job," The husky whisper was at his ear, hips pressing Iruka's against the counter and driving him up the wall with the feeling of a teasing length brushing his ass and back. "Cut these and then we can eat."

They wouldn't be eating pasta because, if given the chance, Iruka planned on filling his mouth with something entirely different.

"Slow," Was the last order Iruka heard before the butt plug pulsed hard, again and again as he sliced down. Being careful not to cut anything else was the only thought left in his mind. Even that one faded away into the insatiable heat pouring from the man next to him. They were both on the edge, waiting until the last cut was made. Until the knife was set down.

"Bend over." Kakashi was just as breathless as Iruka felt, eyes burning holes in Iruka's clothes as they were pulled down. Hands squeezed and massaged, spreading him and slowly pulling out the plug. Gasping for air, Iruka held onto the counter against the dizzying touches that came after, especially the slow slide of Kakashi's hot member between his slicked cheeks.

"Kakashi," Iruka gasped as a hand stroked him. It was so much all at once, almost too much. He whined, "Please."

"Please what?" The sinful voice teased against his ear.

"More."

"Tell me exactly what you want," Kakashi demanded, pulling his hands away, so far away.

"I want you to fuck me, sir, _please_."

Before he could even finish speaking, the teacher was suddenly pressed against the back door, and searing kisses took his thoughts away. Legs wrapped around Kakashi's waist, the pants still hanging off an ankle as suddenly he was filled so exquisitely that his head hit the glass. The moan he made was devoured by passionate lips. The first deft thrust hit at the perfect spot and he was gone.

Iruka could remember saying something about his neighbours being able to see their shadows against the curtains.

"I'll make sure they hear you first," Were the last words burned Iruka into's mind, arousing even after they finished.

Somehow, they were in bed. Bodies slick but sated, they were tangled together under the covers in a mess they were too tired to clean.

"Was your Dad strict?"

Iruka didn't look at Kakashi as he answered faintly, "No. He just wasn't there. He didn't really care about the family unless he could yell about something."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, that's why my Mom filed for divorce."

A kiss was pressed into Iruka's hair. "I'm sorry."

"Life happens," Iruka mumbled.

"Next time, I'll be clear on punishment." Kakashi said as Iruka drifted off. "Clear on what I expect."

"That sounds good." And they both drifted off into sleep.

A sleep that should have lasted more than a few hours.

In the early hours pf the next morning, Iruka heard a buzzing. A phone call. He almost sat up to get his phone, but felt the bed shift.

"Hello?" Kakashi had answered, walking into the hall to talk. Iruka could still hear, though.

"Yes. God. And everything's okay now? Okay, I'll be over in a few hours."

Iruka blearily blinked at Kakashi's tired eyes, asking as the taller man slid back into bed, "What was that?"

"Nothing," Kakashi mumbled, pulling Iruka in close, but Iruka felt that it was more than nothing.


	15. And We Keep Going

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"I feel that… I didn't want to feel like I was useless," Iruka explained the next morning, this post-session aftercare felt much more intimate than the ones before despite the distance. They were lying down in bed together, side by side with a river of sheets between them to keep their heads clean. Staring up at the ceiling, Iruka tried to put together his thoughts and the reasons for what had happened last night. "I got it in my head over the week that I was going to fail and… things just sort of spiralled from there."

"Do you think it would have helped if I kept in contact more?" Kakashi didn't press him or try to speak for him, he listened and poked around for more information. Iruka wondered if this was what he did with his clients.

"Maybe."

"That must have been stressful, thinking about it all week," Kakashi's voice was tight with regret.

"It was." Iruka turned over, Kakashi doing the same as the teacher smiled. "But, we learn."

"We do." Kakashi touched Iruka's chin softly, smirking in a way that had Iruka settling into his caring touch. "And the food wasn't that bad last night."

"Yeah, with your help."

"It was mostly you."

"I'm not good at, like, cooking things," Iruka quickly said, trying to bring up excuses.

Kakashi just laughed and Iruka jabbed him in the arm playfully.

"I can't cook for shit, but I can still find a mean restaurant. And bake." Iruka rolled out of bed with a huff but there was no snarky retort back like he expected. Pulling on a shirt, Iruka looked back to find his sultry lover sitting up, brows furrowed and the rest of his face utterly at a loss for words.

"What?" Iruka worried he'd said something wrong.

"You can bake?" Kakashi asked incredulously.

"Yeah?" Iruka answered cautiously.

"Oh my god," Kakashi groaned, dragging hands over his face as he fell back onto the bed in defeat.

"What? What's wrong?" Iruka asked, hovering over Kakashi's dejected form.

"Have you been able to bake this whole time?" Kakashi whined from under his hands.

"Kinda?"

Iruka came to a similar realisation as Kakashi explained, "I didn't ask. I didn't even think about it and if I'd asked, we could've avoided last night."

"Well," Iruka started, wincing at their miscommunication. Soothing a hand through Kakashi's hair, he said, "It would have happened eventually anyway."

"True. Mmm.," Kakashi hummed in frustration, reaching out slyly to hug Iruka's waist as he muttered, "I guess I'd want to give you a challenge anyway."

"Goof," Iruka pecked his forehead and tried to pull loose. "Now, time to get up."

"Can't. Tired brain sucks." Kakashi groaned, almost acting like one of Iruka's kids but in a very Kakashi kind of way.

"Poor, tall man. So tall his brain doesn't work," Iruka taunted, but was rolled down into the mattress with a yelp.

"I am tall." Kakashi's lips were curled up, satisfied with Iruka's surprise. Everything about him had been playful and warm that morning, but the hand snaking up Iruka's shirt was persuasive.

"Do you get better signal up there?" Iruka joked even as their bodies pressed in closer and make his breath hitch. "Or is the hair like an antenna?"

That earned him a deep chuckle, Kakashi's face so close as he whispered before catching Iruka in a smooth kiss, "It's the hair."

It was easy to say that they didn't get out of bed and into the rest of the apartment until late in the evening, but not just because of the hot sex that they kept falling into.

"Feel that?" Kakashi asked, his hands wrapped around Iruka's neck.

Iruka huffed, head feeling light as he panted out, "Yeah, wow."

"Your hands being on my wrists let me know how you're doing," Kakashi explained as he loosened his hands, fingers dragging around the base of Iruka's neck fondly. "Your grip tells me how you're doing. You stop holding on and I'll let go too."

"Cool," Iruka grinned, lightheaded from even the soft squeeze on his pulse.

As Kakashi helped him sit back up, they went back to watching the new season of a show they'd started together a few weeks ago.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something," Iruka muttered as Kakashi's hand smoothed back into his hair from where it had been before their impromptu demonstration.

"You'll remember," Kakashi assured, yawning as squished a cheek against Iruka's head sleepily.

"Yeah," Iruka agreed half-heartedly, feeling like it was something super important. Kakashi's bare legs were very distracting, though. He could help but smile every time he caught a glimpse of those dog-printed boxers.

The man needed to get a real dog one day. If Kakashi ever found a dog-friendly apartment he liked and actually took the plunge, Iruka would personally move all Kakashi's stuff for him. The number of times Iruka found Kakashi slyly looking at adoption pages was astounding and sweet. Although, Iruka did remember that his place was pet friendly. He'd almost been persuaded to get a pet by Kotetsu and Izumo…

Iruka stiffened. "Shit."

"Hm?"

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Get up." Iruka bolted up, pale and shaking as he hurried to the bedroom and left Kakashi a confused but alert mess.

"What? What's wrong?" Kakashi asked as he stood up only to have his pants smack him in the face.

"You gotta go!"

Legs in his pants, Kakashi looked up in a daze to barely catch his shirt. He sadly and uncertainly replied, "Okay…"

From the other side of the bed, Iruka crawled up with a tie in hand and gasped, "My friends are coming over."

"Oh." Urgency understood, Kakashi zipped and threw everything on so quick before helping with clean up.

"God, everything smells like sex," Iruka whined as he ripped open the window and ran to put on a shirt.

"In any other circumstance, I'd flirt," Kakashi agreed as they ran around the room only to freeze at the familiar sound of the doorbell ringing.

Snapping to each other in fear, the lawyer was quicker on his feet. "I'll go out the back."

"Good."

They hurried to the front door, Kakashi for his coat and Iruka to get the door, but they ran into each other.

"Sorry," They both said, trying to go around each other but ending up walking into each other in the small hallway.

Faster than Iruka could process, Kakashi grabbed his hips and pulled him close. With a kiss, Iruka's feet were off the floor and he was watching a grinning Kakashi wave as he headed back towards the kitchen.

The doorbell rang and Iruka ran to catch it, ripping it open only to have his best friends bully passed him.

"Holy shit! The rain is freezing out there," Izumo said as he violently shivered in the entrance like a wet dog.

"Any longer and we'd be popsicles," Kotetsu moaned, pulling off his coat and helping Izumo out of his. "I knew it. He's trying to get us to stay here longer, reel us in with the warmth of his dying radiator."

"If we get sick overnight, I'm staying here forever." Izumo called as he hurried further in, rubbing his arms.

Iruka let himself relax a bit when he didn't hear any calls of surprise. He did peak out the front window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Kakashi's dark coat in the rain. Sadly, it really was raining hard and he couldn't see much, hurrying to join his friends in the kitchen.

"Do you smell that?" Izumo was asking, dropping onto the couch.

Kotetsu visibly sniffed. "Yeah, smells good. What even is that?"

"That…" Iruka grinned as he opened his fridge, presenting a container of leftovers from the night before. "Is what I made last night."

The room went quiet to Iruka's shame.

Finally, Kotestu spoke up. "You? You made that?"

"What?" Izumo whispered in fear.

Iruka groaned and threw it back in the fridge, defeated. "Forget it. Just forget I said anything."

"Hold on a minute." Kotetsu went and pulled the container right back out as Iruka dropped onto the couch, Izumo looking in over his shoulder. "You made this?"

"It's a lie. It's not real," Izumo hushed. "It's plastic."

They poked it and yelped.

"It's real!"

"Oh god!"

"It's on my finger!"

"Get it off! Get it off before it eats your skin off!"

Iruka just sat on the couch, grumbling to himself as they goofed off. He only perked up when Kotetsu hushed, "His dom must have made it."

"He didn't!" Iruka immediately regretted opening that can of worms since both of them set their phasers on him. "He… He helped."

And then the jeers started, getting closer and closer. Ducking under the pillows didn't help, they dragged him out, and started yelling.

"Oh! Hit me, daddy!"

"I've been such a baaaaaddddd boy."

The moans were so over the top Iruka couldn't help but chuckle, all three of them falling into laughter as things eventually calmed down.

"Okay, but I need to know what this guy looks like." Kotetsu wiggled his eyebrows, pulling in close to Iruka. "Like, height, waist measurements. Does he have that swimmer's body, or is he more on the pudgy side?"

Throughout those questions, Iruka pulled up his phone. "This is his Instagram."

"Holy shit." Kotetsu marveled, Izumo leaning in over the couch and watching curiously from afar.

"Yeah," Iruka agreed, trying to hold back the memories of mere hours before; about what happened on that very couch.

"He's not bad," Izumo commented offhand from behind and Izumo nodded.

"Yeah, holy shit." The more Kotetsu stared though, the more he frowned. "Well, as much as I like the whole strong arms deal, he's really tall."

"Yeah." It was only after Iruka's dreamy response that he realised that Kotetsu had presented it as a fault. "You don't like them tall?"

Iruka saw a twitch out of the corner of his eye, Izumo listening very intently for Kotetsu's response.

"Well, I'd like someone more around my height, you know?"

Izumo's eyebrows went up really high, out of Kotetsu's view. Iruka, on the other hand, leaned into that. "Oh? So, like, how tall are we talking about here?"

"Well, like, someone who I can kiss without having to step on my tippy-toes," Kotetsu said offhandedly, and Iruka couldn't get enough of the silent commentary going on behind him.

Later on, when he and Izumo were alone, he raised his eyebrows.

"What?"

Iruka simply glanced towards the bathroom where Kotetsu was.

The other man on the couch went burning red, ignoring Iruka's suggestive looks.

"No," Iruka gasped, knowing exactly what that look was as Izumo melted into frustration.

"Come on! How... I mean... Just look at him!"

"Oh, I'm looking. I'm not into it, but I see where you're coming from."

"Right!?" Izumo grinned, blushing and embarrassed as they both tried to gather themselves before Kotetsu came back.

But, Iruka kept his eye on that almost all night, catching small bits of flustered happiness from his friend towards the third slice of their group. All the while, Kotetsu didn't seem to notice a thing. He was completely oblivious, and it seemed like Izumo was okay with that.

The night ended with them laid out in Iruka's room, the extra mattress pulled out from under the bed for Izumo. Kotetsu had fallen asleep on the couch. Meanwhile, they were laying in the dark, both wide awake and nervous.

"How long has it been?"

Izumo immediately whispered back, "About a year now."

"Wow." Iruka didn't need to wonder why he hadn't noticed. He'd been a shitty friend. He was still frustrated that he hadn't realised that about his best friend, the friend he'd known since high school.

"I mean, like, I didn't really think about it until we had this one night out." Izumo's voice had gone wistful in the dark. "Like, he really gets me and he's so much fun and he's funny and…"

"He's a good guy," Iruka said, nodding to no one.

"Yeah, he really is." Everything went quiet for a second. "Please, don't-"

"I won't."

"Thank you, Iruka."

"No problem, really."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too," Iruka said, grinning into the dark so hard he was worried his excited squirming would keep them up.

They met up after work a few days later to talk more in depth, sitting in a coffee shop between their workplaces. It happened to be the first place he and Kakashi had met, the bookstore across the shop so familiar. He'd spent so many minutes nervously looking at those books.

"Have you told him about it?" Iruka prodded, trying to find a way he could maybe help. Not that he was the best person to give advice. His love life had always been weak and that was an understatement.

"No. God, no." Izumo was blushing into his drink. He wasn't too embarrassed to talk though. "Like, we have these moments though, you know? Like, he looks at me and I look at him and he smiles and…"

Words turned into garbled, happy confusion that Iruka chuckled at.

"I know. I mean, do you want to ever tell him?"

"I think I'm okay like this," Izumo admitted sadly. "We're good like this. I don't want to mess things up."

"I get that." That was a fear Iruka knew well. It wasn't something he'd felt in a long time, thankfully, but he understood. "How do you think he feels?"

"Ehh…." Izumo trailed off, gaze trailing over Iruka's shoulder for a second before they went wide.

There was a sign of recognition in his eyes and Iruka didn't suspect anything before he looked over his shoulder, sight falling upon on the tall and handsome Kakashi Hatake, lawyer at large.

"Ohhhh, this just got so much more interesting," Izumo commented as Iruka's eyes locked with Kakashi's.

Oh, it was going to be so much more than interesting.

Kakashi was standing in line frozen, surprised and unsure of what to do with himself, but Iruka was more focused on the pretty pink that crossed his cheeks and how cute he was.

"Ah," Iruka nervously said, feeling his own cheeks starting to burn from the fluttering in his chest. Instinctively, Iruka raised a hand and waved hesitantly. The burning then spread like a wildfire down his entire front when Kakashi gave a faint, anxious wave back before stepping up to the waiting barista.

"Go over there," Izumo whispered. "Go talk to him."

"And say what?" Iruka took a frantic sip of his drink, glancing back at Kakashi ordering. It was so tempting.

"I don't know. Just get him over here. I want to meet him." Izumo grinned, an unusually mischievous grin pulling at his lips.

"God, Kotetsu is rubbing off on you." Iruka feared for his safety now.

"Hey."

Shooting up, Iruka awkwardly shuffled around as Kakashi stepped up to greet them. Thankfully, he looked just as nervous and awkward as Iruka felt.

"Hey, fancy meeting you here," Iruka tried to casually converse.

"Well, ah, finished work so I was going to grab something before heading home." Kakashi pulled a warm smile before turning to Izumo. "Kakashi, by the way."

"Nice to meet you." Izumo had an all-too pleased smirk painting his face.

"Kakashi, this is Izumo," Iruka tried to introduce.

"Best friend extraordinaire," Izumo said as they shook hands.

"Iruka's told me a lot about you."

"Oh?" Izumo perked up impossibly further. "Hope he's only said good things."

"He has," Kakashi assured, glancing Iruka's way. "I should probably get going. I've got a few loose ends to tie up before work tomorrow."

"Right, well, I'll see you later." Iruka still didn't know what to do, like if he should kiss the man goodbye, hug him, shake his hand.

Thankfully, Kakashi was much more eloquent and quicker to react. With his free hand, he squeezed Iruka's arm discreetly as he waved. "Nice meeting you, Izumo."

"You too!" Izumo called, happily smiling as he whispered, "You goddamn work of art."

Deflating into his seat, Iruka was blissfully happy that the conversation had gone well. He might have also been melted on the inside from getting to see Kakashi out in the world, solidifying the man as a real human and not just a dream.

"I like him," Izumo stated to Iruka's surprise.

"You do?"

"He has a good vibe. Like, really warm on the inside," Izumo wondered aloud before snapping his eyes to Iruka. "So, he works nearby?"

"Yeah," Iruka admitted.

"And he comes here a lot apparently."

Iruka knew where this was going and kept his mouth shut.

"So you knew that he came here often, and you subconsciously brought us here in the hopes that he'd waltz right in."

"I didn't!" Iruka defended to no surprise. "I just... I forgot and I remembered this place was good and..."

Izumo blinked.

"Oh god, I did do that subconsciously, didn't I?"

"And when he walked in here, you melted like butter on toast." Izumo was so proud of himself, relishing in Iruka's uncomfortable squirming.

"It's just that... he's a good guy." Iruka knew that was certain.

"You like him."

"I mean, I don't think I'd do the things we do with a guy I didn't like, you know?" Things would be very weird if they didn't like each other somewhat.

"True." Izumo hummed, getting straight to the thing Iruka hadn't been thinking at all, "So, are you gonna date him?"

The coffee in Iruka's mouth almost ended up on the table, all over Izumo and dripping down Iruka's shirt. Thankfully, he was too shocked and confused to even open his jaw. He could just blink, and Izumo would realise that his question hadn't even been pondered, especially after what happened last time any dating happened.

"I'm sorry," Izumo quickly jumped in. "Don't- You don't have to answer that. That was really insensitive."

"No," Iruka managed after swallowing roughly. "It's fine. It's… fine. I mean, I'm over Mizuki. Really."

"Mhm." The other man hummed, suspicious, even though he didn't speak it.

The truth was, Iruka didn't think that question applied. Kakashi wasn't in a relationship with him. He wasn't in a relationship with Kakashi. They were partners, sure. Other than BDSM, that was as far as their connection went. At least, that was what Iruka thought.

That question fell to the back of his mind as he and Izumo talked more. It didn't come up again, and Iruka eventually forgot about it as he remembered the phone call in the middle of the night a few nights before and how odd it sounded. He wanted to mention how he wondered if maybe it was work or someone who Kakashi was involved with, but left that out when Izumo reassured him that it was probably nothing. It did feel weird, though, and Iruka added it to the many mysteries of Kakashi Hatake.

The question of dating did pop up again when Kakashi stepped inside his apartment the next Friday. They were continuing with using the kitchen as their playground, but this time they weren't cooking.

Kakashi had left the option open of what to make tonight. The only rule: Kakashi had to like it. As they waited for the last batch of cookies to be done, they stood across the island from each other. Dark eyes roamed over Iruka's nervous frame as the question came back to mind and Iruka almost laughed.

They couldn't. No, they wouldn't work in a normal relationship.

"If they taste good, you'll get a treat," Kakashi was saying and Iruka shivered.

Yeah, this was good.

"But if they don't," Kakashi explained as he stood. The timer went off and Iruka's length pulsed harder under the cock ring and the friction of his pants. The sensual way Kakashi's fingers trailed along the countertop as he walked around to Iruka's side was dangerous, but his voice was liquid sex in Iruka's ear as he whispered, "I'll forbid you from touching yourself without my permission."

Iruka didn't need anything else because this was perfect.

At least, that was what he told himself to soothe the fear in his chest. And it wasn't a fear brought on by Kakashi saying, "By the way, I don't like sweets."


	16. Little Thoughts

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Iruka felt tricked.

Watching his students happily eat the cookies he'd made, he was glad at least someone liked what he could make. At least they didn't ask him to make food on his own terms and then punish him when he made something that he knew he was good at.

How was he supposed to know Kakashi didn't like sweets?

Although looking back on all the times they'd eaten together, Iruka couldn't ever remember the man eating anything sugary.

"Teacher!"

Iruka immediately slapped on a smile and went to check on another table and the mess that was slowly being made. "What's up, Ino?"

Cheeks full and eyes sparkling, the little girl tried to speak with her mouth full, and Iruka quickly urged, "Swallow first."

Chewing quickly, she swallowed with a gasp and gushed, "Mister Iruka, this is so good!"

"Aw, thank you." Iruka grinned as a few other kids at her table joined in, babbling about how good it was. He'd have to deal with a few of them being hyper later, but that was exactly why he did that before recess. After they ran around a bit, he knew they'd go down like a sack of potatoes for nap time. Sometimes, he was an evil genius.

Other times, he was a dumb idiot. As they zipped around outside, Iruka was left to deal with his mess of thoughts in the privacy of his head.

He felt tricked more than anything. What was he supposed to do when Kakashi gave him the reins to make whatever he wanted? Cooking anything savoury was almost definitely off the table. Sure, he knew how to kind of make pasta now, but that wasn't something he felt confident at.

Baking was easy. Cookies were easy. Iruka could make them with his eyes closed.

Defeated, Iruka groaned into his desk.

Kakashi was putting him in a corner. Not just when it came to food, sadly.

Every night for the rest of the week, he'd come home and have to fight with himself on whether to text Kakashi or not. His pride was saying that he could go a week without touching himself. It couldn't be that hard.

Well, hard it was, physically and mentally.

Instagram was full of instant-hard-on material, including a tall, handsome asshole who took it upon himself to be more active than ever. Iruka knew that Kakashi knew how much he used Instagram. They were following each other, of course.

Iruka came home almost every night to find that Kakashi had posted to his story a new video or picture. And it was _always_ at the gym, working out with Gai. There was no doubt in Iruka's mind that Kakashi knew exactly what he was doing because it was working all too well.

"See, you have to keep your extensions controlled. If you move too fast, you don't work on endurance. Don't forget to keep your core tight," Gai was explaining eagerly as he smacked Kakashi's shoulder. The taller man huffed as he pulled the bar back down slowly, sweat slicking his forehead and his cheeks flushed from the strain.

Don't look at the arms. The arms aren't there. He's not using those beautiful arms and lean shoulders at all.

These were all things Iruka told himself, but his eyes didn't listen. They were watching the muscles under all that pale skin move with such finesse and subtle control. Then, as if Gai knew exactly what Iruka wanted to see, the angle changed to Kakashi's smooth back and all the intricate movements that were happening. It occurred to Iruka as he noticed dots of beauty marks that he'd never seen Kakashi's back.

He'd always seen Kakashi's front or his back covered in a shirt, never without clothes.

'Kakashi?' Iruka had given in. Waiting with his phone in hand and pants tight, he wondered if this was a desperate move. Did Kakashi expect him to text? Or was this another test Iruka was surely going to fail?

'Yes?'

Whatever the case, Iruka realised he didn't even care that much. There was so much heat pooled in his groin that he was just happy to have stuck out four days of this torture. He just had to...

'Can I touch myself?'

What a relief it was to even ask. The hardest part was over. When Kakashi texted him back, he'd be able to get this over with and then focus on writing up next week's-

'No.'

And then he sent a smiling emoji.

_A fucking emoji_.

Then his erection became impossible to ignore. It was there between his legs, pulsing in time with the rage beating in his chest.

How… How _dare_ he? First, he sets Iruka up for failure. Second, he goes and leaves Iruka's apartment as soon as he tastes the cookies Iruka had so lovingly made. No sex or anything. Third, he forbids Iruka from touching himself! What! How dare he even…

And then the rage slowly faded, letting Iruka realise that he hadn't really been following Kakashi's train of thought anyway. Kakashi had been more interested in cooking. Iruka could easily prove that he could bake. It seemed that the main point had been for Iruka to learn something new, trying something different. Instead, he'd taken the easy way out.

A shiver ran through his spine. What was Kakashi planning then? There must be something the man was making Iruka wait for, something fun at the end of this punishment. So many tempting thoughts immediately ran through his head, alluring and oh so dirty.

Which was hell to think about when he'd been given the order not to touch himself.

It felt wrong to use his kids as a way to calm back down.

So, instead he used the thought of their parents. Their angry, red faces arguing with Iruka that their 'perfect little angel' could never break another student's glasses. Like, who could have done it then? As if the quietest girl in class would ever do that. The fact that Kiba even blamed Hinata was a blatant lie. How could his mother ever think to blame a little girl who was in tears right next to them?

So that was how the rest of the week went. It was a precarious balance between anger towards Kakashi and then anger towards parents who were much too controlling and ignorant to how schools actually functioned. At least, that was what it was like outside of work. At school, he pushed everything away and fell into his happy place: teaching kids who were basically toddlers.

The kids spoke with sincerity unless they were telling an obvious lie. They were open books just trying to understand the world around them, and Iruka was proud to teach them the basics of learning and relationships. They would go on to hopefully be good people and learn more about the world, but for now, Iruka was happy to teach them about whales and otters.

After a day with them, he would come home happy. For a long time, he'd forgotten what that was like. That was why he got into teaching in the first place. Kids were stress-free, and he'd been going through so much when he started teaching that he just needed something to take his full attention away from the outside world.

_From all the things he wanted to forget._

Thursday night, Iruka laid down in the living room with his thoughts and memories for the first time in a long time. When had he stopped loving his job? Was it before or during Mizuki? Oddly enough, Iruka felt like it was before. They'd only dated for two years. It felt like he'd lost it before that. Why?

Iruka couldn't find a reason. It felt over time like something had shifted him into being unhappy and being okay with being unhappy. He was so content now that it surprised him that he could ever feel so content in misery. Maybe it was meeting Mizuki that solidified his complacency with his own discontent.

It left Iruka paying more attention to how he thought about things now.

Other than apartments, there wasn't much difference from before Mizuki and after, physically at least. Iruka had been casually sleeping with men before just like he was with Kakashi now. He was working the same job. He had the same friends. Now, he was happy.

Huh.

"Iruka?"

Iruka snapped back to Kotetsu. "Ah, sorry. Was daydreaming."

"Anyway," Kotetsu went on with their conversation. "Gonna go looking for those shoes I was talking to you about. Zumo's coming too. Wanna come?"

Iruka passing up on that offer hit two birds with one stone. Izumo would get to spend some time with his crush, and Iruka could go to his usual but highly anticipated Friday meeting, one that couldn't be passed up. "Sorry, I've got plans."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Kotetsu smirked into his food. "You've got a date with your master."

Iruka knew commenting about any of the words in that sentence would get him in trouble, even though he hated all of them. So, he replied happily, "You bet your ass I do."

All he got in return was a coy smile before they fell into eager chuckles.

Excitement was a welcomed feeling. On the walk home, he couldn't help but walk faster, bouncing along with his music. Tonight was going to be good.

At home, Iruka put on his favourite jeans and threw on a long sleeve shirt. He didn't know what they'd get into this week. Maybe more lessons on breath play? Maybe even dabble in a bit of bondage again? Oh, that would be fun.

The doorbell called him to the front door and he eagerly answered, Kakashi's smile greeting him.

And he was wearing jeans. Kakashi was in plain, tight-fitting jeans.

"Hey-"

Before he could say anything else, Kakashi stepped inside quickly, catching Iruka's words with a kiss that turned thoughts into humming between their lips. His capable hands teased under Iruka's shirt, reminding him what he'd gone two full weeks without, and how much he'd missed all of this. The hot breath against his lips, the dizzying way he wanted to touch more than just Kakashi's jacket, the steady body pressed up against his own; it was almost overwhelming. But then the other man pulled away, leaving Iruka breathless and leaning on the wall behind him for support.

"Hey," Kakashi echoed with a very satisfied smile on his smug face.

At least Iruka knew that he wasn't the only one who had missed all of that. Hope fluttered in Iruka's chest that the day would continue the same, Kakashi touching his chin.

"Put on your shoes and coat," He directed, surprising Iruka.

"We're going out?" Iruka blinked in confusion for a second before he realised what that could mean. "Oh."

And then he quickly slid back into his boots and coat as Kakashi explained, "You've been good this week. So, we're going to try something new."

Not worried but suspicious, Iruka followed Kakashi outside, and they walked towards the main street. Head clearer than before, Iruka was entranced by the man walking next to him who was wearing casual clothes. For the first time ever, Kakashi was out of a suit, and he looked just as glorious. Oh, Iruka was going to have sex with this man regardless of whatever the heck Kakashi had planned. Those jeans were so tempting.

At the bus stop, they waited quietly with a few other people and Iruka had to ask, "Where are we even going?"

"The mall," Kakashi answered simply, and Iruka was silenced again, set to wonder what they would do as they got on the oncoming bus and rode it a few streets down. All the way, he tried not to think about how they might get up to some very naughty stuff at the mall. Nervous, he had an idea where this might go, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to go that far.

Kakashi couldn't possibly think that this was a good idea, could he? In a public mall? Where they might see clients or students?

Iruka was not down for getting caught at all.

Firm in that intention, he followed Kakashi through the mall with a squint.

"Kakashi…" He started as they stood on an escalator together.

"Hm?" The other man looked up over his shoulder, innocence in his eyes but a quirk to his lips.

"I don't want to…" Iruka didn't know what words to use that weren't explicit. "Buy anything too expensive today."

After a seemingly confused blink, Iruka could tell from those intelligent eyes that he'd understood Iruka's fears.

"We're not going to buy anything expensive," The tall man reassured with a smile. "Don't worry. I'll find something in your budget."

Oh, that made Iruka smile uncontrollably. Maybe he even shivered a lot, huffing at Kakashi's happy smile.

"Come on," Kakashi took his hand as they stepped off the escalator, leading them towards a store for cookware

They walked for a while, talking about their day as they browsed. It was deceptively nice to just walk around together, but Iruka knew Kakashi had a plan in the works. That was why he kept holding Iruka's hand, keeping Iruka on a chain so he couldn't run away.

Eventually, the teacher calmed down into his partner's touch as they seemingly made their way to the next store with nothing unusual. Well, the fact that they were walking together in a mall was unusual, but the lack of sex or dirty talk was even weirder. Iruka kept expecting Kakashi to sweep him off his feet into a dark corner, but his expectations were proven wrong.

It was actually kind of nice to spend time together, without all the sexual tension.

"So, did you prefer teaching sixth graders or is kindergarten your passion?" Kakashi was asking as they stepped into a different store that was filled with soaps and candles, so many smells coming from everywhere.

"Definitely kindergarten. The older they get, the more they don't listen to you." Iruka nodded wisely and Kakashi hummed in surprise. "Never going back to that sassy city."

"Sassy city," Kakashi parroted with a laugh.

"How about you?" Iruka squeezed Kakashi's hand as they wandered deeper into the store, smelling candles here and there. "I know you do a lot of everything at the firm, but is there any specialty you like more?"

"Good question…" Kakashi held up a candle for Iruka to smell as he thought about the question. Iruka watched his face go from thoughtful to sad, and was taken aback by the change.

Finally, Kakashi huffed and said, "Well, I'm never touching criminal law again. That's for sure. Other than that, I don't mind much else."

"Oh, come on. There has to be something you like more," Iruka casually wondered as he smelled and put the candle back, trying to get to know Kakashi's true train of thought.

The older man hummed and thought about it for a second before saying, "I guess family court is the easiest to deal with. Divorces happen so often. Makes you wonder why people even get married in the first place."

If the candle had still been in Iruka's hands, it would have dropped and shattered out of surprise. Thankfully, it was safely on the shelf, and the small heart attack subsided in Iruka's chest as he searched for something to say. With a cough to settle himself, Iruka asked curiously, "Do you deal with the kids a lot?"

"Thankfully, no," Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly before he realised that Iruka's tone hadn't been the steadiest. In fact, the teacher's face was an open book that read more on edge than normal and suddenly nervous. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just that I have a few… students who have divorced parents, you know?" Iruka nervously laughed and tried to let go of Kakashi's hand, but his partner kept his grip tight.

"Yeah? Students, eh?" Kakashi asked in concern but didn't push Iruka for more information. He could sense that there was something wrong but didn't demand for information.

As much as they could have gone on from there, Iruka felt compelled to say something. It was the purest form of reverse psychology. Iruka had always been so used to people demanding to know everything and instantly feeling reluctant and annoyed with his partners. Now, he wasn't annoyed. He wasn't frustrated. They were just talking and he kind of wanted to talk more.

"Well, actually, my parents are divorced," Iruka explained, expecting to see pity.

Against all expectations, Kakashi's eyebrows rose in surprise, but there was no pity. "Oh. Hard topic, huh?"

"Yeah." Iruka chuckled nervously. "I mean, it happened when I was a teenager and it kind of tore the family apart."

"You don't talk to them a lot, huh?" Kakashi asked, and when Iruka agreed, he nodded back. "I get that."

"Cool." The memories started coming up, so Iruka tried with a lot of success to switch topics. "So, what exactly are we buying today?"

Picking up exactly what Iruka was putting down, Kakashi's lips slowly curled up in a sneaky smile as he gradually pulled them out of the store. "We are getting outfits."

"Outfits? For what?"

"I'm taking you out to dinner next weekend," Kakashi stated casually.

"And you expected me to say yes?"

"Are you saying no?"

"I'm not saying no," Iruka sputtered, following Kakashi around a corner towards the bathrooms.

"Good. Now, we have to go to the bathroom."

"Shit," Iruka whispered to himself, his heart suddenly beating wildly as they passed a man walking away from the very secluded bathrooms. God, he was so anxious. They were going to get quick and dirty in a literal dirty place.

The thought was hot as fuck.

They stepped inside, Kakashi pushing open the door and before Iruka could even think, his back was slammed against the inside of the bathroom door. Hips were grinding into his own. Lips were taking away his breath. Hands were frisking him as if he'd stolen something and Kakashi was mall security. Oh, Iruka would have let Kakashi take him to mall jail to punish his ass with the wicked snap of his hips.

Kakashi's demanding hands were already unzipping his pants, and Iruka was dizzy from either the passionate onslaught or the lack of breathing. Before he could protest, Kakashi was kissing down his neck and undoing his pants. A gasp tore through him as his pulsing member was suddenly wrapped in warm lips.

All he could do to not moan uncontrollably was slap a hand over his own mouth and grab at Kakashi's head as he basically worshipped Iruka's cock.

The lawyer was suddenly standing, licking his lips and stroking Iruka slowly as he muttered, "There we go. Now, let's go find an outfit."

Confused, Iruka grabbed onto Kakashi's arm as it slowly pulled away. Iruka looked down at his heated length to find a familiar black ring somehow around the base of his dick.

"And then when we find one," Kakashi whispered darkly as he leaned into kiss Iruka's ear. "We're gonna go home, you're going to put it on, and I'm going to fuck you until you pass out."

"Okay," Iruka faintly said back as Kakashi zipped him back up and took his hand again.

"Perfect," Kakashi smiled innocently, taking Iruka's hand again and leading him out towards the crowd of people milling about.

"Kakashi," Iruka hissed, very aware that his cheeks were red, his pants felt askew and there was definitely a ring around his cock.

"You look fine," Kakashi soothed, lacing Iruka's hand with his own. "No one will be the wiser, but we can stop if you want to."

It wasn't because Iruka didn't want to do this that his face was on fire. It was the embarrassment, the line they were about to walk. The whole idea of doing something so dirty unbeknownst to everyone else had him nervous but not scared.

Kakashi was holding his hand, acting as his rock.

God, this was going to be so hot.

With a deep breath, he squeezed Kakashi's hand and led them out into the mass of people.

At first, it was terrifying. He immediately worried people would think that he was walking odd or that his pants looked weird. The worst fear was that they'd notice he was half hard, but everything felt normal quickly. No one stared or even noticed them. They were just two people walking through a mall together.

With relief came the giddy excitement that they were getting away with something. He was a teenager, skipping mathematics class and sneaking out of school. He was hidden behind the bleachers with his crush, making out for the first time. He was getting a blowjob from his co-worker as he took someone's order at the drive thru.

He was simply walking through a crowded mall with his dom, a ring holding his growing erection. The hand on his made soothing circles into his skin, and the way their arms brushed against each other was comforting, teasing.

A glance told Iruka that Kakashi was just as at ease. Those dark, smoldering eyes told Iruka that he was doing good.

Things were going well.

At least, that was until Iruka caught sight of two familiar heads in the crowd coming towards them and by the time he recognized them, it was too late to warn Kakashi or turn around.

Too stunned to do anything else, he gripped Kakashi's hand hard and it held on tightly too as Izumo and Kotetsu grinned at them.

"Iruka!" Kotetsu called as he strode forward, Izumo following close behind. Kotetsu looked toward Kakashi, recognizing him immediately but Izumo was quicker. His gaze was locked on Iruka's hand laced through Kakashi's, and Iruka knew that this was automatically suspicious.

"Long time no see," Kotetsu said as he sidled up to them, eyes focused on Kakashi the entire time. "And who's this?"

"This is Kakashi," Iruka introduced even though it was completely pointless since Izumo and Kotetsu had both seen Kakashi online.

"Nice to meet you," Kakashi said with a polite smile, subtlety letting Iruka's hand go to shake Kotetsu's. "You must be Kotetsu."

Iruka knew he'd talked about his friends but was still surprised that Kakashi remembered their names. Even more to his surprise, Kotetsu was being polite and cordial. "Pleasure is mine."

"Sorry, we're probably interrupting your date," Izumo said, giving Iruka a heart attack. Date?


	17. Little Doubts

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Date?

Wait. Wait. Hold the phone. That wasn't right. They weren't on a date. This wasn't a date at all.

Wait. Was it?

Freezing up, there wasn't anything Iruka could say or do to verbalise what he was thinking or feeling, because he didn't know what he was thinking or feeling other than scared. He knew it wasn't because of Kakashi, because the man was just as shocked by the word as Iruka was. He just bounced back quicker, stepping up and explaining, "Ah, no worries, we're just shopping around."

The word wasn't addressed.

"Zumo and I were doing just that," Kotetsu casually continued. "So, I hear you're a lawyer."

"I am," Kakashi answered back as polite as ever. "And you work at the same school Iruka does, right?"

"Yeah, been working there for a few years now. Used to teach high school, but teenagers are the worst," Kotetsu said.

Kakashi chuckled. "I bet. I can't imagine being around all that angst for more than an hour, let alone teach."

"Right? I've got students who are even more stressed than I am and I have to pay taxes." The conversation devolved into finances since Kakashi apparently knew a tax guy who did good work for cheap.

That was around when Iruka lost track of the conversation and realised why Izumo had used that word. He'd been out with the third slice of their trio and major crush. Of course, he'd have love and romance on the brain.

Stress dissipated and Iruka pushed away that nervous feeling in his chest to focus on his friends. This was good, Izumo and Kotetsu were obviously friendlier with each other than ever before. Kotetsu was trying to involve Izumo in the conversation and was actually being quite thoughtful.

They would be quite cute together if they started dating.

There was that word again.

It made him so uncomfortable.

Why did it make him so uncomfortable?

"Well, we should probably get going." Kakashi pointed out as he edged them towards the nearest store. "It was nice to meet you, Kotetsu, and you again, Izumo."

"You too!" Kotetsu said cheerfully before he quickly dragged Izumo away, both of them gossiping to each other as they went.

"Well, that was fun," Kakashi said, taking Iruka's hand again even though the teacher was reluctant. Noticing that hesitation, Kakashi pulled Iruka closer as they headed towards a clothing store. "You okay? Want to stop for today?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just surprising." Was Iruka's excuse which was half true. It had been surprising to see his friends, but the most surprising part had been Izumo's comment. He just didn't know how to approach that topic. What would he even say?

"Okay." Kakashi was uncertain, but he let go of Iruka's hand to pull their bodies together in a light hug that was quite appreciated. Within that small hug, he whispered to Iruka, "Well, shall we continue, then?"

That was right. They were not on a date. They were doing something much naughtier and in public no less. Shivering, Iruka couldn't help but lean into his touch, sliding his arm up Kakashi's back in turn.

Blushing, he muttered back, "I guess we should."

As Kakashi wandered away to pick out pieces of clothing, the feeling of his nerves tightening and a weight on his shoulders pushing down came back to mingle with the lust reigniting. It was almost overwhelming, but he got some semblance of control by reminding himself that they were okay. This wasn't all going to suddenly get too serious. This wasn't all going to end.

His stomach dropped at that thought. God, he hoped his thoughts were right, because if this was to end…

Across the store, Kakashi was going through a rack of sweaters one at a time with a keen eye. He was just going about the task he had set for himself, but it still made Iruka's heart and body ache.

He was such a smart man, his mind knowing so many things and able to understand so much. It was nice to see him out in the world, outside of the haven that was Iruka's apartment. It felt like what they were doing was real. Kakashi was real, just a guy trying his best. A simple guy in jeans and a sweater.

It was hot as fuck.

But Iruka couldn't bring himself to feel anything but that uncomfortably warm affection. His libido was gone. His body was still uneasy, and he stopped them before they could step into the store, Kakashi immediately stopping too and looking over with a squeeze of his hand.

"You okay?"

Iruka was about to say yes instinctually, play it off like he was okay. The mood just wasn't there anymore though. For the first time in a long time, he didn't want sex or an experience like that. Hand in Kakashi's, he was good to just stay like this. It soothed his static-filled insides and cooled his churning mind.

With heavy hesitation, he slowly said, "Actually, I don't feel… up for this tonight."

"Okay," Kakashi said, forming his words as he pulled them out of the way of other pedestrians. "Do you want to use the bathroom?"

"Yeah."

Leaving Kakashi at the end of the hall, Iruka walked the long path back towards the bathrooms alone. The silence of being alone in there was so welcomed and he yanked down his pants quickly, pocketing the toy with a flicker of shame.

Alone in the bathroom, he wondered if he was just overreacting. They'd been doing this for months now. There wasn't anything different.

It was probably from running into his friends. Iruka was sure that was it.

Kakashi was probably frustrated or annoyed at this point. It wouldn't surprise Iruka if the man had left.

With growing fear, he wondered if Kakashi would actually do that; just walk out.

Quickly washing his hands, Iruka almost couldn't wait for his hands to finish drying before he rushed out. Breathless, he started hurrying back down the long corridor. Steps slowing, he realised that Kakashi was still there, leaning against a wall just as Iruka had initially guessed. Predictable. Reliable.

"Hey," Kakashi greeted with a smile and reached his hand out to Iruka's surprise, their fingers lacing together like they'd been before. It was as if nothing had happened. "You hungry?"

"A little," Iruka admitted, and Kakashi grinned, leading them towards the food court.

They ate in quiet silence at first. Iruka wasn't sure if Kakashi was just being polite or if he was secretly upset. As they walked and fretted, Iruka worried that he did something to upset Kakashi, but the other man was still holding his hand, and still occasionally looked over with a smile.

Only after they ordered food and started eating, did Iruka start to feel at ease.

"So, there's this little restaurant by my place," Kakashi was saying between bites. "It's so beautiful inside. They've got a live plant wall that has running water behind it and everything."

"That's cool, but what kind of food do they serve?" Iruka asked playfully, opening up again when he finally understood that Kakashi was indeed not mad. It was almost silly to have been scared of Kakashi's reaction earlier.

"Right." Kakashi flushed at that moment, realising that his brain had been running too fast, and that he had to slow down a bit. It was charming. "They've got mostly eastern food. You know, the conveyor belt style of eating but with booths."

"That sounds so cool," Iruka mused, taking a bite of his own food.

"Want to go someday?"

Iruka looked up, and that unease was still tight in his chest.

Kakashi noticed and explained softly, "The booths are enclosed. It's all you can eat. And it's loud, but we don't have to."

"I want to." Iruka cut in, trying to explain that he did want to. He just needed time to relax a little. Taking a bath came to mind and that was all he could think of until they went to leave. His hand was in Kakashi's again as they made their way back to Iruka's home, and Iruka thought about the last few weeks, how they got to this point.

"So, I'll see you next week," Kakashi said as they got to Iruka's front door.

"Yeah," Iruka agreed. "Sorry, by the way. About tonight."

"You don't have to apologize." Kakashi squeezed Iruka's hand and Iruka knew for sure from the taller man's soft eyes that he'd been prepared for this, completely unbothered that they were just hanging out together.

"By the way," Iruka spoke up before Kakashi could leave. With a sharp breath, he admitted, "You cheated last week."

Kakashi blinked owlishly. "I did?"

"You said to make something good. You didn't specify that you had to like it." Iruka challenged, a smile creeping onto his face.

Kakashi raised his brows in understanding, thinking over Iruka's words in his head.

"You're right." Iruka didn't expect that. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, he just didn't expect Kakashi to agree. The lawyer smiled down at him, sharp and analysing.

Then he leaned in, a single finger touching the edge of Iruka's jaw. Through the heavy shiver that ran up his spine, Iruka barely managed a breath. The next words that came out of Kakashi's mouth stole his breath away. "I'll have to treat you next week with something you like."

Iruka was left on his front step with a wobbly smile and racing heart.

Somehow back inside, he blearily sipped water on the sofa.

A thought came to mind through the fog.

He wished he had a bathtub.

After dreaming of soft hair and charming laughter, Iruka woke up and realised that there was a pool not that far.

He spent the weekend swimming, reading and coming to the conclusion that he didn't have anything to worry about. He and Kakashi weren't dating. They both knew that. They wouldn't ever be that so there wasn't a reason to feel worried because Kakashi was on the same page.

Now, Iruka's friends were a different matter. Iruka was glad that they were so supportive. They were great guys. They just didn't know the definition of boundaries, and he had to remember that. They didn't know Kakashi the way Iruka did.

It was a settling thought, calming the deep-seated anxiety that Iruka felt. They were okay. He wasn't getting too deep into this. This was fine.

They were having fun, playing around, and feeling good together. Kakashi was so wonderful and gorgeous on top of that. It felt so good being with him, like Iruka could really be himself. Everything else didn't matter. They didn't need labels or anything else because they were good.

They were good the next weekend when Kakashi brought Iruka to a different mall, a bigger one with tons more people. This time, Iruka didn't care they were holding hands and picking out clothes together because Kakashi was making bedroom eyes at him. That was what they were there for, and it was at the front of his mind the entire time even as he tried on clothes, hiding his erection as best he could as the growing vibrations buzzed inside him.

When he stepped out, smoothing over his shirt, Kakashi's gaze followed and ate up everything Iruka had to offer. Their minds were both on the same track as Kakashi commanded Iruka to turn with greedy eyes.

"Yes, sir." Iruka ignored that excited nervousness in his stomach and focused on the presentation, showing off all his assets in the hopes that he could charm his way into getting them home quicker. It seemed to Iruka that it was working, too. It helped immensely that they were both thinking of how they hadn't had sex in weeks.

Pretending to look himself over, the teacher pulled his knee up on the small bench and leaned forward in a way that he knew made his ass into a work of art. In the mirror, Kakashi's face was just as blank, the teasing seemingly not working.

"Try on the next one," Kakashi said flippantly, but his eyes never moved and Iruka knew he had him hook, line and sinker.

They ended up buying that outfit and leaving the store immediately after Kakashi paid. They barely made it out of the mall when Iruka couldn't take it anymore. Spurred on by the low vibrations of the toy seated inside him, Iruka asked, "Kakashi?"

Kakashi looked over as they walked towards their stop, the air around them chilled but his eyes searing. "Yes?"

Glancing around the bus station, Iruka was glad there was barely anyone around. "Can I kiss you?"

"You can." Kakashi stopped them and Iruka was suddenly anxious.

Pushing through that spike of nerves, Iruka pulled Kakashi down by the collar of his plain, casual shirt and kissed him ever so softly to both their surprise. It barely lasted a second, just a brush of lips in the cold spring air, and then Iruka stepped back again.

About to grab Kakashi's hand and start walking again, Iruka paused at the sight of a content smile pulling at Kakashi's lips. His eyes were hooded with heated fascination that stoked the fires between them. It took everything in Iruka to not plead Kakashi to kiss him. Thankfully, they were in public, and begging on his knees wasn't appropriate.

That didn't stop Iruka from thinking about it, imagine unbuttoning Kakashi's fitted jeans and tasting him in front of everyone. The plug was making him think of very explicit things. Although, it didn't help that Kakashi was wearing something so casual and yet still looked like he was a god among men. He was so damn hot. So gorgeous.

Those thoughts kept spinning in Iruka's head, and his chest ached, legs numb as they walked towards Iruka's home and his whole-body tingling with every step and every pulse of vibration.

Apartment in sight, they were almost at the bottom step when Kakashi dragged them to a stop, pulling Iruka into his arms and kissing the breath out of his lungs.

Kakashi's phone went off to both their frustration, and Kakashi pulled away to take it. As soon as he saw his screen, the taller man's annoyance melted away. Staring at the number Iruka couldn't see, Kakashi faintly said, "Go inside, I'll be right there."

Kakashi was about to turn away to pick up when Iruka asked, "Everything okay?"

With a smile Iruka could tell was fake, Kakashi visibly lied to Iruka for the second time ever. "Yeah, I'll be right there."

There was that pit in his stomach again. Iruka knew he shouldn't be bothered. They weren't a thing. They weren't dating. They were just sleeping together, and they were about to do just that.

Stepping up to his apartment, Iruka hesitated at the top step when he heard Kakashi speak.

"Sorry… Yeah? Okay, I'll come over tomorrow."

When Iruka heard that, he immediately ran up to his apartment and threw himself inside, the air in his lungs gone. Breathing hard, he steadied himself against a wall and tried to control the fluttering, the nerves and the way his insides wanted to shrink. The flurry of feelings were all tinged with lust and he couldn't help but want Kakashi more, oddly enough.

Whatever was going on in Kakashi's life, whatever he wasn't telling Iruka, it was something he obviously didn't want to think about. It was something Kakashi wanted to forget and replaced with Iruka. Tingling, Iruka scoffed at himself for feeling excited by the idea of Kakashi wanting to be with Iruka more.

Maybe it was just the buttplug still vibrating against his prostate.

The door flew open suddenly, and Iruka only had a second of shock before that sweet, familiar mouth was on his.

"Sorry," Kakashi managed to mumble against Iruka's lips, but the younger man didn't care to answer. He was too busy getting Kakashi's clothes off, and soon enough they were both desperately clawing for more skin and more kisses. There wasn't enough contact, not enough friction between them.

"Kakashi," Iruka whined, grinding up into the hips pressing into his as Kakashi's strong hands massaged his cheeks.

There was a hum into Iruka's neck that echoed the vibrator's buzz as his pants were somehow suddenly off his hips, and their lengths slid against each other. Long fingers barely able to hold them both, Kakashi stroked them quickly. Bucking into it, Iruka couldn't help the noises his mouth was making. When his hand joined Kakashi's, their kisses turned even more desperate and breathless.

"Bend over." The order almost didn't register until Kakashi pulled away. For a second, Iruka blinked, unable to tear his eyes away from the man stroking himself slowly.

Stepping out of his pants, Iruka took a few seconds to steady himself as he slowly moved to bend over, hands and arms pressed against his front door. The angle of his hips presented the plug still humming inside to his dominant, whose nimble fingers moved to touch his ass. Spread and vulnerable, Iruka shivered and couldn't help but feel even more turned on by being studied.

Kakashi was watching him, massaging him and it was driving Iruka further into need.

The vibrating suddenly stopped. The sound of clothes hitting the floor made Iruka look over just as Kakashi's phone fell into the pile. Somehow, the sight of that precious phone being carelessly thrown made Iruka all the more turned on. The feeling of the buttplug being popped out soon jumped to first place.

"Beg for me," Kakashi commanded, the toy thumping to the ground as he drew his length between the cheeks presented to him.

Forming words was hard for Iruka, the slow, sensual slide teasing him into a shaking mess as the head edged in. "Please fuck me, sir."

"Good," Kakashi said into Iruka's ear before he finally snapped his hips forward, and it was all downhill from there.

They were a frantic mess of limbs and hot kisses, slick against each other. Iruka couldn't remember who had finished first, but they hadn't stopped. Even after the third time, they found themselves laying in bed with Kakashi's hands over Iruka's whimpering mouth and hip. Thrusts short and quick, Iruka could only hold onto whatever skin he could reach behind him. Every thought in his mind was gone, replaced by desperation for the man behind him.

He barely remembered any of it the next morning. It was a haze of skin and sweat. The sheets were a mess. His pillows were gone, but there was a body in his arms.

Kakashi's hair tickled him awake, and he laid there for a long time, Kakashi's rising and falling chest under his hands.

A thought came to mind as Iruka laid there, comfy and happy.

Was he desperate? Was this an act of self-loathing? Being with someone only for sex?

That was what they'd agreed on, and what they planned on doing into the foreseeable future. There was no question in Iruka's mind that they could be anything else. It wasn't that he wanted that with Kakashi, because Iruka truly didn't know if that was what he wanted. He just knew from experience that it was better to not get too personal, to let hope sleep.

Maybe he was taking this too personal. Maybe he needed to let loose a little. Have fun with this and just forget all that heavy, emotional stuff that wasn't worth thinking about because it would never happen.

Despite the growing ache in his chest at that thought.


	18. Growing Confidence

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

The sex easily made up for all the stress of the past week. That and all the fun they continued to have into the weeks that followed.

The next week, they went to a park in the suburbs for a walk and ended up walking to their bus stop on weak legs with a few splinters in odd places.

A week after that, they went to the private restaurant Kakashi had mentioned where they had planned for Iruka to jerk Kakashi off under the table but ended up with Iruka sitting on his lap.

The next time was in a giant bookstore in the secluded business section. Iruka brought home a very interesting book about starting internal company campaigns and the importance of a good thesis statement. He also left with the memory of his pants around his hips and Kakashi's hand muffling his whines.

Eventually, they went back to playing inside even though the idea of getting caught pushed all the right buttons for Iruka, especially when he was being told what to do. They went back to playing around with bondage and torture though which was fun too.

Meanwhile, Iruka made time to hang out with his friends and they stopped bringing Kakashi up very quickly, bored with the lack of drama. Kotetsu stopped asking about Kakashi at work too and instead of talking about Iruka's partners, they started talking about their kids and how they both felt something was missing at school.

Iruka kept a keen eye on Izumo, hoping that his friends were getting closer than ever but worried. Maybe Izumo would one day ask Kotetsu out. Maybe Kotetsu would agree and they'd live happily ever after. Maybe they'd get married.

Every time Iruka thought of that, he would recoil because of the giant worry that it would ruin their friendship and then remember that they'd been friends for years. There wasn't anything that could tear them apart. Heck, he'd even had a crush on Izumo back in high school and he'd silently gotten over that with no problem.

Things turned into a new kind of normal and Iruka was finding himself really happy. Anxious but happy.

Flopped on Kakashi's couch, they continued on with the newest series they'd started. The future was put on hold and they sat in the present, commenting about character choices and the mess they end up with.

"I won't if this is accurate at all," Iruka wondered, watching the doctors on-screen run around, talking about medical procedures and dealing with patients.

"The sex in on-call rooms?" Kakashi leered. Iruka rolled his eyes at the dirty comment, Kakashi chuckling as he replied, "Good question. I'll ask Gai."

"Gai?"

"Yeah. He's no doctor, but apparently, the nurses' station is gossip central."

Iruka thought back to his days as a teacher's assistant before he had his own classroom. "Sounds like our lunchroom at work."

"Do they talk about students?" Kakashi asked, brow quirking up in confusion and surprise that Iruka understood well.

"Sometimes." Iruka winced.

"That's not really… Ethical."

"Well, there's no rule that says they can't complain about it. It's not like they're talking to other parents or students." When Kakashi made a face, Iruka knew to pull back on the defence. "You're not wrong though."

"Is it to get feedback?"

"Not really. Kinda like a way to vent. It's mostly just teachers complaining about students and material." Iruka remembered a time when he walked in on two teachers talking about one of the students, in particular, one who he'd taught a few years back. "It's mostly the bad teachers. Like, they complain, but they don't do anything to fix the problem or find a way to use that as a teachable moment. At least they're not as bad as the parents."

Kakashi hummed, their attention completely gone from the show again. "How bad are the parents?"

Iruka scoffed automatically, shaking his head when he thought of way too many examples. "Some of them are great. Like, really great. But there are a few who just… Don't get the bigger picture at all."

"Do they complain a lot?" Kakashi asked.

"If they paid as much attention to their kids as they did to their jobs, they definitely would."

"Oh, so there's a lot of absent parents."

Iruka was nodding as he took his glass from the coffee table. "In a lot of families, both parents work and then they're kids have to do all their learning about everything at school. Social skills, basic life skills; things that parents are supposed to be helping them learn at home. I get so many kids who still don't know how to wash their hands."

Kakashi kept on listening to Iruka vent, asking questions and peppering commentary every now and then. They ended up pausing their show and just talking. They somehow ended up on the topic of special needs kids and a case Kakashi had a while ago where the parents had passed, leaving their disabled daughter in foster care where the kid was given more opportunities to learn and grow.

"I hear she's actually planning on studying law," Kakashi said proudly and Iruka couldn't help but grin back.

"That's amazing." They went quiet and Iruka spoke truly from the heart. "They have so much potential, every single kid. It's just that… I find they're lacking social and emotional development."

In that vulnerable, intimate moment, Iruka confessed something he hadn't ever told anyone. "I was thinking of maybe bringing in a consultant, starting a system that educates teachers and staff."

"What would they learn about?" Kakashi asked, sitting up properly as if that would help him listen and understand. Face burning, Iruka chuckled nervously at Kakashi's interest and enthusiasm.

"Like, teaching kids how to connect with each other emotionally and socially," Iruka tried to explain, combining the stuff he'd learned back in school and from attendants and special education technicians at the other schools he'd worked at. "It helps so much with decision-making and self-managing. Like, so many problems can be avoided just by communicating with each other and knowing our own selves and that's something I want kids to be able to learn early on."

"And those are the kinds of things'll help them later on too." The taller man was leaned in, hands running over Iruka's legs as he spoke. "I see so many cases where people barely know how to voice their own opinion and then expect the justice system to solve their problems for them."

"Exactly, you start young and then that makes things so much easier for everyone. And then they teach that to their kids and then their kids teach that to their grandkids," Iruka said quickly, trying to get all his thoughts out and explain what was going on in his head. He had so many ideas and plans.

He'd been to a conference a year or so ago that had mainly been for teaching children who had individualized education plans. There had been a workshop for social and emotional learning he'd stumbled into and he'd fallen in love with the idea of implementing it at his own school. Sadly, they didn't have a special education technician at their school, so his idea had fallen flat. The attendants, teachers and other staff members were all too busy actually trying to teach.

It had always been a dream of his to start implementing structures that other schools were doing, but he'd been shot down very quickly when he brought it up to the principal since their budget was way too thin back then. Talking to Kakashi about it, Iruka felt like the puzzle of what he thought the school was missing was slowly coming together.

"You should make a plan, talk to the attendant, contact a consultant all on your own and then bring all that to your boss. Don't give him a reason to say no," Kakashi egged on, squeezing Iruka's legs in encouragement.

"I'll think about it," Iruka grinned back as Kakashi looked at him with a look of complete faith that made Iruka feel so confident and excited.

"Good," Kakashi said as he reached for the remote, smile still pulling at both their lips even as the show started to play.

Maybe it was just the excitement of possibilities ahead. Maybe it could've been Kakashi's helpful comments. Regardless, Iruka couldn't look away from Kakashi's familiar face. Their gazes kept lining up as Kakashi's hands drew soft circles into Iruka's calves and knees. Giddy, Iruka couldn't help but chuckle and Kakashi's lips curled up too and they were slowly devolving into an odd euphoria. Iruka couldn't explain it even if he wanted to because it wasn't sexual tension, but Kakashi leaned in over his legs and then they were kissing.

The show played on in the background as they suddenly were lost in the feeling of being so close, lips pressing together over and over between laughter and smiles.

Iruka felt like he was going insane. What was making this happen? Why was he suddenly delirious from the way Kakashi was laying them both down into the couch? Why was he okay with just lying there, slowly making out and running his hands through this man's hair?

He really didn't have a reason for any of it. Leaving the next morning, he still didn't have one and he could almost look over the fact that they hadn't been naked together at all that weekend.

The next weekend, he almost forgot Kakashi was coming over and they spent the night working on their laptops together, ordering takeout and finally going to bed. Iruka crawled into bed and automatically snuggled up to Kakashi's back, threading his arm around Kakashi's waist without a second thought.

A few weeks later, Iruka realised that they hadn't had any sessions in a while and was determined to change that. Sure, work was important, but Iruka deserved to have fun breaks too. He just had to convince his workaholic partner that having sex and getting back to BDSM was a worthy endeavour.

It turned out that when Kakashi wasn't with Iruka, his focus was mainly on work and little side projects he had going like his little herb garden on his fire escape. When Iruka started coming over more frequently and they started hanging out without sec, the lines between Friday-night-fun and work-mode-weekend started to blur. The lawyer was a great partner in bed, that Iruka was sure of. Kakashi just needed a little reminder.

Iruka decided to make a little plan in his head. He texted Kakashi early on in the week to let him know that Iruka wanted to try something. That way, Kakashi didn't plan something that they wouldn't end up doing.

His cunning, little mind went back into their limits app and found a lot of inspiration by looking at all of the kinks Kakashi had rated five stars. It was interesting to see how many things they still hadn't tried and Iruka was feeling adventurous. A lot of things he wasn't ready for and there were many things that he wasn't too confident on starting on his own, but there were things he could hint at. He just knew that he wanted to cause trouble, stir things up a bit. When the next Friday came around, he had everything ready.

Kakashi stepped into Iruka's apartment on his own that time, the cryptic text he'd gotten from Iruka a few minutes before telling him that the front door was unlocked.

He slowly shrugged off his spring coat and slipped out of his shoes. The lights in the hallway were off and the orange light coming from the main area drew him further inside.

The table was set for one, music was playing faintly, the lit candles were the main source of light and a vision of beauty in the kitchen that had Kakashi blinking in confusion.

If he hadn't double-checked the address before coming in as he always did, Kakashi would have sworn he'd walked into another apartment because Iruka was cooking.

Iruka was voluntarily cooking food, without Kakashi's persuasion.

At the stove, Iruka finished up and served Kakashi's plate with the steadiest hands he could manage. Pulling out the only chair, Iruka offered calmly, "Sir."

In that instance, Iruka knew he'd made a bold move, but he wasn't hesitating anymore. He knew what he wanted and Kakashi was going to give it to him either the easy way or the hard way. Sadly, the hard way was mostly hard only for Iruka.

After watching Kakashi take his seat slowly, Iruka moved to kneel on the floor by Kakashi's chair. Iruka folded his hands in his lap carefully and sat on his heels, staring down at his hands and waiting for any order Kakashi had to give. For a second, Iruka didn't hear any movement to eat.

That was because Kakashi was too busy composing himself, pushing down the burning in his cheeks and trying to not let it show that he was shaking in excitement.

At the sound of a fork, Iruka calmed down and told himself all the had to do was wait.

And waiting was the worst thing that Iruka had to ever deal with. He was usually good with patience. At work, he could do the same, monotonous task and still find fun in it. Though, rarely did he ever just sit with his knees on uncomfortably hardwood floors and just wait.

To top it all off, Kakashi seemed to be taking his sweet time. Iruka hoped it wasn't because the food wasn't good. He'd thought it was good when he taste-tested it earlier.

Thoughts drifting off, Iruka wondered if Kakashi would ever finish. He'd never noticed if the man ate so slowly before then.

"A glass of water, please," Kakashi said from above and Iruka quickly got up.

When he came back with a full glass, it was so satisfying to find Kakashi's plate half full. It steadied Iruka's confidence and he decided to try something.

Instead of bringing Kakashi the glass of water, he stopped on the other side of the table and set the glass down. Biting down a smile, he watched Kakashi eye the glass and then slide his gaze up Iruka's anxious frame all the way to the smile being held back.

So, Iruka shrugged. "You didn't say to bring it to you."

With the small smirk he added, he knew that he'd stirred the pot. Kakashi's whole face went blank for a second in almost shock and then a slow, burning fire sparked in his eyes.

"Iruka," Kakashi warned in a tone that was like music to Iruka's ears.

Biting down hard on that smile, Iruka slid the glass across the table in the slowest increments possible. All the while, Kakashi watched him with narrowed eyes, shoulders back and a growing fury that Iruka ate up. The tension was so beautifully building, climbing up his back until the glass was just in Kakashi's reach.

Kakashi slowly stood, the chair grinding back out of his way, but his eyes never left Iruka's shaking smirk.

"You are so funny," Kakashi whispered dangerously as he stalked around the table. His hand grasped Iruka's chin and kept Iruka's face steady as Kakashi hummed. "Have you been practicing?"

"No," Iruka muttered, burning under Kakashi's gaze as he tried to find a retort. "I'm just naturally funny."

For a second, Iruka felt a bit of triumph when Kakashi didn't speak.

"That's enough funny for now," Kakashi eventually said as he let Iruka's chin go and went for his glass of water.

After drinking a small sip, Kakashi turned and went over to the couch. He sat down, pointed to the floor and ordered, "Sit."

Iruka knew he hadn't pushed far enough. He wanted to go further but still wanted to be good at the same time. He just wanted to see Kakashi snap and remind Iruka how much of a dominant he was.

So, he went and sat down in Kakashi's chair at the table, legs crossed and arm over the chair's back in a cheeky pose.

When Kakashi slowly sighed and stood back up, Iruka just smiled and said cheerily, "You didn't say where."

When Kakashi walked up to him, Iruka expected to be touched and manhandled again but Kakashi simply stood there, smiling.

Pulling a coin out of his pocket, Kakashi commanded, "Go stand against the wall and hold this penny against it with your nose."

After the long, heated stare Kakashi gave, Iruka took the penny meekly and did as he was asked. He took his time doing it, but he still went to the nearest wall, put the penny up against it and held it there with his nose. Kakashi then walked away and it was just Iruka and the wall.

A minute later, Iruka regretted almost every life choice. The television had been turned on. The light of it was flickering out of the corner of his eye and the frustrating monotony was getting to him. All he was doing was staring at a wall.

It was a million times worse than just sitting by Kakashi's side like a dog. At least he'd been able to see Kakashi's face when he was kneeling. Now, he could just see off-white. Shifting in place didn't help one bit. Pent up eagerness was building in him and he just wanted to sit, sit or do anything else.

"Iruka," Kakashi's voice called and the younger man froze, listening and waiting for any confirmation. "Come. Sit."

With a guttural sigh of relief, Iruka stumbled back from the wall and the penny dropped, falling away somewhere. Too relieved to care where it went, Iruka blinked back to reality and saw Kakashi sitting on the couch, watching a show with his finger pointed at the ground next to the couch.

Without a second thought, Iruka slid to his knees just by Kakashi's legs. Looking up at Kakashi, he waited and hoped for the sexy man in front of him to even just look away from the screen and down at him.

After a few minutes, Iruka's knees were aching, his legs were slowly going numb and all the things Kakashi could be doing to him were at the surface of his thoughts. There were so many things those hands could be doing, those strong arms. Iruka was by no means a light man, he could admit to that.

Despite that tantalizing knowledge, there was one moment that came to mind first. It wasn't a dirty one. It wasn't even mildly sexy. Instead of the burning hot sex, Iruka was thinking of the tender kisses that often came after. Sometimes, they weren't even accompanied by sex and those were the times that Iruka couldn't stop thinking of. The sweet, deliberate touches were all Iruka wanted as he leaned his cheek against Kakashi's knee and looked up at him sadly.

Kakashi's attention was all he wanted. It felt like that was all he needed, the bare minimum. If Kakashi would just look down at him, acknowledge him.

Kakashi's hand moved from the armrest just enough to slide his fingers into Iruka's hair. It was just enough to make Iruka grin, shivering into the touch happily. If Iruka had been a dog, his tail would've been wagging like he was trying to achieve airtime.

"Good boy," Kakashi said softly, pulling out Iruka's hair tie slowly and Iruka was on cloud nine.

Almost giggling from happiness, Iruka hummed and couldn't help but snuggle against his partner's legs, trying to show how much he loved Kakashi's soft touch. Kakashi's hands slid through his hair gently and Iruka couldn't catch his breath anymore. Chest beating hard, he couldn't get a hold of his emotions, his pulse was thundering in his ears, chest and between his legs. Everything just felt so exciting and intense that he was almost on the verge of tears.

Without knowing what he wanted or even needed, Iruka set his chin on Kakashi's knee, looked up at him and pouted. "I'm sorry."

Maybe it was the tears that made Kakashi melt slightly. The way Kakashi's eyes softened and how he sat up off the couch could've even been because Iruka even apologized. Whatever the case, he was kissing Iruka's forehead and making his pet's heart flip.

"You've been so good," Kakashi whispered as he pressed his nose into hair that smelled like coconut and shea. With a hum, he cupped Iruka's flushed cheeks and muttered, "Do you want a treat?"

"Yes, please," Iruka said immediately. Feeling Kakashi pull away, he eagerly sat up off his heels to kiss Kakashi's face. "Please, Sir. Please, please."

Between smiling and a suppressed chuckle, Kakashi patted his lap and breathed, "Come here."

Not even a second later, Iruka was eagerly climbing onto Kakashi's lap as their lips clashed. With shaking hands and uneven breaths, belts hit the floor and clothes were scattered to the wind as they drew their bodies together.

"So good," Kakashi kept whispering as his confident touch turned Iruka's thoughts into mere noises against Kakashi's shoulder. Even when Iruka was on his knees with Kakashi's hand tight in his hair and his mouth filled around Kakashi's length, all he could manage were moans and whines as if he was the pet he'd been pretending to be.

All the while, his chest ached, and his heart wouldn't stop racing from the lovely noises Kakashi was making and the beautiful flush of across his cheeks.

Later, when they were laying together on the floor, Iruka couldn't help but watch that flush fade.

"I've been looking for a new apartment," Kakashi was saying to Iruka's surprise.

"You are?" Iruka couldn't help but ask incredulously.

"Yeah. A bigger place so I could get a dog." Kakashi chuckled, throwing an arm over his eyes when his face started to burn.

Iruka sputtered out a laugh and soon enough they were both laughing, Iruka's arms wrapping around Kakashi's waist.

"I don't think I'll be as into that if I ever get a dog," Kakashi confessed sadly and Iruka grinned slyly up at his partner.

"Well, guess that means we'll have to take advantage."


	19. Rocky Roads Ahead

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Sitting in his kitchen, Iruka frowned when he heard his doorbell ring. Even more confusing, he opened the door to find Kakashi standing there.

"Kakashi," Iruka said, taken aback.

"How's your day?" Kakashi asked as he swept into Iruka's apartment, giving Iruka a kiss on his cheek that wasn't unwelcome.

"I'm good," Iruka said slowly, following Kakashi back into his own apartment.

It was only when Kakashi stopped and looked back at Iruka did he realise that something was off. Mainly, it was the way Iruka was making that cute face of confusion, one brow quirked up and his arms crossed.

"What?" Kakashi asked, raising one of his own brows at the teacher who was slowly walking into the room. After checking his phone, Iruka couldn't help but scoff. Kakashi repeated, "What?"

"K-Kakashi," Iruka sputtered, grinning. "It's Thursday."

Face going slack, Kakashi kind of slumped in a way that showcased the perfect image of dumbfounded. Then, as if in a haze, Kakashi made a small huff and tilted his head. "It's Thursday?"

"I think maybe you need to slow down." Iruka tried to hold back his laugh as he went over to the kitchen and poured them both a drink as Kakashi slid into one of the kitchen chairs.

As Iruka set their glasses down on the table, the confused man frowned and groaned, "Sorry, I really thought it was Friday."

"That's okay." Iruka shrugged, finding Kakashi's confusion quite adorable. "I've got a pizza on the way. Want some?"

"Sure," Kakashi agreed, very obviously annoyed at himself. As he pulled out his phone, the lawyer muttered to himself and he tapped a message out, "Sorry, Gai."

"You sure he can work out without you," Iruka asked, half teasingly.

"Yeah." Kakashi shrugged and got comfortable, pulling loose his tie and laying his jacket on the chair's back. "He's got a few other buddies at the gym who like to help out."

"He seems really friendly," Iruka agreed as he went back to his laptop and the work he had open.

Kakashi hummed, nodding as he watched Iruka work. "He is."

For a while, they sat in silence as Iruka printed out worksheets and got things ready for the week after. It was the routine he'd fallen into, prepare things on Thursday so he could have Friday to focus on Kakashi. Normally though, he didn't have Kakashi with him this early. It wasn't all that bad. It was actually kind of nice to just hang out without the sexual tension.

"So, how'd you think it was Friday?" Iruka finally asked as he brought over another freshly printed bundle of papers.

"Guess it's just been a long day," Kakashi said flippantly and Iruka could tell from the way Kakashi didn't meet Iruka's eyes that he was only telling half the truth.

So, for the first time, Iruka asked more. "Just a long day?"

He didn't want to push or force Kakashi to say anything. It was the other man's decision to say anything at all and Iruka respected that. After all, they weren't in a serious relationship or even dating.

Still, Iruka couldn't tell if he felt happy or sad that Kakashi only said with a strained smile, "Just some family stuff."

Iruka could only nod, taking a deep breath as he sat and tried to sort the papers into little bundles. Breaking the tension that had crept up, Kakashi offered as he scooted his chair over, "Can I help?"

"Sure," Iruka said with a smile and felt that this was okay. He was still glad that Kakashi had said anything at all. If that was the truth, it was a small step forward and Iruka was happy Kakashi trusted him enough to say as much.

That didn't stop Iruka from wondering of course. Iruka knew about family matters. He'd lived through constant fighting, a rough divorce and the aftermath of it all. Maybe one day Kakashi would feel comfortable enough to talk about it more.

It didn't happen that night and Kakashi went home, leaving another apology on the teacher's doorstep and accepting a soft kiss on his cheek. Iruka closed his door and went back into his empty apartment, thinking about everything that hadn't been said and how silent his apartment was now.

Things went on from there like usual. Kakashi didn't drop in the following Thursday, but they did agree to meet for lunch at the shop they'd first met when Iruka commented about how he didn't bring a lunch.

"Hey," Kakashi said one day as they ate food together in the lawyer's clean kitchen, still warm from cooking. They'd just finished talking about messing around with electricity and planned to work on endurance next week.

Iruka peered at Kakashi at that moment, knowing that something was going on in that head of his. Then the other shoe dropped. "Would you want to come with me to a convention?"

"A convention?" Iruka asked, images flooding his mind of ropes, outfits and toys. "Like, a kinky convention?"

Kakashi was nodding, scrolling on his laptop as he ate and talked. "I've never been, but it sounds like fun."

Hearing that, Iruka paused with his hand in the air. "Really?"

"Nope."

"Really really?"

Kakashi glanced up, confused and uncertain by the surprise on Iruka's face. The response he gave Iruka was a shrug as he said meekly to his screen, "I mean… I never had a partner who wanted to go with me."

That made Iruka shiver, chest blooming with warmth.

When he didn't speak, Kakashi quickly said, "You don't have to give me an answer now. It's in a month and a bit anyway, but you can say no if you want. I don't want to pressure you into-"

"I'd love to." Iruka cut in, giddy from the small smile Kakashi made and how eager and excited it was.

"Cool! Cool." There were happy nods between them both as Kakashi started to ramble. "Cool. It's a few towns over though. So, we can get a room nearby. See the sights and have like a mini vacation. I mean, we could take off work if we wanted to on that Friday or Monday. Monday would be better since I'll probably have loads of paperwork to do when I get back from Vancouver."

"Vancouver?" Iruka perked up and Kakashi's face lit up in a different way, realising Iruka didn't know what he was talking about.

"Ah, yeah," Kakashi said, sliding his laptop away a little to give Iruka his full attention. "There's a conference coming up that the office wants me to attend. It's a two-week thing, about a month away. It's a week before the convention."

"Okay." Iruka nodded, a little sad at this new information. "So, we'll skip a week."

"Two actually."

They were nodding slowly together, uncertain of where to go from there until Kakashi said, "But we'll talk about that when we get closer to it."

"Yeah, of course." Iruka agreed eagerly.

"Yeah."

"It's so far in the future." Iruka was rambling now, both of them falling into an awkward silence. They needed a distraction. "Can we watch more Grey's Anatomy?"

"Sure," Kakashi slapped his laptop shut, both of them grateful for a break from that heavy tension.

Sitting on the couch with Kakashi's back against his chest, Iruka couldn't help but feel that the man in his arms was slipping away. They were closer than ever, texting almost every day about nothing and yet there was barely anything there. Iruka couldn't help the hurt that kept boiling to the surface and he couldn't understand why he felt that way.

That was what he wanted right? A man to fool around with but without any strings attached?

When they were fooling around, the answer was a definite yes.

With his arms and legs tied to each leg of Kakashi's bed and a cold finger drawing down his naked chest, the only answer Iruka could give was yes. The blindfold stopped him from being able to see Kakashi suck on an ice cube before slowly licking a path around one of Iruka's hard nipples. His gasps around the ball gag strapped between his teeth were all happy confirmations that this was amazing. After they finished playing around, the aftercare was a slick slap of skin against skin that made Iruka pant, the word perfect on his breath.

When they weren't playing around, they talked as if they were good friends and enjoyed each other's company. It was all perfect form the outside but Iruka knew it was hollow.

He didn't know much about Kakashi and Kakashi didn't know much about him. That was what he thought about when he was alone and he told himself it was okay. They weren't in a relationship.

As much as he told himself that, it didn't stop him from unconsciously reaching out and letting Kakashi come to his home when it wasn't a Friday. They ended up in Iruka's living room again and again. Sometimes talking about work and the stresses they were both under but mostly about music and shows.

"This sounds good," Kakashi said as he read through the proposal Iruka had drafted for his principal. As he handed it over, Kakashi admitted, "I've only ever been a student in the school system and even I could understand that."

"You think?" Iruka grinned but that grin quickly faded when Kakashi kept talking.

"I mean, the formatting could use some work," Kakashi said so casually.

As Iruka took back the long, anxiety-inducing paper he'd been so working hard on, his eye twitched. He gritted out, "I think the format is fine."

"True, this is just for an elementary school," Kakashi hummed off-handedly and he didn't see the way Iruka's face darkened considerably.

"Just?" Iruka growled, trying not to crimp the paper in his hands. And then he lost control of his tongue and snapped back, "Oh, right. You're a lawyer who deals with the big kids who don't know how not get married."

As Iruka stormed back to the kitchen, Kakashi looked over the couch in confusion and shock. "What?"

"Just a big shot lawyer," Iruka muttered to himself as he searched for something to drink but Kakashi heard and was already on his feet, hands on his hips as he stepped into the kitchen.

"What are you even talking about?" Kakashi asked, his tone climbing like Iruka's.

"Forget it." Iruka slammed the fridge door shut and rounded the kitchen island to head to his room but Kakashi was already on that side, blocking Iruka's path.

"What is going on with you?" Kakashi demanded, obviously frustrated and Iruka's anger just kept building.

How could such a smart man be so dumb? How could he not see how rude and dismissive he'd been? Why was he getting angry that Iruka was angry?

"What's going on with you?" Iruka countered, crossing his arms when Kakashi made a confused shrug.

"What are you even talking about?" Kakashi demanded.

"Did you not just hear yourself?" Iruka demanded right back, gesturing in annoyance. "'Just an elementary school'? Do you even hear how condescending you sound?"

"I didn't mean it as condescending!"

"Well, it sounded really goddamn condescending!"

And in the quiet that followed their echoing voices, they both stood in Iruka's kitchen with angry red faces and a tension that stopped all movement.

Iruka couldn't speak. He was hurt, upset and frustrated that Kakashi had made such a sharp, biting comment. He hadn't expected that kind of comment, not from Kakashi. It reminded him of Mizuki. It reminded Iruka of his father. Before the sharp sting of tears could bite, Kakashi did something unexpected.

Pursing his lips, Kakashi leaned a hand on the counter and asked meekly, "I did?"

Arms falling to his side, Iruka couldn't help but feel confused by Kakashi's sudden lack of anger. Not knowing what to say, Iruka's mouth opened and closed, hands clenching and unclenching in confusion. Finding any words at all, Iruka nodded slowly and said faintly, "Yeah."

Kakashi nodded down to the floor, looking up with sincere regret in his eyes and between his brows. It caught Iruka off guard and his annoyance immediately sputtered away. He knew what faking looked like. After spending years with Mizuki, he knew what faces people made when they lied and if Kakashi was being disingenuous, then he must've been a broadway star in another life. That same sincerity in his voice, Kakashi said softly, "I'm sorry."

With a deep breath, Iruka took a minute to process those words. He didn't really know how to process any of it so he leaned on experience. Just like he would if he were talking to a parent or a student, Iruka went over to the kitchen table and pulled out one of the chairs.

"Can we talk?" He asked hopefully, unsure of where the heck they went from there.

He knew he had the right idea when Kakashi's shoulders relaxed.

They sat with each other at the kitchen table, lit by the light above the table as they got as comfortable as possible. Their knees were barely a foot apart and Kakashi was leaning in just enough for Iruka to feel like he had the taller man's attention.

"I feel that," Iruka started slowly, feeling like Kakashi's eyes were making him catch fire. "The way you spoke felt very condescending."

Kakashi was softly nodding along with Iruka's words and when Iruka finished, he politely asked, "You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable but… can you explain to me what I said and how that made you feel?"

The question wasn't biting or sarcastic and Iruka nodded back, leaning in as Kakashi was. Iruka knew he had overreacted just a bit, but he'd still very hurt. "Well, you said the formatting needed work which I understand. I mean, it was the first draft. I just… what you said after that kinda hurt and made me feel like my work wasn't all that important."

Kakashi kept nodding, listening as Iruka spoke. When Iruka left the floor open, Kakashi looked Iruka in the eyes and said, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I was trying to help you feel confident in your work, but instead, I did the opposite."

Iruka nodded, feeling unwanted tears prickling up. Throat tight, he nodded, "Yeah, you did."

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said again.

"I'm sorry too," Iruka said, reaching for Kakashi's hand. "I didn't mean to yell and I know everything's been really busy."

"For both of us," Kakashi agreed, squeezing Iruka's hand.

"We need a break," Iruka whined and Kakashi started laughing, brows still pressed together in regret.

"We really, really do." Their foreheads were so close together, almost touching when Kakashi finally smiled a bit. "How about a convention?"

"Oh, a convention, huh?" Iruka chuckled, his free hand running over Kakashi's shoulder and neck.

"Mhh." Kakashi was smiling, studying Iruka's face as he said, "We can sleep in, go to dinner."

Iruka couldn't help but smile back, excitement and eager nerves replacing the anger and stress they'd both been feeling. "God, that sounds so nice. Work has been so rough."

"Yeah?" Kakashi asked.

"There are all these rumours going around that we're getting less hours for attendants next term," Iruka explained, letting his frustrations out. "Which means less hours for the kids and what if there are more kids next year who need special help?"

"They shouldn't be cutting something that's so necessary." Kakashi was on the same page, nodding and commenting, "We've got the same problem at work. There are so many budget cuts coming up and everyone's worried they're going to get cut."

"Exactly! It's just money and numbers for the people in charge. Stupid capitalism."

They broke out into laughter and Kakashi suggested jokingly, "We should eat the rich."

"Wait, wouldn't you be considered rich?" Iruka couldn't help but laugh harder and they eventually came down from the delirium of laugh and the swing of emotions.

There was relief between them, things were feeling less heavy but Kakashi went back to frowning. It sobered them up and Iruka waited until Kakashi spoke up.

"I'm gonna do better." Kakashi's voice was heavy with emotion that Iruka could feel in his chest, that aching burn of hurting someone you cared about. "I'm never going to make you feel less than you're worth."

Heart in his throat, Iruka couldn't speak. Kakashi just kept talking, "Not intentionally, at least. And if I ever do say something stupid again, please, tell me because I can be a giant idiot and-"

Iruka was kissing Kakashi hard, swallowing his rambling words and forgiving the sweet man in his hands with every press of their lips. When they finally pulled apart, Iruka nodded and said, "I'll tell you. And ditto to you."

"Okay," Kakashi said, his brows finally relaxing and his smile soft. It made Iruka kiss him again and they stayed at the kitchen table for a while, venting about work and making plans for their small vacation in a week.

Out of all the excitement and talking, Iruka noted that Kakashi had only talked about work and apartment hunting.

There was no mention of family issues at all. Iruka took that fact into note when he started packing for their trip that Friday.

It was odd. He didn't know much about Kakashi's personal life and yet he was folding some very risque clothing into his suitcase that he and Kakashi had shopped for together.

"Hey." Kakashi was leaning against the doorway, a small, nervous smile on his face.

Iruka stood up straight, smiling suspiciously at the way Kakashi had his hands hidden. "Hey."

"I got you something," Kakashi said with only a smidge of guilt as he stepped into the room.

"Kakashi," Iruka warned, only slightly annoyed that he was being caught off guard.

"You don't have to wear it." From behind his back, Kakashi held up a small, plastic shopping bag from the same adult store they'd been to a few days before.

Iruka carefully took it and pulled out the gift, his heart jumping at the sight of what Kakashi was giving him.

"It's just a little thing to show that you're taken," Kakashi explained as Iruka held the black, simple collar between his fingers. "It's vegan, of course."

Entranced by the silver loop attached to the front and the matching buckle on the back, Iruka couldn't help but run his thumb over the leather and feel excited.

With a giant grin on his face, Iruka couldn't help but giggle like a goof and kiss Kakashi's equally happy grin. "I love it. Thank you."

Later on, when he was alone, he tried it on in the mirror and couldn't help but like the way he looked in it. It wasn't too thick or thin. It felt good around his neck. It fit perfectly and Iruka kind of liked the way it made him feel connected to Kakashi, like a handprint that he could take off.


	20. New Paths to Tred

_**Fifty Shade of Grey**_

* * *

"Do you have your health card?" Kakashi was asking as he frantically ripped through his suitcase for the fifth time that morning.

Over on the couch, Iruka was reading over his ticket again with the serenity of someone on a beach in the hot sun. Looking up, he found Kakashi was snapping his head around the room as if trying to find something he'd forgotten, but Iruka knew that everything Kakashi would ever want to bring was in the same suitcase he was trying to repack.

"I do," Iruka assured calmly as he crossed his legs again, leaning into Kakashi's soft couch. Iruka noted that next time he'd ask to meet at his apartment instead so that Kakashi wouldn't worry about Iruka forgetting things instead of focusing on himself.

"Do you have your driver's license?" Kakashi asked, sharply zipping his things up as he patted his own pockets for his wallet.

"I do," Iruka repeated and just smiled happily up at Kakashi who was starting to calm down. "Do you have yours?"

"I don't have one," Kakashi said dismissively and while Iruka was processing that new piece of information, Kakashi dragged their suitcases to the front door.

"You don't?" Iruka asked skeptically.

"No," Kakashi replied before patting himself, searching for something he couldn't find.

Holding up Kakashi's keys from the small bowl he kept by the front door, Iruka jingled them deliberately.

Realizing that Iruka knew exactly where his mind was, Kakashi sighed and carefully took his keys with a fond kiss. "Thank you."

"Ready?" Iruka asked and Kakashi grinned.

"Definitely." Even though Kakashi said that and he confidently stepped outside, he still discreetly patted his back pocket to quadruple-check that his wallet was still there.

An hour later, they were on a train to both their first kinky convention. After an hour of quietly sitting together and a secret game of footsie, they stepped up to a nice, luxurious hotel that Iruka was not expecting at all.

Blinking up at it, Iruka frowned at Kakashi, "This cost three hundred?"

"For you yes," Kakashi said quickly before sweeping in.

On the sidewalk, Iruka's jaw dropped. "Kakashi!"

The taller man was too far inside to hear Iruka's wounded gasp so Iruka hurried in up the marble steps. As Kakashi was using his polite service-employee voice to talk to the people at the main counter, Iruka slid up with a strained smile and caught Kakashi's flinching elbow in his angry claw.

"Thank you," Kakashi managed to whimper by the end of the exchange and started dragging Iruka towards the elevators with their keys. Before the doors even properly closed, he was already whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"How much did this even cost you?" Iruka demanded sadly, more hurt that Kakashi had hidden this from him than anything.

"Let me just say, before we get into this," Kakashi said quickly as he pulled Iruka's had off his elbow and linked their hands comfortingly. "I'm really sorry and I think you're gorgeous."

Iruka hummed suspiciously, eyes narrowed and angry.

"I wanted to surprise you. Give us both a proper vacation, you know?" Kakashi smiled and Iruka melted a little. "Besides, it's an early part of your birthday gift since I won't be there for it."

Iruka blinked in confusion. "You know my birthday?"

"Yeah." Kakashi saw Iruka's reaction and raised an eyebrow in similar confusion. "What?"

Trying to piece together for himself why he was so confused, Iruka thought out loud, "I don't know your birthday."

"Oh." Kakashi huffed. "That's true, I don't make my birthday public."

"Kakashi," Iruka urged with a smile.

"September 15th."

"Wow. Wait, how old are you?" Iruka asked, suddenly unsure that he'd been guessing right this whole time.

"I'm twenty-nine."

Looking at Kakashi, Iruka hummed, "Yeah, that seems about right."

As they stepped out onto their floor, they got busy finding their room. Stepping into their hotel room didn't stop Iruka from gasping again and grabbing Kakashi's arm. "Kakashi!"

"I may have gone overboard," Kakashi said meekly as they stepped into the giant room that wasn't even where the bedroom was. It was a living room with a big screen and wide L-shaped couch. The bedroom was behind the couch and through a walk-in closet. As Iruka stepped through it, he gasped when he saw that one of the closet doors led into the bathroom.

He didn't gasp because the bathroom was so luxurious with the marble and the gold trimmings. No, no, it was because there was a beautiful, deep tub.

"This was the only room with a big enough tub," Kakashi said through his very proud smile and he went to get their things settled in while Iruka drooled over the tub.

From the bedroom, Kakashi heard Iruka yell, "We need bath bombs!"

Chuckling affectionately to himself, Kakashi flopped onto the bed with the convention schedule open on his phone.

After putting himself back together, Iruka scurried to the bedroom and found that the view was just as amazing even though it was terribly high up. With a sharp breath, Iruka went right back to the safety of the bed where he felt safe and excited with Kakashi right next to him. "So, what's on the plan today, mister?"

Kakashi smirked a bit to Iruka's satisfaction. "The first class starts in an hour and then I was thinking we head to the beginner shibari class."

Iruka just kept nodding, listening to Kakashi's plan with a bit of nervous excitement growing. He'd never been to this kind of convention before obviously. There were all sorts of classes and things they could do. Kakashi even had time planned for roaming the booths room.

"Plus, we don't have to go very far," Kakashi said proudly. "Because everything is happening in this hotel."

"Oh, that's why it's so expensive." Iruka grinned. "You gotta pay more for the nudes."

"Goofball." Kakashi chuckled. "Want to get ready?"

"Sure."

"Okay, what do you think? The bowtie or just a classic tie?" Kakashi eagerly started ripping through their luggage and Iruka couldn't help but grin affectionately.

Standing at the bathroom with music playing faintly, Iruka fixed the collar of his shirt for the thousandth time. He couldn't decide if having it flipped up looked good or not, hiding the black collar around his neck or not.

Arms slipped around his waist and he could feel Kakashi against his back but Iruka couldn't take his eyes off the mirror where the collar was peaking out.

A whisper hit Iruka's ear. "Which is more comfortable?"

Iruka looked over at Kakashi then and felt his heart leap. He had to turn and face the man properly, the classy black tuxedo hugging every line of his frame. And yet, his hands were on Iruka's waist supportively and there was wisdom behind his eyes that Iruka felt safe in.

Turning back to the mirror, Iruka saw himself and how fine he looked too. He was damn handsome in his matching suit and hair pulled up. The doubt fled his mind at that thought and he flicked down his shirt collar.

"This is," Iruka said proudly, his wavering confidence strong again.

With a sultry tenderness in his eyes, Kakashi slid his arms around Iruka's waist to perch his head on Iruka's steadfast shoulder. "You look gorgeous."

The elevator ride was tense, the anxious tension climbing but Iruka felt grounded with Kakashi holding his hand. Stepping out into the convention floor, they followed the loud music and voices that echoed off the high ceilings until they found people.

At first, it felt like looking at models on a kinky clothing site. Glossy blacks and slick skin were all Iruka could see. Blushing from head to toe, Iruka couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Then he started to notice the others there who weren't as flashy, the people in normal clothing and the others in similarly classy clothes. He wasn't as kinkily dressed as some but there were others like him. The main issue he had was with the photographers in the main hall photographing con-goers.

It still took some getting used to. As they went up to the registration desk, Iruka's attention was everywhere else but the staff.

An objectively gorgeous woman in an intricate corset passed by and Iruka couldn't help but be entranced by the way she carried herself on such high heels.

"Here." Kakashi passed Iruka a badge and lanyard with the words 'NO PHOTO' in red proudly displayed. Iruka couldn't help but feel a lot more comfortable with it around his neck.

Subtle black map in his hand, Kakashi pulled Iruka towards their first workshop. All the way, Iruka couldn't help but marvel at the people they passed and the amazing creativity in some. Who would've thought of mixing 90s fashion with chains and revealing lingerie? Not Iruka.

Seated amongst a handful or two of other kinksters, he and Kakashi listened intently as a man in a tight leather vest stepped onto the stage, dark hair kept down with a bandana. "Thank you all for coming to Domination 101. I'm Genma and I'll be your host for tonight. Nice to see so many lovely faces out there."

Kakashi squeezed Iruka's hand and the teacher could tell that Kakashi was as if not more excited and nervous than Iruka was. It was really sweet to witness and the workshop was unsurprisingly very informative.

Plus, the dom in charge was hot as heck. Mister Genma sure was a powerful dom. Not in the way Kakashi was, of course.

"Tip number three: keep a journal together. Not a diary that is meant to be private but a communal space where you can both express how you felt before, during or after a scene. This would be read by all party members and kept in an accessible location to all," Genma at one point explained while sitting atop a suited man who was easily holding his dom's weight.

It was kind of hot. Well, it was hot to watch, at least. Iruka didn't know if it would be hot to do it but he might want to give it a go one day. During the question period, Iruka watched Kakashi's leg bounce even more than it had been the entire presentation and Iruka squeezed Kakashi's hand in return. He whispered, "Ask."

Lips pursed, Kakashi looked at Iruka. "I should."

There was a long pause between them and Iruka held back a laugh.

"You're cute," Iruka said with a smile and Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"I'm going…" But Kakashi didn't get up until a minute later, adjusting his bowtie nervously as he wandered up to the group asking questions.

Iruka just sat back and watched as Kakashi was welcomed into the group for a second, admiring his partner.

"Iruka." Kakashi nodded him over and Iruka nervously joined him.

The whirlwind of the rest of the day left them tired and they ended up back at their room, flopped around with their clothes mussed and bodies weary from all the sitting and learning.

"That couple was nice," Iruka noted, thinking about a couple they'd met at the shibari class who were nice enough to suggest rope makers. "What was the name of that wax company again?"

"Bougie Bitches," Kakashi said after flipping through the pocket notebook he'd started taking notes in. "I feel like I don't know anything about BDSM anymore."

"Yeah?" Iruka asked, understanding the feeling of awe and the mind-blowing realization that there was so much out there.

"Like, there's some things I knew and some things that make sense that I kind of knew but it was nice to get to talk to all kinds of kinksters, you know?" Kakashi looked over at Iruka then, brushing a hair away from Iruka's forehead. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Iruka said honestly.

"How about we call it a night?" Kakashi suggested thoughtfully but Iruka could tell his sweet introvert still had spoons to spend.

"How about dinner?" Iruka offered and was more than happy to see Kakashi's grin.

"We're still dressed nice. How about a nice restaurant?"

Suckers for good food regardless of price, they ended up at an intimate place down the street. They ordered drinks and struck up conversation again about the day, lit by tealights and framed by high leather seats. Once the food came, they dug in without another word and they ate in comfortable silence, broken by the occasional, "Try this."

"That's so good," Iruka couldn't help but sigh as he carefully took another small bite of his minuscule dessert, drawing out the experience as much as possible. As he did, Kakashi smiled and listened to Iruka's commentary like he normally did at the end of an evening.

Then Kakashi's phone rang. Kakashi looked at it and his smile faded. "I'll be right back."

Kakashi touched Iruka's shoulder as he passed by, taking the call outside where Iruka couldn't see and the teacher grit his teeth. It was the same person from the other times. Iruka knew the difference between business and this caller because Kakashi didn't take business calls when he was with Iruka, only emails. Iruka had come to understand that the person on the other end of that call was important, someone Kakashi needed to talk to. Or, at least, someone more important than Iruka.

Shaking off that thought, Iruka reassured himself that they spent tons of time together. A call here and there didn't mean Iruka was less important. Besides, they weren't dating. Kakashi had a life outside their meetings.

As Iruka sat at a beautiful in a different city, Iruka reminded himself that this was good. They didn't need a relationship and the disappointments they came with. And this was all they'd ever be, all that Kakashi would ever want.

"Sorry." Kakashi dropped back down into his seat.

Before he could stop himself, Iruka asked, "Who was that?"

Instantly regretting his words, he waited for the brush off or the lie that would follow. Instead, Kakashi said briefly but genuinely, "Just uh… Family stuff."

Kakashi pulled a thin, tense smile and Iruka knew that he wasn't lying. What family meant to Kakashi was another matter entirely but Iruka knew not to push.

So, he changed the subject. "Hey, so, what do you have planned for tomorrow?"

Kakashi deflated, grateful for the distraction and he jumped into talking about all the things they could do, including watching a play party in the evening. "There aren't many workshops or classes I'm interested in but if there's something that you want to do…"

"Well, I'd like to check out the booths they've got."

Kakashi just smiled wearily. "That should be fun."

"Let's go back." Iruka waved for the cheque, knowing that they were both thoroughly spent from the trip and the convention. Thoughts of calls and the real world faded and it was just the two of them on vacation again.

On the way back, the streets were glowing with lights and music from all the stores and restaurants. It was their brilliance that lit Kakashi up in the corner of Iruka's eye as if the tranquillity in his heart and head were a coat. It melted any remaining stress away and they walked slowly, stretching out every moment into the next to taste them longer.

They did eventually arrive at their hotel though but their hands stayed linked for even longer, right until Kakashi went to take a shower.

When Iruka took his own turn, even the waters running down his arms couldn't wash away the lasting warmth Kakashi left. After dying his hair, he stepped out into the bedroom to find Kakashi fast asleep. No pants, white shirt and face slack, the light curve of his lips drew Iruka's gaze and consciousness fell away. All he could remember was sliding into bed, arms wrapping around Kakashi's waist and kissing the other man goodnight to no response. The thought that passed through his thoughts that he completely forgot about the next morning was how irrevocably and profoundly happy he was.

Those words were lost to time and they continued on the next morning they'd never existed.

"What do you think?" Iruka asked Kakashi as he stepped out into the main area, adjusting the straps of the harness on his bare shoulders.

Kakashi looked up, he stopped fiddling with the same bowtie from yesterday and suddenly looked like he'd been wrecked by a truck, blinking wildly and struggling to breathe.

At that amazing reaction, Iruka couldn't help his proud, tiny grin. If he would've known that a harness and faux leather short could cause this much of a reaction, he would've done this a lot earlier in their relationship. Well, maybe not that much earlier. Kakashi was clutching his chest and looking like he was about to fall over.

Instead, the taller man swallowed down a bit of his surprise and walked over to his very pleased lover. With a hand drawing so sweetly over Iruka's bare chest, Kakashi almost whined, "Can we just stay here? I'll let you practise resuscitating me from heart attacks."

As his breath grazed Iruka's bit lip, the teacher chuckled. "Sorry, we have workshops to go to. Plus, I want to check out a few of those booths."

The idea of staying in their room and rocking their bodies together was very appealing too.

"Fine," Kakashi muttered sadly and watched as Iruka started to lace up the matching black combat boots. Seeing Kakashi nervously fiddle with his phone and looking like he wanted to say something, Iruka raised a brow.

"What?"

"Well," Kakashi started hesitantly. "Since I'm going away for a few weeks after this, could I… Get a picture?"

The silence spoke for Iruka's stunned response and Kakashi quickly backtracked. "It's okay if not, I just, I thought it would be nice to see you while I'm away and it wouldn't have your face in it at all but I completely understand if you don't want to-"

"Sure," Iruka cut in, somehow turned on by the idea of taking boudoir photos and Kakashi wanting to have something to remember Iruka by while he was away. Cheeks burning Iruka clarified, "After the convention."

Kakashi's overjoyed smile had Iruka excited too.

With Iruka in a robe, they travelled through the public parts of the hotel and entered the conference space. They left the robe in the entrance as other people had with their bags and wandered around for a while, checking out the booths area where they talked to shop ambassadors.

Wandering away from where Kakashi was talking with a chain maker, Iruka was pulled in by a large structure a few booths away. Two large beams of beautiful wood crossed in an X and Iruka couldn't help but study it, never having seen one in real life.

"Hi there, sweetheart." From nowhere, a gorgeous woman in a tight, black corset appeared at Iruka's side.

"Oh, hi, I was just… Admiring." Iruka chuckled nervously, her confidence palpable in the way she held her chest high and her hair pinned back in a bun. Her eyes were analyzing every part of his being and he suddenly felt exposed. "It looks really well made."

"Oh, thanks," She said, giving a bright smile that made Iruka feel more at ease. "I actually get the wood from a provider up north."

"Wait, you made this?"

"This one, yes. I mainly do pieces like this locally. If it's online, I only ship the hardware kits," The pale woman explained casually. "I'm Anko, by the way."

"Iruka." With friendly smiles, they shook hands and Iruka asked shyly, "I forgot, what are these called again?"

"Saint Andrew's Crosses," Anko said happily. "I have tons of other furniture too if you're interested."

"By hand? That's amazing," Iruka marvelled as Anko nodded over to a display she had of photos explain all the different designs she had.

"Yeah." Anko looked at him then, gaze piercing as she asked, "So, how long have been dabbling in the scene?"

"Not very long. A few months, actually," Iruka admitted to neither of their surprise but Anko gave him a giant grin.

"Congrats. Welcome to the community, hun." She gave his shoulder a friendly slap and that was when Kakashi showed up. "Oh, hi. You're the dom, right?"

Iruka blushed but Kakashi just smiled and squeezed Iruka's hand. This had been the fourth time someone had asked today. "That's me."

"You know, I don't see enough gay men getting into BDSM," Anko pointed out and Kakashi laughed while Iruka was surprised by that statement.

"Really?" He asked and Anko nodded sadly.

"Yeah, I mean, we get a few but they're few and far between," Anko said as she looked over the other attendees in the room. "They don't usually come back though. Like, I knew a slave a few years ago who wanted to play around but they couldn't ever find a gay dom that they felt comfortable with."

"That sucks," Iruka said.

"It's harder finding bottoms, in my experience," Kakashi noted. "Well, ones you vibe with, at least."

The look he gave Iruka made the teacher all the more appreciated. All the while, Anko was grinning. "You two are so cute together."

It made them both burn and laugh, trying to hide how giddy they were at hearing that. It was really nice to know that they at least looked the part of a healthy BDSM couple.

Anko suddenly bit her lip and asked, "Actually, would either of you happen to know a couple who would be willing to experiment with a third party member?"


	21. 21

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"A third?" Kakashi asked for both of them.

"Not on a long-term basis, of course," Anko said. "I've got a friend who has a male slave they've been training who's bisexual and I was looking for a couple or someone who would be willing to help in his punishments and rewards. She doesn't do intercourse and I don't either so she's looking for someone or a couple of someones who would be willing."

Stunned, Iruka didn't know what to say and the way Kakashi took in a sharp breath told Iruka that they were in the same boat.

Iruka thought back to months before and remembered very specifically the moment when he looked at their contract and checked the 'very interested' for threesomes and sex with people who weren't his dom. Of course, that had been months ago. He hadn't known what to expect if ever the opportunity presented itself. He'd only known that the thought of having sex with a third person had turned him on completely.

The same was true at the moment Anko said those words and Iruka squeezed Kakashi's hand without a second thought.

"We might know someone," Kakashi said suddenly. "What are they like?"

Anko suddenly sparkled. "That's amazing! Well, we've got a Munch happening on Sunday if you've like to swing by. They should both be there."

"That sounds great," Iruka said, not having a clue what a Munch was.

"It's at Georgie's just a few blocks down from here and you can drop by any time." Anko smiled and winked charmingly. "I'll see you guys there."

"See ya," Kakashi called as Anko went off to introduce herself to a gathering of people at the edge of her booth, leaving the dazed couple to stiffly walk off.

"What's a Munch?" Iruka quickly asked when they were out of earshot.

Kakashi reeled a bit by the statement and said, "Wait, I thought you knew."

"I wanted to keep our options open. What's a Munch?"

"It's…" Kakashi paused, frowning in frustration. "It's on the tip of my tongue. The one time I don't have my phone on me."

"We'll check when we get back," Iruka assured and Kakashi just kept frowning, annoyed that he didn't know and didn't have a way of finding out. "Or, we can ask someone we've already met."

That was how Kakashi scowled in embarrassment for the first time ever and Iruka chocked on a laugh, sputtering into giggles as he hugged his partner's stiff arm. He said soothingly when he could finally breathe, "Okay, okay, no talking to people we just met and letting them know we know nothing."

"They'll find out eventually." Kakashi sighed, deflating in Iruka's embrace. "I guess we could ask."

"We know something." Kakashi looked over and Iruka corrected, "Well, you know something at least. I'm just a noob."

"You're not a noob," Kakashi countered, hugging Iruka's shoulder supportively. They slowly drew into their own thoughts about what they'd just been offered and what that offer entailed. It was only later, after a panel about types of submissives and a great class about different trust exercises that the topic even came up again.

"I don't think I'd like to be a slave." They'd just walked back into their hotel room and pulled off their badges. They were sweaty and tired and had missed supper but couldn't be bothered to get dressed and find anything. Iruka was feeling much too chaffed from the lather anyway.

Who knew having your thighs exposed to leather and each other would create so much friction? He did. He should have known better after years of wearing shorts in the summer.

"I don't think I'd like you as a slave anyway."

Iruka frowned. "You don't think I'd be a good slave?"

"Heck, no. You've got way too much pride to be a slave. And sass." Kakashi said so casually and Iruka turned to look at him, about to make a comment right back. "You're headstrong. You know what you want and you don't need my help to live your life. You only submit to me because you want to. And that's hot as fuck."

Kakashi said all that while reading something on his phone, distracted and straight from his heart. On the other side of the room, Iruka's heart flared.

"A Munch is a casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM," Kakashi read aloud, shinning with the satisfaction of finally knowing. "God, I feel dumb for not remembering that."

"Not gonna lie, surprised you've never been to one of them before."

Kakashi shrugged. "Never really had a reason to go to them or play parties. Oddly enough, the talking to many people part felt too intimate."

They both huffed in surprise.

That brought up the conversation earlier they'd had with their new friend Anko and the proposition she had. It was an interesting one, to say the least. Iruka hadn't been able to stop thinking about it for most of the day. A threesome hadn't ever been on his agenda, merely a far-off fantasy of his most raunchy sex dreams. Yet, there it was: a sticky note on the agenda of his sex life. The opportunity was too rare to not consider.

"So…" Iruka nervously started off, sitting next to Kakashi on the couch. "What do you think about Anko's offer?"

Kakashi perked up and carefully put down his phone. "I don't hate it."

"Really?" Iruka brightened up and Kakashi smiled shyly in return.

"Yeah, I mean, I've never had a third person join in. It's kinda hot to think about," Kakashi whispered as if someone would hear.

"It is!" Iruka hissed back, edging closer to his lover. "Like, okay, I've always had this fantasy of having two guys at once, you know?"

Kakashi asked, cheeks visibly burning, "Wait… as in, oral and anal or both in one?"

Oh, Iruka hadn't thought of both in one. Just thinking about it made all the blood in his body migrate south. "Yes, and I hadn't thought of that but now yes."

Through a laboured breath, the lawyer muttered, "Wow."

Iruka didn't need to look down to know Kakashi was in the same position, nervous and excited at the same time.

"What about… just you and him?" Kakashi asked tentatively and Iruka sat back for a quiet moment.

"Like, you watching?" Iruka slowly asked.

"Yeah."

The pulsing became boiling as the image flashed through Iruka's mind of Kakashi's predatory eyes watching him as another man's hands bruised his hips and he couldn't breathe. "I'd like to try that."

Thundering pulse in his ears, Iruka could only feel Kakashi's soft hand on his thigh and he couldn't get that picture out of his head. The feeling of being pushed down was so alluring, being handled by someone who wasn't his dom. Knowing rules and Kakashi would keep him safe, the idea of treading the line of danger with a touch of exhibitionism had him so turned on he couldn't think.

They were already so close, trying to breathe when Kakashi muttered, "We can pretend. Right now, if you want."

Heart tight in his throat and heavy in his pants, Iruka gasped back, "How?"

"There's a mirror over there," Kakashi said softly as he turned his head just enough and Iruka followed his eye line to their giant walk-in closet, the long, mirrored doors that led to their floors mirroring the clothed bench in the middle of it.

Before Iruka could say yes, Kakashi was already sliding his hands up to the tight shorts that were holding back Iruka's already scalding member. "Please. Please, Kakashi."

Kisses peppered up Iruka's neck. "Go sit."

With a quick kiss, they wasted no time in hurrying over. Without seeing himself, Iruka sat and watched Kakashi pull off his coat and roll up his sleeves in that wickedly slow way that made Iruka smoulder even more. Then Kakashi paused, eyes watching Iruka steadily for a long moment.

For a second, Iruka couldn't tell what was going on in Kakashi's head until the man pulled out his phone and asked quietly, "Can this be the one?"

Blinking, it took Iruka a minute to remember what he meant. "Oh! Sure."

As Kakashi flicked open his phone, Iruka crossed his legs and leaned back on his palms, unsure of how to place himself and kind of even more turned on that Kakashi wanted a picture of him like this. The mirror told him he was red from the top of his head down and the faux leather shorts did the opposite of concealing his erection.

"How do you want me?" Iruka asked.

"You're perfect," Kakashi said without a second thought and Iruka couldn't help the smile off his lips. A second later, Kakashi grinned and handed Iruka his phone.

And there he was from the neck down, his body actually looking really good, especially with the combat boots. "Wow, I look really damn good."

"You do," Kakashi agreed with a sly smirk as he took his phone back and threw it towards the couch, kissing Iruka with growing need that Iruka could understand so well. "And you're keeping those boots on."

"Good." And then the conversation devolved into lips on skin, their hips pressing into each other languidly. They only came back up for air when Kakashi pulled away, looking down on Iruka's flushed and needy state. "I want you to see how gorgeous you are."

"I already know I'm gorgeous," Iruka whined but Kakashi was already pulling Iruka up and sliding him onto Kakashi's lap.

When he looked up, he found that he was looking at himself in the mirror, hard and eager on his lover's lap as hands squeezed his clothed hips. Member so obvious under the tight shorts, Iruka gasped at the subtle feeling of Kakashi's light touch trailing up his length. In the mirror, he could see so clearly how Kakashi's fingers danced up to his tip and swirled so torturously slow around it.

"Kakashi," Iruka couldn't help but gasp, his hips arching and leg coming up automatically to where Kakashi's awaiting arm caught it.

With a kiss, Kakashi murmured, "I'm going to fuck you right here."

Iruka's shorts were suddenly peeled off and trapping his knees as Kakashi took a hold of his cock and started massaging him, pulling as sorts of noises from his throat. All the while, the Iruka in the mirror moaned back, his thick length already dripping.

Legs up to his chest a moment later, Iruka was surprised that he was still able to see the fingers pressing him open and sliding inside him, preparing him while Kakashi's breath was hot on Iruka's ear and his hard bulge pressed against Iruka's cheeks. Following Kakashi's lead, Iruka touched back with shaking, needing hands.

"Fuck," Kakashi swore, pressing Iruka forward as he undid his pants and Iruka bit his lip when Kakashi pulled him back. One hand holding up Iruka's knees, the other lined them up and Iruka watched and felt as Kakashi pressed into him. At that angle, in that position, it didn't slide or thrust into him. No, at that angle, it ground so slowly that Iruka was shaking from head to toe by the time he was only halfway in. And, at that angle, that was as far as it could go.

But it was enough because Iruka whined with every small thrust Kakashi made. It was so good, so hot. It burned but to Iruka it was so good. At least, for a while it was. Even Kashi had his limits. After the fourth time Kakashi's cock slipped out, Iruka took matters into his own hands. Pushing away Kakashi's hand, Iruka set his trapped legs down around Kakashi and pressed that slick cock back inside. With a gasp, Iruka ground his hips down and relished in the gasp Kakashi made, slowly riding his beautiful lover.

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly, Iruka was on the floor, watching his eye's flutter back as Kakashi slammed into him. There was something so hot about seeing his own self pounded into oblivion, hips snapping behind him and face flushed. Their bodies moved together in rhythm until they weren't moving anymore. They were just two people laying on their hotel floor, covered in semen and sweat and not bothered one bit.

Hearts racing, they stayed there for what felt like forever, memories stained with what they'd just done.

It was only after soft, sweet kisses that they talked again. Iruka hung over the edge of the tub, calling out to Kakashi who was sitting on the toilet with his phone, "That better not be work."

From the other side of the room, Kakashi huffed and held up his phone. On it, there was a fat, happy pug on Instagram who had a birthday hat on.

"Aww, so cute," Iruka cooed, watching Kakashi's lips pull up into a giddy smile.

"I want one so bad," the taller man whined.

"You can always get one. After you move out, of course."

For a second, Kakashi's face went blank and Iruka thought for a second he'd said something wrong.

"Okay. It's time to move out."

Elbow slipping, Iruka scrambled in surprise. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah. I think it's time to start looking." Kakashi nervously played with his phone, his smile pulling back up again. "I'm getting a new apartment and a dog."

Then he giggled happily to himself and Iruka couldn't help but laugh back, carefully stepping out of the tub and hopping over to give Kakashi a hug.

"You're getting water everywhere," Kakashi complained but he didn't stop Iruka's embrace.

"How many bedrooms are you looking for?" Iruka asked as they laid in bed together and Kakashi showed the apartment listings he'd been looking at on his phone.

"At least two. A bigger place would be good for a dog and for guests," Kakashi said faintly, his mind off somewhere else and Iruka hugged him fondly.

"This is big. New place. New pet."

"Yeah." Kakashi sighed and put down his phone to hug Iruka back. "Scary."

"A good kind of new," Iruka assured and Kakashi hugged him harder.

The next morning came quickly, leading them into a new day that felt like an actual vacation. They lounged around in bed, calling for room service that was probably going to be expensive and then watching a silly sitcom they didn't know in the living room.

That was around when an email came in. Checking the subject, Iruka froze. It was certainly not a title Iruka had expected to see any time soon and definitely not a person he wanted to this about as he laid next to his partner.

Kakashi didn't see the weary look on Iruka's face and the teacher quickly schooled the tension from his face as he swiped the notification away. For once, this sender could wait. He didn't need to think about complicated emotions right now. He deserved a break.

Yet, he couldn't help but feel kind of guilty that he was ignoring his own mother.

To Iruka's relief, Kakashi asked the one question Iruka didn't know how to answer but was an easy distraction. "Do you want to swing by that Munch today?"

"Are there any workshops you want to go to?" Iruka dodged the question.

"Not really. It's all pretty much latex and I really hate the smell of it."

"Yeah, it's felt it smelled really plastic-y. Like rubber." Iruka noted, remembering the smells from the convention.

Kakashi asked patiently, "So? Are you up for a Munch?"

With a deep breath, Iruka admitted, "I'm kinda nervous."

"Me too." They smiled at each other and Kakashi said, "We don't have to go."

Iruka breathed in deeply, nervously saying after a long pause for thought, "We should go."

Which is how they ended up in front of Georgie's, a semi-casual restaurant that served both three-course meals and burgers. Nervous and worried about making a good first impression, Iruka was spurred on by the promise they'd made to each that they'd spend the rest of the day doing anything other than kink. They planned on touring the city for a bit, going down to the docks and even hitting up a store that sold stationery. Iruka was especially excited about the stationery bit, hoping to find new pens to add to the growing collection.

Hearing Kakashi take a sharp breath next to him, Iruka squeezed the other man's hand and Kakashi squeezed back with a strained smile.

"We'll just pop in, check things out and then leave," Iruka reassured.

"Yeah," Kakashi said back, straightening out like he did when he was about to head out for work. Iruka was just as nervous, excited to meet new people, talk to other people who were more knowledgeable and learn from them.

But he was also excited about stationery.


	22. New Friends

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Iruka!" Anko hurried over from where she'd been talking to a few other people across the crowded room the couple had been staring over in surprise. In a cute but casual skirt, Anko looked so much different from the first time they'd met. She looked like a normal human being instead of a dominatrix that built furniture. It was actually really calming. With a great hug, she cooed to Iruka, "I'm so glad you came. Some people feel so intimidated to come."

"Oh yeah?" Iruka asked innocently as though he and Kakashi hadn't been just hesitating on the doorstep of the restaurant.

"It's a scary step for most people," Anko explained easily, looking towards Kakashi. "You know, it's scary meeting new people. Speaking of, I don't think I caught your name."

"Kakashi," He introduced and Anko shook his hand with a keen smirk.

"Nice to meet you, Kakashi." She gestured to the rest of the room. "Welcome to the party. Would you guys like the grand tour that's not really grand?"

Without hesitation and in perfect sync, the duo quickly said, "Yes, please."

As they gave each other surprised looks, Anko just grinned even harder and motioned them into the room. "Then you two cuties can follow me."

Burning bright red, Iruka pulled a confused Kakashi along.

"So, we're kind of playing this like a mixer. We've got tons of people from different groups here that you can check out and talk to," Anko said as she led them into the room and nodded to a few clusters of people who were standing around high tables with drinks and small foods. "If you want drinks or food, we've got that. We've got groups from all over so don't be afraid to mingle. I'll see if Tsunade can swing by in a bit but here…"

She slid up to a group of people who looked up with smiles and interested eyes, studying the new people coming up to their circle. With a squeeze, Anko got the attention of one of the women in the group who looked friendly and open. "Shizune, this is Iruka and Kakashi. They're new to the scene."

With a bright, welcoming smile, Shizune offered them both surprisingly warm hugs as she motioned to the rest of the group. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Shizune."

"Nice to meet you too." Iruka couldn't help but smile back, realizing that Anko had disappeared and that they were being assimilated into this new group do people who were shaking their hands. Iruka got the names Hanzo and Hayate at some point but he finally ended up on the other side of the group with so many people between him and Kakashi. He wasn't scared though because it seemed like he'd found a friend.

"Raido." The scarred man offered his hand and Iruka shook it gratefully. "If ever you need some tips for aftercare, I'm your guy."

"Just aftercare?" Iruka joked and Raido chuckled back.

"Well, I've been a part-time slave for five years but I'm mainly a therapist." Raido nervously chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've kind of made it my mission to preach the importance of aftercare since I think it's so important, you know?"

"No, that's really cool. I mean, I don't think about it all that much myself either," Iruka admitted which made Raido light up.

"I know, it's often overlooked in the area so I'm trying to just remind people that it's important and it's different for every person." Iruka spotted Kakashi mingling too from the other side of the group and let himself calm into the conversation he was having, happy to know his partner was having a good time too.

"And you would be very right," Raido eagerly said, pulling Iruka further into the conversation. "Like, some people prefer cuddles and others don't want to be touched at all."

"I used to have an ex who would literally go out to the corner store right after sex," Iruka recounted and they chuckled together.

"There you go. His way of decompressing."

"Even after the most vanilla sex?" Iruka asked, slowly coming into a new form of discovery.

Raido looked at Iruka then and nodded warmly. "Yeah. Some people have different relationships with sex. I used to have a partner who hated sex completely and that's where our boundaries came into play, you know?"

"Huh." Iruka winced at the sudden realization that he probably misread that relationship and how many others he'd misread. He said through his grimace, "Now that I think about it, I probably should have talked with him about it."

Patting his shoulder, Raido asked with a nod to Kakashi, "Is this your current partner?"

"Oh, no, it's not Kakashi." Iruka sighed, half musing to himself, "We're a lot more open then that relationship was. We talk so much more."

"That's good."

Through that lull in the conversation, Iruka remarked to himself that it was quite alike the lull that happened after any off their scenes. There was cuddling but no talking or expectation for what to do next except sleep or watch shows. "Hey, Raido?"

"Yeah?" Raido's helpful smile coaxed Iruka to speak more.

So, he asked, "What would you suggest a sub do for their dominant? Like, in terms of aftercare?"

When Raido grinned, Iruka knew that he'd asked the right person. It was during their conversation that Iruka learned about a lot of things he hadn't thought of before. At some point, another person introduced themselves and then they were three talking about aftercare and how scenes affected them as doms and some very good tips.

"I would definitely do that." Raido nodded when Iruka brought up Master Genma's idea of keeping a communal journal. "That way you both keep track of each other's thoughts and experiences and you both can read them without judgement."

"Yeah, but that might not work with some people," Hayate warned with a shrug. "Some people are forgetful or don't think it's that important. I feel it's better to talk to them, create a dialogue, but that's just me."

Raido shrugged and Iruka pointed out, "But some guys are too shy."

"True," Hayate shrugged. "Never seems to work for me but it all depends."

"I'll lend you those books sometimes though." Raido grinned and nodded to behind Iruka with a smile, "Looks like your man is here. I'll text you sometime."

"That sounds great. I'd really love to read them." Iruka shook their hands and turned to find that Raido was right, his man was striding towards them with a nervous but happy smile that made Iruka's heart soar.

Behind him, a gorgeous blonde woman was following with a presence that took all his attention and Iruka was glad that he already had Raido and Hayate's number in his phone because he wouldn't have been able to focus long enough to get them down. There was no doubt in his mind that this was someone to hold in fear and awe.

Out of all the people in the room, she was the one who held herself the tallest and with the most poise. Her very aura was a feline kind of power that dripped from every seam of her simple, black maxi dress and she was very obviously respected not because she demanded it but because she commanded it. The crowds of people didn't part for the tall, handsome lawyer in front of her. No. Even though she stood shorter than Iruka, the seas parted for her.

"Iruka, this is Tsunade," Kakashi announced as he drew Iruka away by the hand and the teacher was almost at a loss for words, lost in her drawing, amber eyes.

"Hi," was what he could manage at first, sticking out his hand like a robot in a weird, nervous way.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Iruka," Tsunade cordially introduced herself, her smile a charming summer breeze. "I've heard a lot about you from your partner here."

"Ah, nothing bad I hope," Iruka joked, squeezing Kakashi''s hand nervously. His lover held his hand firmly back.

"As if there was anything bad to tell," Kakashi happily said back and Iruka blushed harder than he already was. The older man nodded to Iruka was excused himself, "I'll go get us some drinks."

As soon as Kakashi was gone, Tsunade smiled at him.

"Sorry." Iruka at first didn't know what he was apologizing for but then everything seemed to roll off his tongue. "I'm new to all of this so forgive me if I don't know what to say or do."

"You're doing great by being you," Tsunade assured with a wink and she asked the thing everyone had been asking the past few days. "How long have you two been experimenting?"

"Well, Kakashi's been doing this a lot longer than I have but since November so about…" Iruka huffed and said, stunned, "Or was it October? Well, about half a year or so."

"That's pretty good. It's hard to find someone who's compatible with you. In the fun stuff and the hard stuff." Tsunade smiled fondly across the room to someone Iruka couldn't find.

Hesitantly, he asked, "What about you? How are you doing with everything?"

Looking at Iruka with a curious sparkle, she admitted, "It's been good. I've been teaching a lot lately, mentoring other dommes."

"That's amazing. How many dommes are you mentoring?"

"A few. I'm slowing down to focus on my slaves though. Really train them well before they find their forever homes."

At those words, Iruka couldn't help but picture dogs. "Like fostering, right? Do you do that often? Train them for other dommes?"

She thought for a second. "Not usually. Just kind of something I've been trying for the last year. Usually, they find partners and sometimes they find fulfillment in full-time slavery for a bit."

"Full time?" Iruka couldn't help but ask and talking with her led into conversations about her dealings in consensual human slavery and the mechanics behind it that went right over Iruka's head because it left him thinking that he would really hate to be a slave. He liked playing, being his own person without so much structure.

"For example, the part-timers come in on the weekends for training and stay a few days." That was when she looked over at Iruka and hinted, "I've got one who I've been training for many years now, actually. I know he's been looking for some positive reinforcement though. Mainly sex since that's one of my hard limits."

He could feel her question coming on but she didn't ask. Instead, she left a door open. "I understand if that's not your thing, though."

"It's interesting," Iruka admitted, curiosity clawing up his stomach.

"He's around here somewhere if you'd like to meet him," she said, smiling over at him comfortingly. "Maybe exchange numbers and you can decide if it's for you."

"That sounds really great, actually," Iruka nervously agreed. "I've only ever been with one person at a time so it's a bit spooky."

"The first time is always the scariest, but don't let fear and expectation cloud your feelings." Tsunade made way for Kakashi to join them as she patted another patron on the shoulder and whispered something into their ear. As the other patron left, Kakashi handed Iruka a drink and they shared nervous, raised brows.

"I heard something about slaves," Kakashi joked half-seriously and Tsunade almost answered before a new person showed up to their group, a handsome young man with short, brown hair.

"Speaking of slaves," Tsunade started and Iruka knew exactly who this man was by rumour alone. Before Tsunade could say anything, Iruka knew this was the slave who she was offering to be their third party member. In a curious moment of imagination, Iruka couldn't help but picture those warm eyes closer, touching him, teasing him. "This is Yamato."

Iruka had to blink out of the sudden haze he found himself in and politely shook the man's strong and sturdy hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

Kakashi did the same, Yamato studying them both thoroughly as he said, "The pleasure is mine."

Even though his face was calm and seemingly casual, his eyes and body were ready and critically analyzing everything. It felt like in two seconds he already had Iruka figured out from the head down and then his eyes were on Kakashi and they had already made up their mind. Stepping back a bit, he seamlessly became a quiet and watchful bodyguard at the ready.

At that curious bit of new information, Iruka broke the ice by quickly asking, "So, how long have you two been together?"

With a fond smile over her shoulder, Tsunade took over speaking. "Almost a year now. He likes order and I like ordering him around."

She was playful, hinting things that were highly personal between her and Yamato. The man didn't deny her though, he simply smiled and Tsunade asked, "Are you two in town for long?"

"Sadly, no," Kakashi said and that reminded Iruka that they still had to leave at the end of the day.

"Our train leaves at around four, actually," Iruka reminded and Kakashi frowned, glancing at his watch. While Kakashi huffed in surprise by how much time they'd already spent there, Iruka took over the conversation, asking what they did for work, how they managed their relationship and the other slaves' relationships to Tsunade comparatively. There was no specifying why they were looking for a couple other than the simple but sensitive: "I don't do penetration. Not anymore."

All the while, Yamato made comments here and there. He didn't speak much with them, he didn't really need to with Tsunade explaining their situation so clearly and simply. He did give his number for a group chat that Tsunade agreed to though with a glance up towards Iruka that made his mouth go dry.

Yamato was a quiet, calm sort of guy but not in a way that was nervous or tense, more thoughtful. In all honesty, he felt very down to earth in the way he smiled and listened, nodding here and there and paying attention to their reactions. It helped that he had a boyish kind of handsome, hair brushed out perfectly and his whole frame seemingly well-kept under those tight jeans and shirt.

He was still a mystery though. Even after talking for over an hour, they left feeling like they knew things about the quiet, handsome Yamato but nothing too deeply about the man himself.

"He was nice," Iruka hopefully brought up as they toured the shelves of pens and papers of the stationery store they'd talked about the night before.

Kakashi looked over at Iruka out of the corner of his eye and said slyly, "He was. He seemed very… experienced."

"Which is a good thing," Iruka reminded Kakashi who smirked back.

"For you, yes." Glancing around them, Kakashi pressed in close to Iruka's ear and murmured, "As long as you're interested."

Biting his lip, Iruka kept his eyes everywhere but Kakashi as he whispered back, "I'm still a good ninety-nine percent interested."

A clerk passed them by and Iruka was thankful that his face wasn't burning as much as the rest of his body was with Kakashi being so close and his words inviting so many dirty thoughts.

If it hadn't been for the many people in the store, Iruka would have asked that they go behind a shelving unit so that they could physically discuss their opinions on the matter.

"What about that one percent?" Kakashi asked discreetly, pulling away as another clerk passed by the pens section they were standing at.

With that question, Iruka took a deep breath and explained, "I guess I want to leave the option not too open. In case you don't want to."

At that moment, a clerk came up to them. "Hey, there. How can I help you guys today?"

"We're just browsing," Iruka piped up politely with a bright smile and the clerk nodded.

"Well, my name is Tom. Just let me know if you two need anything."

Once they were alone again, the silence lingered until Kakashi suggested they head to the hotel to pack.

All the way there, Iruka wondered what was going on in Kakashi's head. Was Kakashi having second thoughts? Iruka didn't mind not continuing this whole idea of adding someone in occasionally. He really just wanted Kakashi to be comfortable.

As they stepped into their hotel with the amazing pens and clips Iruka had picked up, Kakashi slowly said in the elevator ride up, "You don't have to worry about the one percent."

Unsure of what he meant, Iruka faced him fully and their eyes locked together for a moment as Iruka asked, "How so?"

As the door opened, Kakashi said as he walked away, "I'm still into it."

Snapping out of momentary shock, Iruka hurried after the other man with a grin pulling at his lips and his whole body tingling. At their room door, Kakashi looked over at Iruka as he stepped inside. "So, ninety-nine percent, huh?"

"Yeah." Iruka sighed eagerly as he watched Kakashi look back at him. His mouth was dry and his pulse was beating in his ears but he could still hear Kakashi's words.

"Want to practice for it?" Kakashi smirked like the demon he was and Iruka was led into their hotel room easily.

In minutes, he was on nude and on his knees, begging for Kakashi to let him taste as the hand in his hair pressed him backwards onto the dildo suctioned to the mirrored closet door. Finally, after much begging and whining, he was filled from both ends, rocking between the two as Kakashi groaned above him.

About ten minutes later, they were both truly rushing to pack their things and get out before their already pushed check-out time.

"Don't forget your shampoo."

"My shampoo?" Iruka demanded, throwing things into his bag with his own brand of panic as Kakashi threw hotel shampoo into their suitcases. "That's not even mine!"

"It is now!" Kakashi declared as he zipped them up, both of them panting in the elevator a few minutes later.

It was only when they were firmly seated in their train that they looked at each other and burst into laughter, pressing into each other and trying to stifle their giggles.

Eventually, the high of their vacation started to settle down and they were faced with the reality they'd been ignoring.

The reality was that Kakashi was leaving for Vancouver the next day. For two weeks, he'd be on the other side of the country and Iruka would be stuck at home

Iruka had been trying to look on the bright side. It would do them some good to be away from each other for a bit. Hopefully, it would… reinvigorate their relationship to be apart or something like that.

At least, they'd planned to have phone sex on their regular times. That was something Iruka could kind of look forward to. It still meant that they couldn't physically be together. They couldn't touch, sit next to each other or even talk face to face. They wouldn't even be able to be in the same room and that hurt to think of.

As they stepped off the train, moments suddenly were going by too fast. They headed back to Iruka's and the bus ride felt like it took five minutes. Thankfully, Kakashi had the courtesy to walk Iruka up to his place but that didn't stop Kakashi from leaving.

"I'll see you in a few weeks," Kakashi promised as he stood in Iruka's doorway like he had so many times before. It made Iruka ache to think that he wouldn't be back for a while.

"Yeah, you better."

As they drew in for a hug, Iruka unconsciously pressed his nose into the soft hair in front of his nose and quietly took a deep breath, trying to carve that fresh smell into his mind.

With a sad smile, Kakashi pulled back and whispered, "I'll see you in a bit."

"Yeah." Iruka nodded, squeezing Kakashi's waist as the taller man pressed his lips to his forehead.

"See ya," Iruka called as Kakashi walked back down to where his suitcase was waiting and he watched the tall man head back up the street towards the bus stop. Iruka kind of hoped he'd turn around and look back but he didn't.

Which was fine. Iruka needed some time by himself anyway, time to be alone and really get back to the groove of work. Sadly, when he flopped on the sofa that night, he wished he didn't have to go to work the next morning. He honestly wished they were still on vacation.

Then he remembered he had an email to get to.

That's right, the mother figure.

Iruka pulled it up and got to reading.

_Hello Sweetheart,_

_Hope you're doing good. I know it's been a while but the house finally sold and we've got our moving day. I was wondering if you'd like to maybe come down sometime once we have everything settled. You'll love the beach, it's so peaceful and relaxing. Very good for the mind and soul. I've got a few things for you that we picked up in Bali. Takana misses you too._

_Give me a call sometime. Love you tons,_

_Mom_


	23. A New Type of Yearning

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Iruka could see his mother's bribe from a mile away. Mentioning her boyfriend was a new one though but not out of nowhere. They'd been together for a good five years now so Iruka wasn't irritated by his name anymore.

More so of what he represented.

Regardless, she did seem too concerned about him. The last time they'd talked, he'd just broken up with Mizuki and then she'd vanished into another country again. Normally, he would've been hurt by how much time had passed but he hadn't even noticed the time was passing. Wow, time really flew when you got laid.

It made Iruka happier to realize that too, to say the least. He was a million different steps away from the place they'd been when they last talked. He was still himself, still the man she raised but he'd grown up a lot since then. Becoming a better, more independent self had been a process and coming to terms with being alone again hadn't been easy.

And that was all before he'd met Kakashi.

There were a lot of things that had changed since he'd met Kakashi.

Looking around his apartment, Iruka started to notice the physical remnants of their relationship and he groaned to himself. Oh, he was going to miss that man a lot over the next few weeks.

Monday started the week again with a whirl and he didn't have time to think about his dirty double life. Instead, he was found himself caught in a stressful first and second day of paperwork and calling child protective services. It was the jolt back into work he didn't need and neither did the poor kid who said that his mommy couldn't get out of bed because she drank too much again.

Sad and frustrated, Iruka curled up in bed that evening and didn't bother looking over his proposal for the principal again even though he was going to have to hand it in before the school year ended. It was still weeks away but that didn't stop the dread he felt towards it. It was like he was a college student again, giving in his final essay for the term. He knew he had to get it done but he was procrastinating and feeling doubtful.

The bath was calling him, the fridge was calling him. There were so many things he could do but he didn't even want to get out of bed.

The doorbell ringing got him out of bed really quick though.

"Hi, Iruka Umino?" A man in a purple, company shirt asked.

Nervously, Iruka hoped this wasn't the start of a hate crime and said, "Yes?"

"These," The man said as he picked up a basket by his side and handed it over. "Are for you."

"What?" Iruka took it, thoroughly confused. "Are you sure?"

"Very much. Happy birthday." And then he just walked back down the steps to his Yamaka Flowers van. Iruka was left speechless, holding the basket in his hands like he'd just been smacked with a beach ball.

"It's my birthday?"

Staring at the basket on his kitchen table, the teacher studied the basket of gorgeous flowers and found a tag hanging off the side. It read in flowy handwriting that very obviously wasn't Kakashi's, _'Happy Birthday, beautiful. Miss you already. -K'_

Iruka blinked away the fog of frustration and didn't have another moment to think because the doorbell rang again.

"Iruka?" Another delivery was suddenly in Iruka's hands.

Hurrying back to the kitchen, the package with his name on it was ripped open to reveal a collection of cute, multicoloured pens, a handful of well-crafted notebooks and the last thing blew Iruka's mind so much he didn't hear the doorbell ring a third time.

In his hands, Iruka held a whole paper towel's length of assorted washi tapes. Iruka loved washi tape almost as much as he loved takeout.

Almost as much as he loved the smells of the takeout that was suddenly in his hands.

"Here," Iruka muttered, slipping the surprised delivery girl a twenty as he hurried back inside.

Just as Iruka hoped, it was food from his favourite Chinese place. Tears were somehow building up in Iruka's eyes, making everything blurry as he scrambled for his phone. He needed to call Kakashi. He needed to hear him talk, just hear his voice. He just wanted to hear the voice that had become a staple in his life, that made hard days easier.

"Hey, there, birthday boy," Kakashi's voice answered and Iruka could hear his satisfied smile. "How's it feel to be twenty-seven?"

"Hey," Iruka croaked, swallowing dryly even though he was already crying. "You suck."

"Aw, thanks." Kakashi chuckled over the line and Iruka laughed too through his tears. "I love being a sucker."

The line went quiet for just a moment, but it was long enough for Iruka to sniff and Kakashi asked quietly, "You okay?"

Before calling, Iruka would have said no. He wasn't crying because he wasn't okay though. He was crying because he was again. He whispered into the phone, "Better now. A lot better."

"Good, good," Kakashi echoed quietly, understandably.

In a moment of vulnerability, Iruka confessed, "I miss you."

The line was quiet and then Iruka heard softly, in his ear, "I miss you too."

He could hear the weight in Kakashi's voice and it lifted the pressure on his heart, soothed his anxious body and he started to feel better. With a sniff, he asked with a chuckle, "So? How's the lawyer convention going?"

Kakashi's frustrated groan had Iruka smiling. "Horrible. Like, it's helpful but so long. I'm either sitting or paying attention, I can't do both simultaneously."

"Aw," Iruka cooed sarcastically. "Hating your first week of vacation already?"

There was a huff and Iruka heard Kakashi faintly mutter, "Not a vacation when you're a million miles away."

Iruka didn't really register those words until Kakashi quickly said loudly, "I just want to go home. Sleep in my own damn bed."

"A week and five days," Iruka assured. "Or is it a week and three?"

"Either way, it's too damn long. Tell me about your day." It sounded like the other man was moving around, brushing his teeth as Iruka told him about his horrible first half of the week.

"Like, I've never had to call child protective services before and it was way too easy." Iruka wiped away his tears, venting out his first few days back. "I feel so horrible about it all. That poor kid is already going through so much."

"It'll be fine," Kakashi assured softly. "You're just doing your job and it's your job to protect these kids."

"I know, I just feel bad about it all."

"I bet. You had to do something really big," Kakashi soothed and Iruka was slowly calming back down, venting away his problems.

After talking for what felt like not long enough, Kakashi murmured into the phone, "You should sleep. You have to get up early tomorrow."

"Aw," Iruka whined, pouting as hard as he could. For the fifth time that night, he yawned and said back, "Not yet."

"We've been on the phone for five hours now."

Frowning, Iruka was surprised to find Kakashi was right. It didn't stop him from changing the subject. "What time will you be back next Friday?"

"About eight or so," Kakashi answered, both of them forgetting again that they were supposed to be hanging up.

"Do you want to come over when you come back?" Iruka asked without a second thought. "You know, since my place is a lot closer than yours?"

"I'd like that. A lot." Kakashi's end went quiet again as they fell into the awkward silence of not being together but wanting to be. Iruka just wished it was a week and a half into the future.

"In the meantime," Kakashi said, his voice closer and much more heavy over the line than before. It sounded like he was caught between sleep but Iruka could hear that signature rumble in his voice and the tone that appeared in every one of Iruka's fantasies. It made Iruka shiver to know that even so far away and out of sight, Iruka could tell what the man was thinking. "I'm going to need you to do a favour for me."

Iruka bit his lip, heart racing like he was bracing for a secret. He purred back, "What's the favour, Sir?"

There was a sharp intake of air at the nickname and Kakashi replied slowly, "We keep our usual date, like usual, but in the meantime… I'd like a picture each night at seven until then."

Skin tingling, Iruka had to ask, "Of what?"

"Just you," Kakashi said simply. He then said, "Goodnight, Iruka."

"Goodnight," was all Iruka could say in return and fell back into his bed, legs weak and heart racing.

The week had very suddenly become more interesting.

And it would only get crazier from there.

The next morning, a notification for a chat he'd almost forgotten he was a part of popped up and Iruka almost choked on his cereal.

It was the chat between him, Kakashi, and a certain couple of kinksters who they'd met at the con, people Iruka had been too busy to remember until then.

_'Hope you're both having a great night 🙂 Would love to get coffee if you two are still interested.'_

Reading Tsunade's text over, again and again, Iruka didn't know how to respond. Kakashi popped active suddenly and Iruka breathed a sigh of relief.

_'I'll be out of town for the next few weeks but you can always meet with Iruka if he's down 🙂'_

Iruka was glad his phone was near indestructible because his grip tightened hard on his phone. That weasel, how dare he not speak for Iruka? Cursing his Dom's thoughtful nature, Iruka started typing. After a long, horrible pause of doubt, he sent off a text daringly.

_'I'm free for coffee next week if you'd like.'_

Then Yamato came online too.

_'I'm free whenever.'_

_'That's perfect. You two can have coffee next week while we're away 😊'_

Iruka had to double-take at that message and realized that Tsunade had sent it.

_'Sounds good to me'_

Kakashi's response was just as surprising.

_'How about Tuesday?'_

Iruka automatically typed out that Tuesday was okay and suddenly he was making plans to meet another man for coffee. His second time that year. And Kakashi wasn't going to be there.

There was a horribly anxious fluttering that started in his stomach.

_'Hey'_

Kakashi was texting him in private now and Iruka answered back quickly, hands shaking.

_'Hey'_

_'You okay?'_

Iruka answered half-heartedly. '_Yeah.'_

_'You don't have to go if you don't want to, right?'_

_'I know! Just a bit spooky, you know?'_ Iruka assured that he was just nervous and Kakashi instead answered back.

_'If you say so ❤'_

Iruka chuckled at Kakashi's use of emoticons and sent a smiley face back.

_'By the way, it's almost seven'_

Iruka blinked. It was about six-forty-seven. He was right but why… And then it hit him. He'd promised a picture at seven.

Frantically looking in his mirror, Iruka found he looked fine. His bed was a mess of sheets and he didn't have a clue what kind of picture Kakashi wanted. Flirty? Sexy? Downright dirty? After a good while of panic, a calm set over him with the realization that Kakashi hadn't been specific at all and probably with good reason. He didn't want to push Iruka's boundaries. He was leaving a door open, seeing what Iruka was comfortable sending.

So, he made himself comfortable.

Flopped in bed with his head on the pillow, Iruka took a simple picture of him in bed with pyjamas and a smile and sent it off a minute before seven.

A minute later, he got his response.

_'Absolutely perfect.'_

Grinning from his head to his toes, Iruka giggled and snuggled into bed as he sent off a goodnight text.

After the texts that followed on Thursday and Friday, there was one that rang the bell for the end of the week. Friday night was finally there and that meant it was time for their usual meeting. This time over the internet.

_'It's seven.'_

Iruka hadn't doubted Kakashi for a second. He was kind of nervous even though they'd done much worse in the past. This felt much more deliberate, calculated.

Iruka had his laptop open on the coffee table in front of him. The kitchen was dark behind him and the living room was lit with warm-scented candles to set the mood. He'd fidgeted with the couch and the laptop angle for a while until it was just right. He didn't really have an eye for framing, not like Kakashi did but he was trying his best and his best was pretty damn good. He sat happily down into the couch once he was satisfied.

A video call rang in seconds later and Iruka almost jumped out of his skin.

Instead, he answered with shaking hands and suddenly he was looking at Kakashi's chest, tie and all. The jacket was gone from the long day of work and he couldn't see much else but it was definitely Kakashi.

Iruka chuckled nervously and wrung his hands. "How's your day been?"

"Long," Kakashi said quickly, his voice heavy and short. Iruka could very easily tell why with the camera pointed low enough to see the top of Kakashi's pants and the bulge that was barely hiding.

Before Iruka could say anything or ask anything, a hand trailed down to that very spot and Kakashi's voice came in again, deep and heady, "I miss you."

Cheeks burning, Iruka chuckled and started pulling off his sweater. "I miss you too."

"Show me what you're wearing." The audio of the call wasn't great but Iruka understood loud and clear, standing up to show off his khakis and shirt. It had been so hot the past few days that jeans were too heavy. Thankfully, Iruka knew his ass looked good in this pair, all part of his masterplan to lure Kakashi back home. And he could tell it was working with the glance over his shoulder.

It was all too easy to see how tight Kakashi's pants were, the tent in his pants pushed to one side. It was like everything was lounging, on display for Iruka's enjoyment. If that was part of his plan to make Iruka miss him more and want him more, it was working equally well.

When Iruka turned back, he didn't bother hiding the beginnings of his hard-on. It would serve to turn Kakashi on more.

"These are my favourites." Iruka coyly pointed out, showing off one side and then the next as Kakashi hummed from the other side.

"Mine too."

"It's so hot over here. How's Vancouver?" Iruka asked casually as he slowly undid his pants.

They were already hanging low on his hips when Kakashi answered, "A lot hotter now."

That was around when Kakashi's hand started massaging through his pants and it boosted Iruka's confidence enough for him to slowly draw up his shirt too. It was just enough skin to tease, to hear that hum on the other end of the line in his headphones.

"I can't wait for you to come home," Iruka purred, loving that he could hear Kakashi's hum in agreement in his ear. It felt like ages ago since he'd heard that voice and it turned him on to no end.

"Tell me what you want to do when I get home," Kakashi murmured and Iruka shivered from head to toe, settling a knee into the couch as he slowly drew his pants just a bit lower.

"I want to see you in person," Iruka started as he languidly pressed his pants lower. They slid slowly down to his knees as he said, "To touch you, taste you."

"Touch yourself like you would touch me." The command came clear as day and it sent Iruka's pulse off its rocker.

Kicking off his pants and sitting on the couch, Iruka bit his lip and muttered, "Yes, sir."

Kakashi was slowly running fingers over himself and Iruka felt like he was putting on a show. They'd played this before. Iruka would touch himself and Kakashi would watch until they were both unable to keep their hands away.

This time, they were stuck watching, listening, enjoying each other's pleasure and it played every nerve in Iruka's body like he was a harp because Iruka was singing by the time he came. All the while, gasps and groans were the soundtrack in his ears.

Iruka's panting caught in his breath at the sight of Kakashi's orgasm, how it hit his body and shook through him. Cum painted his abdomen and hand, breaths coming out erratic in Iruka's ears just how his own chest heaved.

"I miss you." Iruka realized that the faint, shaking voice was his own.

Kakashi murmured back without a second thought, "I miss you too."

Glancing down at his mess, Iruka scoffed. "I should probably go.

"Me too," Kakashi chuckled back. "I'll see you in a week."

"See ya," Iruka whispered and then the line was gone. He was alone again and he held back the tears that had started to grow.

It was just one more week. He could do this. One more week and then They'd be back to sitting on the couch like usual. So, he sucked back his tears, held back his sobs and went to wash away his feelings in the shower. For a while, it helped.

Then the morning came and all those feelings came tumbling back onto him.

Why was this so hard? It shouldn't be so hard to just not see someone for a few weeks. Iruka hadn't seen his friends in the past for much longer. Heck, he hadn't seen his own mother in months.

This was Kakashi though.

Smashing a pillow onto his face, Iruka groaned his feelings away and texted Kotetsu.

_'what r u doin?'_

When the other man didn't text back quickly enough, Iruka remembered that he hadn't answered his mother yet and set to email her back.

Brief but nice, Iruka explained how he was doing good and how he was seeing someone. He even offered to help them move and sent off the email quickly with his phone number in case she lost it again. Then it was sent off and he let himself wonder what she was up to now if she was happy.

Sure, they hadn't spoken in a while but Iruka still loved his mother. She was still one of the only people who truly understood Iruka. After all, it hadn't just been a divorce between Ikkaku and Kohari Umino because Iruka had been at the center of it all.

He couldn't remember a lot of the fighting. Some stuck in his mind as worse but what stuck with him the most was watching his mother go through it all.

With a deep breath, Iruka was about to go find breakfast when his phone rang. Seeing it was Kakashi, Iruka immediately and eagerly answered, "Hey!"

"Good morning," Kakashi said, still husky from sleep.

"You're up early," Iruka remarked with a grin.

"Not of my own volition." Kakashi yawned. "Got a text from Gai. He's panicking a bit."

"Oh? What's up?"

"Well, looks like one of our friends bailed and now he's got no one to help him film his workout for his Instagram tonight."

Iruka took a moment. Then he easily offered, "Well, if he needs a steady hand, I can always help out."

As if feeling like he'd crossed a line, Iruka immediately regretted what he said until Kakashi asked, "Really?"

"Yeah, I don't have any plans."

And suddenly Iruka was standing in front of a gym in his best yoga pants. Looking for the man he'd seen only on the internet, Iruka didn't have to look long.

"Ah! You must be Iruka!"

Holding open the door, there was a tall, muscular man in the doorway with sharp eyes and a bright smile. Immediately warmed by the welcome, Iruka stepped up to shake Gai's hand with the best smile he could manage. "That's me! You must be Gai. It's so nice to finally meet you."

"And you as well," Gai laughed, shaking Iruka's hand in his powerful grip.

Iruka laughed nervously as he was ushered into the gym that stretched on for surprisingly more building than he'd first thought. "Kakashi's told me a lot about you."

"And I about you. I must thank you for your gracious offer, by the way," Gai said as he led Iruka through the gym, passed the main desk that just waived Gai's way. Iruka had a hard time focusing on much else given the extremely cut man in front of him who was giving Iruka a hundred percent of his attention. His whole being was shining with appreciation and happiness that Iruka couldn't stop smiling either.

Gai was saying as they stopped on a section of mats, "Truly, you offered from the goodness of your heart."

"It's really nothing," Iruka's face was burning already from the compliment. He joked, "Just wait until you see my camera work. Then you might change your mind."

But in reply, Gai just smiled sagely and said, "I won't."

And Iruka could tell he meant it with every fibre of his soul and it made complete sense why Kakashi would keep a man like this as his best friend.

Gai felt like a truly genuine person who spoke from his heart and that opinion never wavered even as he was instructing Iruka on how to hold Gai's phone and what angles to take. By the end of it, Iruka felt like he had learned so much about his phone. Gai had even taught him how to squat properly and they talked about muscles and Iruka eventually weaselled his way into talking about Kakashi.

"So, you've been friends since forever, huh?"

"That's right. We met in the first grade and somehow I haven't been able to shake him," Gai joked and Iruka snickered. "We actually met because I hit him in the head with a basketball."

"Oh no," Iruka winced.

"He was red for a week and we've been friends ever since." Gai was smiling as he tapped a few things into his phone, eyes nostalgic.

"What was he like?" Iruka asked curiously. "As a kid, I mean."

Gai gladly grinned. "He used to be a shy, little bookworm but I've managed to pry him open a bit."

"I can see that." Iruka found that he could easily imagine Kakashi hiding away in libraries or keeping to himself in general. He did that now, keeping to himself and being just generally in his own bubble but Iruka could see a bit of Gai in him now. There was that courage to speak his mind, talk freely and Iruka admired Gai's strong personality.

"I did everything I could to get him out of his room. Biking, hiking, fishing. You name it, we've done it," Gai reminisced and Iruka jumped in.

"Wait, fishing?"

"Yes, but not for very long. I accidentally hooked his ear and then we never went fishing again." Sputtering out laughter together, Gai set down the weights he was fixing to think. "I think it took five hours in the waiting room? And when the nurses saw, they all laughed and he was so red."

A light went off in Iruka's head and he pointed out, "That's right, you're a nurse now."

"Indeed, I am."

"That's so amazing, helping people who are hurt," Iruka said from his bench as he watched Gai continue to set up the next shot. "How long have you been nursing and all this?"

Gai leaned on the bench and thought. "Ever since I graduated. I was already volunteering for the hospital so it was easy to get into nursing. This stuff is just a hobby."

He waved at the weights as if they were something anyone could lift off and Iruka huffed, "A hobby? You're like a bodybuilder, it's so cool."

With his pride fluffed, Gai grinned and shrugged off Iruka's comment. "Alright. Let's get back to work then!"

By the end of it all, Iruka and Gai were walking out together, somehow on the topic of Iruka's work and Gai was almost shining at Iruka's words.

"That is amazing, Iruka. I love hearing people talk about their life's work. It warms my heart to know you're such a warm person." Gai was smiling at him and Iruka blushed.

"Oh, thank you," Iruka said back but Gai looked him in the eyes, serious despite his smile.

"Really. I'm glad Kakashi met you." Gai then immediately shrugged off the very real moment and took Iruka's hand in his. "Thank you again! Your help really means a lot to me. Maybe when Kakashi gets back, we can go out for drinks!"

"We should!" Iruka happily replied, shaking Gai's hand back and he went home with a happy, little fluttering in his chest. Gai, Kakashi's best friend, had basically given his approval. It was such a good feeling to know that he was sitting a little bit deeper in Kakashi's world. The hidden parts of Kakashi's life and history were slowly coming to light and it felt like he was getting closer to Kakashi even when he was far away.

Iruka did miss him though, talking to Gai had only emphasized that because through that entire encounter, Iruka's thoughts kept going back to one man.

That night, Iruka sent Kakashi a picture he'd taken of him and Gai that night.

Kakashi called almost immediately and they talked about what Iruka thought of Gai. Iruka answered very honestly that Gai was a good person. That he liked Gai and they were planning on getting drinks when Kakashi came back.

"He said, and I quote, 'Iruka is good. Too good for you,'" Kakashi read out to Iruka and the teacher blushed.

"Aw, he's sweet."

"I'm glad you guys get along," Kakashi said airily, his smile audible.

"Me too," Iruka replied.

When speaking to Izumo and Kotetsu about it, the two shared a look that Iruka didn't understand and he heard whispers from them about him settling down. Iruka shrugged it off, not bothered by their comments anymore because they weren't wrong. Iruka liked where he and Kakashi were. If this was what they would be for a long time, Iruka was really okay with that.

Things were not going to stay the same though because Iruka was suddenly meeting with Yamato.

He was sitting in a coffee shop waiting for the other man to show up, the same coffee shop Iruka had met Kakashi in. This meeting though felt much more different. Iruka didn't feel excitedly nervous. He just felt plain nervous.

"Iruka," Yamato was at the edge of the table, looking like a normal, casual human being with a warm smile and kind eyes.

"Hey," Iruka stood and shook Yamato's hand and offered the empty seat. "It's good to meet you in the wild."

"You too. I know it's probably weird without the Mister and Madame." Yamato gave a smile that was so much more personality Iruka had seen on his face.

"Kinda," Iruka admitted nervously. "I don't normally meet people for this kind of stuff anyway."

Yamato blinked. "Really? Kakashi was the first?"

"Yeah," Iruka's chuckle was tense, worried he said something wrong.

"Wow," Yamato sighed as he said back. "That's lucky."

"Yeah? Did you meet a lot of people before Tsunade?"

"A lot." Yamato shook his head. "So many people. You'd be surprised by how many bad dominants there are out there."

"Wow. I mean, I used to have a shitty boyfriend before Kakashi so I think I'm good at vetting people." Iruka thought back to what he'd done.

"That means you're a good judge of character." Yamato lifted his glass to Iruka and the teacher blushed, slowly feeling more comfortable.

"Thanks. I was worried that Kakashi would be a creep or a catfish but he's been amazing. So great." Iruka couldn't help but hurt a bit, missing his partner again but he stamped that down. "How about you and Tsunade? You two seem well adjusted."

Yamato nodded, looking off out the window as he said, "We are. She's the best Domme I've ever met."

"How did you guys meet?" Iruka asked and Yamato seemed to withdraw a bit but he stayed smiling.

"At an AA meeting, actually," Yamato said it so casually and Iruka listened intently to his following words. "She's the one who suggested it in the first place so when I didn't have any luck, I asked her if she knew anyone. And she did."

The other man shrugged but Iruka was still hung up on all this new information. In the pause that followed, Iruka remembered how to be a polite human being and said, "It's good that you found each other though."

"It was." Yamato winced. "It's not sustainable though. I've got other needs she can't help me with."

Then he looked Iruka in the eyes, his steady gaze like daggers on Iruka's heart as he said, "That's what I'm looking for. That missing piece."

At those words, Iruka's chest churned unhappily.

Iruka knew what he meant. That was what they'd all known from the beginning. It was sex. It was that type of intimate connection that he was missing from his and Tsunade's equally intimate but different partnership.

Before Iruka went home, Yamato left him with the words, "But this can go as fast or slow as you want. We can even stop."

Those words weighed on Iruka's shoulders even as he went back home and sent Kakashi another picture of him in the kitchen eating leftovers. Yamato had been kind, understanding. It was those words that voiced his uncertainty with it all.

There was something that didn't sit right with him. It worried him, made him nervous that they were dabbling into a third party. It hurt his chest to think about it too much and that was the problem. There was a part of him that didn't truly want this. It felt too serious.

And it felt like it was solely up to Iruka if they went forward with this.

They were just experimenting, Iruka reassured himself.

They were playing around. They were dabbling with other paths and Iruka could say no whenever he felt like things were too heavy. His trust was in Kakashi's hands and in turn, he had a safe word and a voice.

It was just daunting to think about it all as reality all by himself.

The next night, Kakashi called and they talked about Yamato and how things went. Iruka didn't mention his doubts though. He listened as Kakashi suggested how they could slowly dip their toes in and it eased his mind.

"But we'll talk about this more when I get back. No rush."

"Kakashi?" Iruka started, words on the tip of his tongue.

"Hmm?"

Iruka didn't know what he'd wanted to say. He'd already forgotten and instead said, "Miss you."

"I'll be back Friday night," Kakashi reminded and Iruka sighed.

"I know. I just… I made chicken last night and I think it's good but it might just be a fluke and want an expert opinion," Iruka whined and Kakashi chuckled.

"Expert. You're funny. I'll see you Friday."

"See ya," Iruka pouted and then he was alone again.

His apartment was quiet again and Iruka closed his eyes, letting his mind float away. There wasn't anything to be stressed or worried about. He was alive and well. The world around him was peaceful and he could be by himself for a bit.

The rest of the night, Iruka pampered himself with a long shower and a cheesy romance movie that had him weeping cathartically by the end. In bed, he disconnected from the rest of the world and read a bit of a book he'd been putting off before dropping into sleep.

The next day, Iruka didn't think of Kakashi at all. The day went pleasantly well and he even talked to his principal about the proposal he was submitting by the year's end. Taken aback, the old man shrugged and had said he was looking forward to it.

That night, Iruka poured over his proposal in excitement but was stopped by a knock at his door.

When he opened it, Iruka found the last person he expected on his doorstep.

A day early, Kakashi was standing on Iruka's front door, soaked and panting in the heavy downpour. His suitcase was hanging from his hand, his cheeks were flushed and he was taking in Iruka's entire form like he'd just crossed the finished line to a race and it made Iruka's heart stop.

"Hey-" was all Iruka could make out before he was half in the rain with his arms full of lawyer and his words unlawfully silenced by the kisses that Iruka had been yearning for.

Every bit of surprise left his mind and all he could see or feel was Kakashi, the man under his fingertips who he couldn't get any closer to because of the annoying fabrics that separated them and the same man who was still trying to pull them closer regardless. The raging need was suddenly an itch on Iruka's skin and he shakingly pulled them back into the apartment. Kakashi's lips followed his inside and the excitement and giddy bliss of finally being able to touch again were starting to get to them. Iruka couldn't help but grin and say stupidly, "You're early."

"I am," Kakashi breathlessly said back.

They kept breaking apart to giggle and make meaningless strings of words but kept coming back together for another hit. The problem came to getting to the bedroom.

"Look out," Kakashi chuckled as Iruka led them to the bed with backwards steps, trying to help Kakashi with his dripping shirt at the same time.

"I'm careful."

And just then, there was a thud and Kakashi doubled over in painful laughter.

"Oh god," Iruka gasped but Kakashi was still laughing even as he clutched his shin. In return, he half scoffed, "Are you okay?"

Toppling onto the bed, Kakashi whined comically against Iruka's shoulder, "I hit my leg."

"Do you want some ice?" Iruka said through laughter but Kakashi caught him before Iruka could go anywhere.

Iruka found the older man was pouting so cutely even as he cupped Iruka's cheeks and muttered, "Don't go."

When their eyes met, Iruka's breath left at the way Kakashi stared so adoringly at him and he whispered back, "Okay."

Throughout the kisses that followed and the tender touches, they felt back into dopey, giddy laughter and back into touching in a cycle that would be considered very obviously romantic to everyone else.


	24. We've Got It Good

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

That night, they did nothing but talk and pepper each other with kisses and touches. Iruka kept finding hair to smooth on Kakashi's head and other excuses to play with his hair.l and just touch him in general. It was probably the same thing Kakashi was doing since Iruka always found those strong hands somewhere on his body and he didn't mind it one bit. It was actually so soothing he fell asleep mid-sentence.

He woke up to find Kakashi sleeping soundly next to him, the bed a warm paradise that he didn't want to leave.

Eventually, they got up and slowly made food together. Iruka helped Kakashi make banana bread and the whole apartment smelled so warm the rest of the day. It lingered even into the night as they drank and talked.

"Why are you back so soon?" Iruka finally asked, sipping his wine as Kakashi shyly smiled from across their pillow fort in front of the television.

"Just missed home," Kakahi said simply, words weighing much more than Iruka knew.

The teacher couldn't help but lean in and tease, "Just home? Nothing else?"

Kakashi gave a smirk right back and leaned in, setting down his glass to cup Iruka's smug cheeks. He pecked Iruka's smirking lips as he muttered shyly, "Mmm, maybe one thing."

"One thing? A thing?" Iruka prodded, nuzzling Kakashi's squirming face.

Finally, he whispered, "A person."

As Iruka's heart soared and limbs turned into static, Kakashi kissed his lungs empty and they both were suddenly in each other's lap, pulled together by the same need.

"Okay, wait." Kakashi pulled back, cheeks flushed as he helped Iruka stand on confused legs but quickly swept them up until Iruka was hanging off his shoulder and squeaking in confusion.

"Kakashi!" Iruka yelped but the taller man just laughed and hoisted them back to bed. Falling in a heap, Iruka couldn't help but laugh and it was so contagious Kakashi couldn't help but laugh too. Then their eyes met and the rest of the weekend was gone.

It was only when Iruka's mom called on Sunday morning that they realized how much time had flown by.

"Iruka!" Kohari cheered to Iruka's surprise and Kakashi even looked up from where he was fixing Iruka's wobbly coffee table.

His eyes followed as Iruka walked over to the kitchen and answered, "Hey, mom. How's it going?"

"It's going so well, sweetheart. How are you? What are you up to? How's work?" She suddenly asked and Iruka finally woke himself up properly.

"Ah, things are good. Really good, actually," he admitted, glancing back to find Kakashi's eyes on him and he flushed. "How's the move going?"

"It's been so much smoother than we imagined," she said with a breezy tone.

This news had Iruka wondering if she still needed his help and he hopefully asked, "Still need some help?"

It was surprising how disappointed he got when she replied, "Well, we have almost everything moved in already."

It was even more surprising how excited he got when she continued, "You should come down soon! We should have almost everything unpacked in a week or two. I'd love for you to come down and help me with arranging the furniture. Then we could maybe layout on the beach and have drinks?"

She sounded so excited, so hopeful that Iruka automatically said, "Of course! How about next weekend?"

Iruka caught a glimpse of Kakashi's frown out of the corner of his eye and quickly said, "Actually, the weekend after would be better."

"Sure! You'll love it here. Iruka… We have a hot tub," she whispered into the phone and Iruka was automatically drooling.

"No way," he gasped.

"Yes way," she giggled and Iruka chuckled excitedly back. Suddenly, her laughs turned conspiratorial and she asked, "So? What's this I hear about a boy? Kakashi, you said?"

Burning up, Iruka laughed nervously. "Ahah, I'll tell you all about it when I see you, Ma."

"Oh? Why not now? I've got time."

"Mom, please," Iruka edged out and she audibly gasped.

"Oh! I see. I see. I'll let you to it then." Her tone was far too pleased and Iruka wrinkled on the inside a bit, not knowing how to see about her eagerness.

"Yeah, I'll see you not next weekend but the one after. Just send me the address."

"Okay, sweetheart. I'll see you then," she said before the line went quiet. Then she said in the most serious tone he had ever heard her take. "Iruka?"

"Yes, Ma?" Iruka asked, confused.

"I love you."

Despite the tears creeping up, Iruka hushed back, "I love you too, Mom."

"I'll see you soon," she said tenderly and Iruka echoed her and the line cut.

Later, Kakashi was flopped between Iruka's thighs on the couch, asking over the show they weren't paying attention to, "What's stopping you from feeling a hundred percent comfortable with the trip?"

Iruka frowned and thought aloud, "I don't know, I just… I feel like a fraud for not calling her more. We used to talk almost every day and then after Mizuki, things just kind of.. went quiet. She travels a lot anyway so it doesn't exactly help."

"Yeah?" Kakashi leaned back on Iruka's chest and titled his head back. "Well, this is kind of like a new start, right?"

"It is," Iruka agreed. "She's got a new place. Her and her boyfriend are doing great."

"Has she thought of remarrying?" Kakashi asked, watching Iruka's reaction.

"Yeah." Iruka knew that all too well because he could remember very clearly her telling him after the divorce that she would never get married again. "Definitely not a possibility. Not after what happened with my dad."

Kakashi hummed and asked cautiously, "Do you mind me asking what happened?"

Gathering his strength, Iruka refused to put himself into the memories and for the first time in a long time said, "They used to be really in love."

"Your parents?"

"Yeah," Iruka said as he picked at stray fluffs on Kakashi's clothes. "I remember them being so in love before everything got messy. They started fighting all the time. I would get out and go to playgrounds and parks until late at night and they'd still be arguing when I got back."

This next part hurt the most to talk ago, the next few years of his young life that he'd bundled up and hidden away. Kakashi somehow could tell, sitting up to face Iruka and run his hands soothingly up Iruka's legs.

"Then one day they just… stopped everything. They stopped fighting. They stopped talking. They stopped even looking at each other for almost a full year." Iruka couldn't help but tear up a little bit, seeing the horribly tense family dinners and every time he would come home to a cold house with his father on the couch. "One night, at the dinner table, they finally did talk but it turned into yelling again. Mom said she wished they'd never gotten married and then Dad said 'Fine. Then let's get a divorce.' He left that night and I barely saw him after that."

He was through the worst of it, he told himself and he rushed through the last bit, the hardest bits quickly. "I stayed exclusively with my mom and he never called or wrote. He apparently had a new girlfriend the next month. I saw him a few times at supervised meetings but I could tell he didn't want to be there. So, I came out to him when I was sixteen and he left that day without ever looking back."

Kakashi winced as Iruka chuckled and wiped away his tears. Then the rest of what he said came out without him thinking, without being able to stop. "Mom never wanted to get married. Ironic considering she's a wedding planner."

"Some people aren't meant to be married," Kakashi answered finally and for some reason, that statement hit Iruka right in the chest. He moved closer as Kakashi said, "I'm no marriage counsellor but… I see so many people get divorced and you can tell they got caught up in the magic of it or they were pressured by other people. It wasn't their conscious choice."

"Do you think they could ever come to that choice on their own?" Iruka asked, thinking of his mother and wondering if she would've ever been happy in her marriage.

Kakashi hummed and shrugged, his eyes far off. "Some no but… I like to believe that some people could. With the right person, depending on their goals in life."

Then Iruka asked a bold question, something he hadn't ever risked asking but now came so easily.

"What about your parents?"

As Kakashi spoke, Iruka could almost see the memories play in his eyes and all the pain they brought up. He said firmly, "My parents were made to be married. The rest of the family didn't think that though which is why they eloped. They weren't married for long before she passed but… I know they were happy."

That's when the pain became too much. Kakashi sucked in a deep breath, eyes glancing away as if to find a way out of this conversation and Iruka immediately gave him an out.

"Let's go do something," Iruka declared as he stood and ruffled Kakashi's hair.

"Sure," Kakashi said thankfully as he caught Iruka's wrist. If Iruka could speak through his eyes, he would've been saying that he was sorry Kakashi hurt to talk about that. He was pretty sure Kakashi could understand him regardless with the relieved sigh and the way he tried to smile.

Iruka leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly to that pained brow, hoping to touch the pain away. When Kakashi pulled him down for a kiss, it was stained with both their past hurt that was slowly ebbing away into where it came from.

Once they parted, Iruka took Kakashi's hand. "Let's get out. Go outside and enjoy the sun."

"Sure," Kakashi muttered back, his mood visibly getting brighter and he gave Iruka's hand a squeeze before excusing himself. "I'll go put on some pants."

"Aw," Iruka fake whined and Kakashi scoffed as he went. That left Iruka alone to think about the pain that was slowly pulling back and how it didn't feel as heavy anymore. He hoped that Kakashi felt the same way.

His thoughts immediately fled when Kakashi came back though.

They ran because Kakashi came out wearing just a plain white shirt. It wasn't the shirt that was making all thoughts leave the building though. No, it was the pair of grey sweatpants they were tucked into, how they hung off his hips and clung to all the places Iruka had seen nude and yet was suddenly infinitely more attracted to in that moment.

Kakashi blinked at Iruka's burning face. "What?"

"N-nothing!" The teacher quickly dragged them out of that suddenly tight apartment into the fresh air where they could breathe and walk.

He was actually thankful for Kakashi bringing up more important matters.

"So? Ready for tomorrow?" Kakashi asked to Iruka's confusion.

"Ready for what?"

"The proposal, silly," Kakashi reminded with a chuckle.

"Oh!" Iruka quickly laughed too, conflicted between the fluttering in his chest when Kakashi playfully elbowed him. He realized then that it wasn't the deep, horrible anxiety like all the previous times he'd thought of his proposal. "Yeah. Just ready to get it over with really. See what the principal thinks. Get feedback."

"They're going to love it and before you know it, they're going to be changing the whole curriculum."

"Pff, I don't want to change the whole curriculum. I just want to integrate more social-emotional learning so that they can have the tools to succeed," Iruka said confidently and Kakashi looked at him, playfully impressed.

"The way you put it, I wish you could teach that to the guys at the firm." Iruka elbowed him and they laughed as they walked. It was around then that Iruka realized they were holding hands.

He couldn't remember reaching out for Kakashi or vice versa but he didn't mind.

They ended up at a grocery and brought back some ready-made food. It was only when the night started to creep in that he realized that this was how the weekend had passed for the most part. Eating, sleeping, watching shows and going out for walks, all of it had been so simple and so easy that Iruka was only now realizing a very surprising fact.

They hadn't had sex. Like, at all.

Iruka almost choked on his food and quickly sank it down with a glass of water. Sure, they'd cuddled and made out an absurd amount but it was surprising considering they'd been apart for so long. Suddenly, as if remembering that sex was a possibility, his body flared up as an idea that popped into Iruka's devious mind.

"Hey, Kakashi? Did you save those photos I sent you?" Iruka asked casually, slowly prowling over to the kitchen table where Kakashi was slurping up pad thai noodles.

"Mhm." Kakashi nodded and pulled up his phone. As he did, Iruka sauntered over to casually lean on the back of Kakashi's chair. Seeing the man swipe through to his photos, Iruka slowly sank down to where Kakashi's neck was fully exposed.

He then saw where Kakashi had saved those pictures, tucked in their own folder that was labelled with a sparkling heart emoji. It momentarily distracted his sneakiness by making his heart burn but he merely used that as fuel.

"They look good," Iruka whispered against Kakashi's neck and the tall man shivered hard, stiffening in surprise.

It was just a hint, a suggestion really but Kakashi slowly put down his phone and Iruka knew he had a hundred percent of Kakashi's attention.

So, he asked like the little shit he was, "Kinda dorky to keep them all in one folder."

Another notch was made and Iruka kept a straight face when Kakashi sat back again, asking, "Dorky, huh?"

Just to hit the nail deeper, Iruka didn't respond. He pretended not to hear.

It was hook, line and sinker.

It showed in the way his demeanour pulled back into that of a watcher, someone who stood tall and turned slowly to ask Iruka, "Where are those gifts I gave you?"

"Hm?" Iruka knew by the look in Kakashi's eyes that he was planning something in his head but couldn't put a finger on it. So, he innocently pointed at the flowers on the kitchen counter. "Well, the flowers are over there, the food is in my stomach and the other stuff is kind of all over."

The way Kakashi approached, dark eyes shiver-inducing. His knuckles lightly grazed Iruka's jaw as he clarified in a low voice, "I wasn't talking about the birthday presents."

Iruka blinked, confused. What other presents was he? Oh. _Oh_.

Kakashi saw those pieces click together in Iruka's wide eyes and burning shock, smirking just slightly. So, he chuckled and commanded with a playful slap on Iruka's butt, "Go get them."

"Sure," Iruka automatically answered, hurrying off to the bedroom but not before he glanced back and saw Kakashi stalking after him slowly.

After weeks of being apart, seeing how Kakashi wanted him sent him into instant withdrawal. His hands shook, his blood ran cold with excitement and everything seemed to move so quickly. The order to undress and kneel in the middle of the room on top of a blanket, his knees starting to ache after what felt like forever and then the instruction to put on Kakashi's first gift had him vibrating from all ends. After the second gift was put in place and his arms tied behind his back, he started literally vibrating.

It felt like he was looking at the world from an arm's length away even when Kakashi magically pulled out one of his ties, plunging his world into nothing but sound and touch. After a moment, there wasn't even sound. With the soundproof earbuds in his ears, there was just his own body, his heart beating in his ears and the vibrations pulsing against the most pleasurable part of his body.

From there, the rest was a blur. His knees burned, his length pulsed and everything around him was pressing against his limits. The wood floors hurt even though there was a blanket between it and his knees but the vibrator felt so good inside him. The cockring was strangling his arousal but the open air and rare brush against his own body didn't stop the slow-growing burn in his stomach.

For how long he knelt there, he didn't know. It just weighed him down further and further. When the pattern of vibrations changed, he gasped but could hear the moan he let out so clearly in his own head.

The floor against his forehead was a new support he didn't know he needed, a bit of ground to keep him tethered to the earth so he didn't fall off it. When the pulsings were turned up another notch, he could barely control himself.

"Ah!" The moaning somehow helped. He was there even though the world was spinning, even though he couldn't feel his legs or arms.

His thoughts were fading away slowly. As much as he tried to keep a hold on himself, on his sounds.

A carefully tender touch ran slowly up his back until his neck and he was gone. Then it all just stopped mattering. It just felt so good, so freeing. The tension was there but he couldn't feel it. He was numb from the inside out. He couldn't get enough of that good feeling, it was fluttering away. It was just out of reach.

Clawing his way to it, he was almost there. He was so close. He just had to keep panting, keep arching his back, keep doing everything that was getting him closer.

The rest was lost.

When he came back, his body was buzzing and weak. He could see and hear again. His arms were pink and he was being wrapped in a blanket.

"And up we go," Kakashi was saying as Iruka was moved to the edge of the bed to Iruka's hazy surprise.

With a dopey chuckle, he muttered, "Did I just hear a grunt? Gettin' weaker, Hatake?"

"Pff, Hatake?" Kakashi smiled down as Iruka caught him by the waist and pulled him in. "You sound like one of my old trainers."

"Maybe I am in disguise," Iruka whispered, marvelling at how the grey sweatpants hung on his hips and how gloriously they draped over his hard-on.

Driven by the need to touch and be closer again, Iruka sneakily pushed them down, innocently looking up at his partner as the man half-heartedly tried to step away. "Very funny… God, don't look at me like that."

"Why not?" Iruka teased as he massaged Kakashi through his briefs.

"Just…" Kakashi panted, throwing his head back in defeat. "Because that look is guaranteed sex. You know I'll cave if you do that."

"You don't want sex?" Iruka asked breathlessly, worrying his lip even though they both knew what was coming next. That was why they were both somehow closer, pressing into each other already.

Kakashi looked down, meeting eyes that already knew the answer to that question and that's when he cupped Iruka's cheeks. Before he brought their lips together, he muttered fondly, "I missed you."

It made Iruka so surprisingly happy, even more than he was before.

Somehow, it made the kisses hotter. The thrusts that followed were deeper. The sex was passionate beyond anything Iruka had ever experienced. Once they were both dishevelled and sweaty, he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Mmn?" Kakashi asked as he stood to shuffle to the bathroom.

"It's three in the morning," Iruka croaked at the clock and Kakashi huffed.

"Wow. When did we start? Eleven?"

"I think around midnight," Iruka mused. "Wait, how long was I on the floor for?"

In the dark of the room, Kakashi shrugged and hummed, "Well, the first set was about ten before the plug. There was a break, then another ten or and then another… About an hour, including all the breaks and cool down."

Iruka blinked owlishly. "An hour? Really?"

Kakashi shrugged as he walked off to the bathroom.

An hour. That thought rolled through his thoughts as he examined his knees, how pink they were and wondering if they'd be bruised in the morning. He was a mess, looking at the rest of himself. He was a mess but he was happy.

That was how they slept, happy and peaceful.

Keyword being slept.

In the morning, they both woke up to Kakashi's phone ringing. Iruka glanced at his clock and found it was six in the morning and frowned. Why was an alarm waking them up? Wasn't it…

Kakashi clued in just as Iruka did, swearing and rushing to the bathroom.

It wasn't Sunday like they'd thought. It was Monday and Kakashi was going to be late for work if he didn't hurry his ass up. Kakashi had stayed the night and was now floundering to get ready, hurriedly brushing his teeth as he threw on deodorant.

Iruka helped him find a suit that wasn't dirty and the lawyer kissed him goodbye before rushing out the door, leaving his suitcase and things in Iruka's apartment.

Iruka didn't even realize until the team meeting that morning with the principal that he had a report to give and quickly shoved it into the principal's hands at the end of the day.

Standing there eagerly, Iruka didn't really know what to do next.

The principal just smile at him and said, "Thank you, Iruka. I'll take a look at this and get back to you before the year ends."

"Thank you, sir!" Iruka said before hurrying back to his class.

Disbelief was the first feeling that hit. He'd just submitted a proposal he'd been working on for weeks, something he'd spent so much time and effort on.

He'd put his heart into it. The research had been immense and so many hours were sunk into this project. It was a weird feeling now that it was in his boss's hands. After all that, Iruka kind of felt like a blob who knew too much and not enough at the same time.

As soon as he got home, he flopped on the couch and for the first time in a long time napped, a break he felt he deserved.

The school year would be ending soon. In a few weeks, he would be helping out with the tests at the nearby high school and then that would be it. The summer break would finally let him relax before he had to prep for the next year. That meant time for himself, time to spend with his friends and family.

True, he was off to his mom's the next weekend. And she had a hot tub.

God, he could die dreaming of it.

A knock got him on his feet.

This time when he saw Kakashi on his doorstep, Iruka smirked at his embarrassed and tired partner.

"Hey," Kakashi greeted weakly as Iruka let him in. He looked rough like he'd been running all day but he was smiling.

Pecking his cheek, Iruka led him in with a cheeky smirk. "You look like a wreck."

"I come home after a long day to this?" Kakashi joked in exasperation.

They laughed and ended up eating supper together. Eventually, Kakashi went back to his apartment but he didn't stay there for long. Friday night, he was back at Iruka's and made them food.

"Still haven't heard back from the principal?" Kakashi asked once they'd finished eating.

"Nothing yet," Iruka said. "There's been a lot of end-of-the-year stuff going on. Want to help me make cookies this weekend for the bake sale?"

The older man chuckled, pulling Iruka's legs onto his lap as he said, "I think you're more qualified for sweets since you're the expert at them. And I do mean by all this cake you have here."

Kakashi slapped Iruka's thigh playfully and gave Iruka a very satisfied smirk. Rolling his eyes, Iruka chuckled. "Aww, too bad you hate sweets then."

With a wolfish grin, Kakashi leered at Iruka. "Well, guess I'll have to broaden my horizons."

For a moment, their stares were hot and sensual on each other. Iruka was even about to make a sassy comment back but their phones buzzed at the same time.

Kakashi's eyes widened and Iruka wasn't as quick to get what chat had popped up until he read it.

_'Just wanted to pop in and say thanks to Iruka for meeting with Yamato the other day. He tells me it went well, that they went over hard limits.' _

"How did that go?" Kakashi asked and Iruka floundered in his own thoughts.

His mouth automatically said, "It went really well. He's really nice."

So, Kakashi typed back for them. _'Thank you to you and Yamato as well. Maybe we can start to kick things up a notch. With their consent, of course.'_

_'I consent.' _Yamato jumped in and Iruka hurriedly typed back.

_'I consent as well.' _The words were already sent off before he could question himself and he looked up at Kakashi. "So, what would another notch up be?"

"I was thinking about it and their schedules are a lot different from ours," Kakashi said. "But with your summer vacation coming up, we can try to meet with them during the week. Talk some more."

Iruka pouted at the thought of waiting and how he'd be waiting nervously for so long. "Yeah, but that's not for a few weeks."

"True," Kakashi hummed, both of them going quiet until another notification had them snapping back to their phones and Iruka almost dropped his.

_'Since Yamato and I meet during the week, it would be hard to get all of us in the same room until the summer. For now, if you'd like, you can send me pictures, audio clips or videos that I can use as positive reinforcement and vice versa. Just to start things off.'_

They looked up at each other at the same time with the same surprised and probing eyes.

"Would you… mind if I recorded?" Kakashi asked tentatively and Iruka's breath caught.

The suggestion was beyond toe-curling. "Just the audio?"

One of the things that Iruka had come to realize after their little photo shoot in their hotel room was that he kind of liked the picture Kakashi had taken. The entire process had been so arousing that the thought of doing that now sent him into shivers. "We can do that… and pictures… and videos, as long as I get a copy."

Visibly, Kakashi's cheeks went as pink as Iruka's and they didn't need to say another word, they were already all over each other.

Iruka couldn't remember what Kakashi pulled his phone out for, he was too busy angling right for the camera and being as genuine as possible. In turn, Kakashi was much more vocal.

"God, you're so gorgeous," Kakashi muttered as he held one of Iruka's legs up, taking pictures of how his cock was pressed in so deeply. Pictures that Iruka would later vet but was too lost in heat to care at that point.

It was only afterwards when Kakashi was in the bathroom that he started to care.

He was a mess, a happily pleased mess. The bedroom was covered in clothes and he was swiping through pictures on Kakashi's phone.

Some looked really good.

Others not so much and Iruka would delete those. There was a good handful that he kind of liked though and sent to his own phone. Kakashi really had a good eye for angles and simplicity. It made sense considering all the pictures on his Instagram, the latest ones being from their vacation and the streets they'd walked down together. Iruka felt oddly proud to have been there when those were taken.

There wasn't much pride left in him though. He was still a sticky, sweaty mess.

It was knelt over the bed, reaching for a tissue that he felt a trickle.

For a second, he forgot what they'd just done and reached behind to find that the leaking was something he should've expected. That was what tended to happen when you didn't use protection. Semen had to go somewhere.

Iruka knew they'd done it bare before but he hadn't really thought about it until then. How this was the aftermath of Kakashi being inside him, skin to skin. That was what happened when there was nothing to stop Kakashi from finishing inside him.

Without explanation, Iruka's cheeks started burning again and his length twitched again, somehow excited by the idea of Kakashi using Iruka, filling him, claiming him. He couldn't help how his hand was already exploring his slicked hole, how easily his fingers went inside and how his cock pounded.

Kneeling wide with both hands pleasuring himself, that was the sight Kakashi stumbled upon. He didn't know what had started it but the taller man savoured that image and how it was forever burned into his mind, his lover touching himself without being told to.

His hand touched Iruka's ass and the younger man gasped when a finger slid in to join his. Like a magnet, his fingers were drawn to where Iruka liked it best and Kakashi massaged him, effortlessly making Iruka crumble into the bedsheets with how good it felt.

Kakashi whispered as he ran his fingers over Iruka's bareback, "Can I film this?"

"Yes," Iruka panted out, even more turned on with that suggestion.

A short video of Kakashi's fingers sliding out, covered in his own cum was soon saved to Kakashi's phone. Then the rest of the night fell into leisurely pleasuring each other. With his cheek against Kakashi's long member, Iruka couldn't help but keen when the man underneath him did wonders with his tongue.

When they were finally and completely done for the night, Iruka had to wonder how every time could feel that good. Was it because they tried new things often? Would that fade once there was nothing new to try?

That was a sad thought and Iruka decided it wasn't because of the things they did but how they did it, knowing each other's body so well.

Sneakily, Iruka stretched out a hand to test his theory on the soft underside of Kakashi's knee, a place that was supposed to be-

Kakashi's knee jerked right into Iruka's nose.

Sensitive.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi was demanding a few seconds later, confused by Iruka's laughter.

"Aha… Yeah, pushed the wrong button."

Iced and laughing, they spent the rest of the weekend in bed watching videos and sharing jokes.

They didn't really talk about their possible threesome. Iruka didn't really know how to bring up what he felt. It didn't seem all that important. It could wait, right?

It could wait until Monday when Kakashi would come over for dinner. It could wait until Wednesday. It could wait until he got back from the coast.

"I'll see you when you get back," Kakashi said as they parted at the train station and Iruka was too busy feeling excited and kind of sad to bring it up.

"Yeah, want to have dinner Monday night?" Iruka asked hopefully.

"Sure. I'll bring over Ichiraku's."

"Oho, you better not let me down, Hatake. You've got my hopes up now."

Kakashi just grinned and winked. "When have I ever?"

"Never," Iruka answered and suddenly he felt so serious. With that feeling, he let himself revel in the kiss they shared and the lingering hug they had.

Then Iruka was walking onto his train with a glance back to find Kakashi waving. Kakashi sent Iruka over a heart emoji and Iruka sent him a gif back of a chimp blowing kisses. They giggled like dorks and then the train was moving.

Iruka's second vacation started at that moment. Alone on a train, he listened to music and let himself relax. Even though he was on his way to see his mom which would normally be an anxiety-ridden experience, he was only kind of nervous. He hadn't seen her in a long time and he'd been in a pretty bad place before. Now, he was a million times happier.

He just hoped she would see that.

'_Everything will be fine as long as you brought her a housewarming gift :D' _Izumo assured and Iruka hoped he was right.

And like usual, Izumo was.

"Ruka!" Kohari, the beautiful and radiant older woman who was his mother, was striding happily through the station entrance with that glowing smile, the same one that made whoever she looked at feel respected and wanted. She looked like she hadn't aged a day. She was still his mother and he was still a teenager living with her in the apartment they shared. All his defences were suddenly gone in her safe arms and he couldn't help the tears that built up a little.

"I missed you so much," she murmured into his hair, hugging him even tighter and he hugged her back.

He couldn't talk, his throat closed up from the tears spilling over and he just chuckled happily, hugging her closer. Eventually, he could mumble something along the lines of, "ss you oo."

Pulling back, there were tears in her eyes too and she wiped the few tears away from his face and smiled right back. "My sweet baby."

At the cooing, Iruka rolled his eyes and they laughed together. She eventually said, "We're going to have a great weekend. Just you and me and the beach and you're going to tell me everything."

With his arm safe in hers, he believed every word she said and any feelings he'd had of her before that moment hadn't mattered as much as the love.

"You look so good," she said as they drove back and Iruka blushed happily.

"You think?"

"Your skin looks so good. What have you been using?"

"Ahah, nothing much actually. Just cleanser and moisturizer but I think it's because I'm being more active." Iruka of course didn't specify and kept a straight face as he steered the conversation elsewhere. "So, where's this new house again? You said it was by the beach?"

"Yup, just a block away and there's a great market nearby too," she said as they headed off into town. Iruka had only ever been to this city a few times before but he was too distracted by his mom to pay attention to the outside.

The new house was in a quiet community, sleepy and by the water where they could relax and have guests. Apparently, they'd found it through a colleague who got her a sweet deal on the place and that she and Takana were planning on finally settling down. Which took Iruka by surprise. He hadn't ever heard her speak about settling down with someone, not since his father.

The feeling in his chest was weird.

"Welcome to casa de Kohari and Takana. In the bathroom, you will find tiny soaps, chocolates on your pillow and towels by the hot tub." She winked at her son's astonishment and how he walked around the home with his jaw dropped.

With good reason, the place was gorgeous. It was the perfect beach home with white everything and accents of blue and wood. Soothing and calming were the main words that came to mind and as much as it felt foreign and new, it still felt his mother.

After showing him the guest room and the rest of the house, she eagerly hopped over to the green backyard and motioned with both arms and a sneaky grin to the covered hot tub in the back. "Jealous?"

"Yes. Very," Iruka said through his drool.

"And we get to soak in it later," she whispered to him and they both broke out into giggles.

"Hey, where's Takana, by the way?" Iruka asked, wondering where her boyfriend had been hiding away. He'd always been a shy, introverted man.

"He'll be back tomorrow. Just you, me and a home-cooked meal," she boasted and Iruka's mouth turned into a pool. Before he could offer to help, she winked and brought up a whole, new idea that had them both scurrying around, "But first, want to see the beach?"

Suddenly, they were scurrying to the beach with a couple of beach chairs and money for drinks Kohari promised they would buy from a vendor on the beach. As soon as Iruka's feet hit the sand, he felt like he was truly on vacation. The light bouncing onto them warmed his aching joints and they lazied about in their beach chairs. There was something so nostalgic and peaceful that settled into their conversation and suddenly it was as if nothing had happened.

She hadn't told him to drop Mizuki.

He hadn't yelled at her.

She hadn't left.

They were a mother and her son on a beach with nothing to come between them.

Which was why the guilt he'd been pushing down for so long bubbled up.

Things were so normal, back to the way they were without ever addressing anything that had happened. He'd said some nasty things to her and she had done the same back. While it had been freeing at the time to let everything out and just vent, the feelings that followed after she'd slammed his front door shut were the same.

There was guilt for the things he said, shame for even saying them and pain for the words that she'd said to him too but the shame and guilt were much more powerful.

"The birds don't want your drink, Ma." Iruka joked as the sun started to go down, kinda tipsy from the drinks. "Me, on the other hand, wants your drink. So, you should give it to me for safekeeping. In my belly."

Her giggles burst out into laughter and he laughed too, feeling so amazingly calm even though the sadness was bubbling up.

"Not if I drink it first," she warned, trying her best to chug her drink through a heavy wince.

"You're going to throw up!"

"No," she said through a cough. "I got this."

"You don't!"

"Give me yours. I can finish both of them."

"Mom!"

Eventually, the laughter dimmed. They were flushed and happy and Iruka couldn't help the tears springing into his eyes. For the first time in a long time, they were spending actual time together.

His voice had cracked and his throat was hoarse but his words were heard. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."


	25. Wow, We're Really Doing This

_**Fifty Shades of Grey**_

* * *

Waves swept onto the sand. The sun kept setting into the sea ahead of them and Kohari looked at her son with just a touch of surprise. Eventually, the surprise melted away into understanding as she set down her drink. She then took his hand and squeezed.

"I'm sorry too."

That was all it took for both of them to break down into further tears. Reaching over, she hugged him tight despite their distance. Iruka was hugging her back, letting all the feelings and pain filter through him as he muttered into her comforting shoulder, "I didn't mean it. I really didn't. I was just… a mess."

"I know, sweetheart." It was her weeping and her kisses against his head that brought out all memories. He was recently single again, crying over the broken trust and the wasted time. It was as if his emotions just picked up where they'd left off when he'd yelled at her and let her walk out of his apartment with a cold, 'I told you so.'

"I know you didn't mean it and I didn't mean it either and I shouldn't have left. I should've stayed. I should've stayed," she was saying to him in the present and he knew she meant it. The protection of her arms healed the pain.

It lifted so much weight he'd forgotten was on his shoulders and he could tell she felt the same when he said, "I love you, Mom. So much."

"I love you too," Kohari said against his hair, her hands rubbing his back just like she had when he'd first had his heartbroken like she had when he'd woken up in the hospital from a broken arm and like she had when he told her how his father reacted to Iruka's sexual identity.

He couldn't say 'I love you' enough and he couldn't hug her enough but it felt like coming home. It felt like they'd be alright.

Eventually, they pulled back and tried to pull themselves back together from the outpour of emotions.

"Why do I always cry when I see you?" Iruka demanded jokingly and Kohari chuckled, wiping away her tears.

"It's because I'm so terrifying," she joked back and they sat in silence, soothed by their drinks and weariness.

"You should come over," Iruka said on their way back to her surprise.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. This summer. We can go out for drinks and do some shopping. I don't know," Iruka suggested hesitantly.

"That sounds like a plan," she said happily back and they grinned, cheeks blotchy from crying but still happy. "And you can come as much as you want. Whenever you're feeling stuffy in the city, just come over here and you can relax in your own private beach house."

"Don't you have plans this summer?" Iruka asked. It wasn't like her to not go travelling during the summer. Usually, she had cruises and flights lined up months in advance.

"No," she said simply. Before Iruka could ask his mother anything else, she changed the subject with a smirk, "You can even bring that friend of yours."

Iruka's eye twitched. He knew she'd bring Kakashi up eventually and the other shoe had finally dropped. "Izumo? I think he'd like the beach."

She stared at him for a while but finally rolled her eyes as she got out her house keys. "I see. A secret friend. Fine. Don't tell me."

She shrugged and swept into the house to Iruka's surprise. She's always wanted to know about his partners before. And Kakashi was prime gossip material and she didn't want to know?

Iruka stalked inside after her. "So… you don't want to know anything at all?"

"No," she said with a shrug as she pulled out things to make food.

Iruka didn't know why that kind of hurt. He actually wanted to talk about Kakashi. Why wasn't she asking about Kakashi?

"So, nothing at all?" he asked hopefully.

She looked at him with a knowing glint in her eyes. "That's okay."

As she slowly started to make food, Iruka sat there with his mouth pursed as he tried to hold back the urge to say anything. She was right. They weren't dating. He didn't need to talk about Kakashi. Definitely.

"So, the other day…" she said in a droning tone that told Iruka she was pulling his leg. "I'm joking. Just tell me about him already, you look like you're going to pop."

With a giant gasp of air, Iruka said right back, "You're evil."

"So?" She was grinning from ear to ear and he leaned over the counter as she started cooking.

"His name's Kakashi and he's really tall and smart and he's this big-time lawyer and he's so cool," Iruka rushed out all at once, cheeks burning and trying not to giggle happily.

All the while, Kohari was smirking. "Oh? He sounds cool."

"But he's a bit of a dork and kinda shy," Iruka went on. "Like, we went out to dinner once and he thought rigatoni was ravioli and I had to convince him that it wasn't. When they got his order wrong and accidentally gave him rigatoni, he was too shy to ask them to bring it back."

"Hey, that's happened to me," Kohari said defensively and Iruka stared her down, finding that hard to believe especially from his confident mother. She shrugged. "Well, it could've. I'm old!"

"You are not old, Ma."

"I am. I found another grey hair this week."

"You're forty-five!"

"It's the wisdom. I'm turning into an old witch and soon I'll move into a cottage in the woods and live my best hermit life." She cackled darkly and then it went quiet. The wheels were turning in her head. He could see the words 'how did you meet' on her lips but she didn't ask that. "How do you feel about him?"

It threw him for a loop and he answered truthfully, genuinely, shyly, "I like him. A lot."

"Yeah?" She was looking at him, seeing not only him but everything inside. There was a hint of recognition. Iruka couldn't tell what she was seeing though because she looked away and changed the subject again. "That's good. You should bring him over sometime."

"I might." Iruka nodded, shaking off her question as he asked, "How about you and Takana?"

With a smile, she said, "Good, good. He's as great as ever and I still love him to bits. The move was rough and everything with the proposal was so stressful until things calmed down and-"

Iruka had to cut in, "Proposal?"

Her face went slack. Then it sunk in that there were things she hadn't mentioned, things Iruka should have known about. That is, would have known about if they'd been closer until then.

"I didn't tell you, did I?"

"No. No, you didn't." Things went quiet as Iruka noticed the lack of a ring. "You didn't say yes?"

With a sure smile, she simply said, "I didn't."

Iruka for some reason wasn't surprised. He knew how she felt about marriage. Hell, it had been ingrained into his mind long before the divorce. So, even though it sat uneasily with him, he nodded. "How did Takana take it?"

"He took it well," she said. "He knew I'd say no but he said he wanted to try anyway."

"Was he upset?"

"For a bit, yeah." She pulled a smile again, tinged with a sadness that said she didn't regret what she'd done. It spoke volumes about letting him down though.

Iruka sat with that sad feeling for a while even as they spoke during the rest of the night. It wasn't because she wasn't getting married though, that wasn't her path anymore.

Maybe it was because he still found the idea of marriage as romantic.

Why did he care though?

He didn't.

He couldn't.

So, he put those feelings into the pretty, bow-tied box they belonged in and focused on his mom.

Even as he took pictures with his mom and sent them off to Kakashi. Even as the man sent back emojis of hearts and sweet comments like 'wait, you have a sister?' and 'wow, you make hot tubs look appealing'.

When he left, he took with him the promise of coming back and the feeling of her arms around him. He even had a little goody bag of sweets Takana had brought him from downtown when he got back the second night.

On the train ride back, Iruka thought about his mother and Takana and how they were so sweet together. They acted like an old married couple, bickering about nothing yet so sweet to each other in the quiet moments. Iruka couldn't figure out why he was disappointed that they weren't getting married.

"I don't mind," Takana had said when they were alone Sunday morning. "Your mom doesn't need a ring and if she's happy, I'm happy."

There was a touch of sadness in his eyes though, a familiar flash of disappointment that Iruka both understood and felt guilty for.

It wasn't a fun feeling. It was uncomfortable and brought up too many memories that he just wanted to forget.

So, as he rode the train back home, he texted the group chat between him, his partner, and the duo who they'd been experimenting with.

_'Hey! Was wondering if you two would be down to go out to dinner sometime?'_

He hadn't asked Kakashi about this but his message almost instantly got a supportive heart reaction from the sweet man.

_'Yamato and I were just talking about asking you to join us for dinner this week.'_

Kakashi jumped in to volunteer,_ 'I've got this new recipe I've been dying to try.'_

_'How about Wednesday night, my place?'_ Iruka suddenly found himself with plans for the week and he texted Kakashi nervously seconds later. _'Was I too forward? Did I sound needy?'_

_'No, not at all_ 🙂_ I thought you were very charming.'_

_'Yeah, but that's because you like me and you can't see the nervous mess I am.'_

_'Omg, you are the most confident person I know, Iruka. I think the world would end if you ever got more nervous than I did.'_

Then there was a pause as Iruka tried to figure out what to write back but when he did find something to write back, Kakashi made one last comment. 'It's really inspiring. Before I go into court, I usually channel you.'

Iruka blinked and stared at his phone.

'_Wait, was that too creepy?'_

Iruka frantically texted back. _'No, it's really sweet.'_

_'Good. Want to come over tonight?'_

_'What would you say if I said no?'_ Iruka was just playing, goofing off.

And Kakashi was too._ 'Well, then no pad thai for you.'_

_'You're making pad thai? Without me?'_

_'Correction: for you.'_

The saying that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach and Iruka had found that this was quite because a few hours later, he didn't go home. Instead, he was eating his favourite food with his favourite person.

They talked about the beach and Iruka fawned over his mom's new house. The idea of having a home of his own was so lovely. A place he could call his own, a place he could make his own.

"Like, a place I can decorate." Iruka chewed on his thoughts and Kakashi watched him curiously, a small smile as he watched fondly.

"What kind of decor would you go for?" Kakashi leaned in over Iruka's pulled up knees, hugging Iruka's legs and placing his chin on Iruka's knees like he was reeled in on a line.

It was so comfortable, snuggled together with good food and good conversation. "Probably something modern but not too industrial. Like, I love stuff like this."

That was when he broke out the Pinterest boards and showed Kakashi his ideas with a gleeful excitement that he saved for puppies and kids reciting the alphabet completely for the first time. All the while, Kakashi listened, watching Iruka like he was an old family video that he hadn't watched in a while.

"What?" Iruka asked, cheeks burning.

Kakashi smirked and shrugged.

"I'm talking too much, aren't I?" Iruka rolled his eyes.

"You? Never," Kakashi hushed playfully, kissing Iruka's frown away despite his teasing.

"Rude."

Kakashi chuckled. "Sounds like you had a lot of fun."

It was true, Iruka had. There was so much more that had happened that weekend though, so many feelings and thoughts. He found himself saying truthfully, "Yeah, mostly. To be honest, I was kind of worried."

"Yeah?"

"We… didn't really leave on the best terms the last time we saw each other. We yelled at each other and hurt each other." Full of relief, Iruka said, "Thankfully, we're a lot better now."

That being said, the relief came with a flicker of sadness that Kakashi saw on Iruka's face. "But?"

Iruka frowned harder, intentionally this time. "Well, her boyfriend proposed."

"Oh. Do you not want your mom to get remarried?"

"No, in fact, it's the opposite. Her boyfriend is amazing and I thought they were really happy together."

Kakashi hummed and thought about it for a bit. "Well, I guess she's not the marriage type anymore. Maybe after what happened with your dad…"

"Of course and I understand. Not everyone wants to get married, y'know?" Iruka said from the bottom of his heart at that moment, "I guess I just feel that if I ever met the man of my dreams, I'd want to marry him."

Iruka found himself thinking about his own relationships, about him and Mizuki. It all sort of made sense looking back at it all. Mizuki had been someone he'd just been stuck with, someone he didn't feel he could spend the rest of his life with. Maybe that was the reason why Iruka had put things off. Maybe that was why…

Kakashi on the other hand was watching Iruka curiously, a flicker of dreams in his eyes and a hopeful smile on his lips.

Dragging himself out of his thoughts, Iruka quickly changed topics. "Speaking of marriage, you've never told me about your parents."

It caught Kakashi off guard. He'd never talked about his family and Iruka realized that as soon as he said it but Kakashi didn't avoid the question. He instead sat up and answered.

"Well, my parents were in love. They eloped and then had me not long after," Kakashi said with an expression that wavered between pained and stoic.

"It must be a good marriage," Iruka said, not realizing how Kakashi was using the past tense until the older man replied.

"It was. Even now that she's gone."

Everything was quiet. Iruka's mind had gone blank, taking in the way Kakashi seemed to retreat back into himself. Instinctually, Iruka reached out and touched Kakashi's hand.

With a fake smile, Kakashi made a strained chuckle. "Guess that's why I someday want to find my person and get married."

It was the memories in his sad smile that hit Iruka hard. He didn't really know what to ask. What would he even say?

Instead, he took Kakashi's hand and kissed it reflexively as if trying to kiss his feelings into Kakashi's body. It was just a little thing, a gesture to say he understood and cared.

And Kakashi seemed to see that. With a deep, strained breath, he said, "So, excited for this week?"

Taking Kakashi's hint, Iruka nodded. "Yeah, excited and nervous."

"Well, if ever you need to, you can always take a breather in your bedroom."

"I know," Iruka whined.

"Here. I'll give you one of my famous introvert tips. Pretend to spill water on your shirt so that you have an excuse to hide in the bathroom for a bit."

Iruka gasped. "Wait, have you done that to me?"

"Maybe." Kakashi winked.

"I honestly don't know how you can go out in front of a courtroom full of people without a single hint of fear and yet around normal people you act like a hermit crab."

"Hey, when I go out there as an attorney, I leave no stone unturned. I get all the facts I can and then I lay them out there in a way that makes sense. I don't need to worry about if someone is going to ask me about me or be forced into a social setting where I have to talk to someone I don't know."

Iruka smirked and asked coyly, "Well, good thing you know me then."

Kakashi smiled right on back as he said in return as he leaned in, "You never made me nervous, just excited."

"Excited, huh?" Iruka moved in until their noses touched and Kakashi chuckled as he pulled Iruka's legs around his waist.

"Very."

Little to say, the night ended with Iruka somehow staying over and leaving with a kiss to go to work where he distracted himself for the next few days.

And it worked because suddenly it was Wednesday and Iruka was frantically cleaning everything when Kakashi walked in.

"Oh, it's so clean," he marvelled.

Iruka could only yell back from his bedroom, "Don't make a mess! I've been cleaning since I got home!"

"I'm won't."

"I mean it, Hatake!"

"I won't. I promise!"

Iruka sprinted out of his bedroom to stare Kakashi down, pointing a duster at him menacingly. Kakashi put his hands up innocently with an equally nervous grin. Somehow, the tables had turned from Kakashi being nervous to Iruka suddenly anxious out of his mind. Maybe it was because they were coming into his home, his happy place. Kakashi got nervous for the exact opposite reason and it frustrated Iruka to be on the other end this time.

"Goddammit," he swore as he banged his shin on a corner, getting even more frustrated and aggravated by the second.

Finally done with the last room, Iruka came back out to find Kakashi was already making food and the mess made him senselessly annoyed. "Kakashi, you said you wouldn't make a mess."

"I'm cooking," Kakashi said as he chopped, bits of vegetable out on the counter to be composted. Sure, they were in a pile but the man hadn't put a newspaper down before which meant harder cleanup.

"If you just… you're making a mess." Of course, Kakashi didn't know what Iruka meant but knew the younger man would show him even in his flustered state. So, Kakashi kept chopping as his partner scurried around for a page of compostable paper and swooped all the excess onto the paper. Making a mental note to do that in the future, Kakashi listened as Iruka complained, "Don't forget to wipe the counter down too or else it'll get sticky and then I'll have fruit flies. And make sure to use the black pan instead of the stainless steel or else it'll just burn."

He went on for some time like that and Kakashi had learned to stay quiet and listen. Finally, once everything was set to cook, Kakashi faced Iruka with a steady gaze. "Everything's going to be fine."

Realizing himself, Iruka grumbled sarcastically, "Yeah, totally fine. Fine as wine."

So, Kakashi went over to pull his jittery partner close, hugging and kissing the top of his head reassuringly. "Remember what I said about breaks?"

"Take them?"

"Yup, and if you ever want to stop at any point, just give me a signal."

"What kind of signal?" Iruka nervously asked.

Kakashi thought before suggesting, "Our safeword?"

"That's too obvious."

"A look?"

"Too vague." Iruka quickly shot, coming back down from his own thoughts as they talked.

"How about a code?"

"Sure." With a smirk, Iruka suggested, "How about 'there's a snake in my boot' or is that too obvious too?"

"Very. Maybe let's go with something easy like a stomach ache."

"Aw, but the boot thing is a classic."

"Maybe let's use that next time," Kakashi said, so level-headed and reassuring.

"In bed?" Iruka joked, playing the goofball in his anxiousness.

They chuckled together for a bit, warming up to the idea of strangers in Iruka's home now that they were both on the same page with an escape route in the case it was necessary. Thankfully, Iruka didn't have to use it.

"Oh, your apartment is so lovely, Iruka," Tsunade was somehow saying to him a moment later as he showed her around. He hardly remembered ushering her in but as he showed her around, he started to relax. Maybe it was because she wasn't wearing a gorgeous dress but a simple pair of jeans and a cute top. She felt much more down to earth and her level-headed demeanour helped Iruka settle into talking with her.

"Thanks. I'm honestly surprised I found this place." Iruka said as he showed her the bathroom. "It's not far from the school and there's a grocery store right around the corner too. The price is a bit high but…"

"In this case, it's worth it." Tsunade agreed. "Before moving to the suburbs, I used to live on the Northside and the prices up there were ridiculous but at the same time, I had everything I needed on my doorstep and the apartment was perfect."

"Have you lived in the suburbs long?"

"About three years now and they've flown by," she said as her words shone through her.

As they stepped into the main area, Kakashi looked up from the stove with a welcoming smile and momentarily stepped away to greet their guest. It was as he was taking off Iruka's dirty apron that Iruka realized that Kakashi had been wearing it at all. After accepting the same hug she'd given Iruka, he pulled it back on and Iruka was happy he did. As they spoke, he got to take in the view of his partner's kitchenware.

"We started renovations as soon as we moved in and we just keep finding things to fix or change," Tsunade was saying. Iruka snapped back to reality after saving the picture of Kakashi in an apron into his database.

Like a good host, he asked, "Is it an old house?"

Which got Tsunade talking about renovations and all the amazing things she'd accomplished. There were pictures shown and Tsunade seemed so much more lively now that they were behind closed doors.

"My neighbour's been coming over to help me with the backyard and we're working on putting in a stone pathway from the garage," she said as she showed them the stones they were using and Iruka gushed over how pretty it all looked and their progress.

"Wow, that looks so good. It's going to match so well with the patio too."

"Yeah, I was worried about that. We had to go to a mason by the coast to find something that looked halfway decent."

"Oh, wait, what kind of lighting are you thinking of using?" Iruka marvelled with Tsunade and Kakashi even hopped in every now and then to make suggestions or comments. Iruka hadn't even heard Yamato's knock at the door. Suddenly, their fourth party member was suddenly there with a bottle of wine that Kakashi was cracking open.

"Are you showing them the backyard?" Yamato chided and Tsunade just patted his thigh as he perched on the couch's arm.

"Of course, it's my pride and joy." Tsunade grinned. "Plus, Iruka has some great ideas for the backyard.

"I've got like a hundred Pinterest boards just for home decor," Iruka admitted but Tsunade was already pulling open her own Pinterest and demanding he share them with, to which he very happily complied.

"How'd the meeting go?" Tsunade asked as Yamato poured them glasses and he seemed light, in high spirits just a touch more than the other times.

"Really great. Retsu even showed up this time." Yamato said to Tsunade and she nodded in return, quickly bringing up her kitchen in a way that told Iruka that the 'meeting' was something personal. A touchy topic.

So, Iruka refocused on Tsunade's words and dived back into the world of interior design. Bringing up his mom's new home and his friend's apartments, they fell into talking about school and Iruka noticed another conversation happening alongside them. Mainly, he noticed when he heard the warm caress of Kakashi's laugh in the kitchen.

They were making goofy motions between each other like old friends somehow that by the time they all sat down to eat, the air was warm and comfortable. It was the complete opposite of what Iruka was expecting. They even slid into kink talk so easily.

"Well, I'm down to join in and everything, but I'm not the most… Confident kind of guy," Yamato admitted and Tsunade scoffed.

"But when you crack open that shell, he can talk," Tsunade said, slyly, silly and pink from the wine. Iruka was just as sloppy though.

"That's okay though! The quiet ones are the best!"

Iruka could feel Kakashi's eyes roll playfully without even looking, hearing him say, "Yeah, so are the loud ones."

"I can be louder, if you want," Iruka said half flirtingly.

He didn't expect Kakashi to shoot right back with a wink, "Oh, I know you can be."

While Iruka's cheeks burned in embarrassment, he found that the others at the table seemed to welcome the flirting with smiles.

"By the way, what would be like your ultimate dream for the first session?" Tsunade slipped in with a friendly, casual smile as she refilled her glass.

Kakashi looked at Iruka, urging him to speak with a simple smile and Iruka was happy for his support as he said truthfully, "Well, I've never really had a third person in the room if we're ignoring dares and college."

That earned him a laugh and it spurred him on. "I'm thinking nothing crazy? Maybe just watching for the first time?"

The response he got was smiles and nods, Yamato seemingly picking up everything Iruka was putting down. "And after that, we can gauge how we're all feeling. If it doesn't fit then we can back up."

"That sounds great," Kakashi readily agreed and then they suddenly had a date set for that Friday. As usual, Tsunade was working so it would just be Yamato, Kakashi and Iruka.

That Friday, they were going to have a session in front of another person.

They most likely going to have sex in front of another person.

The thought had Iruka forgetting about how the rest of the night went. It was so conflicting a thought that after he kissed Kakashi goodbye and laid in bed that night, he didn't know whether to touch himself or hyperventilate.

Instead, he distracted himself with a podcast and fell asleep to the voices playing from his phone.

That was how he played the rest of the week: distracted.

And it worked for the most part. Until Friday, less than an hour before Yamato was set to arrive.

Kakashi walked in on Iruka pacing frantically, so anxious he kept forgetting what he was supposed to be doing.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked as he readjusted his tie.

The movement helped Iruka to focus long enough to say, "I was trying to clean but… I'm nervous."

"About what?" Kakashi asked. He was slowly approaching Iruka though, his steps smooth and slow. He seemed unbothered by what was going to happen that Iruka couldn't help but watch him, slowly becoming more enthralled and less nervous.

"About… y'know. Tonight," Iruka answered shyly, his insides bubbling.

"What about tonight?" Kakashi asked, eyes studying Iruka in a way that had his bubbling stomach-turning to a boil.

"Well, I'm nervous about him seeing us."

"What about us are you afraid of him seeing?"

"Well…" Iruka's heart raced with all the things he was thinking of, the things that he was saying and the growing excitement for what would happen in less than an hour. "Seeing what you do to me."

"Are you afraid of being vulnerable?" Kakashi asked quietly, a man drawing along Iruka's cheek carefully.

"A little." It wasn't the whole truth though. The rest of the truth spilled out when Kakashi leaned in to press a kiss to Iruka's forehead. "A lot."

"Want to call it off?" Kakashi asked sincerely, steady as Iruka hugged him.

"No. I want to try."

Kakashi nodded at that and kissed Iruka's ear as he whispered, "You won't be vulnerable tonight. You've got our safeword. And you've got me."

Iruka leaned into his touch, taking as much affection as he could before they started. He barely heard himself mutter, "Thanks, babe."

With a dark chuckle, Kakashi made the mood flip as he murmured, "Besides, I think it's brave to show off how lost you can get in pleasure."

Kakashi suddenly pulled away to slap Iruka's ass playfully. "Now, go get your ring on and let's get supper ready."

With a huffed and a rub to his ass, Iruka sauntered away. "As if, I put it on before you even answered the door, dummy."

"Strike one," Kakashi warned as he followed.

"Really?" Iruka whined but when he saw Kakashi's brow quirk dangerously he didn't talk back again. Instead, he muttered to himself a short, "Fine."

Which Kakashi chose to ignore. "Did you pick a toy like I asked?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Go get it and put it on the coffee table."

Iruka reeled in a comment he had about setting off the feng shui in the room and did as he was told, planting his favourite dildo right on the coffee table with a loud smack of the suction cup. They both watched it flopped comically from side to side before coming to a stop. Kakashi hummed to himself.

"Good choice."

He seemed a bit too pleased by that and Iruka was immediately suspicious. Before he could ask anything, Kakashi was already pulling out an easy food to make and the doorbell was ringing.

"Yamato!"

The man was smiling on Iruka's doorstep with another bottle, a white wine this time. "Hey, hope I'm not too early."

"Of course not, come in," Iruka said though this was all normal. As if Yamato wouldn't be seeing his nude body in a matter of hours if not minutes. As if Iruka wasn't already sweating a storm.

"Kakashi!" Yamato greeted cheerfully and Kakashi answered back with equal shine.

"Look who it is. Fancy meeting you here, stranger."

"Heh, I know, right? I just knocked on a random door and here I am."

"Do you knock on random doors often?" Iruka joked as he tried to divert all attention away from their new centrepiece. Sadly, wide eyes were already double-taking.

"Iruka," Kakashi warned.

"Sorry," Iruka muttered against his will to snark again. An exchange that diverted Yamato's attention back.

"Sorry, my partner's been a bit cranky this morning," Kakashi said to their guest as if Iruka wasn't there which rubbed Iruka the wrong way as Kakashi assumed it would. His plan to rile Iruka up and therefore spiking his confidence was working pretty well so far. Iruka wasn't as nervous. He was mostly focused on Kakashi's standards and pushing his buttons.

Kakashi smiled as he poured Yamato a glass of water. "Which reminds me, I have to set some rules. Go ahead and take a seat."

Oh, rules? Rules for Iruka to break? He quite liked that idea. A blueprint for how to annoy Kakashi more. Lovely.

"By all means," Yamato excused as he sat at the kitchen table while Kakashi went over to the living room. Iruka didn't bother to play dumb because he was already following close behind.

At Kakashi's nod, Iruka sat with his gaze staring across the dildo's peak to Kakashi's crossed arms and stern eyes.

"You better be polite. No backtalk. No sass. No sarcastic comments."

"Yes, Sir," Iruka replied confidently.

"Strike one is between your thighs until I say so."

Iruka didn't flinch.

"Strike two is in your mouth until I say so."

He didn't even blink.

"Strike three is riding it until I say so. Or until you finish, of course."

Iruka shivered at that one. "Yes, Sir."

"Good," Kakashi said with a cheery smile as he headed back over to where Yamato had been watching curiously. Wrangling his snapping commentary, Iruka slid over next to Yamato.

"So, Yamato, How's your week been? Did your review go well?" The mask of politeness waa one Iruka knew how to wear. He just needed to be sneaky.

"Yeah, it actually went amazing. So, my probation is over and now they can't fire me. Sucks to be them," Yamato said and they both laughed as Kakashi brought over their plates.

"Congrats," Kakashi agreed and then they were eating, making friendly conversation about work and their week. There was music playing softly in the background, the sun was going down and the food was as good as usual.

Things were going smoothly. Which was why Iruka knew it was time to shake things up.

"Iruka? Can you pass the salt?" Kakashi asked, creating the perfect opportunity.

So, Iruka ignored him.

Yamato's head perked up and he almost passed the salt before Kakashi shifted his tone, eyes boring holes into their friendly talk.

"Iruka."

He hadn't said anything about ignoring.

"Iruka." He sounded like he was getting annoyed. Not frustrated yet but still annoyed. One notch into Kakashi's patience.

"Hm?" Iruka asked sweetly, pretending to have not heard anything.

"Can you pass the salt?" Kakashi asked as politely as ever.

When Iruka did, Yamato subtly watched every move they made.

The exchange made, Iruka listened to the silence that followed.

"No 'thank you'?"

Kakashi looked up from his plate, Iruka bracing for the worst by restraining a giggle.

"My bad," Kakashi conceded too easily with a saccharine smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Thank you."

Disappointed wasn't a feeling Iruka had felt too often lately. With it poking his pride, Iruka's drive to annoy only grew hotter. The promise to break Kakashi's patience was at the front of his mind for the rest of the meal.

So, Iruka waited for the right moment in the conversation.

"Wouldn't it be stressful? Representing someone who you know for a fact did something horrible?" Yamato was asking as Iruka cleaned their plates over in the kitchen. A question he knew the answer to already.

"Kind of. Less stressful and more annoying since you know the prosecution is right and they're knocking down everything you say so easily." Kakashi shrugged. "I haven't worked a criminal case in a while though."

"Would you ever go back though? Or is that like a hard no now?"

Kakashi seemed to think for a while and shrugged. "Maybe. If it's good money, probably."

"Kakashi's looking for a new apartment," Iruka said as he rejoined them.

"Oh?"

"The place he has now is a bit small and he's been wanting to get a dog." As Iruka spoke, Kakashi watched him with a keen eye that dared Iruka. And Iruka was a Truth or Dare champion. "A furry friend he can train and order around."

Not his best work. Kakashi smiled. "And that's why I have you."

God, the way he was eying Iruka was so hot.

"True, until then you're just going to have to pet me then," Iruka flirted right back.

"I don't plan on stopping even after," Kakashi said and it sent every ounce of heat in Iruka's body southward.

"Good because I like it when you pet me."

"Well, you're easy to pet."

Iruka pulled a similar smile and rounded on Yamato who had been watching their tennis match. "How about you, Yamato? Do you have any pets?"

"Ah, none yet. Maybe one day," Yamato said slowly, knowing what they were all implying.

"Well, since I'm so easy, you can always pet me in the meantime." Iruka was even surprised that those words had come out of his mouth but it got the effect he wanted: Kakashi's withering gaze over pursed lips.

"Ah, thank you." Yamato's cheeks flared and he chuckled nervously, glancing at Kakashi who shrugged.

"Sure. Just be careful. He tends to bite."

"Oh?"

"But if you use a firm hand," Kakashi said smoothly, bringing up all sorts of memories with his words. "He'll melt."

And Iruka fell right into Kakashi's trap. "Felt more like a limp hand to me."

"Strike one," Kakashi said right back and Iruka's stomach flipped.

"Fine," Iruka stood and pretended his legs weren't made of jelly as he pulled his shirt off along the way and stepped out of his jeans. It was his pride that drove him to sit carefully on the coffee table and pretend as though he did this every day.

Facing the television instead of the guys though because one step at a time.

The next step was adjusting everything until he was comfortable, back silicone cold at first. It eventually warmed with Iruka's heat and he could hear the guys talking again in the kitchen as if their exchange hadn't happened. Reflected in the screen, Iruka could see how Kakashi glanced Iruka's way occasionally. It was nice to know Kakashi had his fingers on the pulse of what was going on.

In that moment of reflection, he found that his heart was still leaping out of his chest. His hands and feet were cold with nerves. His face felt warm though and so did his lap. It was hard not to think about how it felt good to have a bit of steady pressure against his slowly growing bulge. It took everything he had not to grind against it and he succeeded.

Mostly.

"Ah, Iruka?" Kakashi asked as they stood from the table to join Iruka in the living room. "Did you hear back from the principal? About your proposal?"

"Oh." Iruka had completely forgotten about that. Distracted from his arousal, Iruka answered truthfully, "Not yet. Everything's been really busy lately with the last weeks of school."

"Proposal?" Yamato asked.

"A new plan to integrate social learning."

"Social-emotional learning," Iruka corrected, not really liking the way he was still hard as the conversation turned to his job. "Can we not talk about my work, please?"

"Of course," Kakashi quickly agreed, pressing a kiss to Iruka's forehead. "You can stop now."

"Thank you," Iruka replied, happy for the end to that conversation but sad for the end of that punishment. Maybe Kakashi could tell it hadn't done much.

It was once he stood up that he realized his clothes were gone and he was still at half-mast. That was when the self-consciousness really kicked in. Suddenly, he didn't want anyone to see. It was too embarrassing, other people seeing he was turned on.

"Would you like a glass?" Kakashi offered warmly as he and Yamato wandered to the kitchen.

"Please," Iruka said thankfully as he shuffled over shyly to join them.

Over that first glass of wine, Iruka felt like he'd fallen out of the group. That downward spiral of self-doubt kept him from speaking up as Yamato and Kakashi talked.

This partner was keen to notice that. As if feeling the low Iruka was going through, he took it upon himself to bring everything back around by being more teasing and more playful.

"Tsunade and I didn't meet until a year later so I'm surprised you two were able to find each other and mesh so well together," Yamato said with a raise of his glass.

"Well, to be honest, it was me the lucky one," Kakashi replied and Iruka immediately perked up. It was an obvious fluff to Iruka's ego. "It's not easy to find a sub who expresses themselves so much."

"Sorry that I like to blabber on." And Iruka couldn't resist responding, "Would you rather I don't talk at all?"

Kakashi turned to Iruka and said completely deadpan, "Strike two."

"What? Why?" Iruka demanded as Kakashi walked off, unstuck the dildo and brought it to the kitchen table.

Pulling out a chair and sticking it to the seat, Kakashi leaned against the back of the chair and said frankly, "You don't blabber. Plus, you were overly sassy."

Irrefutable logic. Iruka grumbled as he stalked over, "Fine."

Kneeling down, Iruka wasn't as confident but this time he knew to close his eyes. As he took it in his mouth and closed his eyes, he shut out his embarrassment and went to town. All the while, Kakashi's and Yamato's voices hit his ears.

"Would you like to see more proof I'm the lucky one?"

"Sure."

There was shuffling before Kakashi's voice sounded from somewhere behind Iruka. "Nice view, isn't it?"

"Wow," Yamato said in a tone that Iruka hadn't really heard before and it made his cheeks burn, knowing that Yamato was watching him work. "I see what you mean."

Kakashi sat down somewhere behind Iruka. "So, when was the last time you were with a man?"

"It's been a while." Yamato seemed to be walking away and Iruka opened his eyes. Where he was kneeling, Iruka could see under the table as their guest moved around to the other side and slowly took a seat.

"Well, technically, it's been almost a year."

"Wow, was it intentional or…?"

"Mostly. The universe seemed to help a lot of the time too."

Iruka's jaw was starting to get tired just as he felt a hand touch his ass. As he and Yamato spoke, Kakashi's hand drew up the curve and distracted Iruka from his task. It was only when his underwear was pulled down and a slick finger pressed into him that he knew what was happening.

With a whine of surprise, Iruka only thought for a second about why. Kakashi fully expected Iruka to be filled by something tonight. That thought and the words coming out of Yamato's mouth were all so exciting when Kakashi asked, "What do you miss about it?"

Yamato's chuckle was breathy and Iruka's body and what was happening to it seemed to not matter anymore.

"Well, mostly touch. Not even the hard kind either but mostly the tender ones. Ones with thought and meaning behind them. My last partner wasn't really into that so I miss that the most." He paused, huffing a laugh as he continued slowly. "But I miss all of it. The kisses. The hot breath on your skin. And the sounds."

In the quiet that followed, you could hear the wet noises so clearly. Shivering, Iruka pulled away with a pop when he felt a caress against his sweet spot. It made him gasp and it echoed so loudly in his small apartment that he shrunk into himself, throwing his hands up to his burning face.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

"No," Iruka replied meekly, earning him a smack on the ass that he recoiled away from. Naked and slick in some places, Iruka was kneeling on the floor full of shame that he was turned on by all this. He was so hard now and his shivering wouldn't stop even with the floor to steady him.

"Go on," Kakashi ordered in a tone Iruka had heard before, unfaltering and inarguable. At least, it wouldn't have been able to be arguable if Iruka hadn't turned his head back.

It was in that glance that he caught sight of what was going on under the table. Right between the long legs of their guest, there was a very obvious, very noticeable swell where Yamato's manhood usually slept. Now, it was very alive as Yamato massaged it through his pants slowly. The tent in Yamato's pants concealed nothing.

It was his arousal that promised Iruka that this was okay.

It was Kakashi's similar situation that reminded Iruka of who he was and what he wanted.

And he didn't want to suck on a fake dick.

"No."

As silence descended, Iruka only grew more confident.

"That'll be another strike," Kakashi warned softly, the hand stroking still moving right until Iruka spoke.

"I'm not going to suck on a fake dick."

So, Kakashi stood. He pulled out Iruka's chair far back. The dildo bounced back and forth until Kakashi stopped it. Pulling out the small bottle of lube, Kakashi uncapped it and let it pour out onto the already slick toy. All the while, he kept unwavering eye contact with Iruka who could only bite his lip and wait.

Finally, the tall man capped the bottle and stalked over to where Iruka happily cowered.

His hand slid up to Iruka's neck, locking him in place with a firm grip that made Iruka light-headed. Kakashi took his sweet time leaning in, grazing Iruka's jaw with his nose in the way he knew drove Iruka wild.

"Strike three." His low timber teased and Iruka was beyond caring what anyone else thought. All he wanted to do was listen and do as he was told when Kakashi murmured, "You're going to get on that chair. You're going to ride it until all you can remember is my name and then I'll make you forget that too."

It was full of carnal menace, a promise Iruka gladly listened to with bated breath and tingling skin.

Before he realized what he was doing, he was already lowering himself into the hot seat.

And Kakashi watched, leaning against the kitchen table. Their guest was watching, getting a full view of everything that was happening even as Iruka pressed down onto the toy, even as his pants became moans and his small, careful movements grew into long arcs.

Through the haze of pleasure, Iruka could see Kakashi, his length as hard as his studying eyes. It annoyed him that Kakashi wasn't reacting but thankfully he had one happy audience member. Beyond Kakashi's stern gaze, Yamato was watching with short breaths and pink cheeks. From where he sat, Iruka could tell that there was something more happening beneath that table and that was better than any applause.

So, he arched his back, rolled his hips and whimpered as he held Kakashi's gaze. It slowly melted and Iruka knew he'd won this battle. It was only a few moments later that Kakashi truly gave in.

He was taking Iruka by the hair and kissing the arch of his neck as he muttered, "Good job."

Then everything fell apart into wild, demanding touches and kisses. Suddenly, Iruka was hoisted off the chair with a gasp but he wasn't without that gratifying feeling grinding against his prostate and filling him. His rear hit the table and suddenly Kakashi was pressing down his pants and thrusting his rigid cock perfectly into Iruka, making Iruka let out a noise he didn't even know he could make.

"Ah! Shit," Iruka whined as Kakashi slammed into him, trying to hold onto Kakashi's shoulders as if it were the last strands of his sanity but failing. The table was his only anchor as he drowned in a sea of pleasure. He couldn't feel his legs anymore and all he could see, hear or feel was the end growing closer and closer.

Iruka could barely hear Kakashi say, "Are you just going to sit there or are you going to get a better look?"

Then his lover's hand was on his chin, turning him to face Yamato. Their guest was standing by the table now, stroking his cock as his eyes ran over the both of them. He watched as Kakashi snapped his hips, how it slid inside and Iruka's face lost in pleasure. And he touched his thick, girthy member to the sight.

"Want to cum on him?" Kakashi asked and Yamato nodded, as hazey as Iruka was but he still looked at Iruka for some kind of confirmation. So, with his jaw still held, Iruka opened his mouth invitingly as their eyes met.

"Fuck," Yamato gasped as he finished all over Iruka's face and mouth.

Once he had jerked to a stop, that was when Kakashi ripped Iruka's attention right back to him. Taking Iruka's shaft and giving it the same treatment that made Iruka's eyes roll back and forget the rest of the night.

He just remembered being picked up and laid down into bed with a kiss. He came to in his own empty bed and the sound of voices from the hall. There wasn't anything on his face, a glass of water was on the nightstand and a pair of underwear he slowly put on.

By the time he poked his head out, Yamato was standing at the door with his shoes on and bag at the ready as he talked to Kakashi. They both saw Iruka at the same time and while their reactions were different, they were both filled with warmth.

"Hey! Sorry, was just about to head out. I've got an early start tomorrow." His cheeks were flushed and his smile was so big that Iruka couldn't help but return it.

"Hey, no worries. You go get some rest." Iruka stepped up next to Kakashi who was giving a very content, soft smile right back at all of them.

"Thank you though," Yamato said, getting serious. "This was a lot of fun for me and it's been a while since I've done anything like this. So, thank you both a lot."

"It was a lot of fun," Iruka agreed, looking up at Kakashi who was already slipping a hand onto Iruka's hip.

"Yeah, we should do this again sometime."

Yamato grinned as he started to step out. "Well, give me a holler if you're down. I'm usually free Friday nights. Have a nice weekend."

"You too!" Iruka called after him as they shut the door, leaving Iruka with his shirtless partner and the quiet serenity that usually came after sex. They looked at each other at that moment, feeling the same fondness in the air that drew their lips together.

With that slow, aching kiss, Kakashi's arms looped around Iruka's neck as he asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Good. A lot better than I thought."

"Yeah?"

Iruka pulled Kakashi towards the bedroom by his hips as he nodded, "Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

In bed, they talked a bit about the night. It wasn't much but they were so tired that they were stuck in a loop. One would yawn and then the other would yawn back and then it looped like that until they fell into giggles.

Iruka didn't feel as horrible as he'd imagined he'd be. He did think back to it all with a bit of shame though. God, he'd been so shameless that now it was all catching up with him.

There was shame but there was something else beneath that. Something he'd been feeling brewing for a long time but he ignored it.

They weren't dating, after all. So, there was no reason to feel that way.

Telling himself that didn't stop the possessive urge that took over though.


	26. I Don't Like This

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Iruka ended up staring at texts in annoyance. Why he was annoyed, he couldn't really pinpoint but something didn't sit right with him. Sure, last Friday had been fun to an extent, thrilling at the very least. But he was… reluctant when Kakashi opted them into another session the following Friday.

Maybe he was just annoyed he hadn't heard back from his principal yet. The man was being flaky as heck.

Maybe he was just tired of being so kinky. He'd been worried he'd someday get tired of it and that he'd stop seeing Kakashi as often.

He didn't want to think that the reason he wanted so badly to not be in his own home that Friday was because he didn't want to go any further. Kakashi seemed to enjoy it and he didn't want to get in the way of the fun. Even if that fun meant having another person be intimate with them. Even if that meant sharing Kakashi with someone else. Even if that meant sharing himself with someone else.

Regardless of the reason, Iruka made the choice to not say anything.

And not voicing his concerns was his first mistake.

The second one was letting Yamato give him a blowjob.

On one hand, he'd barely cared with the blindfold on while Kakashi whispered lewd things into his ear and slowly grinding into him from behind. On the other hand, Iruka didn't like the guilt and the jealousy that followed.

He spent most of the week with those feelings, slowly being able to pinpoint where they were coming from.

There was a sort of betrayal that came with the jealousy. Had they locked eyes while Iruka was blindfolded? Had they made out when Iruka wasn't looking? And how would Iruka feel if they did? He would feel betrayed. He didn't want Kakashi to feel that jealousy and betrayal either. Kakashi didn't seem to mind though. That somehow made everything worse.

Which was when Iruka made his third mistake. He wanted to push those buttons. He wanted to drive Kakashi to jealousy, make him feel what Iruka felt.

So, when Kakashi ordered he suck Yamato off, he did so as if he were licking a popsicle on a hot summer day. When he ordered Iruka to spread his cheeks and let Yamato finger him, he just smiled and said, "As you wish, Sir."

But his third mistake was when the anger faded. The fear and hurt had started to set in and he suddenly didn't feel right in his own skin.

For a while, he ignored it and tried to focus on how he'd dreamt of having another man enter him while his lover watched like some trashy porno. So, he didn't stop Yamato when Kakashi ordered for Yamato to fuck him.

Stretched open by a girth he wasn't used to, Iruka couldn't help the moan that slipped out when all that thickness pressed directly into his most delicate area. At first, he forgot he was being slammed into by another man. It even felt good.

But then the novelty of it wore off after a few cries of lust. Reality began to sink in. His own skin crawled by what was happening, revolting against the feeling of unfamiliar hands on his hips. They weren't the hands he knew. The length in him felt foreign and wrong. All wrong.

There was only one thing that could make that situation any better, one person. Iruka didn't know what he'd been expecting when he glanced up at Kakashi. Somehow, it made things worse. He felt disgusted with himself, horribly sick to his stomach. It stung his eyes and he couldn't control the feelings that were suddenly pouring out of him and onto the sheets.

Through a sob, he managed to say as he raised a weak hand, "Red."

The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the bed with a blanket around his shoulders in his empty bedroom sobbing his eyes out.

"Hey," Kakashi had swept into the room, closing the door behind him. Iruka didn't remember how they got there but he was curled up in Kakashi's arms, blanket wrapping him uptight and Kakashi's warm cheek on his head as soft words were muttered.

"It's okay. You're okay. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," Iruka hiccuped into Kakashi's arms but Kakashi shook his head.

"No, you did good. You were perfect. Absolutely perfect."

The rumble from Kakashi's chest was comforting and it helped calm his panicked nerves. The feeling of needing to run away and the feeling of needing to hide mixed until he felt okay to just lay there. With his ear pressed to the beating heart he felt so safe with, Iruka felt like he had come home. And with that brought more shame and more guilt. Instead, it came from remembering how he reacted.

It pressed him down so much he didn't feel like he deserved the care he was being given. Swallowed by that guilt, he pulled himself up, away from the comfort he hadn't earned.

But Kakashi followed him up, their knees and legs still locking them together.

"Iruka," Kakashi said. Despite his tender tone, Iruka could only hear the voice of someone else from memories he hadn't thought of in years. The condescending tone of a father he no longer knew who was trying to tell him that he was going through a phase and that he was confused, that they were just feelings that would pass.

Sick and confused, Iruka did the only thing he knew how and he ran. In his bathroom, he cranked the hot water to the max. Throwing himself in without waiting, everything just hurt more and he cried.

Iruka curled over on himself and sobbed out all his pain, all the guilt and all the shame that had been building inside.

How could he have let this happen? Why hadn't he said anything? What could he have said?

There were no answers at that moment. This brain eventually stopped asking and it was the following radio silence that fried his mind in that shower.

Iruka went through the motions, cleaning himself hard enough to wash away everything from every inch of skin and every hole of his body. It helped him breathe. It helped clear the fuzz, leaving a clean by empty surface.

Hair wet and skin raw, he found clothes waiting for him by the door. With his comfiest pair of jogging pants, his lucky Jyuubi 3 shirt and his favourite sweater, Iruka stepped into an empty bedroom. He could hear movement outside his room but he didn't want to deal with that now. He just wanted to lay in bed and wallow for a bit where no one could see him.

His phone was probably lost somewhere in his apartment but he didn't have the strength to get up and find it. The bed was too welcoming.

The sheets had been changed. A candle was lit, the one that smelled like fresh laundry. There was even a podcast he liked being played from his phone that sat awaiting on his nightstand, not where he'd left it but where he could definitely see it.

Then came the tears again and Iruka didn't want to be by himself anymore. The voices were saying that he wasn't worthy. That he wasn't enough.

It was unbearable to be alone with those thoughts because Iruka knew they weren't true but they were hard to ignore.

"Kakashi?" Iruka managed to call. He only had to open his door a bit before Kakashi swooped in from the hall and they stared at each other in the doorway for a minute. Then came the long, squeezing hug. Everything else stopped mattering. It was just the two of them. They swayed together. They breathed the smell of each other. They were with each other for the first time in what felt like a long time.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi muttered but Iruka shook his head.

"I should've said something. I should've asked to slow down."

"I should've asked questions, paid attention. Do you want water? A snack?"

Iruka just shook his head into his partner's embrace.

They ended up on the bed again, sitting with each other and between apologies and kisses they talked. And when Kakashi asked how it made Iruka feel and what he'd been thinking, Iruka struggled to answer but he did nonetheless.

"I just… it was fine in theory. It was just playing pretend and then when the physical started everything just… got real," Iruka admitted through long pauses.

Nodding, Kakashi just listened, prompting Iruka to speak more with his attention to Iruka's words and body.

"Like… wait, where is uh…"

"I asked him to leave," Kakashi replied softly and before Iruka could argue, he smiled comfortingly. "I didn't want you to feel pressured. This is much more important. What were you going to say?"

Insides squirming, Iruka said, "He's a really great guy."

"He is."

"And I really wanted to make this work since we'd come this far."

"And we tried. And it wasn't a fit."

"Exactly. But I only realized that I felt that way until way too late and I tried to force it anyway because I thought I could get through it but it just didn't go away and then it got worse and then I just… I just…"

Iruka's words failed him but Kakashi knew what he was thinking. "You weren't comfortable with it anymore."

"Mhm." Iruka nodded, picking at the sheets as he started but quickly ended.

Kakashi said back, "It's never too late to change your mind, Iruka. I'm really glad you did and actually used our safeword."

His words helped, but Iruka still had a pit in his stomach. "I feel…"

"Yeah?"

"I felt like that was what you wanted and that I was letting you down. I felt bad for wanting to go that far in the first place and it was just so confusing."

Then Iruka thought of the kicker, the biggest reason why he felt hurt and sad and Kakashi held out a hand. Iruka hung onto it and admitted, "I like the feeling that you'd get playfully jealous by the whole thing and then I started to get real-jealous when you didn't seem to care at all for sharing me and then I felt guilty because you wanted it and… and…"

Brushing away tears, they held hands tightly as Iruka tried to explain. His words were all over the place and his feelings were so messy but Kakashi got it all.

Slowly, he pulled Iruka in and hugged him close as Iruka cried a bit more, crying because of the hurt and because he was talking about it with someone who understood and cared.

"Want to know a secret?' Kakashi asked after sniffing, feeling Iruka's pain through him.

"Mm?" Iruka mumbled into Kakashi's shoulder.

"I was really, really jealous." Kakashi kissed Iruka's stunned head again as he muttered, "Like, I know how to push that down and I have before but… maybe that's why all my other partnerships failed…"

That glimpse of true emotion had Iruka hugging Kakashi harder, feeling Kakashi pull him closer too. Iruka didn't do like he normally did then. Instead of brushing off all those words, he let them hit him. The walls around his softest parts started to melt, going down further than they already were. While it scared him a bit, it was too nice to be held. To be heard.

To be understood.

By Kakashi.

To be with him.

"I don't want to share myself with anyone but you. And I don't want to share you."

Kakashi looked at him, both surprised Iruka had said that.

"You won't then," Kakashi said so easily and Iruka trusted him completely and utterly.

In the press of their lips, Iruka let that out. He tried to tell Kakahi that, without words and without thinking.

The way Kakashi delicately touched him spoke to how they were on the same page, in the same state of mind. It felt perfect.

It felt real.

There were more words after that, more about what had happened and how they felt. Things started getting unspecific and hypothetical.

They didn't have sex.

They didn't proclaim their undying love.

They just tried to get closer within the common ground of words and tenderness.

"Hey." Iruka poked Kakashi and his lover jumped a bit, surprised that Iruka was awake before ten.

"Hey," Kakashi said right back with a chuckle, kissing Iruka good morning as Iruka asked something that he'd been thinking about for a while.

"You were talking about work last night. I've been wondering, do you know how many cases you've won?"

Kakashi blinked through tired eyes, confused by Iruka's question and Iruka felt confused in return. "Well, I've worked a lot of cases… some end in plea deals too so those don't really mean win or lose."

"Hm." Iruka smirked. "Do you think you're a good lawyer?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I hope so. Do you think you're a good teacher?"

"Pff, the best obviously."

Iruka chuckled at Kakashi's eye roll and flopped over the tall man's shoulders as he said, "I bet you're the best lawyer out there and you're just being humble."

"I'm as good as you are at being a teacher then," Kakashi fondly shot back, eyes gazing as he mused, "I want to see you at work, surrounded by kids."

What images were playing behind his eyes, Iruka couldn't guess but he loved that far-off look in those endless grey eyes. Kakashi was a million miles away in his own thoughts and Iruka hoped one day he'd get closer to them, to get a taste of his thought process. How that smart mind linked ideas together similarly and differently to Iruka's.

One day. Until then, he enjoyed trying to understand.

Not only because Kakashi was his favourite person to get to know but because it distracted Iruka from himself.

"Hey, want to go camping?" Kakashi asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Iruka blinked.

"Like, in the woods, under the stars." Kakashi gave Iruka a hopeful look but when met with Iruka's surprise he backtracked. "Or we could go to a cabin or something. Or a hotel. Somewhere else, you know?"

"Okay," Iruka agreed, grinning when Kakashi's face lit up.

"Great. Great! Like, when would you wanna go? I mean, where would you wanna go? Do you want to go tent shopping?" Kakashi blabbered way too excitedly for a Saturday morning and Iruka chuckled, kissing his shoulder.

"I want to go anywhere you want to go," Iruka murmured sleepily. "As long as I don't have to sleep in a tent. Ticks are not a good look for me."

They ended up looking at cabins to reserve until Kakashi realized he'd been getting up to go take a shower. Before he left though, he caught sight of a frown as Kakashi texted someone back and threw his phone onto the bed.

Iruka didn't pay any mind to it until he felt Kakashi's phone buzz with every text that came in after that. Quickly, he found out why with a text from Gai.

'Good morning, Iruka! A few of our friends are meeting to play some basketball and go out for food. Would you and Kakashi like to join us? 😃💪🏀'

And who was Iruka to deny the opportunity to go out and get food?

'Sure! Sounds like fun!'

He sat in sneaky silence as Kakashi's phone buzzed a few more times before Kakashi stepped out of the bathroom. He sat, picked up his phone and then groaned so pitifully Iruka giggled.

"You didn't."

"I did. Come on, it'll be fun!"

As Kakashi whined, Iruka found the energy to get out of bed and get ready. He honestly couldn't wait to see Gai again and meet more of Kakashi's friends. The man was so nice and Iruka hoped the others were just as welcoming. Maybe he'd get to suggest that new chicken place down the street…

"You are not wearing that."

"Huh?" Iruka looked over to find Kakashi staring straight at the shorts he'd picked out. They sat just above mid-thigh and were made of this really flowing fabric that Iruka really liked for working out. "What? The shorts?"

Kakashi's cheeks were pink as he looked away and shyly muttered, "It's just… you look really good in them and… they're going to fawn over you."

Iruka huffed. "Hun, how many of them are into guys besides you?"

Kakashi's cheeks burned harder. "None. But prepare to be distracting because I don't have a giant attention span."

"Well, quid pro quo, babes."

"Huh?"

"Your jogging pants."

Kakashi blinked owlishly again and Iruka decided that was his cutest face. "My jogging pants?"

"Honey, everyone can see the whole five-dollar foot-long in those pants."

"It's not a foot long," Kakashi muttered back but he did stop in front of the mirror and flushed even redder. "Well, it's definitely worth more than five dollars."

"How much can I pay for it?" Iruka whispered as he came up from behind, arms around Kakashi's waist.

"For you? I'd say, free in exchange for a nude."

They broke out into goofy laughter but Iruka could still sense Kakashi's self-consciousness in his uneasy smile so he kissed Kakashi's shoulder and walked off with a quick, "You make them look good."

Speaking of looking good, Iruka had forgotten how ripped Gai was. Sure, he had a vague memory of it but he truly remembered when he and Kakashi stepped onto the court.

"Iruka!" Gai called as he jogged over, raising his hand for a high-five that Iruka exuberantly slapped. Meanwhile, Kakashi was left hanging with an annoyed hand in the air. "Thank you very much for joining us. It truly warms my heart that you agreed to be our sixth man."

"No problem, happy to get some energy out," Iruka grinned back and as they walked to join the group of very intimidating men on the other side of the court, Kakashi grumbled.

"How do I suddenly feel like a third wheel?"

"Probably because I'm adorable," Iruka said frankly and Kakashi couldn't argue with that logic. Iruka wouldn't have been paying attention to his words anyway. He was too busy trying to scan the other three men who were glancing up at them, Kakashi's other friends.

Time to make a good first impression.

With his most blindingly charming smile, Iruka introduced himself without even thinking of how his stomach was in knots. "Hi there. I'm Iruka. Nice to meet you guys."

"Pleasure's ours," said one with a neatly trimmed beard who shook his hand. "I'm Asuma. This is Ibiki and the little guy is Itachi."

Itachi, the teenager with a serene demeanour and basketball shorts that were way too big for him, shook Iruka's hand politely. "I intern at Asuma and Kakashi's firm."

"Wow, congratulations, getting your foot in the door early," Iruka said before he turned to the tallest, most piercing man he'd ever met.

Well, they were all quite tall but Ibiki was the kind of guy who you avoided eye-contact with at the gym so he couldn't smell your fear. And against all odds, his small, polite smile radiated welcoming energy. "Ibiki. I used to go to college with these idiots."

"Don't act like you didn't consistently ask for help," Kakashi chided but Ibiki shrugged him off easily.

"Work smarter, not harder."

Gai chuckled and stroked his chin in false wisdom. "But if you were smart, you wouldn't have to ask."

"As if he asked you for help, Gai," Asuma joked.

"Actually, he was quite helpful with my workout regime."

"Oh, sorry, Gai."

"Water under the bridge." Gai then spun around and before Iruka worried too much about having to explain who he was, Gai called, "Let's play ball!"

Iruka hadn't played basketball since high school but with the guys, he didn't feel self-conscious. He refused to care about what they thought and that somehow gave him more credit with them.

Asuma passed to him. Gai cheered when he finally managed to get a ball in. The rough and tough Ibiki even teased him about his shirt until Iruka explained it was for a fundraiser at school. He then politely asked for a link he could donate to.

"What do you teach, Iruka?" Itachi asked as they broke for water.

Through pants, Iruka tried to say, "Kindergarten. I teach all the little babies."

"Oh?" Itachi perked up and Iruka got that sick feeling in his stomach when he saw a parent outside of work. "Do you know a kid named Sasuke, by any chance?"

"I do actually," Iruka admitted. "He's not in my class though. He's in the one next door."

"Cool. Is he a good student?" Itachi asked like all the other siblings he'd met so Iruka humoured him.

"He's great. Of course, he has this great rivalry with a kid in my class."

"Naruto, right?"

"The one and only." They chuckled together and the others called them back to the court to Iruka's relief. As much as he liked teaching, work and leisure didn't mix well together.

It ended with neither of them remembering what the score was and a roundtable discussion of where to eat for lunch after Itachi left for home. As they bickered, Iruka listened to all their qualms casually before pipping in, "We should go to Gio's. It's got sandwiches and it's got some vegan options."

Everyone in the party turned to him with blank expressions before they snapped to their phones to check Iruka's suggestion out.

"Wow, this looks really good," Ibiki marvelled.

Asuma meanwhile was slapping Iruka on the shoulder. "Good call."

Gai and Kakashi were already packing their things up in the bags they'd brought.

At the little sandwich shop, they ended up talking about plans for the summer and when Iruka mentioned his and Kakashi's plans to go camping, they all set to planning renting a campground together and Iruka gladly gave his opinions on where to go. As he started a list of who was bringing what, he found Kakashi smiling quite dreamily at all of them and it made Iruka happy that they were all getting along so well.

"We should do this again," Gai announced as they started to part ways.

"Let's try something else. How about golf?" Asuma suggested and the other groaned. "What?"

"How about an arcade?" Kakashi suggested and they could all agree to that. Iruka even got wrangled into doing that in a few weeks and he didn't hate that, he even asked if he could bring friends and the guys were totally down.

They both left with bright smiles and bubbly hearts. Iruka only realized when they were halfway home that they'd been holding hands. When did that happen?

Iruka couldn't remember when but he didn't hate it. He didn't mind that Kakashi might have started holding hands in front of his friends.

"So?" Kakashi asked as they stepped into Iruka's home.

"They're really cool," Iruka smirked. "Look out, I might steal your friends away."

"Take them. Please. Except for Asuma, I need him for work."

They chuckled and Iruka restated after their jokes, "They're actually great guys. It's really not a surprise, of course, but they seemed to like me."

"Trust me," Kakashi huffed. "I think they like you more than they like me."

"Good, guess that means I get to like you all I want now," Iruka flirted with a peck to his cheek, making Kakashi blush a bit.

"Not like they were stopping you before," he said back.

"They're really nice though." Iruka pulled back from the teasing. "They really care about you and seem to like being with you."

"Yeah, they're really great."

Words dissolved into hands squeezing and the summer air that was slowly moving in. Iruka felt good. He felt normal. He hoped that he was being genuine, explaining himself properly and letting all those feelings out from before.

Iruka knew that it wouldn't happen again. This wake-up call had been necessary. It reminded Iruka that it was okay to have limits and to step away.

And Kakashi would respect that. Iruka hoped to one day give that respect and understanding back. For now, he could kiss his sweet man until they blushed, snuggled close to keep him warm and made him breakfast in the morning.

Iruka sent Yamato a text during the week, explaining what had happened and Yamato understood without a moment of hesitation. Iruka held back happy tears as Yamato apologized profusely anyway and offered an ear if ever Iruka wanted to talk about those feelings. Tsunade even texted him about how she thought he did well by speaking his mind and stopping everything when he got uncomfortable. It was all part of the process of learning limits and she offered her wisdom whenever he needed it.

They were good people. Iruka considered himself lucky. He didn't know what would've happened if he had more pushy Dom or had less self-confidence. If anything, he seemed to be more sure of himself with every session, every talk.

He'd still have bouts of doubt, regret and guilt over the next few weeks but Kakashi was always there to talk about it and Iruka would find reassurance in their new friends.

It was the Friday following their talk that Iruka decided he would take it in stride though. He wouldn't let one incident hold them back and Kakashi agreed wholeheartedly with a heated touch and demanding hands.

Through their healing sadness, Iruka found they fit together much more closely than the sex that united them that night. It made things easier to talk about and Iruka found himself asking right after, "Do you want to come to the beach with me?"

Kakashi looked over from his side of the bed. "To your mom's?"

Iruka said without second-guessing himself, "Yes."

When Kakashi's eyes sparkled and he gave a dazzling smile, Iruka half regretted his decision by getting Kakashi's hopes up. "Okay, wait, you should know beforehand though that I don't have a date yet and she's nice but has a mean streak."

"Ah, you haven't fallen far, apple."

"Aw, you think I'm meant to you?" Iruka pouted and Kakashi chuckled, pulling them together again.

"The meanest. Always hurting me with how gorgeous you are." He purposely ran his hands over Iruka's sides, the chubby part that Iruka hated about himself but Kakashi said over and over again that he adored.

Iruka pushed him off playfully and was about to get a drive when he saw his phone blinking on his side table, a new email awaiting him. Without expecting anything, he opened it and as he read it his brain stopped working.

After a while of stricken silence, Kakashi leaned over Iruka's shoulder and asked, "What's up?"

Finding his lover frozen, Kakahi nudged him. "Babe?"

Unable to speak, Iruka threw his phone at Kakashi with shaking hands.

"Read it. Read it," he urged impatiently.

Reaching for his glasses, Kakashi quickly put them on and read aloud as Iruka paced his bedroom.

"Hello, Iruka. Sorry for the delay but I've finally read through your proposal. The ideas and research you bring forward are extraordinary and would really change the school for the better." Kakashi glanced up at Iruka's stunned face and after a moment of silence, Iruka grinned so wide it hurt.

"This is happening. We're doing this," Iruka said, still stunned by his own words.

Chucking away the phone, Kakashi swooped Iruka up in an excited hug that broke them out into laughter.

"I can't believe it," Iruka muttered through his eager breaths.

"I'm so proud of you," Kakashi said, pecking Iruka's goofy grin over and over again until they dissolved into giggles and hugs.

The teacher abruptly pulled away. "I have to get started. I have to call the consultant and get in touch with the attendants and monitors and daycare staff. Wait, we have to have a meeting before the school year's over. Oh god."

Watching his partner scramble for his laptop or phone, Kakashi chuckled adoringly before sweeping Iruka up again with a squeak.

"Iruka, it's five to midnight."

"Oh."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Iruka agreed as Kakashi dropped them into bed but they didn't get to sleep for a long time. Iruka was too excited to sleep. Well, that was until they had a bit of physical exercise in bed and even then Kakashi was the only one to drop into sleep.

Iruka opened his computer instead and started drafting emails until he was too tired to keep his eyes open.

And with that exciting news, summer was well on its way.

In those last few days of school, Iruka managed to set up a staff workshop with the consultant he'd found. On the last pedagogical day, the staff gathered into the library and talked about social-emotional learning. To Iruka's surprise, most of the teachers and staff were really interested in the approach. They talked about implementing it in the classrooms, giving teachers ideas and activities they can do with their students. The attendants even asked if they could have a time where students who were at risk could come to talk things out and become more aware of themselves and others. At home, he and Kakashi talked about what the school was doing and Kakashi listened intently to Iruka's every word.

And with that, the school year was over. Another summer vacation had Iruka on unemployment which he had become a pro at applying for a long time ago. The next few weeks would be the most relaxing, calming time of the year thanks to all of Iruka's savings but there was a bit he was sad about.

While he went on vacation, his lover did not. Quite the opposite instead. Kakashi ended up having this week packed and he would come home too tired to do anything. He would yawn his way into Iruka's apartment and then sit at the kitchen table with his laptop for hours until they went to bed. Iruka even learned how to cook chicken while Kakashi was too distracted. It was only after he'd devoured his plate that he looked up and asked where Iruka got the food.

Of course, his jaw dropped when he found out the truth and put away his work to properly thank Iruka for the meal.

During those weeks where Kakashi was too busy to eat properly, Iruka spent a lot of time with his friends and did some projects at home. He and the guys went to dinner, the arcades, the movies. They even dressed up in their finest clothes and went into art galleries downtown, pretending they had any money.

They came back that night in their nicest suits to Kakashi at the kitchen table as always. Iruka pecked his tired cheek and Kakashi kissed the hand on his shoulder with a sigh before they went to the bedroom to give him some privacy.

"Poor guy, he looks so tired," Izumo noted.

Kotetsu frowned, pulling off his clip-on bowtie. "Is he always like that? How in the hell do you get any kinky sex done?"

As Izumo chuckled, Iruka blushed. "He's going through a busy patch. I didn't see him a lot during the winter break either."

"Sure, sure." Kotetsu playfully narrowed his eyes as Izumo kicked him in the ass from his perch on Iruka's bed.

"He'll be free soon. Then you two can bone until the whole apartment crumbles to the ground," Izumo joked as he sipped his wine.

Iruka winced. "No, not Mrs. Henderson."

"Wait… can she, like, hear you guys?"

Iruka barked a laugh. "God, no. She can barely hear me when I'm right in front of her."

"What about…" Izumo pointed to the other walls of the apartment.

"That one's a stripper so she doesn't get home until really late. He's a raging alcoholic who always gets blackout drunk on Friday nights before stumbling home and passing out."

Izumo almost spit out his drink. "Holy, too real."

Iruka grinned and held up a peace sign. "Plus, I make them cookies once a month. I'm a good neighbour."

"So like… does it really get that loud?" Kotetsu asked sneakily with a wiggle of his eyebrows to Izumo.

When Iruka only blushed in response, they gasped.

"No way."

"Wait, maybe you should check on your other neighbours."

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten a noise complaint yet if that's the case."

Iruka pouted. "Oh, come on. I'm not that bad. I have windows."

While the others laughed, Iruka just kept pouting. "Kakashi wants to move though and I don't know how his new neighbours would take to moaning at eleven in the evening."

"Well…" Izumo started but ground to a stop as he took in his friend's words and a sneaking suspicion crawled up onto his face. "I mean, you guys can always meet here."

Iruka didn't realize what Izumo's thought process was. He didn't realize how much it sounded like he and Kakashi were living together as if he would be living at Kakashi's new apartment.

"True," Iruka said simply without ever catching onto Izumo's inferring. Kotetsu didn't seem to either. At least, he didn't until after Kakashi popped his head in to ask if they wanted food since he was ordering stuff.

Iruka followed Kakashi out of the room and the other two only followed after a second of rushed whispering that left them secretly studying their hosts the entire night.

"Do you think Iruka's…?" Izumo asked once they left Iruka's in the cool summer evening air.

"I mean, are you saying what I'm thinking?" Kotetsu suspiciously asked, both of them narrowing eyes at each other.

Then they both said in unison, "In love."

"Holy shit," Kotetsu gasped.

"I know, right?"

"Holy fuck."

"They're so cute together."

"They are!" Kotetsu grinned. "And to be completely honest, Kakashi is like a million leagues ahead of all the others."

"Finally, someone on Iruka's level!"

"He makes Mizuki like a high school dropout."

They chuckled together for a while, dissing their best friend's ex until their laughter trickled to a stop and they were faced with a glaring fact.

They were crossing through a park they normally used to get back to the main road when they stopped at a bench for just a moment. With the same uncertainty, they shared a look as they tried to formulate words.

Not knowing what else to do, Izumo sat as his best friend paced around a bit. Then he stopped.

Always the more articulate one, he finally asked, "Regardless of what he feels though, we'll have to see if he can actually express them this time."

"Not like last time," Izumo muttered back.

"Hopefully we're right about how he feels. Maybe that'll make things easier."

"But…" Izumo struggled through all the memories of Iruka snapping at them. That he knew what he was doing and telling them 'this is what I want' even when it wasn't true.

"They'll talk it through," Kotetsu assured, even though they both were reluctant to believe that. He said it mainly to lift Izumo's spirits and it worked. As usual.

"Yeah," Izumo agreed half-heartedly.


	27. A Sweet Couple

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Is that him?" Kohari hissed, grinning over Iruka's shoulder at the tall, handsome man waiting in line for coffee. A grin Iruka mimicked.

"Yeah, that's him."

"I'm guessing… Taurus."

"Virgo."

"Oh, yeah, that works a lot better."

"Hey," Iruka greeted, shutting down their conversation so quickly as Kakashi approached with their tray of drinks to find their host for the evening had arrived. "Kakashi, this is my mother."

"Ah, it's so nice to meet you, Ms. Umino," Kakashi was already flushed and nervous, easy for Iruka to tell since he did that cute scratch of his head.

"Please, call me Kohari." His mother was as sweet as ever but her eyes were sharp, taking in every part of Iruka's date with an eye she used for houses. "It's so nice to meet Iruka's new friend."

"It's really nice to meet you too. Thank you so much for letting us stay at your house for the weekend," Kakashi said so politely and Kohari giggled.

"Oh, honey, my place is meant for guests. Plus, I get to see my only son." She twirled her straw for emphasis. "All it took was getting a beach house."

"I don't come here for the beach," Iruka gasped in fake hurt. "I come here for the hot tub."

After some laughs, Kakashi pulled out the gift bag behind his terrace chair with a shy grin. "I actually brought this as a housewarming gift since you moved in not too long ago."

With big eyes and a gasp, she took it with such care and slowly pulled out the case that held a stunning knife inside. She gasped and quickly shut it, "No, Kakashi. You've got to be joking. This has to be worth at least a few hundred."

"Actually." Kakashi's cheeks were burning, wincing as he explained, "I had a client who gave that to me as a down-payment when he didn't have much. We won the case and he paid me the full amount but wouldn't let me give back the knife. I haven't really felt right about keeping it. I was going to give it to Iruka as a birthday gift but…"

All eyes turned to the only one at the table who barely knew the difference between a bread knife and a butcher's knife.

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. 'Not good with sharp things.'"

"I can't take this," Kohari still objected. "You cook, don't you?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Oh, don't worry, I actually already have the same one. Part of a family tradition."

With a pout, she whimpered, "Thank you… so much."

"My pleasure," Kakashi replied with a smile so bright at seeing her happiness.

"So, since you cook, I am going to need you tonight." Kohari switched topics, pretending she wasn't horribly touched by Kakashi's housewarming gift. "I am making dumplings and this one can't even fold his clothes properly."

"Mom!"

Later, as they unpacked their things into Kohari's guest bedroom, Iruka turned to Kakashi and asked, "So, it's a family tradition? To give knives when someone buys a house?"

"Yeah." Kakashi gave him a soft smile, seemingly losing himself in his memories as he spoke. "My uncle on my mom's side gave my parents one when they moved into their first house and then one of my great-aunts gave them another when they moved into their second."

"Do they do that with apartments too? Bet you have about a thousand now," Iruka joked but Kakashi's face had fallen.

"Well, after my mom died, my dad never really thought about it," were Kakashi's words before he stopped himself from falling deeper into that hole. With a fake smile, Kakashi headed out of the room. "Let's go help your mom."

Iruka was left alone than to fend for himself against the realization that Kakashi had opened up to him about his family. He'd just given Iruka a glimpse into his past as if he'd done so many times before. His tone had been as casual as someone speaking about an old car they used to have.

For the rest of the night, Iruka paid close attention to the way Kakashi awkwardly tried to converse with his mom and the way his mom took Kakashi under her wing with ease. It was actually really sweet, seeing two of his favourite people get along so well. His mom hadn't really liked any of his partners before so for Kakashi to be accepted so easily, it made him weak.

Even Tanaka came home and embraced the new guest.

There was one moment the next day where Iruka almost had to jump in to remedy things. They were packing up things to bring for lunch on the beach and Iruka had just come out of the bathroom when he heard from down the hall, "So, do your parents live in the city too? Maybe we could have a get-together."

"Ah," Kakashi replied nervously and Iruka was about to sprint down the hall but Kakashi didn't clam up.

He said very simply, "My mom passed when I was a teenager and my dad's not really down for… new people."

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, sweetheart."

"Thank you," was all Kakashi said back and in the silence that followed, Iruka hurried to the kitchen for fear things had gotten weird.

Things had most definitely changed since he was last there but not for the worst. Kohari was rubbing Kakashi's back for a moment, too short to reach his shoulder. The same thing she did when Iruka was upset or frustrated, just a bit of affection to soothe. Then she said, "We'll just have to have more get-togethers like this then."

That was about when they noticed Iruka and proclaimed it was time to head out, switching the mood back from bittersweet to calm and happy.

"Your mom's really nice," Kakashi said later as they relaxed on the beach when Kohari was off finding a drink vendor.

"She thinks you're really nice too," Iruka assured with a fond smile, reaching over to run a hand through the man's soft hair. "I think she'd like to wrap you up and keep you for herself."

With a chuckle, Kakashi leaned into the touch. "Well, she is really nice…"

Iruka gasped playfully. "Oh god, then you'd be my stepbrother. Is that a kink you've been hiding from me."

Kakashi's cheeks burned and he half-smiled, "Well, now that you mention it…"

"Kakashi!" Iruka gasped, genuinely surprised as Kakashi winced and pulled Iruka closer.

"I mean… if you were my stepbrother, we'd have problems," Kakashi said innocently as he trailed the lightest of kisses up Iruka's bare shoulder.

Shivering from the touch and the very raunchy implications, Iruka had to remind himself that they were on a public beach. He took a deep breath, ignoring Kakashi's usually hypnotic touch to kiss his forehead and slowly try to extricate himself from what would definitely lead to worse. "Okay. At home. We will talk about this at home."

"Aw? Not now?"

"No."

"On a public beach?"

"God, even more no," Iruka said as he lightly smacked Kakashi's chuckling side as he scooted away.

Two feet apart, the tension was still there. That slow simmer that usually came before the raging boil of seduction.

"How about a private beach?"

"No," Iruka immediately snapped before he realized what Kakashi had said and the idea slowly sunk in. It wasn't even that bad of an idea. They hadn't been intimate in a long time too and the thought of having a quick, dirty fling was just hot enough to consider. They had technically done worse. Of course, those had been in private rooms and closed doors.

To take Kakashi to that empty part of the beach where there were tons of tall rocks to hide behind… that was a slightly steeped hi to climb although not impossible.

"Maybe," Iruka said into the crashing waves and Kakashi grinned devilishly, making Iruka smirk too.

When Kohari came back, they pretended as though everything was normal. They chatted, as usual, joking between the three of them until Iruka mentioned wanting to go for a walk down the beach. Kohari then smiled wolfishly and suggested, "Ah, Ruka, you should take Kakashi with you. Show him around the beach."

Her intention of course had been a walk of the more romantic variety. Iruka on the other hand didn't protest but for other reasons. "Yeah, wanna come?"

"Sure," Kakashi agreed, narrowing his eyes just slightly at the hinting question.

"You sure you're okay being alone?" Iruka asked his mom, worry building up a bit.

"Takana should be here soon actually," she said, waving them off. "You two go explore."

Glancing around at the busy beach, Iruka felt a little better by that notice but she could see his hesitation. "Now, get out of here and leave me alone with my book!"

About an hour later, Iruka was slapping sand off Kakashi's back.

"Ouch, so rough, babe," Kakashi whined through a laugh as Iruka dusted the last bit of sand off him and hugged him from behind.

"Aw, guess we're even now," Iruka chuckled.

Kakashi huffed, "Sorry to break it to you but, after everything we've done, I don't think we'll be even any time soon."

"You never know," Iruka sang. "If we start now, I could whip you into shape."

"Hey, now," Kakashi murmured as they headed back down to the water, the way they'd come. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Maybe I will then."

They looked at each other and Iruka's hesitant smile had Kakashi laughing nervously as his whole face went rosy. "I mean… hah… if you really want to we could…"

"Maybe! Just a suggestion!" With that back-pedalling, they calmed back down but the idea wasn't put away. Iruka hugged him tight as they walked along the water as waves rolled in faintly.

His cheek pressed to Kakashi's shoulder and the other man's arm around him, Iruka couldn't think of another way to spend one of his last summer weekends. The sun was starting to go down, sending its last rays of warmth across their equally burning hearts. Heart soaring in his chest, Iruka felt like everything that had led up to that point had been worth it. All the pain and heartbreak of the past had all been for this one perfect moment that he could feel setting into his bones.

With that feeling came another more potent one, one Iruka had admittedly never felt before. It curled all of him into his ball of excited nerves that fluttered around in his stomach, up through his chest like he was being pulled from the chest up.

"Hey." Iruka stopped them without a second thought. Kakashi looked at him then with eyes that saw sonnets and Iruka took his head in his hands and kissed him. It was the poem on his lips he was trying to give back, verses about the work of art Iruka saw and wanted to persevere forever through expression.

Kakashi kissed him back the exact same way and it ached so beautifully that Iruka forgot what happened next.

They were back at their little spot in the sand a few minutes later, Kohari and Takana greeting them as they joined them and the suggestion of dining out had them backing up their things and heading back to the house. Through that walk and the walk through town, Iruka's hand kept finding Kakashi's as a wave found the sand.

He only realized he'd been doing it when their food arrived and they set about eating.

"So, Kakashi, I hear you're a good lawyer," Takana joked in his usual dad-like manner as Kakashi blushed shyly.

"I guess you could say that."

"That's amazing," Takana said brightly before launching into a story about an old lawyer he had many years ago during his divorce, one Iruka and Kohari had heard so many times that they could recite it by heart. Iruka didn't mind it though and his mom seemed to find it interesting every time.

"But then who could've imagined his ex-wife wouldn't show," Kohari added and Takana fondly leaned into her, grateful for the support and inconspicuous playing along.

"Say, are you open to new cases?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Sure, I usually just take whatever the firm throws at me but I can always take on a few more."

Iruka held back a frown, having seen first-hand what Busy Kakashi looked like and knowing the man would overwork himself without realizing it.

"I've got a buddy of mine down in your neck of the woods who's been thinking of ending things with his wife too. He actually has his hands full at work so I've been lawyer-shopping for him," Takana shyly joked and they chuckled. "Do you have a card?"

"I most certainly do," Kakashi said as he fished out his wallet.

Iruka couldn't help but chide, "You brought business cards to the beach?"

"Babe, I bring business cards everywhere," Kakashi said with a wink as he pulled a sleek, black business card out and handed it over.

"Thank you so much. I was suggested this other guy who's apparently a bigshot but I'd rather suggest someone I know," Takana was saying as he was about to put the card in his wallet but stopped short. "Well, what do you know."

"What is it?" Kohari asked, poking her head over Takana's arm until he showed her the identical card already in his wallet.

"I was wondering why I recognized the name," he said faintly, grinning at Kakashi who promptly caught flame from Takana's compliment. "Well, I'll be. Looks like we're eating dinner with the best lawyer in the West."

"The best?" Iruka and Kohari asked, both staring down a very embarrassed Kakashi.

"Not the best," Kakashi countered.

"Most reputable then," Takana provided. "The guy who suggested you said other lawyers hated to go up against you."

"Ahah," Kakashi laughed awkwardly and Iruka happily watched his flustered attempt to change the conversation which somehow worked.

Later, Iruka teased him as they got ready for their last night in Kohari's guest bedroom. "So, you can stand up in front of a whole courtroom and argue but you can't take a compliment?"

Rolling his eyes at Iruka's smile, Kakashi quickly retorted, "Usually, I'm getting torn to pieces in courtrooms. The opposite doesn't happen too often especially when you have to bill people."

"Ah, makes sense." Iruka patted the bed and Kakashi finally climbed in, snuggling together for just a bit before they'd ended up in a mess of sheets and limbs during the night.

"Excited for school to start?" Kakashi asked as they started drifting off and Iruka hummed.

"Very much. I've got so many plans," he murmured, only half talking about school. The summer was coming to a close but Iruka was excited for fall and everything that came before it. Mainly because he had a surprise planned.

While Kakashi had been busy at work, Iruka had been busy preparing for another trip that would be happening in a few weeks. Kakashi may have forgotten all about his suggestion to go camping but Iruka hadn't. Iruka also had Kakashi's birthday marked on his phone since he'd found it out months ago. Which made Iruka, the king of event planning, a very happy bean.

When they got back home the next day, Iruka shot right into planning mode again, juggling work and his partner over the last week of vacation. Soon enough, the school year went back into full swing and Iruka welcomed a whole new class of kiddos.

"My name is Mister Iruka. Can you all say that? Mister Iruka." They all tried their best at saying his name and it was so heart-achingly adorable how they all wanted to keep trying, muttering to themselves. "That's exactly right, guys. Mister Iruka."

But they were smart kids, they picked up his name so quickly and he got to know their faces, names and personalities in turn. In the first week, he taught them about the rules of the classroom and the norms of school since this was most of their first year in a school setting. The ones who had gone to daycare helped the other settle in.

That first week, along with all the raging emotions, Iruka taught them about their emotions and how to process them. It was the first step the consultant had suggested and Iruka found that it really did make a difference. Most of the other classes noted that they liked implementing these steps in their own way, modifying it for their age groups. At the next staff meeting, teachers were wondering what other ways they could teach social-emotional learning and if they could have a special place in the school for their special needs kids, a quiet place where they could take more time and find more support.

It was such a fresh breath of air that Iruka found that passion he'd been missing for his job. Working felt so much easier now and he could really spend quality time with the people he cared about. Which included a tall man who just turned thirty-two.

Kakashi wasn't a fan of parties so it was easy to plan something else instead. When Kakashi came home from work after a horribly long and tiring day, he dropped his pair of keys onto the hooks at the door with a sigh and shuffled to the main area. Just as he shrugged off his suit jacket, he looked up into the soft light and his jacket hit the floor in shock.

"Happy birthday," Iruka said with a grin as he poked his head out from under the tall fort he'd made in the living room. The fairy lights he usually had set up in his bedroom were strewn about the living room, the blankets he'd managed to hang up hung just tall enough for Kakashi's lanky body to fit under and every pillow, sheet and blanket he could find padded the floor.

He had a small pile of gifts in one corner. There was another corner filled with Kakashi's favourite snacks and foods. The last element was Iruka's laptop setup to binge all of Kakashi's favourite movies, the ones he'd been begging Iruka to watch for months now.

After his extended silence, Kakashi huffed and knelt down with his eyes so wide and surprised. Iruka found it so sweet to watch his usually serious, calm man show so much awe and surprise.

"Welcome to the fun zone." Iruka motioned with a chuckle as the lawyer crawled into the small sanctuary, his tie almost tripping him up at some points.

Too shocked to care, Kakashi barely noticed as Iruka pulled off his tie and threw it away.

"You did all this?" Kakashi marvelled in a soft, amazed voice.

With a chuckle, Iruka offered Kakashi a drink and nodded, "Of course, it's your birthday, babes."

The touched pout Kakashi gave him was the sweetest but sad face Iruka had ever seen and he quickly scooted in to give his tall lover a hug. "Aw, what's with the face?"

Kakashi muttered into his shoulder with a sniff, "I just… can't remember when someone did something like this."

"Well, guess I'll have to spoil you every year," Iruka grinned, kissing Kakashi's wet cheek over and over again until they fell back into hugs. In that hug, Iruka couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since someone had spent time on him in a personal way. Had it been since his mother died? Was that why Kakashi didn't make much of a fuss about it?

Iruka just hugged him more and made Kakashi open his presents with excited glee. To the green and black striped tie, Kakashi promised to wear it for the next day. The pink apron got Iruka a leering wink and the book he'd picked out gave just the right sparkle of interest to Kakashi's eyes that Iruka knew he'd done well. The last present was the cherry on top, the reservation for a two-night stay in a lodge up north and all the emails of the other guests who would be staying with them.

They poured over pictures of the lodge together on Iruka's laptop and talked endlessly about what they would bring and do. It was only after eleven o'clock passed that Iruka closed their page.

At Kakashi's confusion, Iruka grinned. "Before you fall asleep, we have a movie to watch."

Kakashi blinked.

"A little movie called… Icha Icha para-"

"No," Kakashi interrupted with a gasp and when Iruka giggled, he gasped even louder. "No. You're lying to me. You're pranking me."

"I'm not!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Oh, my god. You beautiful man. Come here and kiss me. Holy shit."

Through the laughter and hugs and kisses, they settled into the pillows to watch the goofy romcom Kakashi adored. It was the perfect night according to the conversation Iruka would overhear the next night when Kakashi called his friends to plan. It wasn't the only night in their relationship that felt perfect.

A few weeks later, they sat under the stars as their friends sang and played music into the woods. Then they had a quiet weekend alone together at Kakashi's apartment. At Halloween, they dressed up and handed out candy together before having their own adult party in private.

The quiet nights, the sexy nights and the busy nights were all perfect in Iruka's mind. Even when they bickered about laundry or snapped at each other after a long day, Iruka couldn't think of returning any of them. The nights he spent alone were lonely. As much as he was a whole person who had his own hobbies and interests like designing rooms on his computer and trying out different DIYs, he had come to like Kakashi's constant presence. He didn't sleep well when Kakashi wasn't around anymore. He didn't realize how much he wanted the smart, goofy man in his life until he was already addicted.

The way he thought, walked and talked was uniquely Kakashi. Even after a whole year, Iruka wasn't tired of him. Even after the holidays, Iruka still found him insanely attractive if not more than before. He brought out the best, the worst and the kinkiest parts of Iruka.

And Iruka honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

In fact, he liked how easily Kakashi could read him, how they had both come to learn from past experience that they liked the idea of sharing each other instead of the real thing. How they could both slowly go to new places together and try new things. Both outside the bedroom and inside, of course.

Even though they'd slowed down on the extremely sexual nights, there were still moments of tension and attraction that they couldn't hold back on. There was even one night where Iruka was just sitting on the couch with a drink when he could feel Kakashi's eyes boring into him. The sexual tension was an understatement in those moments and they happened fairly frequently.

Which made it even hotter when one of them loudly pointed out something they wanted to try or something they'd like to happen more. Like Iruka asking Kakashi to try to be more audible. Like Kakashi asking Iruka to try looking at him more.

Or things they'd like to try. Like trying to fit Kakashi and a dildo at the same time. Like roleplaying as a maid and wearing scandalous outfits.

Which was how they landed on breaking and entering in the most sexual sense.

The snow had fallen the night before so Iruka forced himself not to note the footprints leading up his staircase. To look too deeply into Kakashi's attempt would ruin the element of surprise and Iruka was really looking forward to being surprised.

Stepping into his apartment, he kicked off his boots and coat before dragging himself to the living room. He was the only noisy one in the apartment and he double-checked the text Kakashi had sent him. It was a simple 'good 2 go' which soothed Iruka that what would happen next was planned and expected.

"Stand up," A gruff voice ordered as a cold edge pressed against his neck.

"Who-"

"I said stand up, bitch," the man ordered as he yanked Iruka's hair.

On his feet, Iruka put his hands up and started as his tall attacker dragged him by the hair around the couch, "If it's money you want or-"

"Did I say you could fucking speak?" For a moment, Iruka was truly scared. The yelling shut him up and he started to worry that this man wasn't Kakashi. That is until he saw the shoes and felt the grip on his hair when he was yanked to his knees.

Despite the snow outside, this man was wearing sneakers, the same model and colour Kakashi normally wore and they were completely dry. Iruka almost barked a laugh but the steady hand on his hair reminded him of the role he was supposed to be playing. Even though the firm hand gripping his hair was using the same hold Kakashi normally used, grabbing a lot closed to his scalp but not yanking too quickly or hard.

Still, he wanted to be safe and his hair hurt a bit too much. So, he whispered loudly, "Yellow."

The hand in his hair lightened and he was able to look up at his fake attacker who was wearing a tight mask that only went up to his nose. Iruka's fear fell away back into playful as Kakashi winked and ordered him to get on his knees. With those eyes dark and his knife glimmering, Kakashi looked menacing but not threatening. At least not to Iruka even though he played the innocent school teacher who whimpered as he got on his knees. "Please don't hurt me."

It took everything he had not to smirk but even biting down didn't help to hide it. In return, Kakashi circled him slowly and shoved his shoulder forward until Iruka was on his hands and knees.

Then Kakashi's body was over his, pressing him down as his husky voice said in Iruka's ear, "Smile more and I'll have to be mean."

When Iruka giggled, Kakashi retaliated by using his knife on Iruka's jogging pants. Thankfully, they'd planned for this but it was still shocking at that moment, cold air suddenly against Iruka's bare ass. Seeing Iruka wasn't wearing boxers must have done something to Kakashi because he broke character to mutter under his breath and spread the plump cheeks before him, "Fuck me."

The way that fluffed Iruka's confidence was like no other.

Iruka was about to give his usual snarky reply to tempt fate a bit, but a hand slapped his ass and manhandled him further back until Iruka's vulnerable hole presented itself. Face burning, he could hear pants being undone and suddenly something slick pressed against his unprepared entrance.

"Ah!" Iruka couldn't help but cry out as he was thrust into roughly, the hand on his shoulder pressing him down. The hips grinding roughly into him pulled back before slamming him down into the floor again and again in a hard and fast rhythm that sent him into surprised keens once the initial ache faded into a hunger. In a real circumstance such as this, Iruka wouldn't have been so flushed and inflamed by being roughly fucked by a stranger. This was Kakashi though. It was obvious by the familiar hand controlling his hips, the length filling him and the hips slamming him further down towards the floor.

Even when he hissed horrible, out of character profanities at him that didn't really threaten Iruka.

"That's it. Your greedy ass is so tight." They just excited Iruka all the more.

The pounding massaged Iruka's free member against the carpet with every thrust and he couldn't help his lustful cries.

"Such a slut for my cock." The hand on his shoulder grabbed his hair and pulled back his head hard, that deep voice muttering against his ear, "Louder."

Complying, Iruka didn't hold back as Kakashi's cock bucked in even deeper. The onslaught of toe-curling bliss had Iruka's eyes rolling back in delight that he couldn't control his mouth or voice.

"Ahn, ah, ahn!"

"Good boy. Tell me how you love getting fucked by strangers."

Suddenly, his body was wracked in climax but the pounding didn't stop. In fact, it just kept going and going without end in sight. Even after the second orgasm, Iruka was almost delirious with pleasure that it numbed him.

"That's it, take it all."

The third only came when he was flipped and pinned with a hand on his mouth. His masked assailant thrust back in, using Iruka's body as he stroked the last bit of ecstasy from his weeping length. "Yeah, come for me again. Show me how you love being filled."

When Iruka was limp and covered in his own semen, his mouth was used roughly until his masked man pulled out and finished with a grunt on Iruka's face.

He then left, walking off to the bathroom but Iruka called to him from the floor, "Kakashi?"

The man stopped and pulled down his mask, revealing the beautiful face Iruka knew. "Yes, babe?"

"Can I have a kiss?" Iruka asked cutely and the other man was by his side in a second, letting Iruka pull him down for a sensual kiss that ended with a small, sweet peck. "Carry me?"

Kakashi grinned at the cute request and complied by throwing Iruka over his shoulder with a yelp.

Iruka hadn't hated that at all and he wasn't thinking about the kiss because he always loved those.

While he was clean and alone in his room, he got to thinking. To be completely honest to himself, he kind of liked playing out one of his darkest fantasies with someone he trusted completely. Adding that to his mental list of fun times, Iruka decided that it was better than the CBT they tried the week before but not as fun as the caning. After all, he could brat all he wanted until Kakashi whipped out a cane but the assault fantasy was a one-way street that could go too far.

"Ruka!" Kakashi hurried out of the bathroom, surprisingly naked but clutching his phone tightly.

"Whoa," Iruka reeled, pretending as though that hot body wasn't blinding. "What's-"

"Look, look, look." Kakashi shoved his phone into Iruka's face.

The picturesque townhouse Iruka stared at had a tiny lawn, a parking spot and a door on the main floor, immediately checking off all the boxes Iruka knew Kakashi had for the exterior alone.

"It has marble countertops and a gas range and a tub and a farmhouse sink and they allow pets," Kakashi rushed out.

Iruka could only reply excitedly, "A tub?"

"Marble countertops!" Kakashi shot back and Iruka threw back the phone.

"Don't just stand there! Message them!"

"Oh, god, I'm shaking. I can't. I can't move my thumbs." Kakashi whimpered, handing Iruka back his phone desperately, "Do it for me. I can't think, I'm too nervous."

"Fine, but you go put some pants on!" Iruka laughed as Kakashi scrambled for underwear, pacing as Iruka typed. He read out what he wrote and when Kakashi eagerly nodded, he sent it off and they sat there in itching silence.

"I hope they answer," Kakashi muttered. Iruka squeezed his hand.

"They will." He kissed Kakashi's shoulder soothingly before frowning. "Weren't you about to take a shower?"

"Oh, shit that's true."

That night, Iruka adoringly tried to get Kakashi to calm down and then a few hours later tried not so adoringly. Thankfully, his pillows had seen worse.

In the morning, he awoke to chippy singing coming from the kitchen. Kakashi was shuffling in his pink apron through the kitchen, humming and half dancing in a way that was too excited for that early. When Kakashi noticed Iruka's sleepy face, he grinned. "We're meeting the owners tonight."

Iruka didn't question his 'we' and was standing in front of a very beautiful townhouse. It was only a bit further out, not as close to downtown but it was quiet and there were many people on the street walking their dogs. Kakashi squeezed Iruka's hand every few seconds, bouncing on his heels.

The owners ushered them in, a sweet couple who only glanced at their linked hands a few times. Through the open-concept main floor, even Iruka's jaw was open in awe.

By the time they had to go up to the second floor, Kakashi's heart was sold. Iruka got onto the same page when he saw the giant tub with jets.

"So, how's the application process?" Kakashi asked as they headed back downstairs.

"Well, since this is a rent-to-own kind of situation, you can fill out the forms and we do the credit checks from there."

"Perfect, I'd really love to fill those out if you have them on hand," Kakashi said with his most polite smile and he and the husband walked off to the kitchen while Iruka made small talk with the wife.

"You two seem so sweet. What brings you to the neighbourhood?" She asked sweetly.

"Ah, well, this neighbourhood is actually between both our jobs. His law firm is about a thirty-minute walk and the school I work at is just a few bus stops down," Iruka replied charmingly.

"That's really perfect. How long have you been together?" She asked innocently and Iruka blushed when he realized his answer.

"It's been… wow, a little over a year. Well, we're February now so I guess a year and four months now." The fact that they'd been doing this for so long was amazing but not much of a surprise.

After all, they really worked together and apparently it was very obvious with the way the wife said, "That's so sweet. You two really seem like a sweet couple."

Instead of correcting her, he thanked her and they left with hope and a strange feeling of pain.

While Iruka knew better than to hope for more than what he had, it was nice to pretend like they were a couple even for a short while. Even though Iruka knew it wasn't his place to hope for Kakashi to feel that way about him. After all, Iruka couldn't even trust himself to feel the same way.

Thankfully, he was too happy in general to contemplate the sad stuff. At least, he didn't for the next few weeks.

Kakashi got the apartment to no surprise and was scheduled to move into it in two months. Until then, he found himself sloshed at work and things just seemed to go downhill for him from there.

Apparently, Kakashi almost showed up for the wrong court time one day. His old apartment key broke and he had to get a locksmith to fix it after a fight with his landlord. Even the buses seemed to be working against him. Coffee was spilled. Swear words were thrown. Papers were lost.

All of it was just an accumulation of frustration and anger and Iruka could sense a mile away. His normally sweet and calm Kakashi had a tendency to snap. The brewing emotions were slowly becoming heavier but whenever Iruka would note how Kakashi seemed stressed, the lawyer would blame work.

That was what it seemed to be at the beginning. Then Kakashi left his laptop open one day while he went to the bathroom and Iruka caught a glimpse of a website he hadn't expected to see.

An apartment complex. Why would Kakashi be looking at apartment complexes when he always signed his new lease? Before he could get a good look at the website, he had to throw himself back onto the couch and pretended he didn't see anything. He didn't want to stir the pot just yet. Kakashi was already in a cranky mood.

So, instead, he made a suggestion. "Babe? Let's take a vacation. Just you and me. Go for a road trip or something."

Under all that tiredness, Kakashi was still himself and he pulled a small smile. "That does sound like fun."

"We can rent a car, drive down South. Maybe find some cool stop along the way," Iruka offered playfully.

The suggestion was a balm to his lover's stressed shoulders and Iruka just massaged the idea into his aching bones. A vacation was what they needed. March break was coming and things were just moving so fast. It was hard to keep track of everything going on but this was something they could plan together, a distraction from work and other worries.

The other worries were much bigger than Iruka could have originally thought though.

Kakashi's life had always been somewhat of a mystery in some ways. What school he went to, his friends and interests, those were all part of Kakashi Iruka knew well. And there were parts that were coming to light like his past partners and family.

Family was one word Iruka hadn't been comfortable with even when it came to his own. On a peaceful Sunday night in March, a week before the school break, Iruka would come to understand another meaning for 'family' and struggles he'd never thought he'd be a part of.

And it started with a phone call.

The first nighttime phone call in a while.

This time was much different than the last ones though.

Iruka sniffed himself awake as Kakashi answered sleepily.

"Hello?" He croaked.

Then there was a pause. Since the room was so quiet in the early morning hours, Iruka could hear a voice speaking quickly but calmly on the other side.

Kakashi sat up straight, eyes jolting open in the dark.

Breath catching at the sight, Iruka listened and watched carefully as he slowly sat up. His bedmate's back and shoulders showed his breath quickening, tensing.

"Oh," was all Kakashi said at first. "But…"

The urgent voice on the other end was saying things slowly enough so Kakashi could understand.

"Okay. I'll be there. I'll be there in a few hours. Where is…?" Kakashi pulled away his phone, pulling up his maps as the person on the other end read out an address. Once it was down, Kakashi double checked to make sure he had the right one. "Okay, thank you."

Then the call ended.

For a moment, Iruka held his breath subconsciously until Kakashi shot out of bed and started throwing on clothes. Iruka watched, so shocked and confused.

"Kakashi?"

No response, just hurried movements.

"Kakashi, what's going on?" Iruka asked more forcefully but the other man wasn't hearing him at all. He was just throwing on the first bits of clothes he saw.

So, he went to stand in front of his partner, his suddenly stressed lover who was over the edge of erratic and trying to pull one of Iruka's sweaters over his head. When he finally managed to yank it down, Iruka's hands helped fix the sleeves.

"Kakashi," he said softly and it seemed to stick, hesitation in Kakashi's movements. "What's going on?"

For a while, the air between them was so thick Iruka could barely breathe, worried about what Kakashi was going to say.

Glancing up with his cheek pale and eyes glazed, Kakashi heard Iruka properly this time. His gaze drifted away, losing himself again as he said plainly, "It's my dad."


	28. A Bittersweet Truth

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

"Your dad?"

Kakashi retreated into himself once Iruka echoed his words as if he were processing everything all over again. In his eyes, the shock and pain were so powerful Iruka started to feel that way too. Then he backed off and started searching, looking for something in the room that he couldn't see even though he had a memory that usually knew where everything was at all times and it scared Iruka.

"Kakashi?" There was no response, just the frantic searching and Iruka had to demand, "Kakashi, what's going on with your dad?"

That seemed to jolt Kakashi back to reality, struggling to process emotions Iruka could see on his face but didn't know the reason why.

"Kakashi." Iruka then asked the question he worried most about, "Is your dad okay?"

Kakashi blinked. He had heard the question but it didn't seem like he was processing anything. It was as if he didn't know how to answer so Iruka clarified, "Is he… alive?"

Kakashi frowned, frustrated with the question so he snapped, "He's alive. He's alive and I need to get to him. I… I'm sorry. I just need to go."

The way his eyes started flickering fearfully had Iruka grabbing for clothes of his own. Kakashi watched in confusion until Iruka was ready and explained, "I'm coming with you."

And Kakashi didn't stop him. Instead, he nodded and sniffed. "I can't find my wallet."

So, Iruka went looking for it. Even as his hands shook, he kept level and asked Kakashi questions. "Does he live far?"

"Pretty far," was Kakashi's subdued response.

"Can we go by bus?"

Kakashi shook his head but Iruka didn't see it in his search. "No. By train."

"Okay," Iruka said as he pulled Kakashi's wallet out of his jacket pocket and the other man took it carefully. The way he did it was too slow though. It was like he was in shock and Iruka took matters into his own hands.

He got them ready and dragged them out of the house once he managed to get an address out of Kakashi. There was no second thought. They were just out of the house and taking a bus to the train station. Kakashi kept it together the whole way there and they got lucky, on a train within the hour to a place Iruka had never been to.

But on the way, he looked closer at the address and found it was a hospital. That did worry Iruka. Was Kakashi's father okay? Was he hurt?

Iruka couldn't imagine the panic he'd be feeling if his mother ended up in a hospital far away. Seeing Kakashi that way hurt. He didn't want his calm and collected partner to be so shaken he wasn't himself.

As the train sped along the tracks in the very early morning hours, Iruka slid his hand into Kakashi's and squeezed just to let Kakashi know he was there and things would be okay.

The day was just beginning though and Iruka wouldn't be entirely prepared for everything that would happen.

"Thank you so much for coming, Mister Hatake," a nurse welcomed at the second reception desk they were pointed to at the hospital. She led them down the hall, passed other rooms where the patients were quietly sleeping. "We've had to keep him sedated to be certain he didn't accidentally hurt himself or someone. He was very disoriented and confused when the police brought him in."

"Thank you," Kakashi replied in that quiet tone he'd taken up for the past few hours.

"The doctor from last night went home a few hours ago but another doctor's been kept in the loop and he'll be here to see you in a few minutes," she explained as they stopped in front of a room and left them to go in by themselves.

Kakashi let go of Iruka's hand to step inside but he kept the door open for Iruka to follow at his own pace.

Inside, there were two beds but one was empty. Behind the curtain, the other bed held a man older than them. His grey hair matched his son's other than the beginnings of white starting to trickle through. While Kakashi's hair was well-kept, his father's was not in a way that spoke of wear and tear. It seemed balding in some spots but was thick overall. His beard was kept similarly short but it didn't hide the frown lines that were etched into his face from years of stress.

But he wasn't as old as Iruka expected. Sure, he seemed thin and tired but he definitely couldn't have been more than sixty.

Then Iruka remembered Kakashi mentioning his parents eloping and he wondered how young they'd been when they had Kakashi. Thankfully, he didn't have to wonder for long.

Kakashi pulled out one of the seats for Iruka to sit on and sat down in the other. They sat in silence for a few moments as his father's fluids machine made small hissed now and then.

"Iruka," Kakashi started softly. "This is my dad, Sakumo. He's fifty-two and has Alzheimer's."

Everything went quiet for the next few minutes as Iruka slowly processed his words.

He'd never met someone with Alzheimer's, let alone had a parent with it. The symptoms had always been blurry in his mind. In general, he knew what it was but he didn't know the realities of it. This trip would definitely change that.

So, Iruka readied himself. He squeezed Kakashi's hand and said softly into the quiet room, "It's nice to finally meet him."

That brought colour back to Kakashi's face with a small smile. He kissed Iruka's hand and they were left in silence for a while. There was a weight on their shoulders that hinted of what was to come. That what would happen next wasn't going to be pretty. And when the doctor finally came in, Kakashi stood to meet him with a handshake that the doctor was reluctant to reciprocate.

"So, in case you weren't told, the police found him sleeping on a park bench with a twisted ankle. Looks like he'd walked all the way from home even though it was on the other side of town, without his wallet or identification. It was only after the fire started that they noticed he was missing. When they brought him in, he was very disoriented and upset and the police weren't great at handling him."

Kakashi just nodded attentively as Iruka listened in wonder.

"We don't really have much information about the fire so you'd have to talk to the police about that but… we do have some information from a few of the specialists who have taken a look at him. We also managed to get in touch with his personal physician," the doctor's tone and frown told them that the weight around them was well-founded.

A file was flipped open and Iruka was lost in the words being said to them, things he didn't know much about but was trying to keep a grasp of.

Some things were easy to understand like, "it seems like his symptoms have progressed very quickly since his last checkup" and "he seemed very disoriented and confused."

And then the doctor said, "I know this is a hard thing to think about, but I have to suggest assisted living."

Those words Iruka knew meant the doctor thought it was best if Sakumo was put into a retirement home which was a big step to Iruka who didn't know the older man. Iruka knew that he couldn't even begin to feel what Kakashi felt at that moment but even his heart hurt at that suggestion.

Kakashi just gave a tense nod. Iruka couldn't see his face but he knew it was probably stone cold.

The doctor gave arguments for and against retirement homes and left right after explaining they were keeping his father overnight. Iruka didn't have time to check-in with Kakashi after that. Iruka dutifully stayed in the room to keep watch as Kakashi went to call people. Then their day was a whirlwind after that.

The first stop had been the apartment Kakashi's father lived in. Iruka hadn't known what to expect but even though he had heard there had been a fire, he didn't expect to walk up to an apartment building that was partially burnt down. While one half was still standing, the other side had black trails of ash and burn marks trailing from the first apartment up. The windows were blown out, the door had been kicked down and a trail of back and grey led into the ruined apartment.

While Kakashi spoke to the landlord and gave Sakumo's insurance information, Iruka found them a hotel for the next few nights and found a place they could rent a car from for the next few days. Regardless of price, Iruka didn't want to spend more time on public buses. He wanted a place Kakashi felt safe and comfortable to just... feel.

At least, he hoped Kakashi would do that.

That day was an eye-opener in so many ways though.

Iruka ended up standing awkwardly by the door of Sakumo's hospital room as Kakashi took a breath and stepped in. The tall, lanky man nodded to the nurse who went to wait with Iruka at the door, watching and listening as intently as Iruka was. She seemed to expect what would happen next though while Iruka did not.

Kakashi righted his stiff body in front of the old man's bed and the curtain stopped them from seeing Sakumo's reaction but it didn't seem like there was much to see but not because it was a smooth conversation.

Mainly because Sakumo said nothing as Kakashi pulled a strained smile and said, "Hey, Dad."

The quiet sucked the breath from the room and made every sound so loud. Kakashi just stood there, smile fading as he watched his father for a few hopeful moments. It seemed as though no changes came as he hoped. But he kept standing there until he nodded to Iruka to join him.

Hesitating in the doorway, Iruka prepared himself for the worst but found it not as difficult to take his place by Kakashi's side and meet the older man's eyes. At first, Iruka expected Sakumo to say something but he soon came to find that this wasn't something to expect right off the bat.

"Dad, this is Iruka. He's ah…" Kakashi glanced at their hands and how they had gravitated into twining together and Iruka felt that same hesitation but took it in stride.

He smiled at Kakashi and took the seat next to Sakumo's bed so that he could be on the same level as he said, "I'm one of his good friends. I came to say hi."

With his brightest and warmest smile, Iruka stuck out his hand for a handshake. That reflex he realized wasn't shared by everyone in the room though and Sakumo ignored his hand to stare at him, a surprise in his face Iruka couldn't gauge. Thankfully, after he pulled back his hand, he reiterated, "So, hi, my name is Iruka."

Then there seemed to be a spark of recognition in his eyes. Not because he knew who Iruka was though but because he understood what Iruka was saying.

With a surprisingly warm smile, Sakumo said softly back, "Hi."

Iruka grinned. "It's really nice to meet you, Sakumo."

That smile fading but still there, Sakumo nodded weakly and said, "Yeah. Yeah."

It was as if he had lost pieces of his vocabulary and Iruka knew he had lost so much more than that, especially with the way he seemed to ignore his own sin in favour of Iruka's sunny disposition. While Iruka looked over at his partner though, Kakashi didn't seem upset by this. Instead of the same worry from before, Kakashi was smiling as he watched them talk. It told Iruka that this wasn't a bad time at all even though his father wasn't completely there, that this was a good day for Sakumo.

Even though Iruka had to hold the brunt of the conversation, he managed to ask the older man how he was feeling, if he wanted some water and if he liked dogs. They then spent the rest of their time there looking at cute animal videos and it reminded Iruka a lot of his kids at school.

Then the nurse came to bring Sakumo his food and they left him to eat for the evening, heading back to their hotel for the night. They had plans for the next morning to speak with Sakumo's personal doctor and Iruka couldn't remember if this one was a general doctor or psychiatrist. So many kinds of doctors had been mentioned Iruka felt too shy to ask. It especially didn't help that Kakashi seemed reluctant to talk further about his father.

He did offer up a bit of insight though.

"He's gotten worse," Kakashi softly admitted.

Then he switched gears all of a sudden, sucking in a breath as he pulled off his clothes for a shower. Iruka leaned on the bathroom door and listened as Kakashi said, "Apparently, I look like my grandfather so he tends to think I'm him most of the time and usually gets angry. Today, he didn't think that."

"He was really happy today," Iruka reminded Kakashi with a smile even though the issue of memory loss was heavy in the air.

Pulling off his shirt, Kakashi seemed to just be thinking as he nodded and his lips twitched up. So, Iruka slipped his arms around him in a hug. Kakashi pressed his cheek to Iruka's head. For the first time since the night before, they were actually on the same page and space.

With a kiss, Iruka went to order them food and they ate with wet hair and heavy hearts, a feeling that would only get worse even after a night pressed close together.

The next day, they met with Sakumo's personal doctor and Iruka really woke up to what was happening when the older woman said, "In my professional and personal opinion, I think your father would do best with more constant care."

Kakashi, the busy lawyer who was often too tired and too stressed to even bathe some nights, didn't move in his seat.

"Have you had time to look at the homes I sent to you last time? Those are the ones best equipped for seniors with Alzheimer's," she softly asked and Kakashi took a deep breath and nodded. "Good. That's great. Of course, it's up to you what you'd like to do. He is your father after all."

With those words came a frozen sense of reality that even Iruka could feel. They left the clinic and had a horribly quiet drive back to the hotel. Iruka's stiff arms gripped the wheel and he didn't know whether to talk to Kakashi about it or not. The other man wasn't speaking. His head was turned away. His legs were even bouncing nervously, showing how his mind was probably racing in circles.

Iruka tried at that moment to reach for Kakashi's hand at a stoplight, to provide some sort of comfort.

But Kakashi pulled his hand away, into his lap and clenched it.

That was when the palpable pain was something Iruka felt in his bones. He knew Kakashi needed time to process and to think but Iruka didn't want him to feel alone at the same time.

But when they got to the hotel room and Kakashi locked himself in the bathroom, Iruka had to make a decision. As much as he wanted to comfort and care for Kakashi, there was a part of him that knew Kakashi didn't need that constant comfort. He was a man of independence and Iruka could feel he wanted his space for a bit.

As much as it hurt, Iruka went and sat in their rented car.

He hadn't driven a car in a long time but it felt good to be behind the wheel, to be in control for once. So Iruka drove in one direction and kept going until he needed to use the bathroom. Even then, he stopped at a gas station for just a few minutes and kept on going. It was peaceful to just tune out his life's realities and focus on the road and driving. Feelings and thoughts all came to the surface without having to really deal with them. He could just feel them and react as much as he wanted even if that meant sobbing at a red light for a man he didn't know and the man's son who he knew so well.

It made sense why Kakashi had hidden away that part of his life.

After all, Kakashi had been Iruka's escape for a long time too. Now, they were so intertwined together that their realities were melding with the home they'd made together. As painful of a process as it was, Iruka found himself sitting in a parking lot with a bag of cheap fries and the realization that he was right where he needed to be.

Because whether Kakashi knew it or not, he needed Iruka's support.

And Iruka was more than ready to give it.

So, he made his way back to the hotel after about an hour with some greasy foods and Kakashi's favourite bottled iced tea.

Stepping into the hotel room, he was relieved to find the bathroom door open. The room was half torn apart and Iruka found Kakashi in a bundle of blankets. The light from his laptop bounced off his glasses, obscuring his eyes but his cheeks were visibly raw and puffy.

He didn't look up when Iruka came in but he did say softly once Iruka had set everything down on the table, "What do you think?"

Iruka worried for a second that Kakashi meant the decision he had to make but it was directed at the laptop that was turned to him.

A gallery of apartment photos stared Iruka back, ones similar to some he'd seen on Kakashi's laptop many weeks before. They were nursing homes, places specifically meant for people with Alzheimer's upon closer inspection. The buildings seemed nice on photo, warm and cozy rooms that sometimes had a living room and communal spaces that were clean and inviting. For a second, Iruka forgot they weren't looking for themselves.

"This place looks nice," he said truthfully and Kakashi bit his lip as he flicked to another window on his screen.

"What about this place? I can't… Decide between the two," Kakashi said softly.

As they looked through the next place, Iruka had to ask, "Do you want to check these out tomorrow?"

"I've already seen these. Lots actually. These were the best and… have open slots," Kakashi admitted, his tone dipped in wistfulness. He didn't move much and his eyes were glazed over from what Iruka could see. Kakashi seemed to know what he had to do and was ready to do it. He just needed a hand that Iruka was more than willing to give.

With his head on Kakashi's shoulder, Iruka hummed and took a few minutes to look over each community in depth. Here and there, he would ask questions like "does he like to swim" and "does this one have music nights". About an hour later, Iruka had drawn up a table of pros and cons so that Kakashi could see everything better.

Talking slowly became easier over the next few hours. Every now and then, he would catch a tear slip down Kakashi's cheek before it was quickly swept away with a sniff but he didn't bring it up, he just let it happen.

After deciding on one, they sent them an email that evening and ate horrible foods that had them comatose really early on in the night.

The morning came all too quickly though and so did an email with a lease agreement for Kakashi's father's new home.

They spent the next few days packing up the things that had made it through the fire and throwing out the stuff that hadn't. The landlord even came to help to their relief and even sent them on their way with a batch of cookies after they helped her clean up and seal the apartment as best they could. Thankfully, a lot of it had made it.

As they had gone through the apartment though, Iruka couldn't help but notice how barren it had been, to begin with. There had barely been any food in the kitchen and there were broken pieces of plate in the sink. As far as bathrooms went, it wasn't the cleanest and Iruka started noticing the notes as he looked up at the mirror and a post-it that said 'brush your teeth'.

Kakashi's arm came out from behind him and plucked it off so easily. As they went through the apartment, Iruka noticed how Kakashi knew where all the other notes had been stuck. There was one on the nightstand that reminded about pyjamas. A burn one in the kitchen had fallen off and was on the floor by the fridge, reading 'turn off the stove'.

The saddest one by far was a note on the back of the front door. 'Have you walked today?'

Iruka now understood how easily it had been for the older man to just walk out and forget what he was doing. He couldn't help but wonder if this had happened before. Of course, it definitely hadn't been this bad before but Iruka didn't know much about Alzheimer's. It seemed like this had been going on for a while.

He truly just had so many questions but was kind of too worried to ask. Maybe they were too insensitive or invasive. He just didn't want to hurt Kakashi or make him sad in any way by being curious.

Kakashi did give bits and pieces of insight here and there though. When they were parsing through Sakumo's things for stuff he'd need or want to keep, Kakashi mentioned, "He definitely won't need any of the kitchen stuff. He's never liked cooking anyway. The keyboard definitely stays though. He loves playing that thing."

Then came the morning they were to head back home. And bring Sakumo to his new home.

And it was surprisingly a good day.

It was the next day when they made sure Sakumo was settling in properly.

But the drive back had been nice.

Sakumo's ankle was in a boot since it seemed he'd strained it and he let them help him into the car. He nodded along to the music they put and he answered Iruka's questions even though he didn't seem to remember him.

"How's this song? You like it?" Iruka would ask and Sakumo would grin under his shaggy beard.

"Of course," Sakumo said often when they played jazz and classical. He even gasped when one of his favourites came on. Leaning in, he tapped Kakashi on the shoulder and said, "This one. This one is a good one."

"Do you remember the name of this one?" Kakashi asked curiously, both him and Iruka listening to dead air for a moment.

"Sun…" Sakumo started hesitantly and Kakashi grinned right back.

"Sunset Boulevard, that's right," Kakashi gushed right back and they all bobbed along to the music together.

After a bathroom break, the rest of the trip went so quickly and Iruka couldn't help but fawn over the way Kakashi and Sakumo looked so similar and had the same charming smile. They even seemed to have the same quiet and calm disposition that was so relaxing to be around that they all settled comfortably together. Iruka would tell a pun or make a fun observation and Kakashi would chuckle or roll his eyes. After a few glances back, Iruka noticed Sakumo smiling fondly at his son when Kakashi laughed. Kakashi didn't seem to notice those glances but he did check back with his father often.

"How's the ride, Dad?" he asked at one point.

Sakumo seemed to process those words for a moment before smiling with his entire face and softly saying, "It's a good one."

Then he reached one of his long arms over to pat Kakashi's shoulder and squeeze it in a way Iruka had only experienced a handful of times when he was younger.

Kakashi broke out in a smile that bordered tearful as he patted his father's hand right back. Iruka understood that these moments were rare nowadays, Sakumo often confusing his own son with his father. He would come to know at the end of the day what those kinds of moments were like.

It started as they drove into the suburbs, bordering the downtown area where the special-care home was located. Iruka didn't notice Sakumo's vacant expression as they passed houses and buildings that were all new to him but Kakashi did.

"So, are you feeling hungry, Sakumo?" Iruka asked when the tension started to become palpable. There was no response and that was when the shift became obvious.

Kakashi stopped responding and the car went quiet other than the commercials on the radio that were growing too loud.

Sakumo was breathing heavier. His brow furrowed at his surroundings but then his frustration turned into confusion and a hint of fear. Glancing at his partner, Iruka found that Kakashi was paler than usual and his hands wringing in anticipation for what would happen next.

When they got to the special care home, Iruka didn't really know what to do with himself or how to help as Kakashi went to the front desk as they stayed in the quiet car for a moment. Then Kakashi came back out, a few nurses following behind with a wheelchair that would help Sakumo's ankle.

"How's your ankle doing?" Iruka asked to try and cut through the thick air but Sakumo wasn't listening. He was too busy staring up at the building and the people coming towards them. When they finally got closer and opened Sakumo's door, Iruka got out to help in any way he could but the nurses were already taking over easily, introducing themselves and helping the hesitant older man into the wheelchair.

Into the nice, cozy building, Sakumo didn't say a word and Kakashi was all eyes and ears as the nurses explained things to them and tried to make conversation.

Finally, they got to Sakumo's new apartment. It was a small but quaint room with a bed, desk, television and a sitting area. There was a window and a balcony on the other end and even a bathroom with safety rails and a shower with a seat. It was nice but it was obvious it was different than a normal studio apartment.

It didn't have a kitchen. The bed leaned into medical territory with the guard rails that were tucked down. Most important of all, it didn't feel like a home.

And everyone in the room knew that.

Especially Sakumo.

"I'll start to grab his things," one of the nurses offered.

"Ah, I'll go help them out," Iruka said to Kakashi who was tense, looking at his father with uncertainty. He was about to ask Kakashi if that was okay but his partner understood.

With a thankful smile, he touched Iruka's arm the barest amount to show he meant his words. "Thanks."

Then he turned his attention to his dad and Iruka hurried back to the car where a few staff members were ready to help bring Sakumo's things up. He didn't have much of anything anymore after they'd given away the furniture and kitchen stuff. He had a few boxes of clothes, another full of records and books, his record player and the sleek, portable keyboard Kakashi had bought him a few years back. Iruka took great care in bringing that up along with the record player. The other employees who were bringing up the rest seemed really nice and relaxed, chatting with Iruka about the complex and all the activities they regularly had. Apparently, they could come and visit whenever and even join in.

It gave Iruka a boost of confidence that this place might be a good thing for Kakashi's father, a man who needed that support and routine. They seemed to really care at this place by the way they talked about the other tenants and waved to some of them who were sunbathing and waving back. At least, that was what Iruka was feeling until he got back to Sakumo's apartment.

Still in the wheelchair, Sakumo hadn't moved from just inside the room. His hands were curled tight in his lap and he was stiffly staring at the ground, refusing to look up even when Iruka walked in.

Kakashi was sitting on the bed, staring at the hands he was wringing until Iruka came in. It looked like he had cleaned a bit but the apartment was already sparkling clean. That left an uncomfortable silence between both father and son that stretched so wide. Kakashi shot up and quickly volunteered to go get the rest of Sakumo's things.

Alone with Sakumo, Iruka could see why Kakashi wanted to run away for just a little bit. It was a suffocating atmosphere; Sakumo's confusion and anger almost palpable. He started looking around the room then and Iruka wanted to help him somehow, make him more comfortable with what was happening. The kind of people he dealt with though were normally a lot younger.

"Hey, Sakumo, I brought your record player up. Want to help me set it up?" Iruka asked brightly. That would at least make this place a lot more friendly.

The older man focused on Iruka's words and then nodded slowly, his head bobbing slowly even long after. Placing the player on the dresser, Iruka plugged it in and made sure everything was working. All the while, he could feel eyes on him but he couldn't feel that they were angry or upset with him.

He did his best to make everything easy to access and as helpful as possible, including putting the record box on the dresser too. Thinking about Kakashi's apartment, he wondered if his partner's father has the same visual style of remembering. With the post-it notes in mind, Iruka turned the box on its side so that the coloured spines of the record sleeves faced out and were easier to see.

Sakumo was not paying attention to what he was doing though. He was somewhere else, especially as he asked Iruka in hushed tones, "When do I get to go home?"

Heart hurting, Iruka faked a smile and came closer to Sakumo so he could explain slowly like he did with his kids, "Well, there was a fire at your home so you're going to live here for a while."

"But what about my bike?" Sakumo asked in that shaky voice whisper and he was no longer fully in the present. He reminded Iruka so much of a little boy in every way other than his voice and body.

"It'll be there when you get back," Iruka assured.

"Dad won't let me."

"Dad won't let you what?"

"He won't let me go back, not until I graduate like he did." Slowly, Sakumo started to get louder and more frustrated, hoarse as he spat, "And then I'll be a part of the military and won't be able to go home ever again."

Too stunned to process that information, Iruka watched Sakumo's face go red and exasperated. He huffed, trying to control his breathing even though tears collected in his eyes. As much as it hurt to watch, Iruka kind of feared that anger in this older man who was lost in his own memories. He could only wonder if this is what Kakashi went through every time he saw his dad.

"Okay, Dad, here are your clothes and some of your books-" Kakashi said until he stepped into the room, face dropping as he saw his father.

Sakumo stiffened and rounded on his son, both of them sharing an intense look. From Sakumo, there was hatred and anger but from Kakashi, there was only hurt.

"I want to go home," Sakumo shot at him.

Kakashi pursed his lips and said meekly, "Dad, you can't-"

"I wanna go home!" Sakumo snapped so quickly and Iruka tried to step in.

"S-Sakumo, you can't go home just yet. It's not ready-"

"He's leaving me here," Sakumo said as he turned to Iruka. He insisted as tears formed in his eyes, "He wants to get rid of me. He never wanted a son."

"Dad, please-" Kakashi started as he set down the box in the room. A nurse was behind him, about to step inside when Sakumo exploded.

"Leave! Just leave! I hate you!" He yelled, not seeing his son at all anymore. "I hate you!"

"Hey, there!" The nurse jumped in but it was too late.

As she stepped in and took control of the situation, Iruka was too shocked to say anything and Kakashi had gone cold. She managed to talk him down and offered him some water but she turned to them and suggested, "How about you two come back tomorrow? Let him get used to his new space a bit."

In the car, they were dead quiet.

Iruka drove them back home with tense arms and his mind barely on the road. He was too busy worried about the man next to him. Kakashi was so quiet. He didn't move or talk at all. His arms were wrapped around him and he faced the window.

But Iruka could hear the way his nose whistled and the small sniff. The tears weren't visible but Iruka knew they were there and he almost cried too.

When they got back to Iruka's apartment, Kakashi didn't hide himself away like he had before.

He dropped onto the couch and was on his phone for a total of ten minutes while Iruka debated on ordering food and changing clothes.

Then there was the sound of a door closing.

Iruka stepped out into the hall and found there was no one on the couch and Kakashi's shoes were gone.

He'd left without a word. He'd left his briefcase and his suit and all his things there without a second thought, without telling Iruka where he was going. And Iruka couldn't help but worry.

"What? He just walked out?" Izumo asked incredulously on the other end of the phone.

Pacing the hall and biting his nails, Iruka nodded. "Yes! He didn't say a word. He didn't even go to the bathroom. Nothing."

"Okay, okay, just take a deep breath."

"I'm fucking trying but the air is saying no," Iruka gasped.

"Hey, Iruka," another voice suddenly said and Iruka blinked when he realized who it was.

"Kotetsu?"

"Listen, I'd be fucked up if my dad was going through some stuff too. He just needs a bit of time to himself," Kotetsu reasoned but Iruka knew better.

"Ko, he didn't say a word to me at all."

"Oh, okay, now I understand the panic."

Iruka whined loudly but Kotetsu was quick to say, "Hey! Before you start freaking out, why don't you call Gai? He's his best friend. He'll definitely know what's up with him."

Iruka felt a surge of hope. "Ko, you're a genius."

"Heh, I mean, say more," Kotetsu said flirtingly but Iruka was already hanging up and calling Gai.

"Hello, Iruka!" Gai answered almost immediately.

"Gai! Hey, ah, have you talked to Kakashi lately?"

The line was quiet for a bit and Gai replied in a way that was very calm and surprising for him, "I actually have. He texted me about what happened with his father and all that."

"He did? Oh, that's really good. I mean, not good about his dad and all. I just mean, he walked out all of a sudden without saying a word and I was worried..." Iruka rushed out nervously but Gai chuckled.

"Yes, he texted us all not too long ago asking if we could meet up for drinks," Gai explained calmly. "I suspect he wants to forget his feelings with alcohol tonight. Asuma and I will be accompanying him so you don't have to worry. We'll bring him home safe and sound. And probably drunk."

With a gasp of relief, Iruka let out the horrible pain he'd been holding in and oxygen returned to his brain. "Thank you. Thank you so, so, so much Gai. You are the literal best person ever."

"I promise you I will bring him home to your safe, Iruka!" Gai declared on the other end and right after Iruka managed a thank-you, Gai went back to being serious. "Thank you, by the way. Thank you for being there for my best friend.

Iruka's chest burned at those words and he didn't really know how to reply to that. So he said so honestly, "How could I not? It's Kakashi."

Those words floated around in his mind for the rest of the evening. Even as the sunset and the apartment went dark, he didn't really know what to do with himself other than the thoughts running in circles from Kakashi to his father to his own family and then right back to Kakashi.

Gai said they were going to drink which was a surprise for most people who knew the calm, collected lawyer. A glass or two of wine a night was usually his maximum. Kakashi hated beer and would only need one strong drink a night.

But he knew his limits, Iruka told himself. Kakashi was a smart, responsible person and he had dependable friends with him. He would come home in one piece.

That didn't stop Iruka from worrying though.

Finally, once it hit eleven o'clock, Iruka got a knock at his door and he hurried to answer it.

"I don't need you to walk me home," Kakashi was muttering to Gai who was blocking off the stairwell as Kakashi swayed uneasily. He looked tired. His cheeks were tinted with liquor and the slur on his lips was slight.

But Iruka had never seen him sway so much on his feet.

"Hey, babe," Iruka carefully greeted and Kakashi turned a happy grin to his partner.

"Oh, we're home," Kakashi said to Gai and they patted each other on the shoulder. "Hey, thanks very much, friend. You're a good person, you know?"

With a tense smile, Gai nodded along and directed Kakashi inside as he said, "You said that a lot tonight so yes. Now, go drink some water and sleep."

Kakashi said something after that about hoping he had a safe walk home but Iruka was too busy getting him inside to care.

He thanked Gai again before locking up for the night and turning his attention to his wobbling lover who was so slowly taking off his shoes and sweater.

"Hey, baby," Iruka said with a soft hand to Kakashi's shoulder.

Looking up slowly from his fallen sweater and shoes, Kakashi recognized Iruka and smiled so brightly it made Iruka's heartache. "Iruka! I'm home."

"Welcome back," Iruka replied as Kakashi came to hug him but before Iruka could hug him back, the taller man had his arm around Iruka's shoulders and was pulling them down the hall.

"Let's… go to bed and have some fun," Kakashi leered as they stumbled down the hall.

"Kakashi, I think you should dri-"

Slamming into the wall, Iruka had the breath knocked out of him and suddenly his arms were full of drunken, sloppy kisses that peppered his neck and face.

"K-Kakashi!" Iruka protested and his tipsy lover pulled back in confusion.

"What? You want me anymore?" Kakashi asked with a sad pout that was probably supposed to be playful.

"I do…" When he tried to kiss Iruka again, Iruka quickly rushed out, "I'm not going to have sex with someone who can't consent!"

And that pulled Kakashi back into reality.

"Oh," he muttered before nodding slowly, his mood falling quickly. "You're right."

"Come on, let's get you some water, eh?" Iruka encouraged and Kakashi smiled.

"Okay, Ru. Let's have some water," Kakashi sing-songed as they headed to the kitchen and Iruka left him standing at the table to get some water.

"Hey, wanna sit down?" Iruka coaxed but Kakashi shrugged him off. Sitting, Iruka set the glass down and braced himself for a talk of some kind. Maybe Kakashi didn't want to but Iruka could tell he needed it and Iruka wanted to be there for him. "Okay, well, do you want to talk? About everything?"

"Talk?" Kakashi scoffed and leaned back at a weird angle for his lanky frame. "I don't need to talk. Everything is peachy keen."

Then there was a shift suddenly as he slurred, "I mean, I just put my dad in a home to die because I'm a fucking asshole."

He probably meant to grab the glass but he missed.

The cup went flying and he overcorrected to grab it but his feet weren't on the same page. His water splashed all over the floor and his ass hit it at the same time.

"Whoa!" Iruka couldn't even stand by the time Kakashi stumbled to the floor. Against Iruka's legs, Kakashi suddenly burst out laughing.

And he kept laughing, harsh and slowly trickling away.

Iruka tried to laugh along but then the truth started to come out even more.

The chuckles were broken apart by gasps for air, wet sniffling breaking through as Iruka could feel the pain finally settle into Kakashi's sobs.

And he cried. Kakashi really cried for the first time they'd met. He left every bit of agony out into the air and it just kept on spilling out. It left in harsh cries. They were the mournful wails of a man who had been bottling everything up. For how long had he been thinking about this? How long had he been trying to help his father without any support? Who else besides Iruka knew?

Iruka didn't know and it didn't matter. All that mattered was holding his partner close and crying with him until they were both hiccuping together.

With his arms and body curled around Kakashi, Iruka listened as he stuttered out, "I just left him there."

"He'll be okay there," Iruka could only reassure.

"He's my own father and I abandoned him."

"You're not abandoning him. He'll be safe and so much happier there. And he's so much closer too."

"He is…"

"We can go see him every weekend."

"Yeah," Kakashi's voice was barely a whisper now.

"I'll bring him sweets and we can make food for him."

Kakashi nodded and turned to press his forehead against one of the thighs supporting him. "He'd like that."

Then came the silence, the weight still there somehow until Kakashi spoke and Iruka came to know one of the most intimate parts of his lover's mind.

"He didn't recognize me. Again. That'll be me one day."

Iruka pulled back a bit.

"One day, I'll start forgetting everything. I'll forget everyone I've ever cared about."

Shoving back the chair, Iruka sat himself right next to Kakashi with his legs falling around the tall man. He took Kakashi's splotchy, red face in his and said with every bit of his being, "You're not going to forget me. I won't let you."

That promise helped bring a small smile to Kakashi's worn face and he pulled Iruka close for a hug that lasted into the night. A hug that was filled with support and understanding and care. Iruka hoped Kakashi could feel that even as they went to bed.

"Iruka."

It was late into the night, the moonlight Kakashi's face as Iruka turned to face him.

With a soft hand on Iruka's cheek, he whispered an implication, "I'm not drunk anymore."

So, Iruka kissed him and held him and pulled him in so close. Kakashi never asked for much when he wasn't in his dominant persona. He never pressured or demanded because he didn't have to. Iruka was more than happy to give him the world if that was what he wanted. Now, Kakashi asked for something he rarely asked for or rarely had to. This time, it wasn't for pleasure or carnal release.

This time, he needed something much more personal and Iruka didn't realize how easy it was to give it to him.

With their bodies pressed against each other and breaths caressing skin, they connected more than just physically.

Their hands linked in a way that felt so effortless. Legs and hips were tangled together as they moved in sync with each other. Back together with the slap of skin, they let out parallel keens that locked them in the same emotions and feelings.

As Iruka's head almost hung over the edge of the bed, the hand that was curled in the sheets was the only part of him that wasn't searching for skin. And when they were finished, the kisses and touches continued as if his bones were metallic and Kakashi's skin a magnet.

Even as Kakashi's face was still in rest, Iruka couldn't help but look at him and promise into the dark that he'd take care of this precious man and care for him always.

Iruka fell asleep with that thought in mind and he wasn't awake to hear the three words Kakashi whispered into the dark.

They were new on his tongue but tasted so sweet and Kakashi felt at ease even though he hadn't said it to Iruka directly. It wasn't the right time to say something like that. There hadn't been a perfect time in his mind. So, he felt brave enough to say it then. He'd already bared so much of himself that night. This one was the easiest to confess.

Because he didn't have to fear what Iruka might say.

Because he knew that there was so much more under those silken locks.

Things Iruka hadn't told him yet.


	29. Those Three Words

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Kakashi had been in love a total of two times before he'd met Iruka. At least, those were the only times he'd truly felt in love. The first had been in high school and they'd both broken up because they'd both realized once the puppy love faded that they were completely opposite people and not in a compatible way. The second had been more real than the last but that had faded especially since Rin and Obito got married and had a baby. Those people were all fond memories in his mind, even the others who he hadn't really felt anything for but none of them could really stand on the same level as the way he felt about Iruka.

Love at first sight was a concept he was romantically attached to but pessimistically reluctant to totally believe in. To look at someone and instantly find sparks wasn't a concept he thought he would ever experience because he wasn't in a fairy tale and his luck had always been sucky.

But he did like the idea of it and was open to the idea of it.

Like ghosts. Or eventually liking coffee.

Love at first sight wasn't what happened when he first saw Iruka but it was something very similar. Like a connection in a sea of faces even though he didn't know this man at all.

Iruka Umino looked like someone he knew, a friend from the past even though he'd never once met someone whose personality radiated through pictures alone. Iruka was the kind of person who wasn't afraid of putting up a picture of him and his friends covered in paint from paintball and also him cross-legged in an armchair with a comfy sweater and warm cup of coffee. Another picture was of Iruka grinning at the camera with a gorgeous beach in the background. The very last was very obviously the best of the bunch. Iruka with his brown hair hastily twirled into a bun was at a desk, frowning at his computer with a pencil in his mouth.

And it was so adorably charming.

So used to seeing selfies and abs, Kakashi had to find out more about this man and then he read Iruka's bio and Kakashi was already matching with him.

'Adventurous Man Seeking Powerful Male.'

Now, if that wasn't a call to action, then Kakashi didn't know what was. Could he be considered a powerful male? Maybe. He liked to work out and stay in shape but that kind of language wasn't usually used in public conversation. No, it was a bedroom code for someone looking to dabble into BDSM and Kakashi was more than excited to find someone to experiment with. Especially someone who, in a sea of 'looking 4 daddy' and 'hard sex only', would be hinting about what they wanted.

From what Kakashi could gather, Iruka seemed smart, flirty and cool.

Kakashi then realized he wasn't. Well, he was smart (according to his degrees) and could flirt but he definitely wasn't cool. He was kind of a dork. One look at his collection of fantasy books and you'd easily be able to tell. He was so much of a dork he was too shy to find people to Dungeons and Dragons with him. Which was why he hadn't played it in almost literally ten years.

So, he shrugged off his worry and send Iruka a message. Much like things on Facebook Marketplace, good Subs went fast and he wanted to act before he lost his chance.

'Hi. Don't want to waste your time but what exactly are you trying to imply with your bio?'

And Iruka replied coyly, 'Well, I'm looking for something very specific. Not just a one-night stand. Not just vanilla.'

And it was all downhill from there.

They first met in a place Kakashi knew well and he was still so nervous. He could barely talk to Iruka confidently at first because those beautiful amber eyes were studying him and smiling at him. Then things got easier the more they talked and it was truly fun to get to know Iruka Umino.

Who was he? Well, Kakashi was soon going to get too easily wrapped up in that mystery.

They fooled around every Friday night after they'd first laid out the rules. Kakashi would find something to try and they would trade secrets in skin and whispers as Iruka nervously did as Kakashi was told. They quickly got used to each other's words and touch. Iruka did as he was ordered and Kakashi watched him, looking for what worked and what didn't.

Touch was the biggest thing he found worked. Usually, Kakashi would've shied away from the touch of someone he didn't know but Iruka wasn't a stranger. Not after that first night at least and definitely not after all the other stuff they'd done.

Although he was the one doing the choking and the tying, Iruka was really the one to pull all the strings and Kakashi did nothing about it. After all, Iruka was the one trying these things out for the first time and it was Kakashi's job to help him do that. And that was the way he liked it, to just go along for the ride that was Iruka Umino taking everything Kakashi had to give with a smile and some sass.

Even as he sucked on Kakashi's length, he still had a way of smiling and staring up at Kakashi as if he knew he was performing the best fellatio Kakashi had ever received. And Kakashi had to take it all with a straight face as if he wasn't right.

Somewhere between the sounds of moans and slapping skin, Kakashi lost track of his heart and found it tucked away in Iruka's pocket.

And he didn't even mind it being there.

He was too focused on living in the moments with Iruka even as they calmed down from the slick escapades and settled into daily life together. Suddenly, he was cooking dinner for two and he had two of everything. When his friends asked him to go out, it was assumed that Iruka would be coming too.

They slept in the same bed. They ate breakfast together. Most of his clothes were in Iruka's apartment and all his chargers were there too.

Iruka had found out Kakashi didn't drink coffee and instead preferred tea. Kakashi found that Iruka liked his coffee with just a bit of milk and a swirl of syrup. Iruka found out Kakashi hated how his legs were too skinny even though Iruka loved to lay across them. Kakashi found out Iruka hated his butt because it was too chubby. Which was something Kakashi never understood because Iruka's ass was the ripest of peaches and he loved to ogle it whenever he got the chance.

Even when Iruka broke down and cried, Kakashi wasn't scared away. He hated seeing Iruka cry because it hurt to see him so sad. He just wanted to wrap Iruka up in a blanket and make all the hurt go away no matter what, especially if he had caused it.

He didn't really expect anything in return. He was used to giving with his partners and never receiving the same treatment in return. He was used to dealing with things on his own like with his dad.

It wasn't easy to be by yourself though. After Mom died, nothing had really been the same, especially with Dad.

As much as he pretended like everything was alright, Kakashi saw how his father's mental health began to deteriorate. Originally, he'd thought it was because of Mom and the hole that she'd left but the grief and depression covered up a lot of the symptoms. Not to mention Dad kept a lot to himself. He'd been officially diagnosed just before Mom's crash and there hadn't been a time or place to say anything before a few years later when Kakashi caught him making breakfast for three.

"Dad?" Kakashi asked in the quiet apartment they shared at the time. He was in university, about to take his finals so his mind had been preoccupied until that moment when Dad put down a third plate and waited in front of his own as if Mom was going to come rushing out of the bathroom with a towel over her head. He originally worried Dad had brought home someone else even though it would've been out of character.

He looked up from his newspaper at Kakashi's disturbed frown. "What?"

"W… why the third plate?"

Sakumo scoffed behind his newspaper and then the room went quiet. Slowly, he let his newspaper fall and stared at the spot where she would've sat.

Kakashi could only watch in confusion as Sakumo picked up the plate, put it in the sink and left for his room.

The rest of the week, Kakashi didn't see his father at home. They avoided each other and Kakashi's suspicions of another woman kept rising until he caught his father sneaking through the front door.

"Welcome home," he grunted and Sakumo flinched, finding his son sitting in the dark living room with a frown and his arms crossed. Kakashi cut in as Sakumo started to walk away. "Dad. Sit."

And for the first time ever, Kakashi felt like their roles had reversed. He'd become the parents scolding his child and Sakumo slunk back into the living room, meek and nervous.

"Dad," Kakashi said as he tried to gain some composure. "What's going on?"

Did he expect his father to just come out and admit it? No, not at all.

"I have Alzheimer's," Sakumo rushed out.

Surprised, Kakashi didn't know how to react at the time.

So he scoffed and admitted something of his own, "I thought you were seeing someone."

Sakumo bit down on a laugh. Then they both burst into laughter and pretended everything was fine after that. They talked about it in passing here and there. Mainly, Kakashi researched on his own what his father was going through and asked to come to appointments but when Sakumo kept him out of that part of his life, Kakashi didn't really know what to do.

Eventually, he moved out and was on his own and visited his dad every weekend. The decline had been slow and painful to watch but he hadn't really focused on it. He just pretended everything was okay as it all got worse.

Then Iruka happened and suddenly he wasn't alone. Not only did he have someone who cared about him and took care of him, but he also had a new best friend. And he eventually didn't have the strength to keep Iruka separate from that part of his life.

It all spilled out from his hands and he couldn't pick up the pieces.

But Iruka was there to help, in more ways than Iruka could probably ever imagine.

And somehow with that reveal, Iruka didn't leave. In fact, when Kakashi hid inside his apartment the week after, Iruka found his way into Kakashi's home and they stayed there for a bit.

He even accompanied Kakashi to see his dad a few days later. The nurses had called to say that his father had been doing a lot better and was asking for him. So, Kakashi scooped up his keys and headed to his father's new home with Iruka following anxiously behind. It was such a relief to knock on his dad's door and have his dad open it with a smile.

"Hey, kiddo," Sakumo greeted warmly, pulling him into an unexpected hug. So surprised, Kakashi hugged him back, holding onto his tears because he knew Iruka was right there.

With a happy chuckle, Sakumo pulled away and looked over his shoulder, "And who's this?"

Kakashi expected to see Iruka's smile fade but he was just as surprised to see him grin back and stick out his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Mister Hatake," Iruka brightly greeted and Sakumo seemed to absorb all that light like he hadn't photosynthesized in a while.

"Oh, what a smile." Sakumo then winked at Kakashi and playfully hinted, "Where'd you find a friend like this."

"I made him out of stone, modelled from perfection," Kakashi joked.

"I thought it was ivory," Iruka hissed, making his way into the conversation.

"And he's smarter than you." Sakumo chuckled at the roll of Kakashi's eyes and he ushered them in. "So, how long have you been dating?"

Iruka almost tripped in the doorway but the older man was smiling so kindly, pouring them glasses of water as he waited for Iruka to answer.

On the other side of the room, Kakashi had his lips pursed and cheeks burning. His dad was usually polite and calm but he seemed to be very excited today, more talkative than normal. These moments were as rare as they were exciting and Kakashi's heart was suddenly racing at the fact that his dad could see within a few moments of them being together that there was something between them. Was it that obvious? Was he being that obvious? Maybe he had to tone it down a bit so that others wouldn't notice and Iruka wouldn't get-

"About a year and a half now."

"And I'm just meeting you know?" Sakumo scoffed and handed Iruka a glass of water. "Well, then it really is a pleasure to meet you, Iruka."

"You too, Mister Hatake," Iruka said with the brightest grin as he hadn't just admitted that they'd been dating.

"Call me Sakumo."

Kakashi finally picked his jaw off the floor. "Hey, Dad, I'm moving into a new apartment soon."

"Oh? Yeah?"

Sitting around Sakumo's small but comfortable apartment, they talked casually about what Kakashi and Iruka had been up to, what Iruka did for a living and they decided to wrap things up when Sakumo's energy started dropping.

His face went slack in many moments as they spoke and Kakashi could see that he was beginning to fade again. Maybe he'd been too greedy again, demanding so much conversation from his father in such a little amount of time. He had to remind himself though that these moments were rare even though his dad's speech had been slow and careful the entire time and he almost knocked things over onto the ground a few times.

"Well, you two should go have fun. Be teenagers," Sakumo slowly said, his mind processing every word.

They'd caught him at his best. Now, he was going to crash. Kakashi felt bad to leave his dad to crash with the nurses but hopeful the flames weren't going to be too high this time.

At least, that was what the nurse assured when she came in and let him know that they could take care of it.

"The nurse said that it might take some time for him to get used to the routine and seeing you so often," Iruka assured but Kakashi was back in that storm of worried thoughts.

Even though Iruka took his hand, he had a hard time leaving.

As he went back to work the next week, he had a hard time focusing on anything at all. Somehow, that stopped him from thinking about what was left of his family and throwing himself into work again. He even ended up staying late most nights or bringing it home.

He just had to keep busy. Stop thinking about things he couldn't change and focus on what he could change. Fight for people who needed his help and knowledge. That was why he studied law. That was why he practiced it and that was why he-

"Baby."

Kakashi snapped his head up from work and Iruka was looking across the table at him in worry, arms leaning on the back of a chair. He always looked good under that light. Since when had he started calling Kakashi 'baby'?

"Yes?" Kakashi asked, blinking owlishly. It couldn't have been the first time. Iruka had said it so easily.

"This is the fourth time you brought work home this week," Iruka started in that soft tone Kakashi knew meant he was hurt but trying to be calm and non-confrontational.

So, Kakashi gave him the biggest smile he could muster. "This won't take long. I just have to send off a few more emails and set up my points for next week's court session."

Through the shuffling of papers, Kakashi didn't notice how quiet Iruka had gotten until he focused on his laptop in the quiet. Glancing up, he found Iruka's expression hadn't changed. Instead of being satisfied with that answer, he seemed more upset.

"What?" Kakashi asked, confused.

Iruka pursed his lips. "It's Friday."

At first, Kakashi didn't understand but he knew there was an importance to what Iruka was saying by his tone. Then it hit him.

Friday was their night. Fridays were the weekday nights they reserved for each other normally. Weekends were weekends but Fridays were their nights. They hadn't had a normal Friday night in a while and the guilt hit him so hard he couldn't think properly.

"Oh," was all he could really say, hands slipping off his laptop. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," Iruka said as he rounded the table, giving a fond smile that only made Kakashi feel more guilty. Iruka massaged his shoulder as if trying to rouse something out of him, saying, "I just don't want you to feel like you have to work all the time. You deserve a break."

Despite the smooth massaging and usually arousing touches, Kakashi wasn't feeling anything. If anything, he was feeling uncomfortable, overwhelmed with the touches and he shrunk away.

Even though it made him even more guilty to say, Kakashi muttered shamefully, "I… I don't think I can do it tonight."

Iruka's smile didn't falter and he said in a tone that was so understanding, "That's perfectly fine. Let's do something else. As long as you can relax."

Then he grinned and flashed that charming smile Kakashi's heart burned for. "As long as you're spending time with me."

His conscience soothed, Kakashi found himself laying on the couch in Iruka's arms as a comedy played.

What a comedy his life was. He was on a couch with one of the people he cared about most in the world and he was smart enough to know that Iruka didn't feel the same way. It would be a lie to think that way at least. They hadn't agreed on being monogamous. They hadn't talked about feelings and he had noticed every time they had Iruka would change the topic.

Kakashi knew the man who held him and yet Iruka was still a stranger because there were things they still couldn't talk about together. As much as Kakashi wanted to believe this was sustainable, Iruka still hid parts of himself and Kakashi didn't know if he'd ever come to find out what those parts were.

It hurt to think that this wouldn't last. That Iruka would leave like most people Kakashi knew.

It felt like he was conning Iruka, taking his good nature for granted. That he was being selfish.

"Hey, Gai is inviting us to a cabin up North," Iruka rushed before they went to bed, poking his head out from the bathroom with a glowing smile.

Kakashi, tired and still thoroughly weak from the last few days, gave a little smile in return. He couldn't say no to that pretty face even though he was so tired of human contact already. Iruka had been the sole exception all week. Even thinking of meeting Gai wore him down and he instead stayed home or went to the gym by himself. Iruka had definitely taken notice and he felt bad for being such a stick in the mud.

"It's pretty big," Iruka bargained, sitting down on the couch to pull Kakashi into his arms. "Everyone gets a room and there's a giant fireplace. We can even roast marshmallows this time."

"Not like last time," Kakashi noted and Iruka nodded into his shoulder.

"A little break before we start packing," Iruka said and Kakashi pulled himself together long enough to agree.

They'd be running around the next week, trying to get his things packed to move into the new apartment. As much as he wanted to be happy about moving, there was a bitter taste on his tongue.

As they drove up North that weekend, the bitter taste started to fade away. The air against his face soothed his soul and the forest air was the freshest he had ever breathed. Last time they'd gone into the forest, it had been too cold. Now, it smelled like rain and dirt in the best way.

Everything was so nice that it helped to calm his aching soul. Iruka had on sunglasses with his hand resting on the shift knob and his hair was whipping in all directions thanks to the open windows. Their favourite music playing from a playlist they'd made together a while back.

Bliss was a feeling he hadn't felt in a while.

It only got better when Iruka reached across the space between them and held Kakashi's hand, a touch Kakashi happily obliged. For the first time in a while, he started to feel that guilt fade.

Even though it lingered, it was hard to feel bad when so much felt right. A nice surprise since usually the beauty of nature didn't normally help. It wasn't hard to guess what made this better.

"Kakashi!" Gai called from where he'd been coming out of the nearby woods, waving his arms to them as they parked. "Iruka! You both made it!"

"We did," Iruka was saying as they got out to admire the huge homemade of wood and glass. As Iruka met Gai and started scolding him about bits of nature in his hair and clothes, Kakashi walked over to the water's edge. The lake was so still and calm with the pine trees lining its banks and the ducks floating in the distance.

"Hey, there."

Over on the low deck that faced the water, Asuma was sitting on the steps with a cigarette and a subdued smile.

"Hey," Kakashi said back and moved to lean against the rail.

After a moment of quiet, Asuma asked, "How's your dad?"

It was a hard question to even ask and Kakashi thanked him for trying with a small smile. "A lot better."

Asuma nodded, quiet as ever.

"And you?"

Kakashi looked down and was almost confused until he saw Asuma's studying eyes.

"I'm okay," he said truthfully. "Feel really guilty about it all but… not much I can do about that."

Asuma nodded again. "That's right. Not much at all. Just have to go with the flow and stop worrying."

With that implication, Kakashi wondered when Asuma got so good at reading him.

After unpacking the car and a walk through the forest, Kotetsu and Izumo finally showed up and Gai eagerly went to greet them. As Izumo was asking Gai about something related to the drive, Kotetsu started pulling stuff out of his car with a frown. As Kakashi volunteered to help, he couldn't help but ask as they stepped inside the huge cabin with their arms full, "So, what's the frown for? Bad drive?"

Kotetsu's eyes darted around as if to unconsciously check if there was anyone else around as he hushed, "Okay, don't tell anyone but… Izumo spoke about Gai the entire way here."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, setting down the food on the kitchen counter to ask Kotetsu, "He was?"

He hadn't asked because he didn't know what Kotetsu was trying to imply. On the contrary, he very much knew what Kotetsu was trying to say and he was trying not to laugh or give away anything. In fact, he and Iruka had talked about Izumo and Kotetsu's relationship in great detail. They had both been under the impression that Izumo's feelings were unrequited.

So, Kakashi's gossip wheel was starting to turn.

"Yeah, I mean, nothing against Gai. He is a great guy. A really great guy," Kotetsu quickly said as if he thought Kakashi's stare was meant to be threatening. "I just… after a while, I started to get annoyed because I like varied conversations and I like to talk about many different topics."

Kotetsu's cheeks were burning and it seemed like he was working up to something.

"So…?" Kakashi prodded hopefully.

"So," Kotetsu meekly said. "I accidentally ran us off the road."

"He ran us off the road," Izumo said to Iruka and Asuma who burst into laughter. Every time they looked at the dent in Izumo's back door, they burst out into chuckles even as Izumo grumbled, "The one time I let that idiot drive my car."

"Didn't you say you wanted to get a new car?" Asuma asked through a playful smile and Izumo's cheeks burned.

"Yeah, but this one still runs."

"Running on borrowed time," Iruka pointed out. "Pontiac shut down years ago."

"I can't afford a new car right now. I've only had one accident in my entire life." Izumo groaned and whimpered even as Asuma patted his shoulder.

Feeling bad, Iruka sighed and nodded to Asuma, "Can you grab me some hot water?"

As Kakashi was about to ask if Kotetsu felt jealous, they were distracted by Asuma coming in for a pot of hot water and Iruka passing them by with a plunger.

The next minute, they were watching Asuma and Gai pouring the hot water steadily over the indented part of the car. Like the greatest magician ever, Iruka flattened the plunger against the deepest part of the dent and pulled the dent almost completely out with Gai's help.

As everyone awed or yelled in gleeful surprise, Kakashi couldn't help but feel so much more for his handy boyfriend.

Well… partner.

With that thought in his net of fixation, Kakashi tried to have fun. He really did. And most of it was fun.

It was just that he had to take breaks every now and then either by hiding away in the bathroom or pretending he was getting water when the others were outside. Regardless of whether he was alone or with others though, his mind kept going back to the thought that he was being a downer.

Everyone laughed and ate around the fire and it was starting to feel like a warm spring night. As much as the air was nice, they were yawning and heading to bed by the end of it. Kakashi was one of the only ones left to watch the fire die out, finally properly alone with only the crackle of the fire and the stars.

It was so beautiful out. The sky was covered in the glitter of stars. Yet, Kakashi couldn't shake all his sad thoughts. About how stars were so far away that they were probably already gone, the sky just showed their echoes. About how he was here with the only person in the world he wanted to be with and if this was the last time they'd go on vacation together.

Because he couldn't tell if they were permanent or if this hollow relationship was just an echo. Like stars.

"Hey." A kiss pressed against his temple and Kakashi realized the fire was out and he was sitting in the dark. Iruka hugged his shoulders from behind and whispered to him, "You're so cold. The fireplace inside is still going, come warm up."

"M'kay," he whispered back and Iruka took his hand without another word. As he was slowly led back, Kakashi watched Iruka's hand in his. The sweater looked good on him. Was it new? He hadn't seen this on Iruka just yet…

Oh, it was one of Kakashi's sweaters.

Seeing Iruka in his sweater, framed by the light coming from the cabin, Kakashi's entire body ached so much he stopped. When Iruka looked over his shoulder with his breath coming out in faint clouds, Kakashi had the desperate fear that this would all go away.

The fear sparked into frustration and it accelerated within him until he had to let it out. One tug had Iruka in his arms and their lips met before Iruka could squeak in surprise.

Through his touch and kisses, he tried to will this to stay the same. His fingers said the words he couldn't say to Iruka's face and he desperately searched for any sign of the same feeling, something to keep him here.

He wouldn't die if Iruka left but he couldn't just idly sit by and let it happen without putting up a fight. This was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Iruka may someday leave but at that moment, he was Kakashi's.

As his hands slid up the sweater, Iruka pulled away briefly to gasp at the cold but Kakashi didn't give him another second away. It was in that second meeting that Iruka hesitantly kissed him back, pressing them together until it was only clothing between them. Kakashi took that inch of feeling Iruka gave him and ran with it, using everything his heart had to make Iruka understand what he was asking for.

When Iruka kissed him back with just as much intensity, Kakashi almost passed out. It was something, a glimmer of feelings Kakashi was familiar with from Iruka.

Kakashi had to pull back and breathe, his face in Iruka's hands and their faces so close. As he gasped for breath, he saw the same flicker in Iruka's eyes and it made him even more breathless. Those amber eyes were so dark under the stars. They were studying him so fondly, Iruka's cheeks flushed and his lips parted as if he couldn't get enough air either.

Iruka finally looked at him, truly saw him and Kakashi's heart raced when he saw words forming.

But they never came. Instead, Iruka kissed him hard and it spiralled into the intoxicating grind of hips. Kakashi let himself be pulled into the house where soft music was playing from somewhere upstairs in the rooms. In front of the burning fire, blankets and pillows were already laid out and it somehow made Kakashi's stomach sink for just a moment.

If all Iruka wanted was sex, fine.

But Iruka couldn't have anyone else. He would make Iruka not want anyone else.

Selfishly, Kakashi took Iruka in front of that fireplace as his.

Mine.

Every touch, every bite and every slap of skin was intended to burn and brand.

He wanted Iruka to only know his name, only want his touch, only be addicted to him.

Just for that night, he was selfish.

If all Iruka wanted was sex, fine.

But Kakashi would ruin him.

So, he made that night perfect.

By the fire, on their bedroom floor, in bed with a hand over his mouth.

For that night, Iruka only said his name as Kakashi made love to him.

As Kakashi lay in bed that night, looking down at Iruka's soft breathing and flushed cheeks, he felt satisfied that he'd made a strong case for himself. Now, it was up to the jury to decide. He hoped that Iruka would eventually come to love him too if he didn't already but he wasn't going to get his hopes up.

Just in case.

He still said those three words again into the dark, enjoying how they felt more familiar on his tongue.

The next morning, he made everyone breakfast. Iruka helped keep track of who brought what and made sure everyone was packed for the return home. Somehow, they'd fallen into taking care of their friends regardless of whether they were drunk or not and Iruka unsurprisingly became the den mother of the group, making sure they didn't get into trouble while Kakashi found himself acting as the group's consultant in all things personal and private. Maybe it was because they thought he was wise or maybe it was because he was Iruka's partner and therefore was the Certified Dad.

Of course, Iruka was the one who was good with cars and he was the one who could cook so their dynamic definitely wasn't the usual kind.

Eventually, they headed home, talking about Kotetsu's obvious jealousy and Izumo's obliviousness.

"I keep wanting to tell them that they both like each other but I just want them to figure it out on their own," Iruka mused as they drove back while Kakashi had to hold back a scoff. How hypocritical they both were.

Kakashi didn't say what he was thinking though, he simply watched how Iruka drove with his hand on the shift knob and couldn't help but remember the night before and all the dirty things those hands could do.

"You know, I haven't had sex in a car before," Kakashi noted simply.

Iruka stiffened. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said back as he let his fingers barely touch Iruka's elbow.

Iruka flushed but he didn't say anything. He didn't need to because Kakashi knew he had him in the palm of his hand when Iruka turned off at the nearest exit.

In a deserted parking lot hidden by thick trees, they fumbled in the backseat between hot kisses. Kakashi's legs were too long and Iruka's head kept hitting the door until the younger man had enough and took control, riding his lap until they were both crying out loud each other's names for the first time in a long time.

"Kakashi!" It sounded so sweet.

"Ah! Ah! Oh, fuck." Like music.

"Cum inside me." Between the slapping of skin and the thrown out condoms, they lost almost an hour of road time but it was well worth it as Iruka snuck sneaky smirks at him.

Even as they moved Kakashi into his new apartment, they fell right back into their old routine but this time Kakashi wasn't going home to Iruka's apartment, it was the other way around.

One day, Kakashi woke up to find his drawers were full of his clothes and Iruka's. Iruka's books and organizers took up half his shelves and there were even pieces of furniture that had been brought over from Iruka's.

When Kakashi's television broke, they just brought Iruka's over. When they started planning dinner parties, they went and got Iruka's armchair and half his kitchen chairs. Kakashi now had a collection of mugs that weren't his in the cupboard and the coffee maker was definitely not his.

It made him happy, so deeply happy to have a bigger space and a familiar face to greet him when he got home. He loved the way Iruka decorated, how navy blue and gold looked so nice together. There was something so satisfying about looking around and finding bits and pieces of their lives twined together. It hurt so beautifully to be able to see it around his apartment, Iruka's sense of organization mixing with his own.

If Iruka would ever leave, he had to be able to live with the hole left. So, he appreciated every moment as he always did as if they weren't living on borrowed time. Sometimes, he considered telling Iruka how he felt but he worried about pushing Iruka away. He couldn't get too greedy. He just had to live with saying it when Iruka was asleep and he was okay with that.

Yet, time just seemed to fly by.

Spring came and went with summer bringing vacation days and Kakashi made a difficult decision that summer.

"Sorry, I think I'll pass," Kakashi said with a nervous smile, turning down his first case in a long time. He was tired of being overworked. He just wanted to relax now and spent time with his dad, friends and Iruka. Even Iruka's mom was a welcomed sight over the summer. They even saw her at Halloween when they threw their second Halloween Extravaganza. Iruka was the cowboy to his pirate and they even invited their kinky friends who they'd started hanging out with more. Anko and Iruka really started to become good friends at that point and Kakashi found himself finally finding time to study shibari more.

With Iruka's help, he was able to dive deeper into the art of rope and it was a lot of fun learning about different kinds of ties and relearning the basics. He'd gotten so quick as single and double column knots he could do them in his sleep. The hardest part was finding what worked for both of them and what didn't.

While Kakashi loved seeing Iruka's skin around the rope, Iruka's body had its limitations. He wasn't the fittest and he wasn't the most flexible. Iruka would sulk about it often.

"I wish I could do the splits," Iruka would grumble after Kakashi untied him, looking up at the hook they had installed above not long ago.

"Some people can't," Kakashi shrugged, not bothered at all by Iruka's limits.

"When I was in the sixth grade, I wanted to do the splits so bad that I stretched every single day for a month and then I broke my ankle."

Kakashi winced and kissed Iruka's forehead before going back to working on the harness he was trying to tie around Iruka's waist. "Aw, poor baby Iruka."

"That's right, poor baby me. It stained me for years and now I'm too fat to try again," Iruka chuckled sadly even though Kakashi frowned at him.

"You are not fat."

"You say that but you're trying around my chub right now."

"Does it hurt?"

Iruka thought for a moment but smiled and shook his head, "No, nothing is hurting. At least not from the rope."

And Kakashi didn't pick up on his implication. He should have asked how Iruka was doing but he was so wound up in his work he didn't pay enough attention.

That was how he ended up with vomit on his hands as he hurried to untie Iruka who was groaning and laughing all at the same time. It was gross and nasty but Iruka was smiling and laughing his ass off even as he threw up the rest of their lunch into the toilet. It turned out he caught a bug from the kids at school and Kakashi felt horribly guilty.

Guilt that lingered even as he punished Iruka the next week. After they were done, he crumbled into tears and Iruka held him, assuring him that everything was okay and taking care of him in return.

Reciprocation was a feeling Kakashi was beginning to feel more acquainted with and he was falling back into that serenity he had felt when he first met Iruka. The fear had faded away, the guilt slowly following it. All that was left was how he felt and how he wanted Iruka to know it.

Hr thought about Iruka all the time. He thought about him even as he was away. He even came back early just to surprise Iruka and he surprised them both.

Because Iruka found him at the bottom of his apartment steps with his arm bent at an odd angle.

Turns out, steps were evil especially when it was freezing cold out. What a surprise.

Kakashi in a cast and grumpy frown was led into his own apartment with Gai holding him up and Iruka preparing them food and drinks.

"You know, if you just lived here all the time, this wouldn't have happened," Kakashi sneakily pointed out,

"Don't tempt me. I'll put everything in this apartment where it belongs instead of where you like it," Iruka warned with a smirk as he fondly patted Kakashi's good arm.

"If you'd like, Kakashi, I have a sling you can borrow," Gai offered with a wink, both of them knowing how used the sling was.

Kakashi replied curtly with a wince, "Sorry, I think I'll go with one that doesn't smell like your armpits."

"Aw, and here I thought you'd like to smell better," Gai said right back and it made Iruka snicker.

"Yeah, go on, make fun of the handicapped."

"Sorry, babe," Iruka gave him a sad smooch while Gai watched with a small smirk of his own. Unable to stop his cheeks from running hot, Kakashi stuffed his face with food and the night went on peacefully from there.

Sleeping was a bitch though. He couldn't roll over or shift too much. He felt like a baby bird and Iruka woke up often to him whimpering in pain because he'd moved too fast. The medication hadn't even helped that much. For all the commotion about opioids, Kakashi really didn't see the appeal.

But Iruka took care of him, nursed him back to health until he could move his arm on his own. He couldn't work out that entire time though and he'd already been slacking on his workouts. He was starting to gain weight but he didn't really mind. Even if Iruka did tease him relentlessly.

The teasing was always done with affection though. Iruka always had a fond quirk to his lips that made the teasing welcomed. Especially when they were immediately followed by soft, earnest kisses that rivalled any romance book.

Of course, they had rough days.

Iruka would be tense because of school or Kakashi would be too tired to talk or listen because of work or visiting his dad sometimes. They would snap at each other sometimes but they talked it through or just let the other vent in their own way. Asuma even noted how they sounded like an old married couple one day when Iruka brought Kakashi the lunch he'd forgotten and Kakashi relished in those words.

Because he'd gotten used to this normal. He was happy. And it was in that comfortable place that he fucked up.

It was one night in March. The snow was melting and Iruka was wearing underwear and the royal blue sweater Kakashi got him for Christmas that made his skin glow. He was microwaving popcorn and looking at his phone and Kakashi couldn't help but slide up from behind, chin on Iruka's shoulder to see what he was scrolling through.

With a chuckle, Iruka leaned into him and showed him the memes he was scrolling through and they giggled at goofy videos. The burning in his chest flared at every bit of Iruka's laughter. It made it hard to breathe. It hurt to even hold Iruka so casually.

So, his fingers caressed up Iruka's forearm. His kiss to Iruka's shoulder was a question that Iruka answered by leaving his phone on the counter and wrapping his arms around Kakashi's neck to look him in the eyes. What Kakashi found in his eyes and on his lips were appreciation and passion.

"Hi," was all he said with the most charming smile before pressing their foreheads together in a way that had Kakashi grinning bashfully.

"Hey," he whispered back.

In his kitchen in the dead of night, his world shrunk to just Iruka, just the arms around him, just the man holding him so tenderly back. Between their noses bumping and hips swaying as if dancing slowly, time ceased to exist.

This wasn't the first time. They had done this before, acting as though they were lovers meeting for the first time because that was what it felt like. As if they both felt the same way and everything in the world was right. Kakashi couldn't help the way he kissed Iruka because his heart was in every press of his lips. Everything he felt was embedded into the things he did and Iruka took everything he had. Even as Iruka led him to the bedroom, he couldn't help but hold Iruka's hand like he would be lost without him. Even as they knelt into bed together, Kakashi desperately held Iruka up as if laying down would separate them for too long.

And Iruka didn't let him let go because the onslaught of emotions made his whole body ache and burn.

Their lips melted together over and over again as hands memorized the dips and curves of their bodies over again. It was like coming home after a long trip, walking into your own home and laying down in the comfort of a bed.

Arms wound around each other and legs tangled together, Iruka couldn't think of anything other than Kakashi's hair, hands and skin. There were no words left in his mind by the slow ache that demanded to be more than touching, more than entwined. It made his hands shake and only Kakashi could steady him, their bodies pressed together as if to become one person. The movement made everything spark as hips rolled into his and Iruka gasped, recreating that feeling when he did the same.

"Iruka," Kakashi's whisper drew out the need in them both and somehow they weren't in their clothes anymore. The bare feeling of skin was intoxicating to the point where Iruka couldn't remember what they were doing and he didn't care. There was no goal. There was just more of this feeling, more of that heated length slicked between his cheeks and his own member trapped between their bodies.

"I need you." Kakashi's plea came in hot against his ear but it didn't register until burning hands were pulling them together in a hard grind. Clutching the soft hair and holding on for dear life, Iruka groaned into the feeling as it consumed him. It boiled his blood, carved into his chest and demanded to be felt and Iruka fed it more.

Without thinking, his hands were holding Kakashi's length against him as the man rocked forward, pressing lightly against Iruka's entrance like a question. The head's flare hadn't even passed and Iruka was shaking. The very hint was enough to press his body against Kakashi's welcoming one.

He moaned against Iruka's mouth, leaning back into the bed with Iruka on his chest as giving up everything to Iruka. Control that Iruka didn't hesitate to take, fueled on by the ache.

Hesitation was a word neither of them knew even as Iruka pressed his hips back and down onto the dripping cock, the flared head incrementally pressing into the tight hole as if for the first time.

"Fuck," Kakashi panted under Iruka, fingers digging into his hips but Iruka was too far gone to care. It felt so good, so thick and hard against him even as it stretched him open.

Unable to hold back, Kakashi sat up and pulled Iruka into his arms and they rocked together, the tip suddenly slipping inside and the rest following at an agonizingly deliberate pace. At the suggestion of the hands-on his hips, Iruka pulled back up for respite with a gasp before sitting back down on the tip and sliding down again.

And again. And again until they couldn't move up or down anymore. Anything more than a roll of the hips would've been too much.

In a sharp hiss, Iruka pulled a leg out from under him and Kakashi held him tightly, worry flashing across his face and Iruka laughed. "Sorry, cramp."

Kakashi laughed too and they rocked together. Hugging each other closer, their breaths grew heavier as the sweet burning fire between them engulfed everything from their legs to their arms wrapped around each other. The closer their legs pulled them together, the sweeter it was. Head dropped back in a moan, Iruka's neck was left to be dotted with kisses that were returned to Kakashi's forehead.

Then the pressure was gone. It was just the two of them, slick and panting in each other's arms, lost in the ecstasy of being together.

That feeling of drowning never ceased for Kakashi. Even as he and Iruka pressed kisses to each other's cheeks and forehead and shoulders, Kakashi's chest was so full of feeling that it hurt. Tears were filling his eyes as he struggled to breathe, choking on the very realization that this was a feeling he had never truly felt before. He had known deep down that this was what he felt but in reality, it was so much more powerful. He had said it before into the darkness of their bedroom.

But this was real and overwhelming.

Heart beating so loud in his chest, he felt Iruka move away to clean up. Air left him. Floundering in that vacuum, he didn't know any other way to breathe.

And he was finally able to breathe.

But only the words escaped.

"I love you."

Although Kakashi could breathe again, his heart had stopped.

The room was quiet.

The whole apartment was quiet.

It was as if the words were sinking into the world around them.

There wasn't even a hint of movement. Not for a long time. Kakashi was afraid to look over at Iruka when they were both frozen like ice. Their peace had stopped dead in its tracks and the longer the silence stretched on for, the deeper Kakashi's heart sank.

_Please._

The word echoed through his bones.

_Please say something._

As he stared up at the ceiling, he waited for any sign.

_Tell me this is real._

Then it happened.

The bed straightened.

There was a moment of shuffling.

Kakashi sat up and saw the bedroom door swing back, followed by the short sound of the front door opening and closing.

Kakashi couldn't move.

He could only sit there, watching the door.

Hoping Iruka would come back through it.

But the deep, horrible pit in his stomach said he wouldn't.


	30. Found

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

Iruka was shaking.

He was shaking and it wouldn't stop.

He couldn't think. Or speak or do anything.

All he could do was gasp for air and walk.

So, he walked.

And he walked until he could feel the pain in his feet start to seep through the haze again and Iruka found himself on a sidewalk. He recognized the street. It was far, really far from where he'd been. His apartment was far too though.

_I love you._

Heart rate picking up again in panic, he marched towards home. Tears were building in his eyes but there was barely anyone on the roads and he didn't give a shit anyway.

It didn't matter.

Nothing mattered except getting home and being safe so that he could get some air and breathe. He was so lightheaded and his legs hurt and his lungs burned but he kept going. He kept walking and walking. The streetlights flashed red but there were barely any cars on the roads and he honestly didn't care if he got hit. At least then he wouldn't have to bear the horrible strangling feeling around his chest and neck.

Finally home, Iruka sprinted up the staircase and tripped not once but twice up the stairs and he angrily slammed his door shut after a fight with his keys.

Shoes strewn across the floor, Iruka gasped like a fish out of water, grabbing his hair and pacing through his home. He didn't know what to do with his hair, his hands, himself. This was supposed to have helped. He was home now. He was safe. He didn't have to deal with those feelings.

_I love you._

Those words. Those lies.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

"Fuck, fuck," Iruka barked, trying to get a hold of himself, get a hold of his shaking hands and darting attention.

No, this wasn't happening.

Not again. Not this time. Not with Kakashi.

Iruka bit down on his tears until he croaked out a cry, face scrunched up as if to stop everything from coming out. Crouched in the middle of his living room, Iruka curled in on himself, choking on the very air he breathed between sobs.

But the fear curled up in him and it forced him to stand. He had to get it off him, shake it away and walk it out until he could see clearly.

Before the panic could take hold again, Iruka hurried out of the apartment. He couldn't be trapped in there anymore. He needed to be in the open air. He needed to move.

And that's what he did.

Even though his mind was running on autopilot, Iruka ended up wandering through the city. He walked through the streets, passing bars filled with their Saturday night clients. Eventually, Iruka became part of the groups going home, the people stumbling to bus stops or wobbling back home. There was a point where he was truly alone but he didn't care.

Then he was sitting in a coffee shop, nursing a cup and letting his mind go blank.

It was better that way.

It was better to not feel anything.

His mind didn't want to focus on any of it.

Even if his chest hurt from all of it.

He just didn't want to think about any of it. Not again. Not anymore. He couldn't afford to. He wasn't ready. He wasn't prepared to face what was going on inside his chest and his the very core of his mind.

Because he was afraid. He was scared of what he'd find, of what would come after.

As the fear faded with the darkness, the day revealed the hurt and the sadness that his feelings were dipping into.

The soothing drink in his hands stopped being soothing as it went cold and more customers filed into the shop. Now that he was surrounded by people, he didn't feel comfortable anymore. So, Iruka slowly got up to head home but not before thinking about the memory of a tall man walking through the front door.

It was a good thing he left when he did. It was around then that the high of fear and panic completely faded. The self-pity hit and he was forced to see what he'd been dreading because reality was painful and the future was terrifying.

Because the past had taught him to fear it.

Mizuki had been sitting at the kitchen table when Iruka got back from work. Their apartment was dark and he sat under a single light. Immediately, Iruka knew where this was going and he tried to avoid the dining room table until he couldn't stand the tension anymore.

"Hey, hun, how was work?" Iruka asked with a weak smile but Mizuki quickly cut through the bullshit.

"Iruka. Remember what he talked about the other day?"

Iruka swallowed, his throat dry. "Yeah."

"Have you given it some thought?" Mizuki's eyes were hard, colder than ever because he already knew the answer and was just waiting for Iruka to admit the truth.

"I have," Iruka said slowly but Mizuki wasn't waiting anymore.

"And?"

In the shuffling that followed, Mizuki rolled his eyes and Iruka quickly said, "I can't decide between next November or October."

"That's almost a year away."

"I thought we'd need time to plan."

"Iruka. We've had over a year already," Mizuki snapped and they both knew where this was going. The downward spiral was already happening. They'd been slipping between the cracks for over a year but they'd somehow stayed afloat. And all because of a stupid ring.

"Iruka. I need you to set a date. Right now." When Iruka pulled away and reeled from the demand, Mizuki rushed out, "Because if you don't do it now we can't go forward."

"I can't choose a date," Iruka snapped right back, hating that the pressure was suddenly on him and searching for a way out.

"Why not?"

"Stop. It's not that simple."

"Not that simple? Iruka, we're talking about our wedding."

"That's what I mean!"

Mizuki let out a frustrated roar. "What do you mean then! Because you're not making any sense!"

"I can't! Not with you breathing down my throat!"

"Do you want me to just leave you then!"

"That's not what I want!"

"What do you want?! Do you even want to get married?!"

"No!" Iruka blurted out.

Dead silence followed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought that's what you wanted."

"What I wanted? You agreed just because I wanted to?"

"You didn't really give me a choice. It was that or you would leave." Iruka had said those words and Mizuki had rolled away, closing himself off completely and suddenly the nightmare he'd been avoiding was already happening.

"Maybe we shouldn't then."

Iruka couldn't move. He just simply said, "Fine."

After a long time sitting together, Mizuki pulled off his ring and it all started to set in that this was ending, the normal he'd gotten so used to, so complacent with.

Then there was a stab. "I cheated on you. I've been cheating on you for months and I want us to break up."

"What?"

"You heard me. I've been sleeping with literally every single person who would have me because at least that meant somebody did," Mizuki spat.

With that, their relationship collapsed into less than nothing and Iruka's normal crumbled down around him. He just wanted things to stay the way they were. Why was everything falling apart? Because Mizuki was asking more from him than he could give?

Why couldn't he give more though?

Why did he want that 'normal'?

In the present, Iruka stepped into the apartment he had called home ever since they'd broken up.

Iruka knew now that he and Mizuki hadn't been a good fit at all. They would fight about the stupidest things and then end up in bed not long after without talking about anything. Mizuki would belittle his feelings and in turn, Iruka would bottle them up until he felt they weren't valid anymore. They eventually stopped talking in general and only made small talk about daily life. Ignorance was truly bliss for them and Iruka fooled himself into believing that it was normal to not say anything and then be blamed for not speaking up.

"How do you think I feel? I'm so tired from work and then I come home to you yelling at me as soon as I walk through the door." A classic line from Mizuki.

"Sure, just let me go to the bathroom real quick," Kakashi said in his mind, his brow furrowed from a hard day of work but trying not to let it show.

Thinking of Kakashi made Iruka tear up, standing in his entryway. The little shelving unit for boots and shoes that Kakashi had snuck in many months ago was still there. The one hook Kakashi always used out of habit was bare. The bowl for their keys was empty too until Iruka set his own hesitantly inside. One green-painted key stood out against all the others though, the key to Kakashi's apartment that he'd asked for and Kakashi had given without question.

What was he doing?

Why was he in his old apartment alone?

I love you.

Those words scared him so much. They were the precursors of bad things. They were lies, false promises made to soothe.

All because of three little words.

They were supposed to be little at least, said without a second thought and yet Iruka couldn't figure out why just thinking about them had him shaking. How he immediately thought of Kakashi when those words came to mind.

Kakashi with his lack of day planner. Kakashi with his great sense of direction. Kakashi with his sensitive skin. Kakashi with his big goofy grin for everything soft and fluffy. Kakashi and his bruised calves and clumsy legs. Kakashi with his tea in the morning and water at night. Kakashi with that sweet beauty mark on his chin that emphasized every pout, smirk and line of shock.

How he took care of Iruka when he was sick. How he asked if Iruka needed anything from the store. How he introduced Iruka to his friends and family. How he sometimes made Iruka laugh so hard he couldn't breathe. How he kissed Iruka goodnight every night without fail.

Iruka gasped against his sobs, holding his knees close as he rocked back and forth. Every bit of emotion he'd been holding back came out in waves and torrents of fear and anger and sorrow.

Because he didn't want to mess this up.

And yet he was doing that right now.

He'd walked away from Kakashi in a moment of pure vulnerability when Kakashi had never done that with him.

Kakashi had said it in passing as if he'd said it so many times before and Iruka didn't know how to feel about that. On one hand, he was terrified to the marrow of his shaking bones.

On the other hand, he was bawling his eyes out because it had felt different.

It had been real, so real it scared him out of the fantasy he'd been living in. Now, he was seeing himself for the first time in years and… he felt like he didn't deserve any of it.

So, it had to be lies, right?

Somehow, Iruka had a glass of water now.

Soothing himself with the feeling of holding onto something, he was sitting on the kitchen floor.

Ice cream didn't seem appropriate. He didn't need to fill his stomach because if he did he would probably throw up.

Head empty and heart full, Iruka wanted to curl up in a ball and hide away from everything but he couldn't. As much as he instinctively wanted to give up, his whole body was egging him on to stand up, to get his ass in gear and do something. He had to stop moping around feeling bad about himself because he'd been hurt once with someone else. With so much on the line, he couldn't afford to.

His mind was a mess though. He didn't know how he felt about any of it. It was all mixed up.

If he could just talk to Kakashi maybe…

No, they could sort this out.

They could get through this.

What was the alternative?

Stay gone and pretend it had never happened? Fuck no. Kakashi deserved more than that. Iruka wanted to at least let him know that…

That he meant more to him than a fling.

That this was something he didn't want to let go of.

That he wanted their relationship to stay this way not because that's what he thought Kakashi wanted but because he wanted it.

And god did he want that.

He wanted their normal because life without Kakashi…

Iruka pulled himself to his feet.

Cheeks on fire and eyes worn out, he probably was a mess but he was a mess with purpose.

Because being with Kakashi was something he wanted. Whether that was as friends or… more.

Friends. Hah. As if they could ever be friends after everything they'd been together. It was such a demotion that Iruka almost laughed in the pain that came up from the thought of never getting to kiss Kakashi's cheek again. Even though the panic clawed its way up, Iruka pushed it away for later as he threw on his jacket again.

They just had to talk things out.

He grabbed his keys.

If they talked things out, they could solve anything. They had before.

And he yanked the door open to find the most familiar face standing there with the same surprise Iruka had.

Kakashi.

In the early morning light, Kakashi's shock faded and he blinked, pursing his lips. He was in the same sweatpants and shirt under his jacket that he'd been wearing the night before. His hair was disheveled and the dark circles under his eyes showed how restless his night had been.

He was also holding a phone with a clear case, Iruka's.

The hope and astonishment that had filled him dropped a bit as Kakashi said nervously, "You… forgot your phone."

Promptly handing it over, he waited for Iruka to take it but lingered as Iruka reached for it slowly.

Iruka knew from how he was keeping his distance that Kakashi was being overly polite and wanted to give Iruka space. He was doing that awkward shuffle he normally did when he didn't know what to do with himself and Iruka's chest flared, remembering what Kakashi had said to him the night before. He had come to find Iruka. To try and fix this. This wonderful man Iruka felt so dearly for was on his doorstep hoping to work things out with him.

"Kakashi," he started even though anxiety tried to claw the words back into him. "Can we talk?"

The shuffling stopped. Kakashi's eyes lit up just enough within the worry and he gave a small, bittersweet smile. "Of course."

Just inside the door, Kakashi said as soon as the door closed, "Last night, I'm sorry for saying it all of a sudden. I shouldn't have just… blurted it out like that."

Iruka swallowed hard, at the same time calm that Kakashi was back in his apartment and apprehensive about what this talk would bring. Even though he'd asked for it.

"But… why?" Iruka found Kakashi's expression blank and clarified, "Why are you sorry? Did you not mean it?"

"No… I mean, yes. Wait," Kakashi's cheeks were on fire and he looked to his feet, anxiousness in his every word like the shaking in Iruka's hands. "I… the answer depends on you. I don't want to force this on you and I don't want you to feel pressured into anything."

As Iruka listened to his soft words, tears brimmed in his eyes and he held himself back from hugging the man who was being so careful and thoughtful with him. Iruka loved that about him, how he planned every move and thought.

"Kakashi. I…" He pulled back his tears and said shamefully: "I was engaged."

Kakashi finally looked at him, hearing Iruka's confession and finally understanding, after bit by bit, how all the pieces of Iruka's anxiety and worries fell into place.

Iruka told him about his and Mizuki's relationship and how he made the mistake of saying yes even though his feelings had been waning. "Like, we had sex and then went to bed or we wouldn't even see each other because we decided to work overtime. Or go out with friends. Or cheat."

"That… does not sound like it was healthy. At all."

"It wasn't but, like, we even did that before we got engaged. We just kind of shifted things over."

Iruka told him about how everything started to fall apart and how they ended.

"He'd been sleeping with anyone he could find. I don't blame him for cheating, to be honest. I was a shitty boyfriend," Iruka muttered at one point.

Kakashi took his hands and sternly said, "Iruka. Communication is a two-way street. You can't call yourself a bad boyfriend if you were trying."

Feeling so validated, Iruka broke out into more uncontrollable tears that he struggled to hold back. "And I tried so hard. He was just so difficult and made me feel bad for wanting to talk. I was so scared to tell him I didn't feel the same for him anymore."

"Why did he ask you to marry him though? If he hated talking about feelings?"

"I don't know… I think he just assumed that's what I wanted and...thought that it was the right thing to do and I just… I don't want that to be us. I don't want us to end up there in that place where we're just in it because that's what we're used to," Iruka said, wiping away the tears that he'd been trying so hard to hold back. "I don't want us to end like things were with Mizuki or…"

Iruka held his tongue but Kakashi had heard it all and probably could tell what Iruka meant anyway. So, he meekly whispered, "My parents."

The quiet that followed was thoughtful and Iruka couldn't meet Kakashi's eyes until the older man said his name.

"Iruka." He wasn't mad. He wasn't annoyed. "I understand."

"Yeah?"

"Of course. I mean, I just sprang it on you all of a sudden and we hadn't talked about that kind of stuff. About… feelings and… monogamy."

The implications of those words had Iruka's heart racing at the mere thought and he hated how Kakashi seemed ashamed to say them as if he worried Iruka would run away at the sound of them. Rightfully so, according to the last few hours. Iruka didn't want to leave now though.

"Yeah…" was all he could manage to say though.

Then Kakashi asked, rubbing his neck, "I just…"

He scoffed and shook his head as if he thought it wasn't worth saying and Iruka caught his attention, asking softly, "Yes?"

Kakashi pursed his lips in hesitation.

"I need to know if being with me is something you'd want to try." Kakashi's voice was barely audible, his throat closing as he spoke. "I care about you so much and I know what I want but… I don't want to force you but I just need to know if that it's something you might want. I don't want you to feel like being with me is something you _should _be doing. I want you to just… want me."

Iruka nodded, feeling the same squeezing around his entire body. What he wanted.

"What do you want? How do you feel?"

Kakashi's words hit him and Iruka crumbled, feeling all his walls fall apart into bits as he sniffed and said, "I just want to be with you. I want this and I don't want us to stop being… us."

As tears poured, Kakashi had to hold back sobs too.

"I just… I'm afraid of us deciding to do this forever and then falling out of it and then breaking up."

"That definitely won't happen," Kakashi scoffed through his tears and pulled Iruka in for a hug as he said, "But I'm not… asking for forever. I just want you for as long as you'll have me."

"I'm sorry I ran away."

"It's okay."

With his own sad scoff, Iruka wrapped them together in that warm, comforting bubble that was just them. It was just the two of them, crying and hugging each other in his front entryway as Kakashi whispered into his ear again, "I love you."

Despite his tears, Iruka couldn't help the smile on his lips or the way he couldn't let Kakashi go at all. The other man was holding him so close and Iruka could hear his own soft sniffling and crying that made his own tears endless.

Pulling away, Kakashi's cheeks were just as puffy and red but he was smiling just the smallest bit as he whispered to Iruka again, "I love you."

Iruka saw the way those words fell off his tongue. There was no hesitation or regret. The feeling simply lasted through every movement and every second of his gaze and it was breathtaking. Iruka knew at that moment that he did feel the same way.

It collapsed upon him like a wave and Iruka relished in the familiar burning in his chest that he had only come to associate with one person in this entire world. So, he took that person's face in his hands and kissed him.

No words came to mind that were enough to convey what he felt. This was something that had been growing inside him for such a long time but he could feel that those three words weren't enough. He hoped Kaksshi felt that in his touch, in his kiss.

Pulling away, they breathlessly held each other in the doorway for a long time. The pain and worry from before were almost gone and it was squashed with Kakashi saying, "Can I ask you something?"

"Please," Iruka said with a nod, eager to hear whatever it was Kakashi had in his mind.

"Do you want to go out with me?" Kakashi asked, flushed and grinning shyly.

Unable to hold back his own grin, Iruka laughed and nodded. "I thought you'd never ask."

"Can I take you out for lunch sometime?" Kakashi asked jokingly. "Maybe a salad date?"

"Oh, salad. Not as serious as dinner but not as casual as coffee," Iruka joked right back. "So, when's sometime?"

"How about… in ten minutes?"

"Wow, you move fast."

That was how Iruka ended up sitting next to a gorgeous man, eating salads in a cozy shop not far. He would pick from Kakashi's food every now and then just like they usually did and Kakashi would tap his fork against Iruka's playfully.

Much like a lot of things, Kakashi was right. Their day went on as normal. Now though, Iruka didn't push down that wonderful fluttery feeling whenever Kakashi spoke, moved or looked at him. It didn't bother him as much. It even made him wonder if Kakashi felt that way all the time about him.

Because Iruka sure did.

They walked home hand in hand that afternoon with the sun on their backs and a smile on their lips. They'd done this countless times before but now Iruka couldn't stop thinking about how this was what he wanted every day to feel like.

Iruka had wanted to say it then and there, tell Kakashi how he felt. Nervousness caught up with him though and he kept it in for just a bit longer. It wasn't every day you put a name to feelings you didn't understand.

Instead, Iruka asked Kakashi, "So, how do you feel about moving in together?"

Kakashi stopped them dead in their tracks, eyes impossibly huge and his face laughably shocked. "Wait, what?"

"Do. You." Iruka poked his chest. "Want to move in together?"

When Kakashi didn't reply, Iruka bit his lip in worry but the hamster wheel in Kakashi's head finally caught up. "Are-are you sure?"

Iruka chuckled. "Yes."

"Okay… but are you one hundred percent?"

He nudged the taller man playfully. "Do you not want me to move in?"

"Yes! I mean, no. Wait, gah," Kakashi rushed out, so obviously nervous and excited by everything Iruka was saying and Iruka knew how he felt, giggling as he fondly watched his partner fumble to sort himself out. With a deep breath, Kakashi pulled himself together and squeezed Iruka's hand as he said confidently, "I want you to move in with me."

Sealing it with a kiss, they made their way back to Iruka's apartment and took stock of what they wanted to do next, but Iruka was already bouncing to plan how they would organize Kakashi's… their apartment and how Iruka would pay his half of rent.

Kakashi just watched him with the most serene smile as he drew things out and Iruka had to kiss him back into the present.

It was so exhilarating that Iruka couldn't stop thinking about it. Of course, they'd been unofficially living together for a long time now but this was official. This was making things real and he wasn't afraid of that. Kakashi didn't press him either. He seemed to let Iruka go at his own pace and their week devolved into the hopelessly romantic process of packing and selling furniture.

Nothing had really changed between them and Iruka loved that Kakashi didn't treat him any differently and how he didn't either. Iruka tried to look back and wonder when he'd started feeling this way but he couldn't put a finger on any given day or time. It had just sort of happened.

When the day finally came for Iruka to give back his keys to his landlord and take the last box with him, he wasn't sad about it. He stood in that doorway and took one last look at his old apartment, silently thanking it for helping him get back on his feet. Locking up for the last time, he turned to Kakashi as the light of the streetlamps were turning on behind him.

He was handsome, the most beautiful man Iruka had ever met but Iruka wasn't thinking about his looks. This was Kakashi. The only person he'd ever asked to live with, the only man who could read him like a book and the only man Iruka knew inside and out.

_Maybe one day I won't want this but right now, I want forever with you._

Iruka took Kakashi's hand and kissed him under that warm streetlight like he had so many times before, feeling like he could never get used to this in the best way.

"Let's go home," Kakashi muttered and Iruka grinned, bumping their noses together as his heart raced.

In the place they both called home now, they celebrated with a bottle of bubbles and tried not to make too much of a mess with their antics. That night, they sat by candlelight and indulged in the new feeling of truly being partners.

After a long night of talking and coming out about their feelings and worries, Iruka leaned on the bathroom door, watching Kakashi brush his teeth.

It was so mundane, so normal that Iruka felt his breath hitch. The moment was pure perfection and Iruka now understood how easily Kakashi had said it because he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.

"I love you," he said and Kakashi kept brushing his teeth for a solid minute before his eyes went wide and his hand stopped. Turning to Iruka, he looked so confused in his dog-themed pyjama pants and his bright red toothbrush.

"Wha?" he managed but Iruka had devolved into giggles and laughter at the sight. Kakashi spit quickly and demanded, "Did you just?"

When Iruka only laughed, Kakashi threw down his toothbrush. "Say it again!"

"Your mouth!" Iruka screeched as Kakashi dove to peck his face with kisses. "Kakashi, that's gross! Ah! Wait, your arm!"

With a swoop of arms and legs, Iruka ended up on their bed with Kakashi frowning above him. "Are you going to pretend you didn't just say that to me?"

Iruka chuckled, fondly wiping Kakashi's mouth and pulling him down for a sweet and minty kiss. About to say it again, he took in a breath. Why was saying it the second time so nerve-wracking?

"I love you," he whispered against Kakashi's lip and they broke out into childish giggling and laughter.

"Again," Kakashi demanded, nuzzling Iruka's neck.

Through laughter, Iruka conceded so easily, "I love you!"

"One more time," Kakashi asked.

"If I say it too much, I'll wear it out," Iruka protested but Kakashi just smiled.

"It'll only wear out if you want it to."

He had a good point. Iruka smiled back and said it with his entire soul, "I love you."

Six years ago, Iruka wouldn't have expected to be wearing a tuxedo.

Of course, he hadn't expected a lot of things like falling in love, going to BDSM conventions and spending his vacations with his mother, his boyfriend and his boyfriend's father. The last few years had been a wild ride, to say the least, but he really didn't expect to be where he was at that moment.

"Wow."

Coming into the designated changing room, Kakashi had his hands in his pocket and his eyes only on Iruka in a way that burned through his clothes. Iruka glanced at the mirror and shrugged. "Not too shabby, huh?"

"Look out, I might just have to steal you before the ceremony." Kakashi grinned wolfishly as his eyes raked Iruka from his head to his toes. But mainly focusing on Iruka's rear, of course.

Iruka couldn't blame him though because he was feeling himself too. He looked damn good in black slacks. No wonder the single moms and dads tried to flirt with him at parent-teacher meetings.

Oh, but the real show was Kakashi's similar suit. Since he was so tall, the black made him look so much more slim and towering. He definitely was the tallest of the bridal party and Iruka couldn't help but think that he'd like to climb that tree. Of course, he didn't say that out loud. Not yet at least. He smirked instead and winked, "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Sauntering up like a panther to his prey, Kakashi smirked. "I never do, darling."

Iruka scoffed, knowing all his tricks. "Is that why you brought condoms? To be kinky at weddings?"

"What? A once in a lifetime opportunity."

Kakashi didn't see how Iruka bit his lip and looked away to ask, "What makes you think no one else you know could get married?"

The other man just shrugged as he smoothed out his suit. "Well, I guess Ko and Zumo could eventually become self-aware."

They chuckled at that but Iruka did so half-heartedly, his feelings hurt by Kakashi's assumption that they could never get married. When he thought about his past experience with marriage, he understood why Kakashi thought they'd never get married.

Although, whether or not they would ever was an entirely bigger question.

Well, that was throwing a monkey wrench into his dreams for the future. And his bank account.

"Hey," Iruka said as he took Kakashi by the waist and hugged him tightly. With a warm smile between them, Iruka whispered, "Love you."

Kakashi grinned and kissed him softly, "I love you too."

Then his eyes went wide, leaning down to pick up a small, navy box from the floor. "Wow, that would've been bad."

Iruka joked in turn, "Guess that's why it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. You won't ever be invited to any others if you lost the ring."

"Better go get to the altar before I lose it for real," Kakashi said before he pecked a kiss on Iruka's smile and strode out of the room like the vision in black and greys he was.

Alone, Iruka thought about Kakashi's words and how he didn't expect Iruka to want to marry him. Iruka hadn't known how he felt about it either at the start of their relationship. It was only after living together and falling into deeper love with Kakashi that he became accustomed to thinking about spending his life with the man, putting a ring on that finger.

Maybe he'd been too rash.

He had technically been looking for a while now, perusing the Pinterest every few hours after school before Kakashi got home.

The ring had looked so perfect though. It had been surprisingly hard to find anything in passing that looked remotely comfortable. Kakashi's skin was so sensitive and wearing something with a jewel in it would be irritating to him. That and silver was his colour. Mainly because that was Iruka's colour and they definitely had to have matching rings.

For the past few weeks, he'd barely been carrying it around with him in case he would ever need it and there hadn't been a perfect moment. Which was why he kept it in his pocket at all times. Thankfully, Iruka had kept it in the pocket of his jeans that were neatly put away in the bag he and Kakashi had brought.

There was a sudden drop in his chest, a bit of panic.

Well, it should be there.

That bad feeling had him ripping open their bag. His pants were empty.

That's okay, it had probably just fallen out into the bag he and Kakashi shared…

Iruka started ripping things out, tearing through the bag until he found the little navy box. Good. That was a close call. That would've been bad if he'd accidentally switched them. Wow, the boxes looked a lot alike.

Just to make sure, Iruka opened the case and was relieved to find it was the sleek, plain silver ring he'd bought not too long ago.

He put it into his tux pocket and patted his jacket fondly. Maybe one day he'd get the chance. He felt that if the perfect opportunity presented itself, Iruka would take it but marriage wouldn't change them. They'd still be Iruka and Kakashi with or without a ring and it was such a comfort to know that with such certainty.

As he stood between the other bridesmaids, he truly only had eyes for the man across the altar and he knew that he had made all the right decisions until that point. All the heartache, all the sadness and all the falls had all been worth it to be able to see Kakashi trying to hide a big smile when he caught Iruka staring.

After the ceremony, Iruka couldn't help it when his hand gravitated into his boyfriend's and Kakashi squeezed back. Along with the rest of the wedding party, they moved into the country club Kurenai had picked as a venue that was adorned in starry lights and matching navy and red accents. They ate and danced with their friends and the family of the bride and groom until the drinking started. Maybe they snuck off during the party for a bit of indecency but no one else would ever know that, except them.

Towards the end of the night, they snuck off again but this time for much more romantic reasons.

The stone terrace surrounded by trees was strung up in the same way as inside but the night sky above shone with real stars. Foreheads pressed together, they slow-danced to the beat of faint dance music. They shifted from one foot to another like they had many times before and it was like the world around them could wait. What mattered was right in front of them and Iruka thanked his younger self.

A thunk reached his ears and they almost ignored it.

Kakashi was all too perceptive though.

"Ah, I forgot I had that in my pocket," He muttered as he bent down. Iruka looked down as well, wondering briefly why Kakashi still had the ring box when his heart sank.

Kakashi hadn't kept it though. Iruka clearly remembered watching Asuma put it in his own pocket after the ceremony. He didn't have time to check his own pocket though because Kakashi had already bent down to pick it up.

"Remind me to give this to-" And then it hit Kakashi as well, stopping his mouth instantly. Looking up, he saw Iruka's face had gone as red as the accents and he seemed to freeze.

"Ah…" Was all Iruka could utter. So, he delicately took it from Kakashi's cold grip.

They both stood there for a moment, staring at each other until they were both the same shade of pink.

For such open communication between them, they were at a loss for words when it came to this. It was just burning air between them until Iruka squeaked out, "I didn't… not today, at least."

They both shot eyes towards the party and found no one had even noticed they were outside and Kakashi finally asked hesitantly, "But… you want… to?"

Iruka's face was about to explode. "I wouldn't have bought it if I didn't."

"Ah," was all Kakashi said in return and Iruka quickly kept on talking.

"Of course, I didn't want to upstage the bride and the groom. I don't even know why I brought it."

"Of course," Kakashi agreed, coughing and pretending he wasn't as jittery as Iruka was.

"Yeah, and if I was going to propose, I'd plan something special."

"Right."

"Something more extravagant."

Kakashi made a face. "Well…"

"Not extravagant," Iruka quickly corrected. "Private and well thought out."

"Unless I propose first," Kakashi said all of a sudden, the air going quiet between them once more as their cheeks went up in flames.

"Of course," Iruka squeaked back and mechanically turned to the party. "We should head back."

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed and he chuckled away the heart-burning tension. Now, they were both just plain excited.

But more importantly happy.

* * *

**_Fifty Shades of Grey_**

* * *

Thank you very much for reading 3


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